SCP-███

by Journeyman

SCP-69-J — Heartbreaker

Item #: SCP-69-J

Object Class: Sexy Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All pictures of SCP-69-J are to be destroyed due to the decreased productivity via serious wanking. Various safe spaces are to be constructed at all sites and are to include for all males: action figures, foam swords, nerf guns, race car beds, and a sign adorning each room that states “N0 GURL2 AHL0WED”. Should SCP-69-J ever approach a safe space directly, those inside are to lock the door and watch the Power Ponies series on max volume until it goes away.

If encountered outside of a safe space, staff are not to do the following with the subject: seduce, solicit, chat about mutual interests, invite to dinner, have a coffee, or “go to your place for drinks and a chance to talk”. She’s really not that into you, no matter how much you say she is easy on the eyes.

Description: SCP-69-J is a highly dangerous entity that provokes gross bodily changes in male staff, including deepening of the voice, strange body hair, and fondness for the opposite gender, with notable emphasis on SCP-69-J itself. People exposed have stated that SCP-69-J smells nice, has pretty eyes, and has shapely flanks—

Doctor Locklear has been placed in quarantine due to exposure to pictures of SCP-69-J.

Most recent picture of SCP-69-J before she casts her Gandalf spells.

If you see anyone calling her cute, please report them for reeducation and mandatory cootie shots.

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SCP Foundation Homesite

Author's Note:

April Fools to all, and to all a good night.

Comments

[Dark Nightshade]

Hehehehe. This is good. This is me. The people trying to avoid SCP-69-J, I mean.

[Jman14102]

I mean, she does have it going on.

[Zaten the Changeling]

Object Class : Sexy Safe

I almost choked on my hayburger when I saw that.