>Aged-up
>Spike
>Gay-homo-fag
>Anthro

I don't think I need to say any more.

Damn, this looked so promising... but then, anthro.

Not a fan of anthro but still good

Slow down a bit. Right now, it's difficult to follow who is doing what where. Give us some more descriptions, slow down a little, and I think you'll do fine!

And on a personal note: Aw. I've seen this picture before too, and I had so hoped Snips and Snails would get a role in a story inspired by it, seeing as how they are 1) Ponyville's resident wannabe magicians and 2) CMC shippable.

Oh well. Maybe for the future...

UPDATE!!!!! i require one at top speed

Where, in the world is. CARMEN SANDIEGO?!!

I rather liked this. Not half bad. I'm not so sure about the part with Sweetie Belle running to the storage room and all, but that's probably just me. It was explained a bit later, but still. Just a little odd. Otherwise I'd love to see more.

I like this lol. Don't listen to the other people Lucky... they just don't understand how amusing something fucked up like this is.

3267987 Aged up, because I do not and never will write foalcon. Spike wasn't the first choice, but he made it. And what bit is gay, exactly? Or do you mean me?

3268121 Can I safely assume that you don't like humanized stories as well? Oh well, every one has their opinion, and you're free to state yours, so thanks.

3268289 Thanks, hopefully I can keep you interested.

3268327 I may have done some small bits, but I'm still pretty inexperienced with clop writing. This is my second one focusing on the subject, and where I hope to improve.
Oh, they may turn up just yet. Still as losers, but... well, you'll just have to wait and see.

3268437 Patience, young padawan. Good things cum to those who wait.

3268652 Certainly not here right. (I have no idea what you're talking about.)

3268852 Well, she wouldn't have if they were left alone, but sucking your boyfriends cock whilst his 'big sister' and your friend's older brother are there? That is some kinky shit. I like it.

3268989 Thanks Fatty. The main thing I don't understand is the anti-anthro. It makes the whole subject of this story easier to write about, and lets me use a plethora of positions.

3268852

HELLO ONCE AGAIN!!

3269528

Yeah, FIGHT THAT PEDOPHILIA!

I'm probably about to read this, but I do have a question (not that it affects whether or not I read it, I'm just curious)... in the description, you state:

The trio were on their way home from the carnival show when they had the idea to intimate the last act.

Was that a typo, did you mean "initiate" or "imitate"? Or did you purposefully use the word "intimate" to make a joke... since sexual shit is often associated with the word "intimate"...? And don't worry about what Valvatorez said. anyone who talks like >this is obviously just trying to troll, while testing their subject for recognition of traditional 4chan greentext syntax.

3269586 Firstly, well at least the first comment is cleared up now. I've not been on that site... ever.

Secondly... autocorrect is total bollocks. Yeah, meant to be imitate. Will go fix it now, thanks.

3269592 Just finished reading. Interesting character portrayal. More words in the right places could probably enhance the story a bit, but it was good as it was. (though do try to avoid "i'm gonna cum" type declarations, it feels unrealistic, and breaks the story's potential) Just my suggestions, but it was still a pretty good fic.

and... don't let the first comment ruin a potential opportunity. 4chan has its place. A nice change from things like facebook, in my opinion. You just have to... know the culture. (hate is accepted/encouraged and not to be taken too seriously, and NEVER, FOR ANY REASON do something that someone on 4chan tells you to do, unless you already know what will result. (else you might end up in the hospital due to mustard gas exposure or something) ) There's even an mlp board. (see this first, though: http://www.ted.com/talks/christopher_m00t_poole_the_case_for_anonymity_online.html )

3269704 Yeah, I'm still relatively inexperienced at writing clop, so this is where I hope to improve.

but it was still a pretty good fic

And it's not over yet!

Time for hardball: Pointing out the excusable shit.

“Wow Spike, how t' hay did you know how t' do this?”

Should either be a comma or exclamation point after "wow", depending on AB's enthusiasm.

“No... I just borrowed it for a bit. Nopony asked why, which is good. Now hold still whilst I check these knots. The book said if they're not secure enough,they could slip and result in injury... or worse.”

It doesn't make much sense for Spike to pause before the "or", like it would if this were visual media and done for suspense, which I am assuming this is not.

“Spike, just do it.” With a shrug of his shoulders, he carried out Sweetie Belle's orders, turning the winch. This was attached to a manual crane in the roof of the barn, and he had earlier attached a bar to the main hook block.

Area highlighted in red should replaced with a ", which" or some other thing along those lines, as simply saying "this" leaves room for misinterpretation, as it could mean the winch, chain, bar, or some other piece of the apparatus.

“Oh ha ha, dragon boy!”

The "ha ha" should be separated by commas, as "Oh" is an interjection, and "dragon boy" indicates the subject, both of which are tradiotally sepearted by commas or other punctuation as needed.

“Oh ha ha, dragon boy!” He ignored the taunt and walked out of the door. As soon as it clicked shut, they began to try and get free. After five minutes of struggling... they realised that when he had told them it was all a trick, he was telling the truth. A gust of strong wind blew in from the upper floor window, setting the trio swinging like clock pendulums. “Aww...buck. What was the book called?”

Entire paragraph needs to be attached to a speaker, most likely Scootaloo, given that it hardly seems like Sweetie Belle would use the, albeit tame, profanity you seem fond of using. Seriously, bro; what the fuck is with using "buck" instead of "fuck"? I get that they sound alike, but it requires too many context clues to be used in casual language, especially one such as English. That shit may fly in most other Germanic languages, and nearly every one from the Orient, but in English it implies Applejack and her brother are fucking trees during the day.

"Bondage... for... the... intermediate. Well... shit."

Scootaloo is quoting, so italicization is needed, or some other indicator hat she isn't talking out her ass.

taking the tips of Spike's cock in her

Single penis or two hemipenises? Make that call and fix the bits regarding Spike junk accordingly.

Someone suggested I read this. Premise seemed cool, but I just don't like anthro :(.

Nice story so far and yay another web site I can easily comment on :)

Good show, Lucky. Here, have a round of applause.

I keep getting lost on different parts.

1# cool

What the fuck did I just read!?

3283200 your first correction is wrong; the comma can stay where it is. Wow Spike! Is still an interjection, it just has a subject, unlike most interjections that are imperative.

3321195 and because of that I don't like you