Quick note, thanks again for all the support, and the 419 favorites I'm seeing as I write this, I love you all in the most heterosexual/homosexual way possible, also, David = Agent Washington, the other character the VA for Ozpin voices, in case nobody picked that up, now let's get to the story.
Ren was running through the streets of Ponyville, his Jade Dragons were out and set to Taser, he was fretting over the situation in his head.
"Gotta find Nora, gotta find Nora, gotta find Nora, gotta find." his mind was racing, "NORA, NORAAAA!" he shouted, hoping to catch her attention. She always came to him when he used his angry voice.
"Come on, where is she, I hope none of the ponies found her first, no telling what kind of trouble she'd get in." his thoughts turned morbid as he imagined his redheaded companion getting caught by the law, then escaping prison with a washcloth, a tube of toothpaste, a fermented piece of fruit, a wire brush, a coat hanger, and a TV screen.
He had the unfortunate experience to know that she had done so before, and in the exact same way.
"Where could she be, let's think, Sweet Apple Acres, no, Applejack was at the library, Carousal Boutique, I don't even know where that is, the Librar-that's just stupid Ren, you just came from there, what about that cloud house Rainbow Dash was talking to Yang about? Wait...." he looked up into the sky. He could see the cloud house from here, and it was right where he expected it to be...
Among the clouds, at least five hundred meters into the air. He knew that even while Rocket Jumping, Nora could only reach one hundred meters, or three hundred twenty eight feet, as she claimed, but Ren didn't believe in SI units, only metric.
"Okay, not there, so where? Fluttershy is staying at the cloud house too, with that Rainbow Dash guy, I wonder if they're together.... Ren get focused, you could run headfirst into a pole or something if you get distracted like that, come on, think, who was that pony who was missing, Pinkie Pie, oh hell, she had a grenade launcher too. This is bad, this is bad, this is very not good. What am I going to do." Ren stopped when he heard a screaming coming from above.
"WHEEEEEEEEE-" he looked up, seeing a ball made up of various shades of pink falling down towards him.
He moved to the side, the ball move to the side.
He kept running, the ball of pink was chasing him while falling.
He was too preoccupied trying to avoid the pink cannonball, and as a result tripped over the town square fountain's rim, sending him sailing over the broken centerpiece and landing hard on his back, head dipping down into the water.
Attempting to right himself, or at least get into a more comfortable position, he quickly conjured up some soul energy to un-injure his spinal cord.
Brushing the dust off of his back as he stood up, the green ninja looked up.
To his horror, the pink ball was still above him, he flared up an aura shield to protect himself.
He braced for impact, and....
"Nice moves." Pinkie congratulated, landing softly onto the platform/aura shield.
"Where's Nora?" he interrogated, getting straight to the point was one of his fortes, dispelling the shield and catching the pink pony in his arms, he held onto her tight to make sure she didn't get away.
Pinkie merely climbed into his shirt, reappearing a few feet away.
"What the? Intradimensional space slipping?" he half-asked, confused and turning to face the escaped mare.
"I guess so. Well, Nora is hiding, but she asked me to tell you to roll this." Pinkie hoofed over a twenty sided dice to the easterner, Ren caught it with ease.
"Okay then," Ren tossed the icosahedron to the ground, looking at it, "It's caught on a crack," he tapped it with his foot, causing it to roll over to a twenty, "Now what?"
"NORA, HE ROLLED A NATURAL TWENTY, NOW WHAT?" Pinkie shouted to the empty streets,
"Is this town abandoned or something, I swear there should be more ponies here." the black and pink haired boy began scratching his head in confusion. He was really concerned, had his and Nora's presence scared all the ponies off?
Well, mainly Nora's presence...
Okay, it was entirely Nora's fault, he hated to blame her for anything, since she couldn't help it, but there was no way around it.
This was her fault.
"She says you have to call out to her to make her appear." the master of ceremonies informed, looking up at the exasperated Huntsman-in-training.
"Are you kidding me?" he looked to the windows, alleyways, and doors, no sign of his childhood friend, "NORA DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS." Ren was disappointed, he really didn't want to have to do what he was sure he had to do
No response.
"Fine," Ren took in a deep breath, "KOERRRRRAAAA, KOERRRRRAAAA." he made the call of what Nora believed to be a sloth.
Nora jumped out of the broken fountain centerpiece.
"YOU REMEMBERED THE SLOTH CALL!" she shouted cheerily as she glomped her black haired friend.
"Nora, please, don't ever run off like that again." his voice was weary, but wizened, he knew she would disobey his advice soon enough, but he still bothered to give it.
"Alright, I'm sorry, I followed Pinkie because she taught me that in-a-dime-convention telephone thing you said, watch!" the explosives expert front flipped into the ground, disappearing and walking out of a nearby door.
"See? It's so COOL!" she cheered, as Pinkie joined her in a series of consecutive teleportations.
Ren chose that this was a good time to repeatedly bang his head on the rim of the fountain.
<cutaway>
The whole of team RWBY, team VOID, the JP of JNPR, Qrow, Glynda, and four of the Mane Six, along with the princesses, were now on a trip to Town Hall, it was time to introduce Ponyville's new residents
Jaune, Pyrrha, and Daniel were tasked with finding Ren, Nora, and Pinkie.
It was easy enough, town square was the first place to check, and it was also the last.
Ren rolled over, his head laying on the rim of the fountain. He brought out one of the Jade Dragons and held it up to the trio frame-first.
"Guys, please help me, I want you to take the blade, and jam it right here," he pointed to his throat, "Don't hold back, just kill me already." he sounded more exhausted than usual, like he was really trying to give up on life, maybe even will himself to death.
"Ren, you're going to have to try harder if you want to kill yourself with your mind, you have to really want to do it, and unlock certain things in your mind, and then you have to think of three things all at once, then you die... like.... Orange Monkey Eagle!" Jaune faked having a brain hemorrhage to help his humor, but no matter how hard he tried to lighten the mood, Ren's sadness was too heavy and too dark to be touched by the enlightenment.
"....... Well then, if you insist." Daniel suddenly said, taking the bladed machine pistol and raising it high, bringing it down towards Ren's neck.
"Daniel NO, he wasn't serious, he's just depressed." Pyrrha caught Daniel's wrist and took the weapon from his hand.
"Aw, that's no fun." Dan replied, sounding unnervingly sincere.
"Jaune, could you help me up please." the blonde's muscular gloved hand grabbed the ninja's own slender one, pulling him up with little effort.
He could feel energy flowing through his body again. After dusting himself off and fixing his clothes, he turned to his teammates.
"Alright, is there someplace to be?" he sounded better, but still a bit quiet.
"Yes, town hall, everyone is being introduced by the princesses, so you should get be there." Pyrrha informed, turning to find Nora standing in front of a nearby window.
Ren followed the gaze and shouted to his companion, "NORAAA!" he used his angry voice. It was a voice that he always had on standby one that always made her appear and sometimes beg for forgiveness, even when she hadn't actually done anything wrong.
"COMING REN!" the pink-loving, somewhat scatterbrained girl called back, jumping into a window and appearing beside him.
"I think I have this in-a-dime thing down." she praised herself.
"Just... follow us, we're going to get introduced by the princesses." Pyrrha and Ren said at the same time.
Team JNPR was on their way.
<cutaway>
"Hello, everypony, thank you for coming out, I am sorry that the initial impression of our guests was... less than reputable, but I am here to explain." Celestia spoke diplomatically into the microphone, she could tell the tension was being offset, "For the past year, we have been experiencing an unprecedented time of war and death, my sister and I believe that by acquiring help, we can tip the scale to our favor, the Sin have all but extinguished many points of life in our world, but a new hope has been summoned, quite literally so, and we have 15 beings with unbelievable combat experience and records of victory, I would like to introduce, the..." she looked at the paper that was written for her by Pyrrha and Glynda, "Human Union of Nefariousness Termination and Equus Revival Legion, or HUNTER Legion for short." the crowd was still silent.
Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Yang all came out on stage and took stood at the designated position, which was their letter painted on the floor of the stage.
Jaune, Nora, Pyrrha, and Ren all came out and took their positions.
Vermillion, Oscar, Ivan, and Daniel came out and took positions.
Qrow, Glynda, and Ozpin stood at their positions, which were much closer to the podium.
"Now, I will let Qrow, Glynda, and Ozpin take the spotlight." Celestia announced, moving to the side and allowing Qrow to come up first.
"Well, look at all of you, a world once so lush and full of life, now on the brink of destruction, unfortunate, but we're here to make it better. We are here to inspire hope and confidence in you all, so that you may also fight this darkness. The world of Equus may seem hopeless, but my own world, Vytal, seems the same way, but I haven't stopped fighting yet, and I will do so until I am completely incapable of it. I will now allow my former teammates to speak." Qrow gave his speech and stepped away from the microphone.
"Hello, my name is Glynda Goodwitch, as my companion Qrow has said, we are here to fight with you, not against you, all we request is acceptance, and we can do our job, I thank you in advance for such assistance, as we cannot help you if you do not let us. All will be well eventually, and when the time comes, you will be able to ride the metaphorical bicycle by yourself. We may not seem like much, but with our skills, abilities, and knowledge, we will beat back the Sin until they are gone." Glynda's voice was calm and gentle, when she was done, she stepped back, she saw Celestia look at her doubtfully, she pretended like she didn't notice.
Ozpin stepped up next, clearing his throat.
"I'll... keep this first speech brief. You all must be feeling well, like your knights in shining armor have come to save you, but when I look to you all, from the ponies to my subordinates, all I see is wasted effort. You think that we can save you, but in the end, only you can save you, we are here to help you with the first step." the gray haired man stepped away from the microphone.
Ozpin gave a small, knowledgeable smile at seeing the fresh wave of humbleness he had sent through the crowd, he took a sip of his coffee and waited for his next turn.
"Um... fillies and gentlecolts, do not despair, they are, after all, here to help, now I would like the younger members of the HUNTER Legion to introduce themselves." Celestia waved over team RWBY.
"Hello ponies, I'm Ruby, the leader of TEEEEAM RWBY, as leader, I will do my best to fight off these Sin things, can I get a CHEER!" Ruby shouted, everypony liked her energy, and they threw their hooves into the air and cheered.
"Right, I'm Weiss, Weiss Schnee, and as an invaluable member of team RWBY, I'm going to be fighting alongside my comrades in defeating this Sin menace. I'm sure you all are afraid of them, they are monsters, demons, yes I'm sure they have many names, but to me, they are only prey. A wise old man once said that to me, and I will use his words as my own." Weiss recited Professor Port's claims.
She always felt he was a boisterous man, but he had a good heart and was nice enough. Plus his 'when I was young' stories were at the very least entertaining.
"Um, hi, my name is Blake, Blake Belladonna, there's not much to me, but I'm on your side, so don't be hostile, okay?" Blake was, even as a little girl, always shy around new people, but she opened up quick.
"Sup, I'm Yang, Ruby's older sister, I'm here to, pardon my Sanctum, but I'm here to kick some ass and take some names. Delivering a beat down to the Sin and back home in time for... whatever I feel like doing in the afternoon. I'm going to turn the mic over to ol' Celestia now, see ya later." the charismatic blond received a very good reception from her intro speech, a few ponies even cheered and some whistled.
"Right, that was team RWBY, one of three teams of the HUNTER Legion ready to kill the enemy, now I would like to introduce team JNPR." Celestia stepped back from the microphone.
Jaune was the first up, he stood in front of the microphone and tapped it, "Um, is... uh.... is this thing on?" he could hear himself echoing from the speakers, "I guess so, uh, hello, ponies, my name is Jaune, Jaune Arc, I'm here with my team to..." he turned and whispered to Celestia "What was I supposed to say?"
Celestia facehoofed and whispered back, "You're here to fight the Sin."
"Oh right," Jaune recalled his appointed task, "I'm here with my team to fight the Sin things, and um, that's pretty much it, Selena and Lily here summoned us, but that's all there is to say." Jaune felt like he had gotten the princesses' names wrong, but he simply stepped away from the microphone, scratching his head.
His mind blanked again, he kept forgetting snippets of memory, but he didn't know how or why.
"Hello hello hello, I'm NORA, NORA VALKYRIE, I love this place so far, all the buildings and the sights and all you ponies, ooh you're all so cute I could just hug you all day, I'm gonna fight some monsters, YEAH, this is gonna be REALLY FUN! WOOHOO!" the redhead cartwheeled away from the podium, taking her place between Jaune and Pyrrha.
"*ahem* Hello, my name is Pyrrha Nikos, I graduated top of my class at Sanctum, so I would say that I am fairly skilled at what I do, which is protect people from monsters, normally I fight things in a much bigger environment, but I feel like this might be easier. I will fight for freedom and honor, thank you." Pyrrha gave a kind smile to the crowd before stepping away.
"Right, I'm Lie Ren, surname first, so just call me Ren, I don't talk much, but I do my job, that is all." Ren sounded tense, he didn't like speaking in front of so many of what he still saw as strange creatures.
"Okay, that was team JNPR, now for team VOID." Celestia announced, not even stepping behind the podium for this one.
"Hello, I'm Vermillion, I'm here on Luna's command, seeing as how she was the one who thought of getting help, there's not much to say other than the obvious 'I'm going to fight the Sin', since if I wasn't, I wouldn't be here, now would I?" Vermillion walked backwards away from the podium, narrowly avoiding bumping into Oscar.
"Private Oscar reporting for duty. It is my honor to serve alongside my fellow men and women on the field of battle, I will do everything in my power to send every single Sin creature possible, directly to the Gates of Hell." the blue schemed soldier marched away from the podium.
Ivan stepped up to the podium, lighting a cigarette and taking a drag, breathing out a cloud of smoke, "Ah, I love that cigarette. Hi, I'm Ivan, I'm with these guys and we're here to kill some monsters, it's literally no change from what we've been doing for the past two months back at Beacon Academy, if I wasn't going to kill some shit, I wouldn't be here, now would I?" he asked, looking at the crowd with an agreement provoking expression on his face, "I'm part of Team VOID, as you could tell by Celestia's announcement, that's all there is to say about me, I'll turn the mic over to my friend Daniel now." Ivan jogged back to his spot, on the way he did a front-flip, both for style and because he could.
"I AM HERE TO KILL EVERYTHING, THE STREETS SHALL BECOME RAGING RIVERS, AND THE BLOOD OF OUR ENEMIES SHALL BE THE WATERS, THIS I SWEAR!" Daniel shouted a lot louder than necessary, everypony looked disturbed by his enthusiasm for killing.
"I hear a lot of claims of fighting, but I don't see much potential, I am starting to feel like this 'help call' was a waste of time." Celestia whispered to Ozpin.
Ozpin did a quarter turn to face the sun goddess, "Don't be too hasty, Celestia, you can't doubt us so quickly, if I'm not mistaken, then we haven't even been here for a full hour. I wouldn't be at the position of authority I am today if I wasn't the greatest fighter I could be, nor would any of these bright young minds be under my responsibility if they did not possess the skills to defeat creatures many times their size and strength. Trust me, when the time comes, you're going to see some shit." Ozpin lectured the mare of many millennia with a wizening tone.
"And that shit is going to be awesome!" Qrow added, despite his age he still acted like he was a first year Huntsman-in-Training. It was his way of fighting aging, by resisting to be old.
Their old team was a mish-mash of ages before regulations were put into place.
Ozpin was in his early seventies, Port was in his sixties, Glynda was in her late fifties, and Qrow had recently entered his fifties.
Despite their slowly withering bodies, the long-standing Huntsmen and Huntress team had the abilities of people half their age.
"*ahem* I am back at the microphone because I have no doubt that you all have many questions, you want to get to know us as people, luckily for you, Miss Twilight Sparkle compiled a list of questions that I have already written the answers to, and now I shall read off what was put down." the list was brandished, straightened out, and read.
What are you? (species)
We are humans, similar to primates but with more intelligence and less hair.
Where did you come from?
The world of Vytal, humans were born from the dust of creation, and we fight for our lives every day.
Do humans have magic?
No, not really magic, but our souls can be used as an aura, to protect our bodies and shield our minds.
Are there multiple types of humans?
While the soul varies from person to person, there is only 1 variation of the humans, the faunus, just like humans, but they also have animalistic traits, most often irregular hair growth and animal ears.
How are you able to walk on two legs?
The physiological structure of our skeletons allow it.
Do you have cutie marks?
What the hell is a 'cutie mark'?
A physical symbol depicting your special talent, like doing magic or building things.
In that case, no, we do not have cutie marks.
What are some advancements recently made by humankind, I ask this as a way to establish a technology level comparison. I will say that we have recently made advancements in gunpowder and firearms, you have seen some of our latest models for weapons first-hoof.
The commercialization of ornithopters, the highly compressed storage methods and devices for Dust, and some new firearm thresholds are all advancements that have been made in the past century.
What is this 'dust' stuff?
A crystalline substance that comes in full crystals or powder, there are many different elemental variations of Dust, another note is that full crystals are more stable, but weaker, while powder is more volatile, but more potent.
What was your career back on Vytal?
I am the headmaster of a school made to train Huntsmen and Huntresses, I gained my position through my own power and ability at the task of slaying the Grimm and leading my fellowmen and women.
How long will you be staying in Equestria?
As long as it takes to get the job done.
Will you be staying overtime?
No, we will be leaving at the soonest possible chance once our mission is complete.
You're not giving me much of a base for a trustful alliance, how can I know that you all can handle the job?
Ozpin paused, then cleared his throat to continue, "....This one took a while to answer, but I will say this now," the professor cleared his throat again, "We poison the air and water to weed out the weak, we set off fission bombs in our only biosphere, we NAILED A GOD TO A STICK! Don't doubt us, we will unleash terrors and violence the likes of which will drive even demons to madness, and don't cross us, or you'll end up far worse than dead." David Ozpin, a usually calm man, had a vicious and poisonous enough expression painted across his face to make many ponies faint in fear.
He took a drink of his coffee, then stepped off the stage, a thin trail of a blacker-than-black smoke following him, causing the podium to rot and the microphone to rust.
The old man could easily imagine watching the world burn, and he didn't care if that was what it would come to.
Ozpin doesn't have a fuck to give
keep going
Alright, we're three chapters in and everything's going swimmingly. I have to say Ozpin and Daniel are my favorites so far. Though I can see Nora pissing me off, I'm still giving the rest the benefit of the doubt.
Yeah... I'm kind of wondering how everyone will react to him declaring what humanity did to Jesus... Great chapter, keep goin and stay golden^^
Wait... Team VOID won't be sticking around...? I may not like Daniel, but... No more Vermillion? I really like team VOID, and I think they should stick around a while (feel free to never kill off Vermillion EVER). I can easily understand why Daniel might not last long, but I really like the rest of them... They add quite a bit of variety to the story.
Good so far, and 3285044 Jesus wasn't a god, he was some man who never existed, coz the bible is the worlds oldest fictional book.
3285389
I think Daniel is just a bit overzealous and really just wants that image for himself to make himself more intimidating which is kind of required to not be screwed with as Jaune is every day. So he made the image as a psychopath I am guessing no one messes with him anymore. (This is only a theory. Plus my fannon is that he is very very short.)
3285706 Jaune or Daniel is short?
Because Jaune is one tall-ass motherfucker. Allow me to illustrate
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130726050434/rwby/images/3/34/TeamJAUN.png
Even Pyrrha, miss Super Girl over here, is shorter
s2.dmcdn.net/CaBua.jpg
Depth perception is needed on this one but at equal distances from the camera, Jaune is the tallest one here
images.wikia.com/rwby/images/e/e6/RTX_Blake_Yang.jpg
Blake wasn't in the last one but she's shorter than Yang, who is shorter than Jaune
Conclusion: Jaune is the tallest one across ALL EIGHT protagonists
Daniel is about 5 feet 6 inches, though, so he's slightly taller than a girl 2 years younger than him (Ruby is 5 feet 4 inches), and you're right, Daniel created the image of an easily angered psychopath murderer to avoid fighting his fellow students, here's an example.
Nora says "Let's BREAK HIS LEGS!" and then proceeds to break Cardin's legs, he'll heal up in 1 to 3 weeks
Daniel says nothing as he proceeds to messily cut off Cardin's legs, Cardin will either die of blood loss, or be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.
He doesn't want to do stuff like that, because then the world will have less defenders.
What also helps his case, though, is that in my own head-canon....
3284857 in my head-canon, Ozpin actually doesn't care if you kill another student, that just means they were weaker than you, so much that they got killed, so he'll allow murder so long as you do it outside of Class-Time and Meal-Time.
3285821 *so much so that they got killed
Okay... to start off, I got some gripes to deal with.
1. I've only seen up to episode 11 of RWBY so don't give me flak but I feel like while some of the behaviors are okay, Nora and Jaune, while others are a little off the mark. Ren for one, granted seems to be stuck to Nora for unknown reasons (myself thinking he was hired to watch over hear but they could have just been before school) but he isn't so gun-ho about suicide because of her. The few clips that show their interactions with each other display him as a calm and quite reserved character with a hint of annoyance do to Nora. True add Pinkie to the mix might give people a sign to say take cover but in the end, Ren is the kind of person that seem to not let things like Nora get to him.
2. You have them knee deep in the muck already so this a bit too late but, I have no memory of Team VOID or Qrow showing up in the show. I know Qrow is Ruby's Uncle so I'll let it slide a bit but show me proof of their existence in the show or else I'm just going to read Team Void off as Unneeded OC's and Qrow as the guy that wasn't suppose to show up yet.
3. You fixed this one a bit in this chapter but I feel that explaining what each weapon's appearance and ammo when talking about the character's appearance is a bit too much For one the ammo thing? Not really needed mainly because if the show doesn't explain it and their is no outside source to back you up then there should really be a need to explain what ammo the guns use right? As for the weapon's themselves, having the characters explain what their weapons do is fine, it's small talk between people and Ruby herself is bound to do that anyways with or without the prompt of "what do you wield?" But in regards to Yang's gauntlet shotguns or Ren's weapon rapid fire pistol knifes, keep them vague until you use them. Just a example of how you could try it, "Bringing up her clenched fists, the bright yellow bracelet's around Yang's wrist emit a whirling sound as they start to shift and expand until they encompass most of her hands, forming gauntlets." and the shot gun part, "Planting a punch into the creature's belly, there was a loud BANG! as both the fist and Usra were repelled from one another. As Yang brought that fist back for another blow, a smoking shell was ejected from the base of the gauntlet." This was just an idea i had, but hopefully it helps with you.
4. This is the last one I'll bring up now and much like the second gripe i have, I feel like you brought a little to many humans over. RWBY has to be there since it's their show being crossed over, and the interactions between RWBY and JNPR have been clearly nailed together due to the show, so they are fine as well. But the teachers and those mentioned in point two feel like you over boarded the ship. With just he two teams you have been fine, plus with no teachers you could bring up issues regarding that, making way for more development.
AS stated before these are just my gripes with the story so far, you don't have to change them but I will be seeing how you go with this. Good Luck.
Intradimensional space slipping?
Never, EVER give a 'rational' explanation for someone like Pinkie Pie. No amount of explanation will ever be quite good enough, so all it does is break our suspension of disbelief. Pinkie is just Pinkie. I say leave it at that. Also, Pinkie would never be that blatant about doing something like that.
...Anyway, personal gripes and headcanon aside, I enjoyed this chapter. Still not perfect in the writing department, but I see improvement and the premise of the story is solid. Keep it up!
One final note - If Nora and Pinkie put their heads together, I'm pretty sure they could cause some sort of world-ending event horizon.
I still disagree with how you're characterizing Jaune, but other than that, not bad thusfar.^_^
Aw man, Don't kill VOID! We haven't even seen them in action yet!
I'd say this story is okay so far. It's biggest problem is unquestionably the number of characters. Even if the ponies play nothing but bit parts (which I seriously doubt they will) then you will still have over fifteen major characters. Even if you were to go back and rewrite the story so that only team RWBY came over (which would be much more believable considered the implied power requirements of the spell which brought them) you would still have a large cast of ten to twelve major characters (since again, I doubt that the ponies will only be minor characters).
I didn't notice any glaring mistakes in grammar or spelling, but that was likely due to me trying to puzzle out who was on page at the time as I have trouble remembering most of the RWBY characters outside of the main four. Your introduction of several OC characters is not making it any easier either. I also find it weird at how well most of the characters are adjusting to being forcefully ripped from their world to fight for another. While I can see Ruby, Nora, and maybe Yang being okay with this due to their personalities and mind sets, I have trouble believing the others especially Weiss not complaining vocally about Celestia's actions.
As I stated, this is a nice read. However, trimming the cast and researching their personalities a bit more could certainly go a long way into turning this story into a real gem.
Why is Ozpin so OOC? And why spill the fate of team VOID? Even though it's obvious, given how they're OCs, and they try way to hard to act cool, especially Dan and Ivan.
SI and metric are synonymous.
I had not heard of this until now, and for that I thank you.
3288541 I failed my research, I meant like feet and pounds VS. meters and grams, Ren only believes in the latter
3288489 he is not happy about being removed from his world, while the others are only kind of spooked, since they're doing pretty much the same thing, but with different beings to protect, he already wants to leave Equestria, and wants to do everything he can to accelerate his departure.
Next chapter will have the more violent side of Ozpin, the side that got him where he is today.
Very cool.
Ozpin sounds like the guy you want to be with during a zombie apocalypse. Best mentor ever
3288489 That's why they're going to die.
Oh my god i was laughing my ass off while reading this story. i absolutely love how you put in those awesome references from the show and cannot wait until the next chapter. solid job my friend
3285821
I was referring to Daniel, and Jaune is a freaking giant no way I am talking about him. I just really have no beef with Daniel he just acts like a psycho to keep people off his back. I also believe Daniel is all talk on his personality sure he is dangerous, but he would need a good reason to kill you. Ozpin seems the guy not to let you murder your fellow student, but just join in the fight until both parties passed out.
3289018 The American system of measurement held on to from the British is usually known as "Imperial," and sometimes "Standard" even though it's anything but. What makes it even more whacked out is that American "standard" measurements for volume (pint, quart, gallon, etc.) are different from British "imperial" standards for volume, which are a bit larger because we each based ours on a different pre-existing definition of "gallon." For example, just like a dozen donuts takes up more space than a dozen eggs, a gallon of wine and a gallon of beer would have been different volumes originally, and when the governments decided to standardize volume measurements, we didn't collaborate to establish which existing gallon to make the standard.
With that out of the way, aside from some minor issues of characterization, there's only one thing that really bothers me so far.
It's almost all run-on sentences.
You really need to break things up. Establish each complete thought as a separate, complete sentence. Whenever possible, try to keep things as independent clauses, using dependent clauses only when it enhances sentence flow or clarity. Essentially, what you need to work on most right now is the correct use of punctuation. You would be doing the biggest favor not just to yourself or your readers, but your writing as well, just by reading through the sections listed in that link. "Well, that seems a bit arrogant and presumptuous," some might think; but I speak from experience, here. Aside from my English teachers, the OWL was my best writing resource back in middle school and high school, and it was my teachers who taught me to use it to my best advantage for my writing assignments. English wasn't my favorite subject in school, but it was almost assuredly my best. In fact, this very paragraph utilizes almost every correct form of comma usage I can think of off the top of my head, short of its use in designating proper geographic locations or making large numbers easier to read.
I thought my favorite would be Daniel with his love of killing and necrophilia but now I think I might have Ozpin as my favorite. I really loved Ozpin's speech. Nooo! POOR! team Void!
not gonna lie
so far my favorite speeches have been ozpins final "god nailed to a stick" speech and Dans Death vow in that order friggin loved both to no end and i cant wait for chapter 5
From what I can tell Vytal never developed nuclear technology, and christianity doesnt exist so ozpin's rant near the end is wrong
The P Co I think you need to read this page for the actual definition of that word. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Necrophilia
I think homicidal tendencies would be a better fit for what you mean.
It seems that the Vytal Festival causes confusion amongst some RWBY fans, seeing as both the author and at least one of the readers of this story believes that the planet, or world, that the events of RWBY takes place on, is named Vytal. The truth is that the planet is actually named Remnant, and Vytal is an island on said planet, where the four kingdoms came together to end their wars long ago. It later lent its name to the Vytal Festival.
1. The planet's name is Remnant. Vytal is the name of a festival.
2. "God on a stick" makes no sense since that happened on Terra(Earth), not Remnant. Unless Remnant has been in contact with Terra and Ozpin is part Terran.
3. Why is everyone acting so OOC here?
Metric > English
3285565
Depending on your definition of oldest book ever the Bible isn't the oldest. If you mean first book made, the Bible isn't the oldest. But I'm getting off topic of why I wrote this comment;
The Bible isn't fiction, or, it isn't TOTALLY fiction. The Bible does have real world events in it that happend. Whether God made everything or if Jesus is God, is your belief.
Please don't insult others religion because of what you believe.
why does oz seem so dark in this story