"Sigh..."
The gentle humming of the air conditioning and the rhythmic ticking of a clock echoed through the dimly lit room. A purple pegasus sat at his desk, adjusting his glasses and humming as he turned the page to his book.
A small yawn escaped the pegasus' mouth. Realizing what he just did, his eyes quickly darted around, anxious that someone saw him. Sensing nothing, he straightened out his nametape, "Sheriff Prowler" indented on it, and rested his head in his hoof.
His eyes snapped to attention as he heard multiple hoofsteps outside his door. Instinctively, Prowler’s hoof drifted down to the concealed row of knives that hung underneath his desk. His eyes locked onto the door. Whatever sought to ambush him was about to have a really bad day.
Four familiar ponies pushed the door open and stumbled into the room. Prowler gave slight chuckle and withdrew his hoof. A pang of disappointment hit him that he didn't get a chance to utilize his hidden blades against some shady intruder, but it vanished as he was happy to see his friends again.
“Well, hello there gents, and Twilight!” Prowler cooed, giving a predatory grin. “Love! What brings you to my humble residence? Come to finally let me ask you out to a sublime dinner and bask under the moon-”
“We don’t have time for your silly flirting!” Firebrand snapped, shoving himself to the front. “What I want to know, what all of us want to know-” Brand gestured to everyone present “-is why you took it upon yourself to throw Aqua Jet into one of your rotting cells!”
Prowler’s grin disappeared. With a half-lidded stare, he sat up straight in his chair and folded his forelegs across his desk, adopting a professional appearance.
“Sir, I am going to have to ask you to please stop that shouting,” Prowler said in an unnervingly level voice, “And have a conversation like a calm, reasonable stallion.”
Firebrand raised an eyebrow. After a beat, he snorted and backed away, looking off to side in contempt. Prowler’s mask never moved, keeping up the professional facade.
“Thank you." Prowler smirked, and began his explanation. "Now, I would assume you are all here about Aqua Jet?"
Everyone not behind the desk nodded their heads.
"Prowler, why is he in jail?" Twilight asked.
Prowler took a deep breath. "Earlier this morning, and I mean, very early this morning, Aqua Jet was found in the beachfront caves, laying underneath several crates of smuggled illegal goods." Prowler disclosed as he turned a page to his book. "Naturally he was arrested under suspicion of harboring said goods and brought in for questioning.”
"That's it?" Firebrand questioned. "He just happens to be there and you jump to the oh-so-logical conclusion he's guilty?"
"You know what they say," Prowler asserted. "Actions speak louder than words."
“That’s not fair!” Jinx cried. "Aqua Jet wouldn't do that! You know he wouldn't!"
"Jinx is right, Prowler." Twilight continued, trying to use the most gentle tone possible. “I know that makes him look suspicious, but for all we know he could've just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Besides, he’s the Element of Honesty. I'm sure if you just-”
“Oh, I’m well aware of his element.” Prowler said, closing his eyes and clicked his tongue. “He confessed.”
Twilight’s mouth hung open, her words caught in her throat. Jinx stood stunned, not believing what he just heard. Firebrand’s brow furrowed, even Shenanigans looked surprised, which was a big deal because Shenanigans was never surprised.
“He... what?” Twilight breathed.
“Aqua Jet openly admitted to contributing to smuggling illegal goods.” Prowler stated, his tone level and uncaring. “A hefty crime, worth about a year in prison, with the possibility of early release if he has good behavior, or if either of you have 1000 bits just lying around for bail.”
“But... but...” Jinx stammered, his lower lip quivering. “That’s... he...”
“T-that’s absurd!” Twilight insisted. “He’s Aqua Jet, the Element of Honesty! He wouldn’t... help... smugglers!”
“Aqua Jet would disagree. It’s right there in black and white.” Prowler sighed. “Aqua Jet confessed, and now he has to serve punishment." Prowler adjusted his glasses and moved his eyes back towards his paperwork. "There is a trial later today, but with that confession, a guilty verdict is all but assured. Personally, I tried to get him out of that, spare him the public humiliation, but I couldn't. Sorry, but that's that.”
Twilight's heart raced. Her mind refused to accept this. The more she tried to tell herself that Aqua Jet was innocent, the more hopeless she felt. The thoughts of her feelings and assurances about her friend were slowly slaughtered by the cold hard truth that Aqua Jet was guilty. Twilight hung her head in defeat; there was no other way of looking at it.
“There really is no way out of it. With that confession, Aqua Jet sealed his own guilty verdict.”
“There has to be something we can do!” Jinx protested. “He can’t be in prison for a year! He just can’t!” Prowler was about to reply before Firebrand interrupted.
“Sorry Jinx, but he broke the law.” Firebrand stated. “No matter which way you look at it, he deserves to be punished.”
Each of the ponies turned turned their heads towards Firebrand, their expressions shocked or appalled.
“WHAT?” Jinx yelled. “How could you say something so heartless?!”
“‘Heartless?’ You think I like seeing Aqua Jet in this situation?!” FIrebrand retorted, “Of course I feel bad for him, but this is a serious matter! Or maybe you forgot he broke the law. When you break the law, you have to be punished, and that’s that!”
“But he’s our friend!” Jinx replied. “We can't just abandon him to a year in prison; that's not what a friend does! Can’t there be an exception made to this?”
“What? No!” Firebrand said, his eyes wide with incredulity. “How in Tartarus is that fair? Aqua Jet gets let off the hook just because the Chief of Security knows him personally!? Oh, that's real fair!”
"Listen everypony, maybe we should calm down." Twilight interrupted and raised a hoof.
“But he’s not a bad pony!” Jinx insisted, ignoring Twilight completely. "He doesn’t deserve to be thrown in jail with bad ponies who actually deserve it!”
“Well, as of this morning, we were apparently wrong.” Firebrand stated with a dark edge to his voice.
“How could you say that? You know him and you know he isn’t like that! Your brother, bless his heart, even looks up to him! What would he say if he saw you condemning Aqua Jet like that!?”
"Umm, boys, I don't think..." Twilight started again.
“Hey, you leave my brother out of this! He has nothing to do with this!"
"Sure he does! Did you forget that including your brother, Aqua Jet has saved countless lives on the beach? Which is more than what I can say for you!"
"What are you insinuating?"
"I'm insinuating you're an insensitive clod!!"
"Why, you naive little-!"
“SILENCE, BOTH OF YOU!”
Both ponies stopped their argument and looked over. A familiar red tint spread across Prowler's eyes, freezing the two bickering stallions where they stood and locking their eyes with his.
“I’ve had a long night and your foalish squabbling is grating on my already weakened nerves.” Prowler growled from behind his desk. “Now you two will behave yourselves like the adults you are or I’ll have you both arrested for public disturbance."
"Yeah, but he was-" Both stallions started.
"-and trespassing on city property, I should add," Prowler interrupted, "Worth about three months in prison, or a 200 bit fine.”
The two stallions nearly choked, the ramifications of barging in on a government establishment uninvited hitting them full force. They took one last look at each other before harrumphing and moving to opposite sides of the room.
"I'll-uhh..." Shen mumbled, "I'll see if I can't calm things down, eheheh...." He shot Twilight a reassuring grin before dashing off to try and cool off Jinx and Firebrand.
Twilight froze, her mouth agape and eyes glossy. She refused to believe this was happening. Aqua Jet breaks the law, which she still had difficulty wrapping her head around, and her friends were now at each other's throats because of it. "Why is this happening?" she thought. "They're supposed to be friends! Sure, we have a few mishaps and a couple disagreements here and there, but nothing to warrant something this... bitter and anger-fueled."
A small pointed object prodded Twilight's shoulder. “Twilight?” Spike asked, giving a concerned grit. “Wouldn't this be a good time to try fixing a friendship problem?"
“But I don’t know what to do!” Twilight said. “This is so confusing! I don’t think Aqua Jet should be punished, but he’s guilty! It’s right there in black and white! I know what you're thinking, try a loophole, but I don't know! I don’t know of any loopholes to exploit; I’m no law expert!”
“So who is?”
That gave Twilight pause. Her eyes drifted towards the dark purple pegasus sitting at the desk, sighing and sifting through paperwork. Her eyes widened as a big, bright lightbulb went off in her head. Twilight steeled herself and walked across the room.
Prowler’s eye lifted from his paperwork as he noticed the approaching mare. “Twilight, dear, I know what you’re thinking, and it's not going to work.” Prowler sighed and adjusted his glasses. “Just go home.”
“Prowler, you’re an expert at law.” Twilight said, her scientist-problem-solver mode activating. “Are you positively sure there is no possible way to get Aqua Jet out of prison?”
“Believe it or not, I’ve looked since I arrested Aqua.” Prowler stated, his tone rising slightly. “There’s nothing I can do to help him, even though I really want to.”
“Nothing at all?” Twilight pressed. “No strange or obscure laws whatsoever that relate to accused ponies getting out of prison without punishment? Nothing at all?”
Prowler opened his mouth to say “No” again, before he paused and put a hoof to his muzzle. Twilight’s heart lifted; a pause meant there was hope.
“Well...” Prowler hummed. “It’s a rather big stretch, but there is something.”
“Anything is better than nothing.” Twilight said, her body inching closer. “Tell me. You never know if we can do something useful.”
“I wouldn’t hold your breath, sweetie.” Prowler said, as he sat upright in his chair. “I don’t tell ponies I arrest about this, because I don’t like getting their hopes up about something clearly impossible. The only way out of an obviously guilty verdict is if he received a pardon from Princess Celestia herself. It’s mostly used as a cruel joke amongst the inmates because of the miniscule chance of it happening. Obviously, seeing as she almost never does it and unless she knows the pony personally, I don’t think she would-”
“Guys! I think I have a solution!” Twilight shouted. The three stallions looked over at Twilight.
“I can write a letter to Princess Celestia!” Twilight exclaimed. “She’ll know what to do! We can maybe request her to get the Royal Pardon! Spike, take a letter!”
Twilight's magic snatched several pieces of paper and a quill from Prowler's desk, causing the security chief to flinch in alarm. Spike grabbed the quill and paper and prepared to write.
“Ahem,” Twilight dictated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Dear Princess Celestia,
I come before you, respectfully asking a favor. Aqua Jet, who you know as the Element of Honesty and one of my close friends, has recently been imprisoned for the crimes of accessory to smuggling. He has confessed to the crime, which would lead to an immediate guilty verdict and a one year sentence. I respectfully request that you use the power of the Royal Pardon to release Aqua Jet of his punishment.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike whipped the quill up with a flourish after writing the last word. He then rolled up the scroll and burned it with his magical flame, sending the ashes whisking into the air.
“I don’t know about this.” Firebrand shifted. “Are you sure you should be abusing your connection like that, Twilight?”
"It's worth a shot." Spike said, placing the quill on Prowler's desk. "The most she can do is say no."
“Besides, who cares?” Jinx grumbled.
“I do." Firebrand stated. "It seems a little unfair to-”
“Oh unfair, unfair, unfair!” Jinx mocked. “Everything has to be just so for Firebrand! No one gets any say!”
“What?! Now you listen here, Dr. Frankenstallion!” Firebrand shouted. “I have half a mind to go over there and...” he paused, a vein bulging in his head.
“You know what? I’m leaving before I do something I regret.” Firebrand growled, shooting a glare at Jinx. “I get the feeling I’m not wanted here.”
Firebrand's magic yanked the front door open and he stomped out of the room. The door slammed behind him, a wooden smash echoing in the office.
Twilight wore a look of pain. How could something like this happen? Everything was going fine in her circle of friends until one of them got in trouble. Now different sides of them, very ugly sides of them, began to appear and started breaking them apart.
"Sooooooooooo.....” Shen inquired, trying to break the awkward. “Now what?"
"W-well, can we talk to Aqua Jet?" Jinx asked, still reeling. "Maybe if we get his side, we can find something to prove him innocent.”
“It’s a start.” Twilight mused. “So what do we know right now?” All heads in the room turned towards Prowler.
“Well, technically all he really said was, ‘I did it.’” Prowler explained. “I never really received the full story, given his hasty confession. That said, I don’t know how much information you’re going to get out of him, or whether or not said information will be of any use, but certainly there’s no harm in trying.”
“So we have a plan!” Shen squeaked. “Interrogation time! I’ll be good cop, and Spike will be bad cop!”
"Why do I have to be bad cop?" Spike complained.
“Well because there's this thing called bad drag-uhhh.... You know what? Never mind. Prowls'll be bad cop.”
"As much as I relish the opportunity to interrogate somepony with force, I must decline.” Prowler chuckled as he adjusted his glasses. “I still have a responsibility to sit the desk and do my job.”
“You’re not coming?” Jinx asked.
“Believe me, I want to help, but I have things to do.” Prowler sighed and hovered back to his desk. “Besides, I’m sure you three will suffice.”
"But what about the other prisoners?" Shen noted. "You aren't going to see us. What if we give them something that helps them escape?"
"Are you?" Prowler bounded from the desk and leapt towards Shenanigans with the ferocity of a tiger. He forced his muzzle in the petrified Shen's face and growled. Sweat flowed down from Shenanigans' head and his legs vibrated under the intensity of Prowler's glare.
"Umm.... no." Shen gulped, unable to tear his eyes away.
"Good." Prowler's grin returned, all traces of anger vanishing. "Now go help Aqua Jet."
Twilight smiled. At least the situation wasn't completely hopeless. She had a plan, friends who would help her, and a good feeling that things would turn out well.
"Also, keep in mind visiting hours are almost over." Prowler said as he sat down. "It’s a weekday, so you all have about 10 minutes.”
“Aaaaaaaaand.... it’s gone.” Shen grumbled.
“Well, it’s better than nothing...” Twilight groaned inwardly.
-
Twilight’s heart shivered. The brightly lit offices were a sharp contrast to the gloomy dank architechture she and her friends found themselves in. The colorless walls of the dark prison cells seemed to give off a pressure of dread and hopelessness.
“I believe I can flyyyy~” a solemn voice rang through the halls.
“Wow, that’s depressing.” Twilight thought.
“SHUT THE BUCK UP, YOU MOTHERBUCKING JACKA-”
Twilight immediately cast a deafening spell on Spike before he learned words he shouldn't know yet. It didn't stop Jinx and her wincing with each creative euphemism, most them involving rubber tubes and body parts, that reached their virgin ears.
Spike stuck a finger in his ear, wondering why it suddenly got quiet. Twilight fought the instinct to tell Spike out loud what she did and instead pointed to her horn. At first Spike tilted his head, but once it clicked he gave an "oh!" of understanding.
“Hey, guys. Wassup?”
There, sitting in the middle of the cold, dark cell, was their friend. Kind, burning eyes over a big, toothy smile stared back at them. Nobody in the room thought they would even be in this situation; they never thought they would be staring at someone they knew, someone they loved, being caged like an animal and deemed to be a danger to others around them. The ponies not currently imprisoned looked off to the side or fidgeted, having trouble accepting this sight. The seconds ticked by without so much a peep from the group of friends.
“So, we gonna address the elephant in the room or we gonna sit here doing nothing?” Aqua rolled his eyes. “I’m okay with either.”
“You seem chipper for somepony who has to deal with soap on a rope.” Shen commented. To the group’s surprise, Aqua started chuckling.
“Nah, that’s just a rumor. Kinda comfy in here, actually. I know, big shock. Besides...” Aqua looked down. “I kinda deserve this.”
Each of the ponies flinched at Aqua’s confession. Twilight stepped forwards and placed a hoof on the bars.
“Why did you do it?” Twilight asked gently. She tried her best to make sure her tone didn’t sound like she was accusing him and she just wanted to know. Aqua hung his head, smile slowly appearing and disappearing at random.
“You guys aren’t my first friends.” Aqua Jet explained, eyes not making contact. “When I was just a kid, I used to live up in Cloudsdale. My first friends were... kinda not the best influence on me. I did some junk that I’m not too happy about. I guess I was just in on the whole craze of ‘bad is good’ that swept through Cloudsdale back then.”
Twilight shuddered as the memories came back regarding that particular fad. Cloudsdale and other nearby cities were rife with petty crime, unwholesome entertainment, and teenage rebellion hit an all-time high. For a rule abiding introvert, it was horrible.
“Jeez, is it just me or is a Cloudsdale a city of jerks?” Shen quipped.
“Nah, Canterlot's worse.” Aqua said. “Anyways, it took me getting arrested for me to know that I didn’t want to keep living that life. I left them and came here to Ponyville, to try and get a fresh start. And for the most part I did, and I was happy."
“Ooh, juicy backstory.” Shen said. “What’d you get arrested for?”
“Shenanigans, we have more important things to worry about.” Twilight admonished.
"But I wanna know!" Shen complained. "Look, I'm trying to egg as much info out of him as can because I don't know when we're going to be able to do this next!"
Twilight winced at that, but stood her ground. "If you don't let him continue, we won't even have a chance of getting him out of this."
Shen gave a small pout, but acquiesced. “Fine... tell us what happened last night."
“Yeah, yeah, last night, I was hanging out on the beach, just watching the sunset. I see some dudes walking on the shoreline and fly out to say hi. Turns out, they were my old friends from Cloudsdale.”
“Oooh, the plot-”
Before Shen could finish, Twilight and Jinx shot a glare that would make cockatrice blush. Shen grinned and mimed a zipping motion across his mouth.
“So yeah, we met up, one thing led to another and... we had a party.” Aqua Jet smiled and looked down. “We talked about stuff, played some volleyball, smoked some hay bacon... it was kinda nostalgic, ya know what I mean, guys? Meeting some old friends, jokin’ around, having some fun. I didn’t think anything was wrong.”
Twilight listened intently, making mental notes to possibly use for later, and doing her best to ignore Shenanigans’ voiceless commentary.
“So, it’s two in the morning and from the lampshade on my head, I’m thinking I’ve partied enough, which was REALLY weird because we were on a beach.” Aqua Jet laughed at his own joke. “I start to head off when my old friends say they need my help doing some heavy lifting. I thought nothing of it at the time, just figured they needed to move some heavy stuff. We walk along the beach for about ten minutes to an alcove. I get there, and...” Aqua Jet’s brow furrowed.
“I should’a known.” Aqua Jet gritted. “I should’a known right then and there that something was up. Right when I smelled the skunk fumes I should’a done something. But nope. Like the IDIOT I was, I helped them lift the crates into their carriage. All of a sudden, I hear a loud “FREEZE!” and my “friends” begin to bolt, ditching me in the cave. I have no idea what’s going on, so I did nothing. Smart move on my part, because I was now holding a giant crate of smuggled stuff in a shady cave now surrounded by cops. You can guess how that looked to them. I just surrendered, ‘cause it would have looked worse for me if I tried to get outta there.”
Aqua Jet slumped back onto his haunches. "And now I'm here," he whispered, "All because I was too much of an idiot to realize I helped commit a crime."
“You didn't know.” Jinx insisted. “They just used you. You didn't know that what you were doing was wrong.”
“Ignorance is not a defense in court of law.” Prowler explained, walking in on the conversation. "When a crime is committed, somepony has to be punished.”
“I thought you had to sit the desk.” Spike noted.
“I do, but I'm also here to remind you that your ten minutes are up and you must vacate the premises.” Prowler stated.
“Please! Can't we have just a little more time?” Jinx begged.
Prowler paused and looked at his hoofwatch. He gave a heavy sigh and headed back towards the door. “You have five more minutes. After that, I expect you all to vanish. Do I make myself cle-”
A giant belch cut Prowler off. The ponies turned towards Spike, who now grasped a fancy embroidered scroll. Five very hopeful yet nervous ponies, Including Prowler, crowded around Spike as he opened the letter and cleared his throat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Dear Twilight Sparkle,
I have received your letter of concern and I agree completely. This whole matter seems very suspicious, as I do not believe Aqua Jet would knowingly commit such a crime. I also feel he should not be punished for this ordeal, as it would severely hamper our ability to utilize the Elements of Harmony should they be required again.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Whoa. Didn’t think of that.” Aqua chuckled. “Kinda makes me feel important.”
"Keep reading," Prowler asked, "I don't think she's done."
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“Unfortunately, as much as it pains me to say,” Spike continued, his scales drooping. “I cannot issue the Royal Pardon.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A long, disappointed sigh escaped everyone in the room.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“The consequences would be dire. If I did, it would look as if I condoned smuggling as long as somepony of high status, such as an Element of Harmony, indulges in it. It would be as if merely being an Element of Harmony granted immunity from the law, which I cannot allow. Ponies would lose faith in me as a ruler, and I forsee Equestria slowly but surely plummeting into chaos and disharmony.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Over Aqua Jet?” Shenanigans breathed with wide eyes. "Jeez."
"Sorry guys." Aqua Jet mumbled. "Looks like I'm going to be in here for while..."
Twilight shook her head and groaned, her mind overclocking for any possible solution. "This can't end like this. There has to be something. Anything. This can't-"
“Wait a second!” Spike exclaimed. “There’s more!”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do not lose hope, for there are still ways we can bend the law in our favor. There are no laws dictating who I can establish as prosecution or defense. I will appoint Prowler as prosecution, as the law is set up to aid prosecution in all crime scene investigation endeavors. His attention to detail will allow him to gather as much evidence as possible, which could be of benefit to both prosecution and defense. Also, there is no laws stating how many defense attorneys Aqua is allowed to have. I trust your judgment on who should reside as Aqua’s defense.
I believe in you, my faithful student.
Princess Celestia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hold on a tick.” Prowler stated. “Princess Celestia wants me to serve as prosecution against my own friend?”
“You heard the drake.” Shen replied. “It’s our best bet at getting Aqua out of here.”
“You guys don’t really have to do this...” Aqua Jet tried.
“No! Don’t you ever say that!” Jinx cried. “You’re our friend, and friends help each other, no matter what!”
“Okay...” Aqua Jet resigned. “If you guys really want to, I won’t stop you.”
Prowler studied the letter, humming to himself. Serving as prosecution to help the defense? The very thought was scandalous. He did feel this was cheating, but technically it was within the rules. “So, I suppose that means I should go and gather evidence?”
“And I guess we should too.” Shen replied, draping a leg around Twilight.
“What? What do you mean?”
“We’re gonna be the defense, Twi!” Shen exclaimed, waving a hoof towards the distance. “The princess said Aqua can have as many lawyers as he wants! And it should be us because you’re, like, super smart and I’m good with finding loopholes. It’s the perfect combo!”
Twilight opened her mouth to protest, but stopped. Shenanigans did have a point there. Not that she liked to brag, but her intelligence was far above that of a normal pony, and she did seem to be the most qualified to be a lawyer than other ponies she knew. Adding on, Shenanigans also seemed to have a knack for being able to somehow predict future events via patterns and repeating elements. The more she thought about it, the more sense it seemed to make.
“Very well.” Twilight stated. “When is the trial?"
Prowler glanced at the wall. "In about four hours," he answered.
"Then we don't have much time, so everypony do what you have to do." Twilight stood up, brimming with confidence. "Prowler, you go back to the beachfront and see if you can find anything else that might help Aqua Jet. Shenanigans, you stay here with Aqua Jet and try see if you can get any more information out of him. Jinx, I need you to find out who's going to be on the jury, I have an idea that might work. Spike and I will head back to the library to learn more about law. Aqua Jet's life is in our hooves, so let's do what we have to to save our friend."
Hay Bacon. Why can't I help but feel that's some actual form of smoke?
Also, as a randomly petty bonus: Gravity; It's not just a good idea, it's the law.
Okay, this was kinda grim... but in a good way. There are some minor issues with the wording, like you could say "in front of the desk" instead of "not behind the desk", though I don't know if that's a writing technique so I better keep quiet...
But I must insist: What the fk happened with Aqua Jet's roommate? You addressed him in the first chapter and then... What? Mi no comprende. I ask because I'm truly interested on this AU. Thanks.
Hmm... Am I the only one getting an Ace Attorney vibe right now? Well, either way, nice chapter Josh. I actually do feel sorry for Aqua Jet; was just caught up in the moment, and didn't realize what he had gotten into 'till it was too late. That's sad. But anyway, nice chapter dude, and I can't wait for Part 3.
That bad dragon line nearly killed me. Bravo XD
you...know...what...bad...dragon...is? it would seem our resident, big headed, pyrotechnics loving, Commander might have something hidden within his internet search list....
Why not legalize what was being smuggled?
Seriously, a person of my mind... happens to... let's just say, hate roads so much that I figure the government is usually wrong when it comes to something being against the law, unless it directly infringed on another person/I mean ponies rights.
Apologies, but whenever stuff like that comes up in fiction or news, I get real mad and it clouds the other parts of the story from me. However, it is going into a deep plot, and I like that.
Okay... judging from what I've seen of pegasi, what they were smuggling is either really freaky form of "adult" entertainment or some sort of stimulant
3548682 It wouldn't help. The law as established at the time of his arrest and trial already stated that the stuff was illegal, so he was still smuggling.
Hmm... well like anyone I have my opinions on your work. Unfortunately for you, UNlike many people, I am going to voice them, so hold tight!
I like the story curve. You managed to keep the timeline accurate by introducing Trixie, but since the cast is new, a different ending and a new plot device arises. And while I prefer to have my stories (meaning the ones I read, not my own) keep the ponies innocent and carefree style from the show, the mature plot device is interesting. Overall, good idea for a unique twist on the series.
But then we get to character and dialogue. I can understand that everyone/everypony is different in their own way. People interact and behave differently, depending on your view of psychology in part largely due to either personal experience, or their nature as an individual. But while your characters are unique and divers, they depend upon that fact to much when they communicate and interact. Prowler is defensive and a hint paranoid, but it's boardering obsession or even insanity how all consuming his distrust is. That and his helpless flirting with Twilight (that she seems compleatly immune to BTW) kind of creeps me out a bit. While they are different individuals, your cast, no matter who the say may be, should not have to depend on one characteristic or personality trait like a crutch to get them through a conversation. Let them act normal, like normal people, er... ponies, and let their traits shine through every once in a while, even occasionally only is small, delicate ways that could simply help you decode who is talking without needing to mention it in the narrative.
I can't say that I know you personally, but I would like to believe from why I have seen and heard of you on your channel that you are a fairly level headed individual. And Firebrand is your OC. He may not have to BE you, but he is still templated off you. The thing I notice about Brand is that he goes from compleatly calm, and oftentimes a little to serious, to angry and defensive in the blink of an eye. That is just an example I have, as quite a few of your characters fall victim to this. It's alright for them to express these emotions, even in this severity, but there has to be a gradual build to these panicked, occasionally even enraged states that we see your cast in. I don't think that the elements of harmony, regardless of gender or occupation, would be that quick to flip like they occasionally do. One can be just mildly frustraited, and not blowing up in a friends face over a situation they don't understand.
In conclusion, you have good story writing capabilities, and you have unique characters to make it intertaining, but you may lack just a little subtlety. Your cast needs to 'calm down' you could say, and act more rational and normal in any given situation. If you could nail this, your work would gain alot more realism, and increase it's professional appearance.
Also... that Bad Dragon joke... Ya, well done, but... Ya.
Don't take this as me being SUPER critical of your work. I think about stuff like this with everything I read. I just respect you enough to voice my opinion in the hopes it might help you improve. Constructive criticism is in my opinion, one of the best things you can give to a fellow author, alongside positive feedback. And I don't hate anything your doing either, as I am hard pressed to hate anything. I disagree with some ships, some plot devices used by others, and I may be morally object to some things that are written on this site, but given the fact that my standards are not the worlds standards, and that not everyone can be a class A+ writer, I have only ever really found ONE story on her worthy of a down vote in my opinion, and that's because it was simply offensive. You are good at what you do, and I am just doing my part as a fellow writer to try and help. And no, you don't get a say in whether or not I give it.
Long winded rant aside, the cliffnote of all this is; good work, always room for improvement, keep on keeping on Scorcher!
I smell an objection.
Oh Gosh Didilly Darn it...
There is a lot of information to process in this chapter.
First off, I love the little bit of insight that we get into Prowler's paranoid and sometimes aggressive nature. If I haven't made it obvious already I love things that will go into the thoughts of a character and give us a look into who they are and what they would in that moment. So I loved that.
I find it interesting that Aqua Jet finds himself so guilty. The fact that he finds himself the one to blame even though he didn't know what was going on in that moment. Giving himself the blame like that is cause for serious alarm. This level of guilt in a situation like this is normally major symptoms of abuse. I've been thinking about that 'roommate' that we kind of met of his in the first chapter. It could be possible that whoever his roommate is, they might be abusing him? Or maybe he was abused while he lived in cloudsdale? Either way I find it very hard to believe that Aqua Jet would take the blame so easily unless something was happening underneath the surface. And nothing about taking blame or abuse contradicts his element either. He could fully believe that he's telling the truth. And all in all it's a very interesting curve in his character that I wasn't expecting and I'm hoping that we're going to go further into later in the story.
Also talking about abuse. This is all very serious stuff we are talking bout about in this arc. Even if abuse doesn't factor in, talking about breaking the law, and jail, punishments, court. Just everything about it is very mature and I find myself enjoying it immensely.
Now I have to take just a minute to talk about Firebrand. When I first started readin I thought Firebrand was going to be my favorite character. But I was very wrong about that. The thing about Firebrand is that he seems to have a very short fuse. While this does keep with the continuity from previous chapters (chapter five) I find it kind of.... off-putting. I can understand more this chapter why he might be so quick to judgment. After all he was in the military. I don't know much about the military or its judgment system but I imagine it's not as forgiving as I would hope it to be. Especially when it comes to breaking the law. I just found that an interesting part of his character and I had to comment on it.
Jinx is THE BEST FRIEND in this chapter. It's no wonder that he's the element of kindness because he fits perfectly for it. He isn't quick to judge, he sticks up for literally everyone, and I just love him. He is the best friend who will yell at you for thinking yourself worthless. I knew from the first chapter I read that Jinx was going great to be my favorite character. I thought Firebrand was going to be my favorite character, but the moment I met Jinx it was just like BOOM!!! He's my favorite and that will never change. This chapter just put him in the best light for me, because honestly everyone needs someone like Jinx in their life.
Now I'm excited to see where this whole Twilight/Shenanigans dynamic duo is going to go. Because we saw in the preview for this arc that Aqua Jet was going to be charged guilty. So my question is...... what goes wrong?
The first half of this chapter is so unintentionally funny to me, seeing Jinx’s twisted logic about the law and Firebrand fighting him on it.