Chapter 4: Nightwatcher Day
Silence.
Silence and Tranquility.
The white moon shone brightly over the sleeping town of Ponyville. A light white fog drifted between the buildings and not a soul stirred in the streets. Everypony was sound asleep and would not wake until morning.
“A perfect time for a robbery…” somepony clad in a black jumpsuit muttered as he emerged from an alley.
His head popped out from the corner of the alley. His head moved left and right as he surveyed the streets. Empty. He lightly galloped across the street and pressed himself against a wall. He tiphooved lightly across the wall and swiftly moved towards the next building.
The crook grinned as he approached his destination. The logo sporting the words "Star Jewelry" spread across the window. The crooked burglar walked up to the door and pulled out a knife. He shoved the knife into the door's lock and twisted it around. A light click resounded, letting the robber know he was clear to enter. He lightly pushed the creaking door open.
He slowly scanned the dark room until his eyes nestled upon his targets: beautiful jewelry resting on pillows on shelves and the register containing hard-earned bits. With a grin on his face, he deftly moved over to the sparkling baubles and swiped them into his large bag. He then moved to the register, carefully prying the drawer open to make sure the chime didn't sound. The drawer slid open and the exposed golden bits shined under the moonlight. The bits made their way into the bag as well.
“Hehehe... they never saw it comin’.”
Cackling quietly to himself, the robber decided he no longer needed to linger. He promptly tied his bag and fled out the door, leaving nothing left for the owners. He galloped silently through the abandoned streets and stuck to the shadows and alleyways, carefully making sure he wasn’t followed. After a few minutes, he came across a dark alley on the other side of town and stopped. Backing up towards a dumpster and feeling completely safe, the crook opened his loot. The shining bits and sparkling gems gleamed beautifully under the moonlight.
“Too easy.”
“Lovely. So what did you get?” a dignified voice behind him said.
“Oh, just some jewels, some bit-WAIT A MINUTE!”
The robber whirled around. Directly down the alley blocking his exit was a dark purple pagasus with a smooth flowing teal mane. The pegasus was dressed in a black security officer’s uniform. Embroidered on the left sleeve was golden sheriff badge bearing the pegasus’ name: Prowler.
The pegasus titled his head to the side to get a better look at the burglar’s bag. Upon seeing the rubies, emeralds, diamonds, and cash inside, he narrowed his eyes and raised an eyebrow at the thief.
“Well well well, caught in the act. Listen up, there are three possible outcomes to this,” Prowler said as he folded his glasses and dropped them into his breast pocket. “One... you try and fight me and I beat you to a whimpering pulp.”
He slowly approached the quivering pony with his head held high. The robber started to scramble backwards looking for a way out. Dead end.
“Two... you try and run and I snap your legs in two. Which is it?”
The crook didn’t move, shaking in pure carnal terror. The bespectacled pegasus just grinned, his eyes gleaming with the ferocity of a panther.
“So, you’re taking the third option of just standing there like an idiot? Less work for me.”
SMASH!
The burglar pony arced in the air into the street and rolled along the ground until he was stopped by solid concrete. Prowler swiftly strode over and continued his assault. Prowler bit the pony’s clothing in the area around his neck and swung him around violently. Prowler then released his toothy grip and the robber was hurled towards the nearest building. In a moment of clarity, the thief landed on his feet and turned to retaliate, but Prowler was already flying towards the crook and gave a well aimed left hook to the burglar’s face. Once again the earth pony found himself flying through the air with excruciating pain.
SHATTER!
The robber crashed through the jewelry shop’s window, scattering glass everywhere in the room. He landed on the floor with a resonant thud. With a grunt the burglar quickly picked himself up and frantically looked around searching for a hiding place. He darted to a corner and curled up as Prowler flew through the window. He narrowed his piercing yellow eyes and started to walk through the store, slowly moving his head back and forth.
“You cannot hide from me, coward; it won’t save you. ” Prowler said with malice dripping from his mouth.
The burglar trembled. Prowler far outclassed him in terms of combat; he had to get away from him as quietly as possible. As Prowler headed deeper into the store, the thief slowly made a move towards the now (permanently) open window while taking great care not to make a noise. Once he reached the window, he quickly glanced at Prowler; Prowler was still searching the back of the store. “Perfect,” the burglar thought as he placed one hoof out the window.
-crackle-
The burglar looked down in horror; his hoof had crushed a small shard of glass. He attempted to dash out the window, but before his body could react, a wrecking ball with wings slammed full force into his side. Prowler sent the robber flying out of the store with a well-aimed full body slam. The thief smashed into the middle of the street and skidded along the ground for a bit before screeching to a halt.
Prowler casually stepped out of the store and slowly looked around for what remained of the burglar. Spotting him, he gracefully floated over to the beaten pony, looking down condescendingly. The robber groaned as he attempted to bring himself to stand.
Prowler moved his muzzle straight into the burglar's face.
“I want you to think very carefully now.” Prowler whispered. “Are you entirely certain you want to stand back up?”
The crook twitched. His legs gave way and he fell down in a crumpled heap, whimpering in pain.
Satisfied with his victory, Prowler reached into his pocket and pulled out his pair of glasses. After adjusting them, he surveyed the damage and shrugged at the aftermath. The store window he smashed by means of pony spread giant shards of broken glass from the inside of the store to the streets outside.
“Oh dear, I’ve made quite a mess...” he sighed. “Well, I’m sure the cost of glass windows is considerably less than what you tried to swipe.”
Prowler took out a rope from his knapsack. He proceeded to bind up the burglar very tightly, ignoring his screams of discomfort. Out of the corner of his eye, Prowler noticed multiple lights flickering on in nearby houses.
“Oh dear...here it comes...” Prowler thought irritatedly. Ponies in the immediate area opened their windows including the jewelry shop’s owner, who caught eye of the shattered window of her shop. Fearing the worst, she worriedly galloped towards Prowler.
“Prowler! What’s going on? What happened???” she frantically demanded of Prowler.
“I saved your business, Amethyst Star,” Prowler nonchalantly replied as he gave another yank to his knot, eliciting another yelp from the bound criminal. “Your jewels and bits are still safe in the store, but they’re all shoved into a bag. Even though you’ll have to do some reorganization, it’s a small price to pay considering the alternative.”
Not wanting to explain anything more, Prowler grabbed the end of his lasso and began to haul the tied up pony away from the crime scene, causing his prize to further moan in pain as he was dragged along the ground.
“What happened?”
“Is everything all right?”
“Is this a new marketing ploy?”
Amethyst Star sighed. It had to be her shop that almost got robbed. The broken glass was for the most part cleaned up, but the window was still in dire need of replacement. Amethyst Star was trying her best to clean up the mess, but her friends and the paparazzi wouldn’t let her fix her shop in peace. Ponies gathered around the remains of the jewelry store and bombarded her with questions.
“Please! Please everypony! Everything is fine!” Amethyst explained frantically. “There was an accident last night where somepony tried to rob my store.”
The crowd suddenly gasped and the questions doubled in intensity.
“Was anything stolen?”
“Are you still going to stay in business?”
“Is this a new marketing ploy?”
“PLEASE everypony!” Amethyst wailed in desperation. “I’m still going to stay in business. Nothing was stolen. Prowler caught the pony responsible for this.”
Word travels fast in Ponyville. The news spread quickly from mouth to mouth until it reached the town hall, and eventually reached the Mayor. When the Mayor caught wind that last night’s commotion was Prowler once again doing his duty for the sake of the town, she had decided that it was high time the nightwatcher was paid his just due for it and thus decided to hold an awards ceremony for the stalwart chief.
A good number of Ponyville turned out for the ceremony. The town hall was decorated with balloons, ribbon, and police themed banners, courtesy of Shenanigans. Firebrand as usual was off in the corner conducting cheery yet formal-sounding pre-ceremony music. The crowd outside slowly grew in numbers and in excitement as they waited for the ceremony to start.
Firebrand’s song abruptly ended. The ponies in the audience began to chatter in anticipation as they realized the ceremony was about to begin. Twilight Sparkle trotted to the center stage levitating a large stack of papers and a huge smile on her face.
The happy anticipation of the crowd was soon replaced with groans; the audience soon realized this was going to be a LONG ceremony. Twilight, oblivious to everypony’s disdain, pulled a sheet from the top of her large paper pile, and began to recite her painstakingly prepared piece.
“Fillies and gentlecolts, today we are honoring a self-sacrificing stallion who works every night to ensure that the city of Ponyville is safe from criminals. He is our chief of security, P-”
“Prowler is so awesome!” Aqua Jet interrupted, shoving Twilight off the podium. “He’s such a great guy! We made plans to go flying together later today! It’s going to be AWESOME!”
“Umm... yes...” Twilight brushed herself off and pulled herself back up, trying to start again. “Now about that, we are here to-”
“Prowler truly is the greatest friend anypony can have!” Jinx added, cutting into Twilight’s speech much like the daredevil before him. “He’s helping me reorganize my chemicals today!”
“...that’s very nice.” Twilight said as she politely pushed the duo away. After she shooed the two stallions offstage, she turned to go back to the podium. “Now back to the subject at hoof, we are here to-”
Twilight stopped to see Shenanigans at the center podium looking at Twilight with his trademark ear-to-ear grin. Annoyed, Twilight glared at the green earth pony.
“What?” Shenanigans responded. “Everypony else got some input, and I don’t want to be left out!”
Twilight stared at Shen, obviously irritated.
“Pleeeeeeeeease?” Shen’s eyes widened to the point where they resembled sad puppy dog eyes. Unable to resist his influence, Twilight groaned in defeat. “Fine...Quickly...”
“Quickly? Okay!” Shenanigans cheered. He took a large leap backwards and inhaled deeply. After holding his breath for a moment, he blasted “ProwlerissogreatthatheisgoingtohelpmewithrepaintingthetownhallImeanIcan’tdoitbymyselfIneedapegasustodoitwithmeandProwlerissonicehe’swillingtohelp!”
Shenanigans inhaled deeply after spewing out his contribution, leaving a stunned Twilight and a very stunned looking crowd of ponies. Shen briefly surveyed his audience. Satisfied with the effect of awkward silence, he playfully pranced off the stage giggling to himself. After shaking her head a bit to get back to reality, Twilight gave a sigh of relief and walked to the center podium to finish her speech.
“And now finally without interruptions, we will now...”
Twilight heard a cough and turned her head to see a smiling Mayor Mare, a sign that she had overstayed her welcome despite all the interruptions.
“ARGH!” Twilight screamed as she scattered her stack of papers and stomped off stage, grumbling to herself. The Mayor took her place on the podium, much to the happiness and relief of the other ponies who knew well how much Twilight would’ve gone on.
Mayor Mare cleared her throat. “And so, without further ado, it is my privilege to give the prize, Pony of Ponyville Award, to our beloved guest of honor, a pony of the most steadfast dedication, courage, and ability. Ponyville's most capable and dependable friend, PROWLER!”
On cue, their deputy appeared in all his awe and glory from behind the left curtain on stage. The entire town erupted into thunderous applause. Taking a moment to soak in the praise, he proceeded to walk towards the center stage, deftly and smoothly putting one leg in front of the other, almost as if he were modeling. For added effect, he flicked his mane towards the audience, causing multiple mares to swoon. Grinning mischievously, Prowler adjusted his glasses and continued towards center stage.
As he took center stage, the ponies in the audience stopped stamping their hooves and stood silent.
“Do they want some sort of speech?” Prowler thought, his mind throbbing slightly. “Drat, I’m going to have to make this brief. I don’t think I could last another hour before passing out...WHY do I do this to myself...” The audience gave Prowler eager looks. He could see the pure admiration plastered on their faces. “Oh...that's why... Well, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to give them a little more excitement. After all, I AM the Pony of Ponyville...”
“Thank you, fillies and gentlecolts. I’m truly honored, but in all fairness, I was only doing my duty to the good citizens of Ponyville. I have done so and will keep doing so to make sure the citizens of Ponyville remain safe. You will never have to worry as long as Prowler is your chief of security!”
Though a short speech, its effect on the populace was still clear. The crowed once again thanked the noble defender by stomping their hooves hard upon the dirt and whooping loudly. Prowler smiled and embraced the praise. A golden glimmer caused him to glance over towards stage right. Mayor Mare walked up carrying a large shining trophy embroidered with large silver letters spelling out “Prowler, for steadfast dedication to justice, is awarded the Pony of Ponyville award.” After a respectful bow, Prowler accepted the trophy and hoisted it onto his back. He lurched backwards and leaped into the air.
“And here comes the finale...”
Prowler circled the area a few times, riling the audience up and causing them to cheer, before he left the scene with a crowd full of hope and knowledge that they were secure.
Prowler flew back to his house while making sure to keep the trophy well balanced upon his back. Still concerned if he had an audience, he landed with a grace, and walked as if here were gliding across the ground. He kept this facade up all the way to the entrance of his home.
Once he entered his door, however, he took on a much different demeanor. His usually well kept presence dropped and he looked utterly exhausted. Slumping the trophy down, he trudged like a camel towards his bedroom and flopped in a most undignified manner upon the mattress.
“Ugh... dear Celestia, I was never a day person,” he moaned. “But now that the festivities are over, I can finally get some well earned rest.”
Resting himself, his eyes began to close. The events of both the night and the day took their effect and he started to drift away.
He heard a sudden knocking upon the door, pulling him out of his dreamland. Unwilling to move, Prowler’s mind willed the noise to go away. The knocking silenced, and a small grin crept onto his features. It slowly vanished as he heard quiet breathing. He opened his eyes, and he was suddenly gazing into another pair of eyes filled with pure determination.
“Hey, Prowls!”
“Ugh....Shenanigans, what is it? Can you not...” The reality of the situation suddenly dawned on him, and he shot out of bed and landed on the ground with a large thump. He scrambled clumsily to get back onto his hooves. After quickly regaining stability, he pointed an accusing hoof at Shen. “HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?!”
Shen shrugged. “The front door was open. You know, for a chief of security, your house isn’t very...secure.”
Cursing his lack of mental judgement in not locking the door, he facehooved and sighed. “What do you want?”
Shenanigans cocked his head to the side. “We’re repainting the town hall, remember?”
A pin dropped. “That was... now?” Prowler asked with a sudden tone of dread.
“Yup.”
“Celestia preserve me, I may hit him.” Prowler thought. He was in no condition to do anymore work, and wanted nothing more than to make up his lost sleep from last night.
“Listen, Shenanigans, I-” Prowler stopped speaking as his eyes glossed over his recently acquired trophy. “Prowler, for steadfast dedication to justice...”
“Steadfast dedication...”
“Dedication...”
Prowler mentally cursed. He never figured the Element of Loyalty thing would come to bite him in the flank. Fighting back the screaming thoughts of self-preservation and common sense, he turned back to the confused green earth pony.
“Never mind.” he said with an out-of-place determination. “I made a promise and a promise I will keep.”
“Ooo...kaayy...” Shenanigans stammered. “Don’t know where that came from, but I’ll take it.”
Prowler forced a smile, eyes closed in a friendly fashion... and also to hide the utter fatigue behind them.
Shenanigans bounced happily through the main square, with Prowler close behind and still trying to keep up his facade of dignity.
“Just stay calm Prowler. After all... what could go wrong?
…
Oh dear Celestia, did I REALLY just think that? ESPECIALLY with Shenanigans of all ponies??? Honestly it's his very name!
Prowler’s vision suddenly went dark as a large object was shoved onto his head. Prowler stumbled for a bit and lifted his front legs onto the object to attempt to identify it. A helmet of some sort?
“It’s dangerous to go up alone.” Shen said. “Take this.”
Prowler scowled under the helmet. “Patience Prowler...this pony is your friend and he is simply having a little fun at your expense...” he reasoned with himself “...besides, I could easily fall and crack my head; he’s simply looking out for me... ”
He tilted the helmet back to get a better view of the irritating earth pony. His vision blackened again when a large cloth was thrown into his face, causing him to stumble and fall disgracefully on his flank.
Prowler was fuming with rage. He most likely would have been more tolerant of Shenanigans’s antics were he not so tired, but alas, this was not the case. He slowly pulled the unknown object of his head.
A bright pink apron.
Prowler started to tremble out of sheer fury. "THAT DOES IT." Prowler thought as he stood up. "I am going to give this this careless and irritating stallion the most savage lecture of a lifetime!"
Another object was thrust in front of him: a plate holding a daisy sandwich and a glass of lemonade. Prowler looked quizzically at the smiling Shenanigans.
“What? It’s almost noon.” Shen said as he gestured towards the sky. “You’re supposed to eat lunch at noon last time I checked. At least...you do right? I mean, do nocturnal ponies have different eating habits? Like a vampony or something? You’re not a vampony are you?”
“Shut up,” Prowler said as he took the plate. “Thank you...” he said grudgingly.
Shenanigans smiled as his gift was accepted. They ate lunch together for a second next to the town hall, with Shenanigans rambling about the subject of vamponies, much to Prowler’s annoyance. The food and cold drink made him perk up some, probably enough to finish the paint job, but he still felt incredibly drained. Prowler wasn’t in the mood to eat or chat, or now that he thought about it, paint the entire town hall. That prospect seemed impossible, much less enjoyable.
After Prowler finished his food and drink he stumbled trying to stand back up. He sighed and adjusted his glasses as his brain reminded him how tired he was.
“Well, I feel we’ve had enough chitchat. Let’s get this done shall we?” he suggested.
Shen spun on his hooves and gave a mock salute. “Let’s do this!” he yelled as he dashed towards the scaffolding, with a groaning Prowler following close behind.
“Alright Prowler, you’re going to monitor the belay while I start applying the colors.” Shenanigans explained as he hooked himself onto the scaffolding. “Do you know how to work it?”
“Yes.” Prowler replied without emphasis as he hooked himself on as well.
“Well that’s good, cause I don’t. Oh, even though you can fly, buckle yourself on as well, just in case of...shenanigans. Does that sound good?”
“Sounds fine to me,” Prowler said, forcing a tone of excitement as he joined Shen on the scaffold.
“Just keep the line taut and we’ll have this done a few hours or so!”
“A FEW HOURS?!” Prowler thought in terror. “How could this possibly take more than one hour?!” Prowler looked down near him. There were at least a dozen different colors of paint next to him including all colors of the rainbow and everything in between. “Oh, of course this wouldn’t be SIMPLE, nooooooooo, that would be too easy...well, at least this is the worst the situation will get.”
“Hey Prowler,” Shen said as he turned to face the pegasus with a grin. “Know what time it is?”
Prowler turned to the earth pony with an apathetic look. “No...” he answered.
“It’s time…” Shenanigans suddenly flicked his mane in the air. “To” He brought down his head as if on some sort of downbeat.…”PAINT!”
“...kill me...”
Time to paint! Time to paint!
Look at this place it’s just so quaint!
Grab your paintbrush and your cans, buddy, and give it color taint!
Crimson red, aqua blue, why, there’s so much we could do!
Maybe green here, it’s so fitting! Until it’s done, well we’re not quitting!
Until it shines! Until it’s grand! A pure rainbow wonderland!
The colors here surely make you faint!
Come on and pull that rope there is no time to mope it’s
Time to paint! Time to paint! Time to paaaaaaiiiiiinnnnt!
The following hours were taxing on Prowler’s mind. Shenanigans blissfully sung his happy broadway-esque tune, completely unaware of the sheer agony he was causing Prowler. Any other time Prowler would have probably sang along with him or at the very least been happy to listen, but given that his senses were completely botched up from his lack of sleep, every note felt like a jackhammer being applied to his head.
But, like a true gentlecolt and good friend, Prowler attempted to suck it up for the sake of his friend, but at the expense of his sanity. The pain eventually caused Prowler to enter a bleary trance, with him entering a routine of pulling the scaffolding up every time Prowler ended a chorus of his tune. He didn’t pay much attention to the lyrics other than a reference to Shen’s cutie mark which happened to be two crossed paintbrushes. Prowler would’ve asked him right there about his cutie mark but his mind was too far gone to care. He just wanted to go home and sleep in silence...
“Alrighty whitey tighty! We are done!”
Prowler sat up groggily and turned to face Shen. “Pardon?”
“I said ‘Alrighty whitey tighty! We are done!’”
Prowler took a few seconds to comprehend his friend’s declaration. He slowly scanned his friend’s handiwork on the walls of the building. The town hall was...painted to be sure. He certainly wouldn’t have chosen that color scheme, though. He did note though, that it was...complete. He didn’t have to... be... around........ anymore.................
…...
“FINALLY!!!!”
Prowler cheered as he instantly took off and soared away from the town hall, leaving a stunned Shenanigans still on the scaffolding.
“Well that was... odd...” the shaken Shenanigans said. He never seen Prowler be so rowdy and... loud. He liked rowdy and loud, but what he didn’t like was his friends breaking character.
"Meh, I shouldn't worry about it. Maybe he's just...." Shen put a hoof to his chin and looked down from the top of the town hall. “Wait a second... how am I going to get down from here?” He looked at the rope that was used to hoist up the scaffolding. He had no idea how to operate it.
“WAIT A SECOND! HOW AM I GOING TO GET DOWN FROM HERE?!” he repeated. Shen frantically started to pace around on the scaffold trying to find a way down. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a lavender unicorn viewing the newly-furbished town hall in awe.
“TWILIGHT! HEY! UP HERE!” Shenanigans called. Twilight Sparkle looked around for the source of the voice. She made eye contact with Shen and waved.
“Oh hello Shenanigans!” Twilight greeted. “Nice job painting! The town hall really looks good!”
“Thank you! But now is not the time for me to accept well-deserving praise of my glorious handiwork!” Shenanigans screamed as he flapped his outstretched hooves around. “I’m stuck up here and I can’t get down!”
“Stuck?” Twilight asked, “How?”
“Prowler was supposed to let me down, but he just flew off and left me behind!”
“He what?” Twilight looked stunned. "Strange. That doesn't seem like Prowler at all to just up and leave a friend in need. What could’ve been so important that he would’ve forsaken Shenanigans like that?"
“Well... have you tried adjusting the rope?”
Shenanigans slumped on his haunches grumpily. “No... I don’t know how....”
“Oh... well... I’ll try to levitate the scaffolding down.”
“Are you sure Twilight? I mean, wouldn’t it just be easier if you-”
“Don’t worry, Shenanigans, I got this.” Twilight reassured and her horn illuminated a soft violet color as the scaffolding began to glow much the same. The ropes began to move and the structure descended slowly. As Twilight tried to concentrate, however, the strain of the scaffolding became too much for her and it began to tip over.
“Twilight?! Wait a second, this isn’t-” Shenanigans called. But at this point, the scaffolding tilted too far down. Shenanigans completely lost his balance and bounced over the railing. Fortunately for him, Twilight had gotten the scaffolding down to a low enough height so the fall wouldn’t have hurt him, but it didn’t stop the green pony from falling into a conveniently sitting barrel of rain water. Shenanigans plopped into the rain barrel, spraying water in all directions and soaking Twilight. The sensation of freezing water attacking half her body caused Twilight's concentration to falter. With Twilight’s magic no longer supporting it, the scaffolding came crashing down next to the town hall, scattering wood and dust.
Shenanigans’s head popped out of the barrel, immediately spitting out water and shaking his mane dry. His expression changed into one of irritation as he looked at Twilight.
“As I lay here, sopping wet in this barrel... I cannot help but wonder...” he mused, placing his head in his hoof. “Why in Equestria didn’t you levitate just me down Twilight?”
Twilight blinked. It did seem odd that she chose to levitate the scaffolding down. “Um... that’s a very good question... you see... um... … … let me get back to you on that later, ok?” The unicorn did a complete 180 and took off, but as she did, she couldn’t help but wonder why Prowler had left Shenanigans on the scaffolding to begin with.
Prowler darted across the cloudless blue sky with his mind set on one thing: getting home and going to bed.
“I feel absolutely dreadful,” Prowler thought as he flew towards his home. “I just need some sleep, and no more distracti--”
“Yo, Prowls!”
“Who in Equestria...” Prowler turned to see an ocean-blue pegasus flying beside him.
“It’s your friendly neighborhood Aqua Jet. So I see you’re out and about in the sky. Up for some exercise?”
Prowler’s eyes twitched. “E-e-e-e-e-e-ex-exercise?”
“Yeah. You and I were gonna go flying, remember? Might as well get ourselves stretched out, right?”
“These promises are going to be the death of me...” Prowler thought in a sardonic tone.
Aqua Jet observed Prowler’s reaction and blinked. “Prowler, are you-”
While Prowler just wanted to fly off, his mind once again moved back to the ceremony. The promises he made imprisoned himself. His nature refused to let him break those promises. “I’m fine,” he interrupted. “Let’s go.”
Aqua Jet looked at his friend with concern. “You know, if you’re not feeling up to this, we can do this la-”
“NO!” Prowler interrupted, halting his flight and facing Aqua with an indignant look in his eyes. “I made a promise and a commitment! I do not go back on my word! I assume the Element of Honesty should understand a thing or two about promises!” He glared at Aqua Jet, daring him to argue back.
Aqua Jet recoiled in surprise. Prowler’s outburst caught Aqua Jet completely off guard. They stared at each other for a few seconds, until Aqua Jet extended his forelegs upward.
“My hooves are up, officer. You can arrest me, I’ll come quietly,” Aqua Jet said sarcastically.
Prowler narrowed his eyes. He knew he shouldn’t have said that, but his pride and fatigue got in the way of him actually apologizing so what came out was, “Let’s just get this over with...”
Aqua Jet still felt uneasy, but he decided to give his friend the benefit of the doubt and to ignore his friend’s little fit. He took the lead and gestured for Prowler to follow him. Prowler nodded slowly in response and still looking irritated, followed. After about ten minutes they arrived at the outskirts of the ever so unusually named Everfree Forest. The thick forest was not as threatening from up in the air as the deadly creatures that usually threatened them were grounded.
“Alright. Let’s do some quick laps around. Up for that Prowls?”
“No. No I am not. By the Celestia-only-knows-how-many gates of Tartarus, NO!” But despite his thoughts, Prowler only nodded grudgingly.
“Alright then!” As Aqua Jet lined up, Prowler took his place right next to the energetic pegasus. Usually he’d be fine with things like this, but his body felt incredibly sluggish and weak. Aqua Jet took off a few moments after Prowler took his spot and Prowler took off soon after.
As Aqua soared on forward, he noticed Prowler was lagging behind. He decelerated to match pace and started flying upside down next to Prowler. Looking at him comically from the corner of his eye, Aqua tried to encourage the exhausted pegasus. “Come on Prowler. I know you’re faster than that.” the daredevil probed.
It didn’t help.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!” Prowler screamed inside his head. Prowler couldn’t stand when Aqua Jet showed off his moves in front of him; he couldn’t stand show-offs in general, but Aqua Jet’s aloof attitude WHILE he showed off made it all the more infuriating. Coupled with his limbs feeling as if they were gelatin, he realized this activity here was going to be was one of his biggest trials of patience he ever had. Still, he continued on, doing his best to ignore the perky Aqua Jet and trying to figure out a way out of this fiasco.
Meanwhile, Aqua Jet just observed Prowler from his inverted postion. "Jeez, this is NOT what I pictured our flight would be like. I don't think Prowls is even trying at all..." A sinister grin spread across his face. "Well, maybe he just needs a little... stallion motivation."
“So, this is the limit of the Pony of Ponyville, our unstoppable security chief?” Aqua Jet jeered as he mockingly flew backwards. He decreased his speed and hovered right in Prowler's face.
“Mares don’t dig slow pegasi.”
Prowler’s last threshold of patience plummeted into the abyss at that comment. Tunnel vision engulfed his view as the rage of a thousand suns swelled up inside him.
“You... cocky... arrogant...!”
Prowler halted in place as his eye caught something in the distance. His eyes narrowed in an attempt to try and identify the object with his superior vision. Upon realizing what it was, his lips curled into a mischievous smile as his mind quickly schemed a plan of vengeance.
“You think you’re hot stuff with your speed and whatnot? Let’s see how you fare in maneuverability.” Prowler stated as he pointed with his hoof at the Everfree Forest. “We are going to fly in between the trees and whoever crashes first loses.”
“In the Everfree?” Aqua Jet asked for clarification. “Look man, there’s daring, and there’s stupid. I don’t think we sh-”
“Oh, is this the resolve of the famous daredevil Aqua Jet?” Prowler taunted. “Afraid you might bump your head on a tree? Oh dear, it seems I overestimated your bravery. Ah well, I’m sure everypony won’t mind how you turned down a silly challenge like this due to you...”
He floated and whispered into Aqua Jet's ear:
“Just don't try hard enough.”
The word struck Aqua Jet at his very core. That word, just saying the very word would send Aqua Jet over the edge. His competitive pegasus nature quickly overcame his common sense. This wasn’t just an exercise anymore. This was personal. This was...a challenge.
“You're on, flathoof.” Aqua Jet gritted.
Prowler and Aqua Jet glared viciously at each other, and slowly turned their bodies towards the Everfree in perfect synchronization. Despite his body’s cries for respite, Prowler’s mind was dead set on putting Aqua Jet in his place. Aqua Jet on the other hand was pumped and ready to trample Prowler.
“On my go, Prowler.” Aqua Jet breathed. “3...... 2......”
ZOOM!
Both pegasi dashed forwards before Aqua Jet finished his countdown. Neither of the two were in the mood to play fair. Though both could’ve stopped to call the other out, neither did. There was a race to be won and it was technically still on fair terms as they both started at the same time.
The two quickly reached the edge of the everfree. The normally intimidating forest didn’t deter the competitors at all as they flew straight through the wall of trees. The game was on. The two winged ponies darted left and right, expertly dodging each tree as they threatened to make contact. Aqua Jet and Prowler stood neck and neck as they flew deeper into the forest.
Prowler suddenly took a sharp right. Aqua Jet took note of Prowler’s sudden move and gave pursuit.
Prowler glanced behind him. “That’s right, Aqua... take the bait.” Prowler thought darkly to himself. “Your mind has betrayed you, created a false goal for you to accomplish...”
Aqua Jet, oblivious to Prowler’s malicious intent, kept the pursuit up and slowly closed the distance between him and Prowler.
“Ha, you’re slowing down, Prowler! I got you now you-”
Aqua’s thoughts were interrupted as Prowler screeched to a halt in midair. Aqua Jet widened his eyes at the display. Is he giving up?
Working expertly, Prowler flapped his wings and twisted his body. Prowler's form sailed horizontally over the surprised Aqua Jet, leaving the blue pegasus in shock as Prowler soared away in the opposite direction. "WHAT THE HAY???", Aqua Jet "How did he-" Aqua Jet did not notice the approaching tree and as such his face and the tree became quickly acquainted with each other.
Aqua Jet tried to yell in pain but the impact left his muzzle half-buried in the trunk of the tree and all that came out was a muffled groan. Aqua Jet dislodged his face from the wood and shook his head in confusion. After taking a moment to collect his thoughts, the reality of the situation dawned on him. The dark pegasus was seen flying away from the forest, wearing a triumphant sneer as it soared away.
Aqua Jet grunted, humiliated. “How in Equestria did he...”
-plop-
Aqua Jet turned at the sudden noise of something like a soft basket hitting the ground. To his left, a spherical yellow object lay shattered on the forest floor, with a golden liquid splashed in all directions. Aqua Jet approached cautiously, and tilted his head trying to figure out what the object was.
He lowered his head to sniff the yellow slime on the ground. It smelled sweet, and familiar.
“Honey?”
A humming noise slowly grew in intensity.
“......uh oh.....”
“Interesting...” Twilight said aloud to herself.
After what happened earlier with Shenanigans, Twilight figured she should brush up on proper application of magic, rather than just learning it. Her bout with common sense dealt a slight blow to her pride, much more than she would care to admit. She had taken several books on the subject up to the balcony to study and as usual, was enjoying herself.
Twilight perused through the final book with a small smirk.
“Well, I don’t think any more problems like today are going to happen again.” Twilight thought proudly as she closed her book and placed it on the tower next to her. “But still, Prowler ditching Shenanigans alone on the scaffold? That doesn’t seem-”
“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!”
Twilight looked up. Something was flying in her direction, and fast.
“Aq-”
Twilight didn’t even get to finish a syllable. She was promptly hoisted from the ground and hurled inside the library. A thud resonated as her body collided with the ground and rolled for a second. Twilight groaned in slight pain as she slowed to a halt. After picking herself up, she turned and began to berate the rude pegasus.
“Aqua Jet?! What in Equestria are you-”
“NOT NOW!” Aqua Jet shot back.
Aqua Jet ignored the flustered unicorn and proceeded quickly to lock the windows he used for their entrance. Twilight noticed a look of sheer terror on his face, like something was going to kill him.
As soon as he locked the window, a large cloud of black and yellow smoke covered blotted their view of the outside world. Aqua Jet recoiled at the impact of the cloud against the wail and curled away from it, terrified.
“What in Equestria...” Twilight slowly walked up to the window. “Aqua Jet, what’s going on? Why are all of these bees...” She put two and two together. “Prowler?”
“How'd you guess?” Aqua asked flatly.
“Just a hunch.” Twilight answered. She put her hoof to her head in contemplation. “This is very odd behavior for Prowler. Why would he ditch Shenanigans and apparently cause a swarm of bees to attack Aqua Jet...This doesn’t make any sense...”
Seeing no other option, Twilight got up with a look of confidence.
“Aqua Jet, let’s go find Prowler. We’re going to put a stop to his antics once and for all.” Twilight declared as she went for the door.
“TWILIGHT WAIT!”
Twilight’s hoof was suddenly locked on both sides by two blue forelegs. She turned to see Aqua Jet release a relieved breath.
“What is it?” Twilight inquired.
“In case you haven’t noticed, the bees are out there waiting to massacre us.” Aqua Jet stated.
Twilight’s eyes widened and she proceeded to mentally slap herself. Why am I lacking in so much common sense today? Twilight sighed and looked at the swarm of angry insects outside the window.
“So, until these bees decide to leave, we’re stuck here.” Twilight deduced disdainfully. “And that means...Prowler’s still going to be out there.”
Aqua and Twilight exchanged fearful glances. Who was going to be Prowler’s next victim?
“HA. The fool of a pegasus never saw it coming...” Prowler proudly thought to himself as he flew out of the forest. The adrenaline rush from his scuffle with Aqua Jet had given him a slight energy boost, and he felt more awake.
For a brief moment, anyways.
His exhaustion quickly caught back up to him before he could realize it. His body betraying him, Prowler’s mind shut off and his vision paused for a split second, and his body dropped in the air slightly. His body had a change of heart at that moment, alerting Prowler of his situation. The falling sensation quickly shot Prowler back to his senses, and he leveled himself out again.
“Oh dear. That was too close...” Prowler thought anxiously. “Alright, I should land...if I continue this flight I could pass out in midair and severely injure myself...”
Grateful that he was at least out of the Everfree Forest, he angled himself downward. His hooves touched soft ground as he stopped moving. He glanced upward to figure out where he was.
He apparently was just on the edge of Ponyville. The Everfree forest was located on the west side of Ponyville, and his house on the east.
“You can do this, Prowler...just...one hoof in front of the other....”
Prowler repeated the statement to himself as he trudged onwards, still trying to get back home.
“Easy Prowler, easy. As long as nopony else stops you, you’ll be home in just a matter of...”
“OOF!”
Prowler felt his muzzle hit something soft yet firm.
“Please don’t let it be who I think it is, please don’t let it be...”
“Oh, hey Prowler.”
“BLAST IT!”
Realizing escape was impossible, he opened his eyes to see the last pony on earth he wanted to run into: A pony who he promised a favor for.
Jinx.
“Lucky me!” Jinx beamed. “I’m so glad I ran into you!”
“I’m not...” Prowler thought glumly to himself. He did his best to look pleased and hoped Jinx’s naivete would make him not notice anything out of ordinary.
“Are you free now?” Jinx unintentionally gave puppy dog eyes that would make even the most emotionless pony squee.
“Yes...” Prowler said through gritted teeth. “Cheater...” To anypony else he would’ve looked like he was in excruciating pain, but Jinx was too naive to notice.
“Great!” Jinx said with an innocent smile. “I know you’re good at making observations, so you’ll be the perfect one to help me!”
“Define irony, I’m the one who needs help here...”
“Are they gone yet?”
“No...”
Twilight sighed. She and Aqua Jet were still trapped in the library. The vicious swarm of bees were still trying to find a way to get in. Twilight figured they would have left by now, but this particular group seemed peculiarly determined. Left with nothing else to do but wait, Aqua Jet figured he should start up some conversation.
“So Prowls really left Shenanigans up by himself?” he asked.
Twilight sighed. “I just don’t understand. Abandoning Shenanigans, trying to get you mauled by bees...” A look of horrific realization appeared on her face.
“Oh no!”
“‘Oh no?’ Oh no what?!” Aqua Jet asked.
“I just remembered Prowler also promised Jinx a favor... mainly to help reorganize his chemicals. If something goes wrong, then... Celestia help us all.”
The two looked at each other in dread.
“NOT GOOD!” Aqua Jet screamed. “We gotta do something! Can’t you like teleport us outside or something???”
“I can’t!” Twilight exclaimed. “All I’m able to do is teleport myself and someone small like Spike!”
“So what do we do???”
“I don’t know! I just don’t know!”
-knock- -knock- -knock-
The two panicking ponies faced the door. They had looks of pure confusion as a purple dragon casually walked in carrying a small backpack.
“Hey Twilight! Hi Aqua Jet!” Spike said cheerfully. “I just bought some bug spray! This stuff really works and I didn’t even use it! The bees surrounding the library just took one look at it and flew away! Cool huh...guys?”
Spike looked at the two ponies. Their faces combined multiple emotions: Frustration, confusion, incredulity, shock, disdain.
Mainly frustration.
“Guys?”
Prowler sneezed. He always hated coming down to Jinx’s laboratory because it always stank like window cleaner with a hint of wet dog. How Jinx could stand being down here for extended periods of time was beyond him. The mad scientist-esque interior didn’t bother him too much as he was accustomed to being in places without much light, but the constant humming of the nearby generators and bubbling chemicals was starting to agitate his weakened nerves.
He looked about at the various chemicals. It didn’t really help that the world was spinning in his eyes, fatigue taking its toll upon him. However, he tried to will himself to look good for Jinx’s sake, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so.
“So Prowler, I just need a little help here and... hey.” Jinx saw through Prowler and walked up to him. “Are you ok?”
“NOOOOooooooo...” Even as he thought this, however, Prowler merely readjusted his glasses. “I’m fine. So... this section then. How are we organizing this then? Alphabetical? Numerical?”
“Umm...Somewhere along those lines,” Jinx answered.
“Specific.” Prowler’s temper was beginning to flare again. Every vague answer meant he had to be here longer trying to elicit a legit response from Jinx therefore keeping him from getting home and finally going to sleep. “Sleep...that would be very nice right about now......”
…....
Prowler shook his head in an effort to wake himself up. Thinking the very word made him drowsy. He had to get back to the task at hoof otherwise he was going to collapse on the spot.
“How are these supposed to be organized Jinx?" Prowler asked. "Did they not have a proper order before I came here?”
“Well I usually keep them in terms of what I used most. There never really...was an order.”
“That's not helping you scientist twit...” If Prowler wasn’t trying to keep appearances, he would’ve been growling with rage. He felt right on the cliffs of insanity, and just one little nudge would sending him spiraling down. “So... what am I supposed to do?”
“Ummm...I don’t know?”
Nudge.
“You... don’t... know?” Prowler said through gritted teeth as his appearance was slowly starting to fail him. “Then why... in Celestia’s name... did you need me?”
Jinx was naive, but not that naive. He started to notice Prowler’s fury seeping through his features and began to feel threatened.
“Umm... umm...” Jinx stammered.
“If this was such a simple task of reorganization, involving chemicals of a nature that only YOU are aware of, then what possessed you to believe that I could be of any service at all?!” Prowler’s disguise seemed fully broken now, no longer possessing the strength to even hide it. He slowly advanced upon the grey earth pony, his yellow cat-like eyes burrowing into Jinx’s very soul.
“Prowler...I...listen...”
“NO! You listen, you insufferable simpleton of an alchemist!” At the first word he’d spoken, Prowler pronounced himself with a powerful stomp of his hooves onto the ground.
“Why did you ask for my assistance when you had no idea what it was that needed to be fixed?! I’ll give Shenanigans some credit, he at least knew what he was doing and had a good reason for asking for my help! But you... you ask me to help you with something only YOU have any experience in and with no specific directions that would help get the job done in a PRECISE manner! I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!”
Prowler’s tirade was interrupted by the multiple sounds similar to breaking glass. The two ponies turned to see what made the noise. Apparently Prowler’s anger-filled stamping of the ground caused multiple vials on his shelves to come crashing down. Multiple brightly colored liquids splashed together on the floor and started to bubble and spark.
When Jinx saw the shattered bottles on the ground and the chemicals mixing with each other, it was his turn to have wide, dramatically open eyes, save for the fact they were filled with fear as opposed to rage.
“Oh no... when those mix, they...”
“They what?”
“...run.”
“Jinx’s house is this way! Come on!”
Twilight and Aqua Jet raced towards the alchemist’s home, hoping they could make it there before Prowler did.
A sign depicting the words “Wonder Life Labs” appeared in the distance, much to their relief.
“We made it! Now we just need to see if-”
The front door to Jinx’s lab suddenly swung open and two very frightened looking masked figures dashed out. One took to the air and headed for the other side of town, while the other ran straight for Aqua Jet and Twilight carrying a large knapsack.
“Jinx? What’s going on?”
“There’s no time to explain!” Jinx said through his mask and shoving several into their hooves. “Quick! Put these on!”
“What is it? Is Pro-”
Before Aqua Jet could finish, a loud explosion caused the three ponies to stumble. Gas began to flow from Jinx’s abode, filling the air around the lab with a purple haze.
The gas quickly permeated the surrounding area and eventually reached the group. Twilight and Aqua instinctively held their breaths at the smoke’s approach, but they eventually relented and put the masks on.
“Jinx... what is that?” Twilight asked with her mechanically altered voice.
“Stink gas. It’s the stuff you usually find in stink bombs.”
“Hey cool! These masks make our voices sound awesome!” Aqua Jet said giddily.
“Now’s not the time for that! We’ve got to warn the rest of Ponyville about this gas!” Twilight made to turn back towards the town, but Jinx quickly stood in front of her.
“We can’t do that Twi. The gas will spread to the entire town before we reach everypony. And even if we could, all I had were these masks. Not much we can do other than wait for it to go away.”
Twilight sighed through the mask. She felt really sorry for whoever was unfortunate enough to breathe in stink gas. “Jinx... was Prowler here?”
“Yeah. He didn’t seem like himself though. He was actually very frightening and...angry. Very angry.”
Twilight nodded. “That does it... I’m going to find Prowler and set him straight.”
Twilight grimaced.
Ponies all around her were gagging and holding their noses in pure agony. She wished she could get something to help them, but Jinx said that there was nothing she could do other than wait for the gas to dissipate on its own. Trying her best not to look at anypony, she continued on towards the Detention Center.
Prowler made his way back towards his room. Now that everything was done, he could finally sleep. The threads of his sanity were starting to tie themselves once more as he laid down. “It’s over... finally... I can just...”
Twilight burst through the door, knocking several items off the shelves. “Prowler! We need to talk, no-”
Snap.
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!”
Twilight froze. Prowler looked absolutely monstrous compared to his usual self. His mane was completely disheveled with stands of hair pointing off in all directions. His face was the worst part. He looked almost like a corpse with wrinkled features and large bags under his eyes. And his eyes... Dear Celestia, his eyes. They were as big as saucers and bloodshot red, and formed with an expression of the utmost scorn that Tartarus itself could not hope to match.
“How DARE you barge into MY house uninvited and demand something of ME?! The nerve! Well, I have news for YOU, you rude little librarian! I promised you NOTHING, HA HA HA, you hear that?! NOTHING! So why don’t you take your precious flank and... and...”
Prowler’s eyes suddenly rolled into the back of his head. The room suddenly became black and his body lost all feeling.
“Prowler? Prowler?! PROWLER!”
Black.
“Huh... What in the...where am I? Why is- OW!”
His head suddenly gave a twinge of pain. “Oh, my head... Alright, Prowler, let’s figure out what’s going on...”
He tried to move his body, but for some reason he couldn’t will it to budge. Sighing inwardly, he attempted to use his remaining senses to see what he could gather. He could feel something soft draped over his body, only what he could assume was a blanket. He also felt something plushy under his head, most likely a pillow.
“Alright, I’m in a bed most likely. But whose?”
He slowly forced open his eyes. The familiar faded blue paint of his ceiling greeted him.
“My bed. But how did I get here? The last thing I remember was...”
He tried to recall what went on the past day, but not much was coming to mind. A knife suddenly probed at his skull. “Ahhhhh! Oh dear... Okay, thinking too hard: bad. Maybe I should try something... what is that sound?”
The sound of a door opening quietly and closing resonated. Prowler’s instincts kicked in, ready to spring into action.
“Intruder! Whoever you are, you’ll soon regret you broke into my house, criminal sc-why am I not moving?”
Prowler’s body rebelled against him again, refusing to budge an inch.
“Oh no, oh no, not good, not good! Who is there?! Who is-”
His eyes fixated upon a lavender unicorn.
“Oh... Twilight... well, don’t I feel silly...”
Twilight levitated a chair next to Prowler, and quietly placed it down next to his bed.
“So you’re awake.” It was a clear concise statement. Prowler got the dark looming feeling that she was going to talk his ear off about something.
“What happened?” Prowler said as he vaguely remembered the events of last night.
“You hyperventilated and passed out from your screaming.” Twilight explained. “My book said you should probably also have a headache.”
“Understatement of the year...”
Twilight’s expression turned serious. “Is there something you want to explain Prowler?”
Prowler gave a huge sigh. There was no escape now.
“No, nothing I want to explain, but... probably something I should. Alright, here’s how it is: I’m the Chief of Security. I’m the pony responsible for making sure Ponyville is safe at night. That means I have to stay up all night, every night, to make sure that task is accomplished. It’s my responsibility, and I will never shirk it.”
A small grin appeared on Twilight’s face. That’s the Element of Loyalty for you.
“Staying up all night means I don’t sleep during it, obviously. In order to balance it out, I sleep during the day. It was a comfortable rhythm that I quickly got accustomed to. But lately, my job has become increasingly difficult, because I’ve been active during the day as well. Can you guess why that is?”
Twilight shook her head.
“Because of you, Twilight. And because of Jinx, Aqua Jet, Firebrand, and Shenanigans. You five gave me a reason to want to spend my time in broad daylight. Unfortunately, that also meant I would have to give up the time that I usually use to sleep to spend time with you.” Prowler gave a small chuckle. “I suppose this was just an accident waiting to happen.”
“And that’s why you acted so strangely today. You were just so exhausted that it completely messed with your head.” Twilight said.
“Slight understatement, but yes, that is, in a nutshell, what happene- wait. Today? What time is it?”
Twilight casually looked off towards the window.
“Past dusk. I’m not sure what the exact time is though.”
“Past dusk?!" Prowler panicked. "My shift! I need to get back to work and-”
Prowler attempted to free himself from his blanket. His movements were suddenly halted as Twilight’s magic restrained him.
“No.” she commanded sternly. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“But...the security! My shift! What if-”
“Calm down. I explained the situation to our friends. Firebrand’s taking the first quarter of your shift. Aqua Jet, Shen, and Jinx are filling in for the rest of it.”
“I... I...sigh...” Prowler relaxed and Twilight released her spell.
“They’re taking my shifts?” Prowler looked over at his Pony of Ponyville trophy. Guilt stabbed him. “Well, now don’t I feel like a complete jerk...” Prowler thought as his mind returned to earlier events of the day.
“Prowler...” Twilight spoke softly. “Did you ever consider asking anypony to help you? To take your shifts?”
The dark pegasus chuckled. “Actually, no. The thought never crossed my mind... I didn’t think I needed to.”
Twilight gave a look that suggested she was telling him something he should already know. “Well then, I’ve been thinking it’s time you took a break from doing the night shifts single-handedly. I don’t think we should have a repeat of what happened today.”
“Haha. I understand. First thing tomorrow, The Ponyville Night Security is now hiring.”
“I’m glad we came to an agreement.” Twilight said in a cheery business-like tone. She got up from her chair and headed for the door. She quietly opened it and stepped out. “Good night, Prowler.”
“Good night, precious. Tell our friends I’m sorry for making myself look like a raging blockhead and causing comedic disaster to befall them, would you?”
Twilight giggled as she closed the door. She pulled out a parchment and quill and began to write.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Prowler is a very hardworking pony and likes to make sure his friends stay safe. But sometimes that burden can become a little too much for him. One sign a of a good friend is that friend would be more than happy to help with that burden. Friends look out for each other, and that sometimes involves a bit of work from both, but it’s much better than one pony doing everything by him or herself.
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle
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Hey Josh, this is Xain.
I've decided to accept your request and draw a poster for your fic. I'll try to find time this week to work on it, but I've got a college paper to write so expect a delay.
Now about the fic itself. Fics about OC characters interacting with the mane 6 have always been hit or miss for me. Some of them have been done well, like Past Sins; most have been shameless self plugs with no substance what so ever. This story so far has been a little of both to be honest. The OCs here are very likable, and even though they're replacing established characters, they don't feel like they're just filling in those holes, they feel like their own characters with their own strengths and flaws. On the other hand though, this IS a pretty shameless self plug, all you've done is take plots from the show and rewrite them with new characters. Granted you did a good job of mixing it up a bit, I didn't realize "Nightwatcher Day" was the "Applebuck Season" until Twilight started making her speech for Prowl (though I probably should have realized that any way, since you seem to be going in order). It feels different enough that I don't stop and think "Why don't I just watch the actual episodes?" so kudos for that. I suggest that you try doing a few original plots eventually, as there's a lot of potential here for some good fics with completely original ideas.
All in All, good first outing, even if it is a self plug, try some original plots, and Jynx is second best Mad Scientist Pony (second to Dr. Adorable).
434330
Hey man, thanks for the criticism.
I was planning on doing some original plots later on. The first three chapters were more of something I had to get out of the way, and it shows.
And also, Firebrand isn't a total self-plug. While he does share many characteristics with me, he acts differently. For example, he's more of a leader than I am and he's more mature.
Nice story! To be honest, I went into this story feeling a little... nyeh from the mixed likes and dislikes, but from what i've read, this is a really good fan fic! I think it's just so under-rated simply because not enough people have actually read it.
My personal favourite character is Jinx. Mainly because he is an alchemist pony with mad-science goggles. YES I CAN BE PETTY.
I also like what you've done in regards to going along the basis of the storyline, adapting the plot to actual episodes while tweaking it a bit. I wonder what will happen when our two favourite Flim and Flam-boyant showponies come to town?
Overall, I think this is a pretty good fic, and DEFINATELY deserves more praise than is getting at the moment! The characters are well established (even though i suspect many of them may be OC's from other fan fics) and the humor and songs are... okay I guess. Though I couldn't help think that Shennanigan's painting song would go well with the tune of 'Be Our Guest' from Beauty and The Beast.
Respectfully yours,
The Snazzy Hat
P.S: Is the Artauch of Flame anywhere on FimFiction?
Jesus Christ this deserves so many more views and likes I mean Christ people don't read shit nowadays do they it's always read description only I'm tracking this story
No. God. Please. No
Also, is it weird that I read the narration with your voice?
Spy taunt for TF2? Me gusta.
>>TheSnazzyHat This was also the 1st thing to mind and I'm guessing that's what the intent was. I laughed so much, because it felt just right the way he used it.
On a sidenote, well Josh, what a surprise to see you going so quick from not being interested in the show to being of a group of military bronies. Gotta say, though, even though the first few chapters were uncannily similar to the first episodes of the series, I still want to say congrats on making these episodes feel familiar while still making them yours... figuratively, of course. Love what you've done so far and I can't wait to see more of it.
If there is one thing I learned overtime reading a lot of fanfics is that I became very picky of what I tackle. To be frank, I have put off reading this fanfic. And if you were to force me to explain myself, all I could say is it feels very weird to just up and replace the main six with five blank slates. I support the original content because it is handled by capable people, albeit crippled with target demographic syndrome.
If there is one thing I didn't enjoy is reading the first four episodes, but maybe that will change when I get to The Crucible. By the way, is the premise of the four parter similar to the novel written by Arthur Miller?
P.S. Is there any chance you could do a short summary with each newly titular chapters?
Though this chapter (4) does basically borrow the main idea of the actual episode, I can definitely see a difference in characters, and that makes it all the more interesting. That, and since it's a story not limited by time, most of the characters are more developed at this point than the show could be.
You still have a few writing errors here that pick up, but they are very few and far between compared to say, when I started on this site. (For the love of god do not click my first two stories).
So this one is a good B+
While i'm here, and since I didn't comment on the last one for some reason (3), I will say that I like how you shifted the idea around more. Had it so Twilight was faced with the problem of having no one to go with to suddenly having to choose between everyone. However, at the point when they all wanted the ticket, the whole conclusion of it didn't feel... like anything was fixed. I mean, They were all immediately level headed about it (which would make sense since they are friends), but other than the conflict of non of them having time to go, I didn't pick up on much of any conflict between characters. The original episodes whole point was basically having the characters conflict with each other, while that chapter turned it on it's head. It leaves me not sure if it was better or not, but it was something different.
It also made it so there was no point of Celestia setting up that whole thing by sending 2 tickets to test friendship, if the only trouble Twilight had through most of it was mainly bad luck. That, and she didn't talk about anything other than the short part at the end when she just had to think. Twilight basically didn't learn anything from the rest of the chapter.
Like I said, the flip in things was nice, better than reading an exact clone of the episode, but other than that, it felt like it lacked any more purpose than to precursor the Grand Galloping Gala. (I also think finding some way to make that one different, yet still have a lot of meaning and be similar, may be quite a challenge.)
So, chapter 3 get's a C, because the dialogue was still great.
"WHAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!" Kind of reminds me of Carl from Jimmy Neutron! lol.
Ok, we had a Prowler heavy chapter/episode... now... *leans forward on elbows* where's the Firebrand heavy episode, eh?
3865630 Or Timon's frequent wake-up calls during Lion King 1 1/2. "What have you got against the concept of 'a good night's sleep', huh!?"
It's funny how much of Josh I see in each of the replacement mane 5. Prowler having his intimate "not wanting to ask for help", Shenanigans having his questionability of the original mane 6 and craziness, Aqua Jet being the flame to take down someone who crossed his path (mainly in the comments) Jinx having his sensitivity, and a little bit of his craziness too, and Firebrand himself representing Josh's skepticism, his family, and his love of music. Forgive me if i'm not 100% correct (I'm most likely not) but this is just something i noticed. :)
If I'm going to review each chapter/arc, I need to establisg a curve. So far, you have been expertly rewritting episodes of the show, and while thats fine and dandy, it does allow you to see what works and doesn't. It makes mistakes easier to fix because you can see them before hand. Still, Prowler is the perfect candidate for this rewrite and it makes more sence to see him in this situation than it did Applejack becuase he works a night shift and looses sleep and is already a little violent. The beehive may have been overdoing it, though.
The good: You took mistakes made in the showand corrected them.
The bad: Still feels like his friends should have seen his struggle sooner. Also, Twilight could have just teleported without Aqua to stop Prowler.
So, since I didn't give grades before hand...
Chapters 1 & 2: A. After Curve: B+
Chapter 3: A+. After Curve: A
Chapter 4 (current chapter): -A. After Curve: B
Nurse! he's out of bed again!
Single-what, twilight?
As I said in my comment for chapter two, I knew that Prowler would be going through some character arcs when it came to his pride.
I will be lovingly calling this: The Prowler's Pride Arc!!
It mostly seems like your just trying to get through these first chapters in order to get to the good stuff without having to deal with continuity errors or making it seem like the characters don't know each other well enough. And I respect that. There a few fanfics I've written myself where I've just been trying to get through some chapters.
I loved Shen's paint song. As always Shen is a joy to read about.
(Also Zelda reference!!!)
Now Aqua Jet I try to be a bit more forgiving for his parts in the story. He seems to be a looser character, not as well developed in this point of the story. But for his section in this chapter I can't really let it slide as much. For someone who wants to be a stunt pony, the fact that he can't evade a tree when he's surprised doesn't sit well with me. You would think that with how much he probably trained himself in multiple tricks, and possibly even some improvising during those practices, that he could easily avoid a tree that he didn't see coming. After all, any daredevil knows that a performance or practice will never go exactly as planned and you should always know what to do when something goes wrong. So that kind of bothers me.
As always Jinx is (and always will be) my favorite pony. I just really love him, so when Prowler started yelling at him I could help but get the tinsiest but mad. But I know that he had a hard day so I'll be understanding.
Jinx mentioned in an earlier chapter that he doesn't like conflict. Not that he doesn't like fighting, he said CONFLICT. Why he chose that word in particular I don't know, but itther way I can't help but wonder what he would have done after Prowler yelled at him. If the chemicals hadn't gotten all mixed up. Especially since Prowler was destroy everything he loves.
Now Twilight's part was meh in this chapter. While it was nessessary for the story, it was still meh. I didn't really care that she was there, and she acted a bit more like a way for Prowler to more easily learn his lesson.
This chapter was more so that we could get to know Prowler and his thought process better. So that we could understand what he does and how he works. I like plot ideas that are more focused on one character. And I'm hoping for a chapter like this for every character. Especially when I get to the chapters where you have your own original storylines. I hoping to get some chapters that are like this, but more personalized for the characters instead of based off an episode in the show.
This was a decent chapter. And I enjoyed getting to know Prowler better as character.