DISCLAIMER: This story was written without any input from GeodesicDragon
March 5th....2013......a dream, becomes reality....
Bounded together by the tragic end, to a young woman's life.
All wishes are set in stone, when the miner looks for gold.....
A young boy....broken, bothered, bewildered.....
Looks to the sky, for some form of harbored acceptance....
He finds what he is looking for, when he wakes up....
When all hope is lost, you look to the most unexpected turns of life....
And find yourself, still fulfilled by the blistering dose of triumph that your life has just dealt to you.
It's enough for you to find the peace, you have asked for far too long.....
You never wish for anything again....
"Hmmm....sounds pretty sappy. Did Jason write that?"
"He sure did. I think it's a pretty great intro, don't you think?"
"Sure, if you want to make the masses cry. Come on, L. Wolf! We can make the masses cry during the STORY....this is about interaction with the lowly barnacles whom we write into crappy situations!" Fred2266 passes L. Wolf a piece of paper. "Here, I wrote this myself. It's the forewarning. It lets the masses know what to expect from such a divine scrap of entertainment.
L. Wolf scans over the paper, and sighs. "No offense, fred, but....this is stupid."
"That's what I'll be getting paid for. Might as well start now. Besides, you want to get paid for being the voice that reads this GODLY intro, don't you?"
"This is godly, alright.....UNGODLY awful."
"Yeah? Well "Starbloom Chronicles" is the worst fanfiction of all time. I can do this all day, and you can't insult this story or else the masses will stuff you into a can of tuna."
"....I think I'll just read the intro now...." L. Wolf, clearing his throat.
"Good, because I was going to un-favorite "Filly Scouts" if you didn't." Fred2266 leaves the room to let L. Wolf do his magic.
L. Wolf rolls his eyes, as he begins to read off of fred's script.
WARNING: The following show contains an insane amount of stupidity and talking neigh neigh horses and freakazoid humans with complex skin condition. Anything said or done during the course of this, or any future broadcast, will not effect the A New Home series in any way. Basically: It's not canon, but it's fanon so we're screwed.
A man walks up to a door that is embedded with a giant gold star, and the names "APoeticHeart and fred2266" on it. He knocks twice for common courtesy.
"You guys are on." The stagehand says, and immediately the door bursts open, as the hosts for A New Show walk out in Men in Black looking suits and shades because why be original? They share a look with each other, and a simple nod as they begin walking again down the soon to be famed hall as they stop at the entrance curtain, which leads to their show's stage.
Their black sunglasses then explode and become parasprites. The parasprites eat their suits, and expose the men in their every day formal wear which they bought at a combination of Walmart and an alley garage sale in the Bronx.
Fred2266 nearly envelopes the camera with his face. "Backstreet's back...." He says eerily.
APoeticHeart looks at him oddly. "....What?"
Fred snaps his fingers. "We don't have time to uncover the ends of the earth, dood. We have a show to begin...." Fred steps through the curtain, followed be a reluctant Jason.
They take in the new sights the studio brings to their eyes, as well as the new smell it brings to their nostrils.
There are numerous leather seats in the crowd, which are supposed to accommodate the loyal readers of A New Home, but it appears that neither of the hosts let the masses know this show even existed. Smashing marketing plan, lipschitz.
The two hosts sit down on their giant, black sectionals. There is one for each host. Both are big enough to seat at least 4 guests on each sofa, along with one host.
"Hello, everybody. I am fred2266, and welcome to A New Sh-"
"I'm here, too." Jason said, crossing his arms and glaring at fred.
"Here at A New Show, we take our own opportunities, JASON." Fred rebuttaled, glaring back at Jason. "You're ALREADY setting a bad influence on the children."
"We have no viewers...." Jason deadpanned.
"Because YOU never told anybody about this thing!"
"You're just as responsible as me."
"Pfffttt. Don't make excuses. The masses know who is to blame here." Fred wouldn't take his eyes off of Jason and all of his irresponsible.....ness-YEAH. "Either way....yes, Jason, the creator of the A New Home franchise, is here, as well."
Jason waves and smiles. "Hello, YouTube!"
"Yes, it seems we are on YouTube, but HAVE NO FEAR. Next week, we shall debut....on BROADCAST....TELEVISION...."
"That's right, folks! Starting next week, A New Home will forever be broadcasted on...."
"....THE OPRAH.....WINFREY....NETWORK...." Fred finished, sliding out of his sectional in response.
Somewhere in the world, an alpaca gave birth to a llama.
"We would personally like to thank Mr. Winfrey," fred continued, climbing back onto his sectional, "for giving us to opportunity to bring this CUTTING EDGE news outlet to the big screen. Which isn't quite as big as the BIG big screen, but still pretty big. He is such a great guy!"
Jason seemed to ignore the last comment fred had made. "We are honored to be apart of HER," he put emphasis on her, "...fall 2013 lineup....."
Fred just shrugged while licking the cinnamon off of a freshly baked churro.
"So, fred...what exactly is this show about? How does it pertain to the readers of A New Home?"
"HURR I'M GLAD YA ASKED JASON HURR. Well, when I joined the writing staff for A New Home III, I wanted to bring in some new things. A different vision, more laughs, more character development for a CERTAIN character....I guess you could say, that THIS randomly butted into my vision while I was climbing to the top of the mountain of solidarity, and-"
"Fred..." Jason interrupted fred. "Tell them without going into one of your little...."
"Verbal escapades?" Fred guessed the end of Jason's sentence.
"Suurree...?" Jason halfly answered, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, alright.....simple as I can put it: As the intro said....this has nothing, NOTHING to do with A New Home the STORY...HOWEVER, we will be bringing in ELEMENTS from the story onto the SHOW....."
"Such aaasss....?" Jason asked.
"Well, characters, for one. We'll interview the ones who have either: A. Done the most dastardly thing in the latest chapter....B. Had the most embarrassing moment....C. Had the most heartwarming moment....or D, and you can take this anyway you want....someone, or somePONY we just want to screw with for no apparent reason."
"YOU want to screw with them, not me." Jason pointed out. "So, do both humans AND ponies qualify to be on the show?"
"Absolutely! It just depends what happened in the latest chapter....unfortunately for all the pony lovers, this chapter was pretty HUMAN heavy....I mean REAL heavy....like, Honey Boo Boo's MAMA heavy!"
Poetic tracker: Poetic is not amsued.
Fred blushes, wondering who could have inserted whatever that was into the show. He also wondered how much it cost, the show's budget being extremely low to begin with. It was a wonder how they even got an OWN network contract in the first place.
2 DAYS EARLIER....
Fred was browsing Amazon.com, looking for cool diddlydoos to buy. He came across an interesting piece of paper that was titled "OWN NETWORK CONTRACT PLZ BUY I NEED TO MONEY TO FULFILL MY DREAMS OF WORKING AT A TWIZZLERS FACTORY." The price was listed at 1200 courics.
AND FRED WAS ALL LIKE:
SNAP BACK TO REALITY!
"Fred," Jason said, bringing fred back to the land of the coherent. "How DID we get all of the characters here?"
"Hmmmm..." Fred put his churro to his chin, as some cinnamon rubbed off onto his goatee whiskers. He took a deep breath, ready to explain. ".....We typed in the Wind's Requiem. Now, I guess we can transition into our first guest tonight."
Jason shook his head to try and get fred's confusing words out of his mental cavity. "She apparently had her brand new glasses taken away from her by Tony. She was also wrongfully shunned out of Dr. Spectacle's office....."
"Nobody, please welcome...." fred yawned. "Twist....."
Jason couldn't believe fred would give such a defenseless pon-eeeerr...human such a rude introduction.
Twist suddenly stumbled out on stage, still without any form of eye-wear, and she obviously wasn't wearing contacts. Jason kindly got up, and walked her over to sit by him on his sectional.
Boy....I just dodged a bullet there..... fred thought, smiling brightly, but not for the reason Twist would think if she could see.
"Hi guyths! It's gweat to be on the firth epithode of A New Thow!" During the course of that entire sentence, Twist had gathered up an 18 inch puddle of spit on the floor.
"We REALLY should have hired a cleanup crew before starting this," fred stated, just staring at the puddle, a bit of regurgitation being swallowed back down.
Jason shot fred another disappointed look. "Be nice, fred...."
"No. Ith okay." Twist replied. "I'm uthed to ith. Ever since I loth my glatthes, everyone hath been making fun oth me." Twist frowned.
"They weren't making fun of you BEFORE then?" Fred asked, barely snickering.
"Fred!" Jason cried, giving him the stink-eye. "How could you be SO rude to our first EVER guest?"
"Hey, I'M not the one who booked her," fred replied.
"YES, you DID. Just so you could make FUN of her!"
"Oh yeah," fred began to chuckle now.
"It's not funny. Just because YOU have glasses while she doesn't, does not give you the right to pick on her."
"Nope, but I DID give myself the right," fred said.
As fred and Jason began to get into an argument, Twist's face scrunched in realization. She could smell it.....that smell....that smelly smell....the kind of smell that's.....SMELLY.....
It was the smell of churros, Twist's favorite Danish dessert (YES THEY'RE DANISH LOOK IT UP.) The smell suddenly aided Twist in her quest to see, as her vision became more clear than it had ever been. She looked around, AND THEN SAW IT! A churro....right in fred's left hand.....it's golden fluffiness seducing her, showing her all of it's luscious curves. Twist had the same look on her face that a young boy would have when he first saw Miley Cyrus twerking....well, except it wasn't disgust.
"Hola, Twist. ¿Te gusta lo que ves?" The churro said, waving his maracas around like they were going out of style, his sombrero sending a wink off light off the top of it. Twist sure couldn't speak Canadian, but she knew the churro was saying sweet things.
The churro blew Twist a cinnamon flavored kiss, reeling her in like a 45 year old, semi-retired engineer into a Bass Pro Shop.
La Cucaracha began playing on loop in Twist's head, as the churro jumped out of fred's arms, and held his own open in an inviting hug-like stance. Twist jumped out of her seat, and dove straight into the churro, landing off the stage and into a row of leather seats.
Fred and Jason winced, as they could tell Twist was in a lot of pain.
"Oh no....that's NOT good...." Jason said, thinking of the possible lawsuits A New Show would be tangled with.
"I KNOW....." fred agreed. "What a WASTE of a perfectly good churro!"
Jason just stared at fred. Not an angry look on his face, just an expressionless one. Like he had lost all faith in humanity. "I can't believe you......would you AT LEAST go help her?"
Fred sighed. "I guess I will....it was MY churro, after all.....we'll...." fred sniffled. "...We'll be right back, folks...."
A New Show is sponsored by.....
Fred sighed, as he and Jason stood side by side, looking straight at the camera, solemn looks on their faces.
"Ladies and gentleman," fred began. "We would like to inform you that this is NOT a part of the entertainment.....it is of utmost importance, that I inform you all....that Churrostin R. Churro has passed away, as a result of severe cinnamon trauma...."
"Again," Jason repeated. "We REPEAT, this is NOT a part of the entertainment. Let us share a moment of silence, for young Churrostin...."
America cries at the loss of one of it's golden boys as "Set Adrift On Memory Bliss" by P.M. Dawn plays in the background
A New Show is brought to you by.....
"Hey, what about Twist?" Jason asked.
"...After the show, Jason......the churro ALWAYS comes first...." fred stated, wondering where everything went wrong.
"Should we bring out our last guests?" Jason asked.
Fred looked flabbergasted that Jason would even ASK such a question, but he wanted to get the show done as soon as possible. "Sure....at least ONE of the guests can make me happier than I already am...."
"Alright. Our next guests have quickly become the top antagonists of A New Home III. They destroyed Toby's glasses, got him to cry, teased him, and even tricked him, ALL in one chapter. They are the total opposites of their pony counterparts, and they make me sick to my stomach, but, I DO want to know the method behind their motives....so, please TRY to give a warm welcome, to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon."
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon popped through the curtain, spinning around with their arms in the air as they showed off their brand new dresses for this brand new occasion. Diamond Tiara waved to fred, as she and Silver Spoon participated in their signature rump bump, and made their way down the steps to the seating area.
Since they were best friends, the two just HAD to sit together, and it appeared the dastardly duo wanted NOTHING to do with Jason, so they sat by fred instead. Fred smiled as Diamond Tiara's sweet-smelling perfume entered his nasal cavity. He wasn't exactly thrilled to see Silver Spoon, but it would be worth it to see his fifth favorite pony....even if she wasn't exactly a pony.
Fred gently grabbed Diamond's left hand, and placed a delicate kiss on it, Diamond Tiara beaming at the attention. Silver Spoon offered her own hand, but fred looked like he wanted to throw up. Silver Spoon scoffed at this, and Diamond Tiara didn't look very happy about it either.
"Well, hello gals," Jason greeted. "I must say....those dresses DO look quite nice."
Diamond Tiara scoffed. "Nice? THAT'S the best way you can describe them? Truthfully, these are like, are 24th prettiest dresses. We didn't exactly want to give this show the notoriety of seeing us at our best."
Silver Spoon said something, but due to the epic power of live editing, every single one of her words never made it to the ears of whoever was listening.
"I'd just like to say, Ms. Tiara, it is an HONOR to finally meet you," fred gushed. "You are as cute in person as I could have imagined."
Heh, flank kisser... Jason thought, rolling his eyes.
Diamond Tiara giggled. "Well, well, well. It's nice to know SOMEBODY adores me...there should be MANY more. How do you think my perfume smells? I put on my 19th BEST for this show."
Fred decided to take in another waft, as he could not get over the smell. "Wow....it's like a magical, nostrilly roller coaster....if THIS is your 19th best, I don't think I'd be able to take your BEST smelling one."
Diamond Tiara smirked. Jason cleared his throat. "I don't mean to interrupt this here gag-fest, but, girls....I have to ask the question on everyone's mind....WHY did you smash Toby Mason's glasses?"
Diamond Tiara snorted. "Why NOT? He was fresh meet. He like, needed to learn, that me and 'Spoon RUN that school. We're the prettiest, the smartest, and sure, you can add meanest to that list, too...it's true, after all."
"How long HAVE you girls been the H.B.I.C's at Canterlot High?" Fred asked.
"Ever since Sunset Shimmer turned into a goody two shoes after the Fall Formal," Diamond Tiara answered. "I used to think she was SO cool, but then, that purple weirdo...Twilight, taught her the "magic of friendship", Tiara said in a goofy way, "in the span of a minute. Me and 'Spoon decided to pick up where condiment girl left off." Silver Spoon high-fived Diamond Tiara for her insult.
"But, WHY Toby?" Jason asked, beginning to get angry at Diamond Tiara's all around brattiness. "He's in THIRD GRADE...you girls are, what, Freshmen? How is THAT intimidating? That's the act of COWARDS."
"Whoooaaa...easy, Jason," fred said, trying to calm his co-host down. "I don't approve of your actions, Ms. Tiara, but I'm SURE you have a legitimate reason...right?" Fred asked, hoping Diamond Tiara would not let him down.
Diamond Tiara patted fred's cheek with a hand. "Oh, of COURSE we do! And yeah, we're Freshmen, but when you're in a school with NINE other classes, you need to let EVERYONE, no MATTER the age, know that you are superior to ALL of them. Toby should have ran when he had the chance, instead of balling like a little two year old. He learned that day, that Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara are-"
"THAT'S IT!" Jason exploded out of nowhere, throwing his notebook down, and marching right up to the girls. "GET. OUT!"
Diamond Tiara responded by pulling out her perfume bottle, and spraying it right in Jason's eyes. Jason fell to the floor in agony, as Diamond grabbed her besties' hand, and ran off the stage, but not before flashing a "Call me" sign to fred.
Fred waved this off, as he rushed to his co-host's aid. "Jason! Are you all right?!" Jason could not answer, as he was ripping pieces of his notebook out, trying to soak up excess perfume. "CRAP! New rule, NO perfume bottles anywhere NEAR the stage."
"Would you stop talking to yourself and HELP ME!?!?!?" Jason pleaded, grabbing onto fred's pant-legs.
"Hold on a second, buddy! We'll get you and Twist to the hospital right away! But, you first.....because you're more vital to the show." Fred quickly remembered, and looked at the camera. "Everyone remember to like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, buy the A New Show T-Shirt-"
"SHUT UP AND GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh, hamburgers!" Fred began to panic. "Ummm...ummmm....ummm...UMMMMM!!!! See you guys next week, and DON'T WORRY, Jason WILL be here! Bye! Say bye, Jason!"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! IT BURNS SO MUCH!!!!!!! IT MUST HAVE BEEN CHEAP PERFUMEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
The audio began to fade out, as the two hosts continued to bicker on in the background.
"Ummm...yeah, BYE! Syria, get your crap together! Alright, stop, drop, and roll, Jason! CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME?!"
"WRONG TECHNIQUE YOU IDIIIIIOOOTTTTTT!!!!!"
"A SITUATION LIKE THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME! WORK WITH ME AND COOPERATE!!!!"
END FEED.
great idea fred2266 and it is awesome and ok
uhhhh wat? so confused.....
not that i dont like it, but wat?
3172401 Oh yea! Time to get a little chaotic!
3174858 Indeed it was a great idea, however, I don't like getting sprayed in the eyes with perfume by DT. However, I understand that has to be payback for me yelling at him, so good show my friend 3172401 good show.
3174870 Well, let's just say a certain fan fiction inspired him with this idea. "Know Your Mare"
3174879 yeah it is and ok
3174882
ohhh ok....
Wait, what if Toby had shown up out of nowhere to say hi?
3174870 I don't know either and I wrote the thing.
3174924 The show would be cancelled.
3174882 Well, now I have a question. Do the parts I italicized suddenly lose their italics when you paste it in the "Edit Chapter" section?
I love this! Do another!.....but one question? Where the hell was I?
3174999 oh, thank you for that. I got to go fix that. I'm sorry buddy.
3174986 Why would it be cancelled because of Toby for?
3175012 Thank you. hmm.. I will have to discuss something with fred2266
3175030 No problem. Is it just an editing problem when it gets pasted or did you just somehow takes the italics off?
3175033for your information I'm working on that story right now in fact...here's a spoiler! Nightmare moon is his mother!
3175039 oh, no, it doesn't italicize when I copy and paste it.
3175042 oh wow! That is either good or bad, but very interesting.
3175012 We had no audience this week. You'll be in next week.
3175032 Because then we'd have to interview him and he would somehow steal our spotlight. Oprah specifically said we have to keep control of the show.....
Eh, but screw him. TOBY MASON ON THE NEXT EPISODE.
3175052 THAT'S DUMB. I guess you can always refer to the original message I sent to remind you of where the italics should be when you are editing the chapter.
wow crazy man
I was working on the story when my cat decided to be cute!25.media.tumblr.com/f61633213dacb03fa3e1bc5b21363502/tumblr_mstkshJ0H21sw0srxo1_1280.jpg
I'LL DESTROY THOSE LITTLE BRATS *nikolai and riley we're doing their best to restrain their creature* Nikolai: calm down their just kids i'm pretty sure principal celestia and vice-principal luna will handle their punishment
Me: *laugh hysterically* let's hope that they get to diamond tiara before i do *disappear in a flash*
Nikolai: great....
3175092 seriously diet coke?
A Big Lipped Alligator Chapter, but seriously though, when can I expect the actual next chapter?.
... This was random and nonsensical. I like but it really doesn't add to the story so much as it puts its in the realm of crazy random Pinkie/Deadpool universe. Love the last song though.
3175275 25.media.tumblr.com/a564abb53ec62a92cb28ca684663bc8a/tumblr_mstnoovcpv1sw0srxo1_400.jpg
3175372 true true
thats some crazy shit right there
I was confused the entire time while reading this, but what-the-fuck-ever. This was so funny. When you called Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon the HBICs, I almost fell out of my chair laughing.
x3 Oh gosh
3175344 True, but as the dumb guy named fred said, it WILL have nothing to do with the story. Just something fun for the readers as they wait for each chapter in between.
3175380 Keep in mind I wrote this at 2:00 in the morning. I stop being funny by then.
No, we didn't forget about bringing Toby home. This would be a waste of a story if he never went home.
3175341 The usual. More than likely Toby meeting the human versions of his momma and aunties, and his 3rd grade teacher. Maybe more backlash back in Ponyville. I'm surprised nobody has talked about what happened in chapter 2, when Cadance told everypony to "go to bed" when it was still morning, but yet everypony went to "bed" anyway. That will probably be explained.
3175562 Ever read the story "Know your Mare"? THAT'S what I based the confusion factor off of, because that's all I feel every time I read that story.
3175809 It's all good. I'd just like to respond to something from your previous comment....if someone WERE to stop reading this story JUST because of me and Jason trying new things, they are shallow and are not real fans.
Non-the-less, /)
The fuck did I just read...
3175834
Oh my god, Know Your Mare. That shit's awesome. :
3175917 The gateway to all things kosher.
3175924 Mhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhm!
3175974 Another question, though. If you can remember, what DID you chuckle at while reading? Just curious.
3175823
You misunderstood me, I said when the next actual chapter is gonna be published, not what's going to happen....
3176154 You gotta be kidding me. My apologies.
Well, there's a sampler for everybody, I guess. It should be released within a few days.
3176003
Now that I think about it, I need to go look at some of the older ones.
3176167 I personally think that the original ones, like the first 30 chapters or so are the best. For a while after Pip and Chrysalis showed up, it just didn't feel the same. Now, though, I'm on chapter 128, and it's starting to feel like it did when I first read it.
3176178
Whoa, I thought it was just a YouTube series. I'll have to look on the site now.
3176208 Oh, no. It IS a YouTube series, but it started out as a fanfiction.
And here I was expecting a new chapter.
3176221
Oh. Well, I looked it up, and I've read two chapters: Luna and Twilight. So, I guess I just need to read the rest, which should take approximately a day and a half, given it's only about 55,000 words.