A New Show: Episode Six
DISCLAIMER: This story was written without any input from GeodesicDragon.
Before the show...
Fred and Jason are surveying the stage. Specifically, the giant banner at the top that reads "Happy Birthday, Cody!" Black and green streamers hang all around the set in rows.
Fred frowns. "Is there any way we can make the banner sound more....senile?"
"Awww....why would you wanna upset Cody on his BIRTHDAY, fredd-o?" Pinkie Pie asks, as she begins to tie multiple black and green balloons to the steel beams that hold up the stage.
"It's the A New Home way!" Fred rebuttals. "I didn't get some extra special interview for my birthday! Nobody even cares when it's MY birthday! They announce it over the intercom at school and a pin drops....."
"Tough feathers, lassie," Geo replies. "It's your own fault. You're shoving Cody's own birthday in your face by actually celebrating it on the show."
"Hmph," fred pouts. "Either way, as long as you wear this kilt throughout the whole broadcast, I'll be a happy kid."
Geo's eyes bulge, as he instinctively dodges a kilt that fred throws directly at his face. It is your ordinary, everyday kilt, that has a red frame with white stripes striking through it vertically and horizontally. Roddy Piper would be proud.
"Go to bloody hell!" Geo retorts. "I'm not wearing that thing!"
"Puuusssyyyyyy," fred fires back.
"WHAT did you say?" Geo stares a whole through fred, taking multiple steps forward.
"......Cat....Dolls," fred corrects himself, in fear of his life. "The Pussycat Dolls will be performing at Cody's after-the-show party!"
"Nice cop-out answer," Jason compliments. "The Pussycat Dolls, though?"
"Yup!" Fred yelps. "They're fiscal."
"You could bring Tupac back from the DEAD," Geo replies. "I am still NOT wearing that kilt."
Fred crosses his arms. "And why NOT?"
"It's the most stereotypical thing you could POSSIBLY put me in!" Geo explains. "You think we all walk around Scotland wearing kilts?"
"Look," fred sighs heavily. "When I close my eyes to envision of the vast plains of Scotland, I see TWO things......a field filled with Irn Bru cans, and Thomas Rawlinson handing out kilt after kilt to a line that includes only thousands upon thousands of Geos. So, NO, I do NOT think that ALL Scots prance around in kilts....." fred snickers. "J-...just you."
"While I field full of Irn Bru cans DOES sound like heaven.....you're still an idiot," Geo insults.
Fred smirks. "The cans are empty, by the way."
"DAMMIT!" Geo curses.
"Gee, guys!" Pinkie blurts out. "Haven't you ever heard the rule that if you curse in the presence of a pony, you'll be crushed by the giant Lima Bean?"
"Now, see Pinkie," fred says. "When I close my eyes to envision the sense you are making, I see TWO things......no sense, and cents so I can buy some sense for you."
Pinkie giggles, but swiftly shifts herself over to fred, eerily whispering into his ear. "Then everything is going just as planned....." she then quickly flips back to her usual peppy demeanor. "SOOOOOOOOO! I'll wear the kilt!" She begins to bounce. "Oh! Oh! I'll just need some bagpipes!"
Geo groans. "You may as well grow a second mouth where your stomach is to feed yourself Abernethy biscuits with a bowl of Cullen skink while you play! Then, you will have officially reached up to the stratosphere with the amount of stereotypes you possess."
"Mmmmmm...." Pinkie moans. "Abernethy.....the most healthiest biscuit in the history of biscuitry!"
Fred shakes his head, but turns back to Geo. "Don't you want to make Cody happy on his birthday, you big grump?"
"TRUST me......he'll be a LOT happier WITHOUT me wearing that kilt....." Geo replies. "We ALL will...."
"BUT WE JUST WANT TO SEE YOUR SEXY ANKLES!!!!!!" Fred screams out, as silence comes over the entire arena. It seems even Cody's birthday decorations are staring at fred.
That is, until an unexpected bystander makes his presence known.
"Yaaaaayyy! Homosexual conflict!" Nova Nexus cheers, as now all eyes are on him. Fred's left eye begins to twitch.
"That's it! YOU'RE wearin' the kilt!" Fred demands, as he snatches up the kilt, and rushes over to Nova, forcing the kilt over his head, through his arms, and past his chest, stopping at his.....ankles.
Nova looks down at his new manly dress, and then looks back up at fred, grinning. "Yay! I'm important to the conflict!"
When no one is looking, Geo pulls up his pant-leg just a tiny bit, taking a quick glimpse at his ankles. He quickly places that same pant-leg down, and stares at Nova in the kilt for a split second.
Eh, definitely not as sexy as mine.... he can't help but think with a slight smirk. He could only hope no one ever got a hold of that thought.
"Welcome everybody, to A New Show...." fred awkwardly opens. "Uhhhh....nothing happened before the show....."
"Not a damn thing," Geo added, staring at Nova blankly.
Jason gritted his teeth, as he had a feeling this was going to be another one of THOSE shows. "Nova Nexus is going to be our official kilt-wearer for this weeks broadcast."
"Nah, that's just his usual attire," fred replies. "He wears it to every show....we just never noticed it."
"Sounds good to me," Geo says, unable to take his eyes off of Nova's ankles.
"I'm going to find 'Nessy!" Nova declares, doing a little twirl in his new getup. Geo huffs.
"Before the 'Stereotypical Hysteria Brigade' pops in unannounced to give us the boot off of syndicated television, let's just MOOOOOOVEEEEE on...." fred decides.
"Agreed," Geo nods his head, coming to the conclusion that no amount of Irn Bru would get his mind off of this episode.
"Well, today is going to be a very special episode, folks," Jason points out. "It's one of our VERY own loyal viewer and reader's birthday! Tonight, we celebrate the 19th birthday, of Cody!"
The crowd claps in response.
"And what a better way to celebrate your B-Day, then with an interview on A New Show?" Fred proclaims. "Well, except a Toucan.....everyone wants one of those so they can get.....LOOPY." Fred snickers.
Half of the crowd leaves.
Geo harrumphs, as he turns to glare at fred.
"Way to go, pecker-head....." he insults.
"YOU MADE A PUN, TOO!" Fred angrily retorts, looking back at the crowd. "How come none of THEM left!?!?!?"
"My pun was better," Geo brags.
"WHATEVER! WHAT'S DONE IS DONE!" Fred seethes as he sits back down.
"ENOUGH," Jason commands. "Today is a special day for Cody, and you two are NOT going to ruin it with your constant sniveling."
"Snivelness is not to godliness," fred mumbles.
"Fine, fine," agrees Geo. "Let's just bring out our first guest, shall we?"
"Of course! She recently arrived in Equestria from....well, it's never specified in the episode "Read It And Weep" where she comes from, so....I guess some type of head-cannon will have to be made," Jason scratches his head in thought.
"BUTTE, MONTANA!" Fred screams. "IT'S PERFECT!"
".....What," Geo deadpans.
"BUTTE FRIGGEN, MONTANA!"
"Is it Butte Montana, or Butte Friggen, Montana?" Geo asks. "Make up your mind."
"Let's ask our guest!" Fred declares with a excited grin.
Jason and Geo share a look, which ends with Jason shrugging in agreement, as he introduces. "Good segway, I guess. Alright. Ladies and gentleman, welcome to A New Show......Daring Do!"
All of the audience that left, due to fred's Celestia-awful pun, suddenly file into their seats once again with a fit of clapping.
While this clap, this totally copyrighted theme song plays.
Daring, Daring Do,
Is it true?
That. Hasbro hates you?
Look at your design,
It's quite. Identical,
To Rainbow Dash's...uh, design,
Daring, Daring Do,
There's snakes all around you,
So are you afraid yet?
Daring, Daring Do,
When you swing into view,
Does the text in your life say 'Achievement Get?'
You know we got a big plot-hole to solve,
So Daring Do get offa your back,
What out for the quicksand,
And Daring Do you're gonna die oh wait you're not because you're an overratted pro-tago-nist,
And Rainbow Dash loves you,
Do you, too?
Daring, Daring Do,
You probably, probably do,
Because, you're both lesbia-aans,
Daring, Daring Do, but you're mane's not rainbow colored,
It's.....black and.....blue? No silver
So Daring, Daring Do,
How's it feel?
To be. An Indiana Jones rip-oooff?
Probably feels good,
But it shouldn't,
Because you don't have any fingers to flip off Ahuizotl,
When he steals your beef jerky,
Oh wait you're pony so no meat
Daring, Daring Do,
The song is over,
Why are, you glaring at me-eee?
Daring, Daring Do,
I see you,
And, you don't look happy.
This song sucks.
By the time the song is over, half of the audience has left. This time, though, it's the half that didn't leave before.
Jason is yanking at his shirt collar, as Daring Do sits down beside him in disbelief.
"Hmmmmmm......" Geo has to think how he can put what he just heard into words. "Well, that was a flop."
"SHUT UP," fred whines. "It's all about what our guest thinks!" He grins at Daring Do. "What did you think, Oh Daring One?"
"It sucked," Daring Do blatantly speaks.
"That's because you are a character from a series of ADVENTURE novels!" Fred bellows. "You don't know how to have FUN, and you don't know how to be FUNNY. Everything's just ONE BIG ADVENTURE for Daring Do! Lighten up, you copycat. You're on A New Show! Nobody wants your Raiders of the Lost Ark crap here!"
Daring Do scowls. "Now that's not fair. I'll have you know I went to Disneyland last night," Daring Do retorts.
Fred raises an eyebrow. "Did you meet Goofy?"
"I did not-"
"THEN YOU DIDN'T HAVE FUN!!!!" Fred interrupts. "YOUR ARGUMENT IS DUMB AND INVALID."
"You piece of-"
"DUMB AND INVALID!"
"Fine, fine. I guess you're the fun crew, huh?" Daring Do notices.
"I like fun," Geo replies. "But fred is just apart of the idiot crew."
"I like fun, Daring," Jason says. "But this was supposed to be a SIMPLE interview....." he glares at fred.
"This is actually more simple than I've been through," Daring reconciles with a chuckle.
"Does this mean you're in a comfortable environment?" Fred asks.
Daring Do snickers. "Absolutely not. I have been written into TWO unknown worlds in the span of a few days. One, being the land of 'Equestria.' And the other, being here.....earth. Also, I was written into BOTH by THIS nut-job," she gestures to fred.
"I take that as a compliment," responds fred.
"Which brings us to our first question, Daring," Jason says. "Do you have ANY idea what's going on?"
Daring Do shakes her head. "Not a single clue. I was just versing Ahuizotl in one of our notably EPIC battles of Scrabble, when all of a sudden, the world around me blacks out. I wake up in these woods, and are soon found by the woods' "rejects", I suppose. It's worth mentioning that my current set of Scrabble letters had spelt out "fanfiction." That's some bad voodoo if I've ever seen it."
"Wait, "rejects"?" Geo questions. "Does this mean you share disdain for Kevin, Riley, and Nikolai?"
"Oh, NO," Daring Do quickly responds as Midnight sets down the spear he was sharpening for her demise. "I didn't mean it like THAT. They are actually very helpful and polite. Sure were nicer than anybody in Butte. I could get past the fact that one was a Satyr, one was a human turned wolf, and one was a wolf turned human. Seems like characters I would be able to encounter in Butte....."
"HOLD ON A SECOND," fred calls out. "Did you say.....Butte? As in.....BUTTE, MONTANA?"
"Yup," Daring replies. "That's where I live. The series I'm in might not ever state that, but it's the location I know and love to hate."
"OOOOOHHHHHH!" Fred throws his arms up in an annoying matter, as he stands up and circles around Jason and Geo. "I TOLD YA. I TOOOLLDDD YAAAAAA. BUTTE IS CANON TO DARING DOVERSE. BUTTE IS CANON TO DARING DOVERSE."
Geo and Jason simultaneously bury their faces in their hands.
"I just can't believe THIS guy is the genius that wrote me into A New Home," Daring Do sighs. "WHAT were you THINKING, Poetic?"
"Well, it WAS unexpected, I have to admit....." Jason says.
"YEAH. To me, too!" Daring squeals. "I was going to win in Scrabble! How do you think I feel about this? Couldn't you at least CONSULT me before snatching me from my universe?"
"Nope," fred simply replies. "Needed conflict, and you can't spell conflict without Daring Doooooooooo."
"Are you at least happy, though, Daring?" Geo asks. "I mean....happier than you were in....." he grimaces. "....Butte?"
"Hmmmmm....." Daring ponders. "I guess I am. There's not as many adventures in Equestria to be had. Some cool characters, but not many adventures. Winsome Falls is pretty tame when it comes to woodland areas I've explored. All me, Nikolai, Kevin, and Riley did was walk to the train station and talk. I've got no problem with talking, but that's not really exciting. I told them about my life, and they told me about there's. Kevin and Nikolai's stories are very heartbreaking. I'm proud to call them my first Equestrian friends, but me and my friends need ADVENTURES to go on! Earth provides that, I can say. It's a DIFFERENT kind of adventure than an adventure from Butte, I'll say, but I'm always open to variety."
"What has been your favorite adventure so far?" Fred asks.
"Most DEFINITELY my quest to find the Holy Grail," Daring Do reminisces. "'Twas quite the epic tale, really."
"Do you remember any quotes from any encounters with Ahuizotl during the quest?" Fred curiously wonders.
"Quotes?" Daring questions. "Well, my favorite would have to be the entire conversation I had with the bridgekeeper. It went something like this:
"Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."
"Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid."
"What... is your name?"
"My name is Daring Do of Butte."
"What... is your quest?"
"To seek the Holy Grail."
"What... is your favorite color?"
"The color of your mother's panties."
"Go on. Off you go."
"Oh, thank you. Thank you very much." That's easy. I think to myself....but then, the bridgekeeper stops me.
"Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."
"Ask me the questions....again, I guess? I'm not afraid."
"What... is your name?"
"Daring Do of Montana."
"What... is your quest?"
"To seek the Holy Grail."
"What... is the capital of Assyria?"
I pause.
"I don't know that."
The bridgekeeper cracks a giant mallet against one of my front hooves. I fall to the ground in pain.
"Auuuuuuuugh."
"Stop. What... is your name?"
"AGAIN WITH THIS?! I am Daring Do of BUTTE, MONTANA."
"What... is your quest?"
"I SEEK THE GRAIL!"
"What....is your favorite color?"
"YOUR MUM'S BLOOMERS!"
He whacks another one of my front hooves.
"AUUUUGGGHH!!!!! THAT WAS AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER BEFORE!"
"Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?"
I gasp for breath. "I......I......I am Daring Do......of Syria...."
"What... is your quest?"
"To seek....the Holy Grail."
"What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
"What do you mean? An African or European swallow?"
"Huh? I... I don't know that."
I throw the bridgekeeper over.
"Auuuuuuuugh."
"How do know so much about swallows?" I ask myself.
"Well, you have to know these things when you're a stone cold killa, you know." I speak to myself.
"Or.....ya know.....something like that....." Daring Do concludes.
By the end of that epic flashback, the other half of the audience that had left now inhabits their seats once again.
"Did you ever get to the Holy Grail?" Jason asks.
"Nope," Daring Do answers. "Couldn't even crawl on account of my two front hooves apparently being broken. I had to eat the dirt by the bridge for a month straight before I simply hobbled back to Butte."
"So Ahuizotl WON, then?!" Fred asked, shocked.
"Ahuizotl wasn't the one keeping the Holy Grail from me, believe it or not," Daring Do responded. "That was Graham Chapman."
There is a silence in the air, until fred finally speaks up.
"ALRIGHT! This has been the oddest interview we've ever done, which is good. So thank you, Daring for that."
"How are facts odd?" Daring Do quirks an eyebrow in confusion. "Whatever. I guess it was my pleasure."
"Before you go, the audience now has an opportunity to ask you questions!" Geo points out. "So, who would like to go first?"
RedStar stands up. "Daring, what were to happen if you took an arrow to the hoof?"
"My hoof would be broken and I'd have to eat dirt for another month, I'd suppose."
Nobody else stands up.
"SERIOUSLY?" Fred scoffs. "What, you guys too good for Daring Do? She eats DIRT! That's right! Have any of you ever eaten dirt?" No response. "DAS WHAT OI TAUGHT. Sorry Daring, but it seems these people have no more questions for you."
"No free copies of "Daring Do and The Quest for the Holy Grail" when it hits bookstores for them, then," Daring Do chuckles. "Ah, well. It's fine. I'm not the main attraction, anyway. Perhaps we can do it again sometime, fellas?"
"You're always welcome back, Daring!" Jason responds by shaking Daring's hoof.
"Great!" Daring shakes Geo's hand, but calmly backs away when she gets to fred's, gliding off of the stage backwards.
"Haha!" Geo laughs. "Scrub fred can't get no FILLEH!"
"Scotland isn't even a real COUNTRY!" Fred argues.
"Your penis isn't even a real PENIS." Geo fires back.
Fred runs off crying.
A New Show is brought to you by.....
Backstage......
The already familiar anthem of A New Show's resident Vegemite addict sounds off, as he makes his way into view of the camera.
He has his usual toothy grin on. "Oi, mates! Steve Bazing, here! Wow....ya actually showed up? Color me surprised, mates! I never expected that.....this IS a very dangerous voyage, after all. Which is why, you'll need to make sure ya have ONE little necessity before we get going. Which is ya SANITY, mates! There's a lot of kooky characters here at A New Show, and we need to make sure we can withstand their mindgames and horrible puns. It'll throw them off guard, because we're already expecting their best, mates. Alright, ya ready?" Steve believes that the audience has just nodded at him. "Good!" He begins to slowly walk in a crouched position down the health, without 0 sense of stealth, as he is behind absolutely NOTHING.
"We need to keep quiet throughout our sight-seeing, mates," he whispers. "They already can't see us, so being quieter will give us some more leverage against any beast we encounter." He says all of this as Flash Sentry, whom was walking down the same hall, stops at the exact left side of Steve to stare at him. It seems Steve does not notice this.
"Shhhh......" Steve whispers at the audience. "Ya hear that, mates?" Faint crying is heard in the background. "That's either a mating call, or one of the creatures releasing it's graphic oddities." He motions for the audience to follow him. "Let's hurry before it runs off!"
After many moments of un-stealthy walking, and about 16 other humans and ponies gawking at Steve, he stops at the catering area, where fred is stuffing Swedish Fish into his mouth as he sobs.
"Well would'ya look'a that...." Steve stops and stare in amazement. "We've hit the goldmine, mates! We have just encountered an EXTREMELY rare breed...the fredicus 2266ixus, scientific name D-Bag Fuqqer. Do not make any sudden movements, or loud noises, because this creature WILL feel your presence, and he WILL strike. He's like a Kangaroo in heat; ya don't wanna mess with her, but ya wanna make fun of her because it looks stupid. This species is no joke, though. It appears.....it appears to be on it's menstrual cycle, currently, which would explain the over-excessive need to eat, and the fact that it smells like 32 year old Grey Poupon.....one of the commercials, not the mustard itself...."
When Steve finishes talking, he turns back to analyze the fredicus 2266ixus, but he realizes it has been staring at him the whole time.
"HOLY DOOLEY!" Steve shrieks. "WE'VE BEEN NOTICED!"
Fred grumpily walks over to Steve, who cowers in fear. Fred crosses his arms as he stops walking right in front of him.
"Bazing, I was looking forward to your first segment, but this is just disappointing...." fred shakes his head. "I expected more from such a world renowned Aussie."
"I was JUST trying to uncover the secrets of the A New Show realm!" Steve cries.
"Luna just walked past you," fred points out. "Why couldn't you find HER in some compromising situation?"
"You were the first one I found!" Steve retorts.
"Even so, I feel like crap. You preyed on me. You're worse than the parasitic media."
"Bugga....." Steve hangs his head in shame. "I'll try to be less cynical next time, fred...."
"Oh no, it's not that," fred replies. "You should be MORE cynical! Just, not to me......I'll even give you extra TV time next week, so you can deliver the goods!"
Steve jumps up, and thrusts a fist in the air. "A'right, mate! You won't be disappointed! I'm gonna show the viewers at home the viscous cycle of 2fort-errr.....I mean A New Show!"
"Great!" Fred smiles wide. "Now go beat up Geo. He sucks."
"Sorry, mate. No can do. Aussies are neutral. I'm not getting myself in this mess."
"DAMMIT!" Fred curses.
"Also, we're out of Swedish Fish now."
"DAMMIT!"
A New Show is brought to you by....
"Well, I'm back guys," fred announces as he sits back at his sectional. "Had to gather my thoughts, and get checked out by some pervert Australian."
"Sounds like a life changing experience!" Geo says chipperly.
"Now that you're here, we can bring out our next guest," Jason says. "You're really going to like THIS one, Geo. We promised she'd be here, and we are going to deliver!"
Geo rubs his hands in anticipation. "Oh, GOODY!" He hops in his seat and wiggles his legs around like a little school girl.
He's going to be rubbing MORE than his hands in a few minutes..... fred thinks as he successfully stifles a snicker.
"You can go ahead and introduce her, since you're her biggest fan," Jason decides.
Geo is already doing squat-thrusts. "Just.....ehhhh....give me a minute.....gotta....ehhh...get....in shape.....for thiiiss-" He hops up. "DONE!" He begins to sweat, and NOT because of his quick workout. "Ladies and gentleman, I am pleased to introduce-"
"Fillies and gentlecolts," Geo is interrupted by the emerging pony version of Flash Sentry on the stage, whom is decked out in his full royal guard gear. He speaks in a loud, clear voice. "Her highness, Princess Twilight Sp-"
Flash Sentry is interrupted as Geo runs up to him, unleashing a flurry of punches that switch to connect with his nose, jaw, and cranium with every punch.
Flash Sentry falls to the ground, as Geo straddles his chest with extra pressure. He begins choking him with force.
"You son of a bitch!" Geo screams. "This was a once in a lifetime moment for me! I've lived for this since the birth of my Bronyhood! To introduce BEST PONY. TWILIGHT. SPARKLE! JUST ONCE! I JUST WANTED TO INTRODUCE HER ONCE FOR AN INTERVIEW THAT I JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE IN! JUST ONE DAMN TIME, AND YOU, WORST PONY, WORST THING EVER CREATED. RUIN IT!!!!! WHY I SAY!?!?!? WHY FLASH SENTRY?!!?!?!?-" Knee in the gut-"You just-" Knee in the gut-"Can't keep-" Knee in the gut-"Your stupid face-" Knee in the gut-"Out of people's dreams-" Knee in the gut-"You always have to-" Knee in the gut-"Ruin people's-" Knee in the gut-"Aspirations for LIIIIFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!-" Knee in the gut-"WHY YOU SON OF A BITCH!?!?!!?!? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!??!?!??"
Nobody decided to stop Geo, until Jason got up from his sectional, and quickly rushed over to pull Geo off of Flash Sentry.
Jason firmly grabs Geo by the shoulders, but not before Geo can land one more fierce kick into Flash Sentry's sternum.
"GEO!" Jason screams. "STOP! Can't you see that's his DUTY?! He's in the ROYAL GUARD....Twilight's ROYALTY!"
"And Princess Twilight doesn't need the likes of HIM ruining her sterling reputation with such CRAPPY introductions! Besides, he didn't introduce her LAST WEEK!"
"A great point he makes!" Fred proclaims. "This is all ratings, so I have NO problem with it!"
Jason sighs, letting Geo go. "I don't like it, but you can't argue with ratings....." Jason goes to sit down. "Continue, Geo...."
"With the most eldest pleasure in my being....." Geo creepily cackles, but ceases with a clear of his throat. "Ladies and gentleman, her highness....PRINCESS.....TWILIGHT....SPARKLE!"
Princess Twilight Sparkle trots out onto the stage to the frantic clapping of the audience, tripping over the unconscious, prone body of Flash Sentry in the process. Geo rushes over to help her up and lead her to his sectional. He obviously wants her to sit by him.
Twilight shakes the hands of all three co-hosts, while she frowningly looks in the direction of Flash Sentry.
"Welcome to the show, Princess!" Geo greets with a beam.
Twilight is snapped out of her 'Flash Sentry' trance, almost as if she has finally noticed she has an interview to do. "Oh! Ummmm....hello, everybody," she puts on a fake Beauty Queen-esque smile. "I'm sorry, but I'm a bit out of the game.....what happened to Flash Sentry?!"
"Oh, he just slipped on an ice-cube," Geo falsely admits, giving fred and Jason, and then the audience a "Say nothing" glare.
"Oh goodness!" Twilight gasps. "Is he going to be alright?"
"Not sure," Geo replies. "It was a pretty big ice cube. Let's not let our dear Flash's condition hinder this experience, Princess."
"Please, call me Twilight," the princess insists. "I don't think I could ever get used to being called a "princess", no matter HOW much of one I am."
"Speaking of which, how has that been, Twilight?" Fred asks. "I mean, being a princess and all. Have you developed a new purpose in life, or is your goal still to spread the magic of friendship everywhere you go?"
Twilight giggles. "Well, it certainly has been weird to have to do some of the royal duties that comes with being a princess, such as going to Equestrian meetings with members of both the Gryphon Kingdom AND Zebrica, and having to eat dinner with Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, AND Princess Cadance every night has been both a treat, and a nuisance if you could imagine the type of table manners Celestia has," Twilight rolls her eyes in remembrance. "But I am still ALL about friendship. Without the friendships I have made, I never would have even had the chance to BE a princess."
"Wasn't there some kind of doubt at the beginning, though?" Jason asks. "Do you think you were ready to BE a princess?"
"I honestly STILL don't think I'm ready to be a princess," Twilight boldly answers. "However, Princess Celestia and my friends BELIEVE in me, so there is NO WAY I'm going to let them down. Besides, there are some duties I am VERY good at. Passing laws has proven to be quite easy, and fun, and organizing all of the papers I am handed is not a challenge at all, since I am a master organizer."
"What is your OFFICIAL job as a Princess?" Fred asks. "I mean, Celestia raises the sun, Luna raises the moon, and Cadance keeps the Crystal Empire on heavy guard. What is your TOP assignment?"
"I think my top assignment would be to protect Ponyville," Twilight answers. "That's the 'kingdom' I have to 'rule' over, and I'm glad. It's where the library is, it's where my FRIENDS are. I couldn't think of a better place I would want to protect with my life."
"Have you seen any signs of your friends being...jealous of your new calling?" Fred asks.
"Well, it's no secret that Rarity would KILL to be a princess," Twilight chuckles. "But I honestly think she would kill for ME to STAY a princess. The thought of that is, of course, ludicrous, but it shows how great of a friend she is, along with the other girls. They have all been very supportive in these difficult, but also life-changing times."
"We thank you for being so very honest with us, thus far, Twilight," Geo says. "Now it's time for the audience to get the chance to ask the newest princess of Equestria their questions!"
"Yeah, and MAKE SURE MORE THAN ONE QUESTION GETS ASKED," threatens fred. "I mean, REALLY? ONE question for Daring Do? WHAT IS THAT?!"
Twilight nods. "I have to agree. Daring Do is such an intriguing pony. I cannot COUNT how many questions I asked her backstage. Non-the-less, I'm sure the A New Home fans will be able to ask me some well-thought-out, if not DIFFICULT questions...."
Squishy roars, which causes Twilight to jump.
"Looks like Hunter has a question," Jason observes.
Squishy lifts up Hunter in one of his tentacles, and presents him to the stage.
"Twilight, do you have a crush on any living pony or human?" Hunter asks.
Twilight's eyes bulge, and she blushes slightly. Geo looks at her attentively.
"Well...." Twilight looks behind her. "There is SOMEPONY.....but, I think I'll keep that to myself.....royal secrets and all," she nervously laughs.
Geo's hopes drop.
Screw you, Sentry.... he mentally curses.
Midnight stands up. "My question is.....why can't you fly, Twilight?"
"Uhhhhhh....." Twilight's mouth hangs wide open. "But.....I flew at my coronation, and....and I flew as fast as I could while trying to rescue Toby from Lightning Dust. I'll admit, at my coronation, it was simply luck, on account of me being so excited, and I had just started learning how to fly from Rainbow Dash while I was chasing after Toby. STILL, though, I DO know how to fly....just....not very fast....."
"I think it's beautiful when you fly," compliments Geo.
"Uhhh, thanks?" Replies Twilight with hesitation.
"Are there ANY more questions for Twilight Sparkle?" Fred asks. Nobody replies. "GARGH! COME ON! Last week you guys had, like, 8 questions for Lightning Dust! What happened?"
This is my chance..... Geo thinks, sweating. He springs up from his seat.
"I have a question!" He bellows.
"Go ahead, Geo," says Jason with a smile.
"Uhhhmm.....o-okay....here goes....." he gently sits down next to Twilight. "T-Twilight....could I.....could I.....have a....kiss?" He suddenly forces his eyes shut in fear of rejection.
Twilight giggles. "A kiss, you say?"
Geo opens one eye. "Y-....yes....."
PLEASE SAY YES PLEASE SAY YES OH FOR THE LOVE OF MY LOINS PLEASE SAY YES.
Geo opens his other eye, to find Twilight looking at him with a dreamy expression. The icing on the cake, is that she is biting her lower lip. OH AND THOSE FLUTTERY EYE-LASHES!
http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/115/a/f/twilight_sparkle_lip_bite_by_daviez20-d4xiig2.gif
"I think that is....reasonable.....a princess of my stature needs to be able to PLEASURE her subjects....." Twilight licks her lips. "Close your eyes....."
"OKAY," Geo is able to squeak out, as he closes his eyes. Twilight does the same.
Their mouths begin to move closer and closer to each other's, as the phrases "#DaringDoCantGetNoQuestions" and "Steve Bazing" are trending on Twitter.
Just as Geo can feel Twilight's breath tickling his face, a giant Hershey kiss falls through the ceiling and lands on Geo, crushing him.
"There's your kiss, vile scoundrel!" Proclaims Twilight. "I HAVE AVENGED THE SENTRY!" Twilight takes off through the curtains, picking Flash Sentry up with her magic as she makes her escape.
Jlargent leads the audience in a slow building clap, despite the fact that his brother has just been crushed by 2 ton chocolate that doesn't know what shape it is.
"Best time for a commercial break EVER," revels fred.
A New Show is brought to you by....
"Well fans, we're screwed," announces fred. "Geo is dead, which means this show is now dead......"
"That's not very nice, fred-"
"HIS CLOPFICS GAVE ME AIDS AND I WASN'T EVEN INVOLVED IN THE SECKS."
"#ChocolateOverload" and "#CreepyGeo" are now trending on Twitter.
"Even in death, he STILL trends!" Grumbles fred.
Jason sighs, as he realizes he was correct. This WAS one of THOSE shows. "Let's....just....bring out the birthday boy, shall we?"
"Hey, mind if we interview his ghost next week?" Fred asks.
"Oh will you stop that???" Jason spits.
"Just saying," fred replies. "He's a co-host. He STILL has an obligation to this show. Death or not, his Scottish behind BETTER be punching his card in again next week!"
"Unbelievable...." Jason mumbles. "Fans, it's been built up all night this next guest has."
"Not only that, but this EVENT has been built up FOR the guest," fred adds. "He's been looking forward to this for quite a while."
"So, without further adieu, please welcome, the A New Home audience's VERY own.....dread94!"
Cody calmly walks out on stage, taking a deep breath, preparing for the worst. He walks down to shake the hands of fred and Jason's, and sits at Geo's sectional.
"Watch out, Cody," fred warns. "That seat is TAINTED."
"Your brain's tainted," mumbles Jason, suddenly flashing a smile so fred didn't hear him. "WELCOME, Cody! It's great to have you on the show for such a special occasion!"
"Well, I can't BEGIN to tell you how great it is to be here, guys," Cody whistles. "Wow....on my 19th birthday, with all of this love from not only you, but the A New Home faithful. I have to say, I don't really deserve it....."
"Oh NONSENSE, buddy!" Fred interrupts. "You should ALWAYS get the best on your BIRTHDAY!"
"CODY! CODY! CODY! CODY! CODY! CODY! CODY! CODY!" The crowd chants, causing Cody to sniffle a little bit.
"Thank you guys very much for this opportunity....." Cody says. "This has to be the best birthday present EVER."
"Perhaps, but I'd like to think that Lyra is a pretty good birthday present, too," fred chuckles. "How are you two doing? Are the wedding plans going along fine?"
"Oh, I am undeniably in love with Lyra Heartstrings," Cody admits. "The plan is to STILL get married here on A New Show. Other than that, we're just taking it slow. We don't want our wedding, of all things, to be rushed."
"So, Lyra's a pretty nice catch, huh?" Jason asks.
"She sure is," Cody sighs happily. "I sure am lucky to have her in my life. Truthfully, I think I am WAY out of her league, but I'm not going to complain, when I have her all to myself."
"It's been noted that you yourself have given Jason a few ideas when it comes to fanfictions," fred brings up. "Care to share a few of those ideas with us?"
"Well, in the newest chapter of Heart of Diamonds, I'm the one that came up with the nightmare at the beginning."
"That was eerie stuff, man, gotta admit," fred replies.
"I also came up with a few story ideas. One is called A New Apple, and it's about a human girl named Lisa. The other is called A Rainbow's Son, which is about a seven year old boy named Josh. Sorry, but that's all I'm going to say about them."
"Those sound really interesting," fred admits. "I especially wonder how Rainbow Dash as the mother of a human child would work...."
"I hope to make both of those stories, one day," Jason says. "One last question for you, Cody....what do you LOVE about My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? What makes it special to you?"
"Hmmmmm...." Cody has to think for a minute for a question that could be answered many ways. "Well, what I love about the show is that...it's just one of those shows where I can get a better general understanding of how it works and flows, so I can give future writers fresh ideas inspired by the episodes and everything about the show."
Fred nods. "Sorry for the quick interview, Cody, but it seems we're almost running late for your birthday party, which ALL of the members of the audience are invited to." The crowd cheers.
"TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!" Chants BrianPony, bringing out his wild side.
"It's no problem at all," Cody smiles. "It's going to be so fun hanging out with everyone!"
"Before we go...." Jason interrupts the end of the show. "I think we ALL know what to do....."
"I'm pretty sure we do," replies fred with a nod. "The perfect way to end the show, is exposing our sexually chocolate voices to the world.....a one, a two, a one-two-three-GO."
"Happy birthday, to yooo-uuuu, happy birthday to yooo-uuu, happy birthday, dea-aarrr Cooo-ddyyyy....happy biiii-iiiirrttthh-dddddaaayyyyyy......tooooo-oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo......y-"
The eerie, yet commanding sound of a rocking chair is heard, as the national anthem for Birthday's is interrupted.
A candle is lit, as we can faintly see the devilish face of Ellington, along with his ever-growing beard.
As he begins to talk, he continues to light more candles.
"19......according to numerology, 19 is the number of SURRENDER......" Ellington chuckles. "How apropos that is.....because in due time, young Cody.....you, and the rest of the PARASITES, of the A New Home universe, WILL SURRENDER TO ME! And all that I STAND FOR! For now, though......today, is a HAPPY day......19 is also, the number of DESTINY-now, I don't really believe in DESTINY, but that's just meeeee....you may believe in destiny, Cody-and that's FIIIIIINNNNEEEEE......hold on to those sacred beliefs, because it's ALL YOUR GONNA HAVE.
Tonight, though....you party.....you have FUUUUUUNNNNNNN, while I SIT here, and WATCH......Eheheheheheeeeeeee......that's right, Cody.....I'm watchin' ALL of those around you......but none, more than YOU.....that's right.....I've taken an interest in you.....something I see in you, reminds me of....well, meee.....I like that. When I look at you, something inside me screams "HE'S NOT APART OF THE MAGISTRATE! HE'S A MAN," and yes, you ARE a MAN now....."HE'S A MAN THAT'S GONNA WAKE UP ONE DAY, AND BRING ABOUT THE ENDS OF THE HAPPINESS!"
That, is just ONE, of my dreams, Cody....one of MAAANNYYY......
I hope you will share this dream with me......
Together.....
Heh, heh....
But that's alright if you're refusing.....for now, I'm gonna let ya HAVE ya fun......because fun ain't gonna last forever......
Goin' back, to surrender.....when everyone surrenders, I'm gonna be TAKIN' some of them....because I, am a HERDER....AND I NEED SHEEP, CODY! You, my sir, are gonna be ONE'A THEM SHEEP.
Then, I'm gonna teach ya how to end the happiness, and the sheeps will soon...become the HERDERS. And then y'all can teach THEM to end the happiness, AND I'LL HAVE MY OWN BIG PETTING ZOO!
So laugh, love, miiiinnggllleee, Cody......enjoy this birthday.....it's gonna be the LAST one like it, that you ever have....
This time next year, you'll be 20....20, is the number of those who are ailing, and are in need of help....Cody, I can PROMISE you, by you 20th birthday.....you won't just be HELPED, you'll be HELPING the WEAK.....
THAT, is the best present, ya could EVER hope to get......
It don't come with a bow, it don't come with a "To blank, from blank" tag, hell, it don't even come WITH A RECEIPT!
It comes......it comes from the heart, Cody.....
Hopefully, you'll accept it, and save me a piece of cake, too......"
Ellington wickedly cackles, until he stops with a blank glare at the camera.
He blows out 6 candles.
"Follow...."
Then 6 more.
"The....."
And 6 more.
"....BUZZARDS....."
There is one candle left.
"Huh......ain't that something.......AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"
Ellington begins to sing.
"One, is the loneliest number....that you'll....ever dooo-oooo.....hehehehehehehehhhhh...."
End feed.
As we conclude Episode Six of A New Show, let us all wish dread94 a.k.a Cody a Very Happy Birthday Today! 
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Haha I love you fred!! That was actually so funny :)
Love the monty python referance as well xD
Happy B'Day xD
EH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA wow fred is really funny. i give him credit for being funny and for you for writing the story.
Honestly one of the funniest A New Shows
I would be the kilt wearer of the show! I enough Scottish in me to do!
ellington....*eyes turn crimson* you will never harm anyone or anypony in A new home while i'm still breathing ME AND MOTHER RUSSIA WILL MAKE SURE OF THAT *pulls out a minigun out of thin air and straps katana to back* URRRAAAAA
3501157 yeah but the only problem i have is that fred makes me look insane MUHAHAHAHA
I'm loving Ellington's Bray Wyatt gimmick. I hope he makes his debut on the New Show very soon just so he can scare the shit out of everybody/pony.
Follow..... the buzzards.
I see that my question for Twilight ended badly. I totally called it.
I may be dead now, but at least I got to beat up Flash Sentry again. Good times.
3501223 Don't forget me and Squishy
3502285 well if i haven't devoured ellison's organs sure you can help me end his life
Follow......The......Buzzards..... <3 Oh I love this because I actually know where it's from :3
3500979 You are neck and neck with Ellington for A New Show's best gimmick.
3501096 Aw, shuckie duckie quack quack.
3501157 But not THE funniest?
What made it so funny?
3501182 Geo shuns you.
3501226 BECAUSE YOU ARE.
3501417 You MAY want to worry, though....
6 candles blown out, then 6 more, then finally, 6 more.
666.
18 candles.
There's one left.
The one candle left....is you.
Be afraid.
3502384 YEAH but who's wearing the damn kilt hear?
3502385 MUHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT NIGHT WILL LAST FOREVER
dude i wanna be a wanna die in the next ''a new show''
3501662 FINALLY. Somebody who KNOWS where this gimmick came from! I swear, I was starting to think me and Jason were the only WWE fans that just so happen to love this series.
I just hope I am not copying off of the actual "Wyatt Family" gimmick TOO much. Ellington is my favorite part of A New Show, though, simply because he is based off of Bray. Bray and The Family are awesome.
He'll definitely be debuting in due time. I can't say SOON, because WWE took over 2 months to debut him and The Family. This is week 3, though, so it's a race against the clock to see if I can get my reincarnation on live TV before they got the real thing on live TV.
Gotta have buildup, though.
3501734 Trade in death for a chance to break Flash Sentry's face? Seems like a worthy switch.
See you at the studio next week, Geo!
3502395 No one now. The show's over. If you're still wearing that kilt, you must want to look pretty.
3502425
Damn right it's a good switch.
And I'll definitely be at the studio next week. I'm still trapped under this giant piece of chocolate, after all...
3502399 You wanna die in the next episode?
3502361 Do you now?
Where would that be?
3502435 Well, it has to melt SOMETIME, right?
3502434 I try!
3502436 yeah i've lived long enough wolves only live 11 years and i think it's time for me to pass on
3502443 You shave your legs, too. Made your ankles shine like Buddha's head.
3502448 I can respect that, but we can only book one death angle per show.
And it seems it goes to Steve Bazing.
He's going to puncture his lungs with a Boomerang.
3502455 damn....well i can wait just make sure i die by getting shot protecting fluttershy
3502452 Ahh hell no! If your wearing a kilt you have to have hairy legs! And then proceed to pull your socks as high as you can
3502438
*cough* WWE *cough*
3502461 Nope. Fluttershy will be the one to shoot you.
YOU'VE BEEN CREATIVE CONTROLL'D.
3502465 MY FANTASIES ABOUT YOUR SHINY ANKLES DID NOT LIE TO ME, DAMMIT.
3502469 I knew what you were alluding to, just wanted you to show the proof.
Seems we've found another WWE fan that just so happens to also follow this series.
....We are growing in mass numbers.....
3502470 fluttershy putting down an old wolf that she looked over when i was a pup even before she met toby i don't think she'd be able to do it
3502481 :3 Been a fan since WWF :P
3502474 sorry but my family takes pride in doing regular irish and Scottish things, like nothing!
3502482 She'll do anything when I CREATIVE CONTROL her.
3502503 i don't think poetic will like that
3502489 Fine then.
You can have The Godfather's gimmick.
3502505 Then he CREATIVE CONTROLS me.
3502510 why would jason do that i doubt he has a mean bone in his body
3502516 Then the mean bones CREATIVE CONTROL him.
3502519 there will be no creative control in my death I wanna die protect my previous master besides i've been watching over fluttershy and toby far from your viewing eyes atleast respect me dying to protect her
3502540 Oprah is going to CREATIVE CONTROL the script if I respect your wishes....
3502545 than i'll kill her/his bodyguards with a pack of wolves kill oprah with a knife and change the script
3502383 the randomness and it isn't the funniest because I might find a future episode to be funnier
3502688 You certainly will.