Mobster Meets Equestria

by Caddy Finz

Chapter 15: Time to Take Out the Trash

Chapter 15: Time to Take Out the Trash

"That backstabbin', pole-smokin', pud-whackin' fuckin' stool-pigeon piece of shit spunk rag sold me out!" I huffed as I paced back and forth trying to come up with a solution to our conundrum.

"Ooh, Twilight he's got some new ones!" Pinkster said. "Write those do-"

"Pinkie shut the fuck up!" I shouted. "Now's not the time for that! Never mind my french, we got a life and death situation going down!"

"I-I'm sorry Vinnie. I'm still trying to gather myself after what just happened and I guess I'm just trying to find a happy place."

"Alright, Pinkster I need you all to listen to me and listen up good. I'm gonna take these guys out and get rid of them even if I end up dying for it. This is my fight and I'm not dragging you all into something that I created."

"Hold up there, sugarcube!" Jackie cut in. "You ain't goin' it alone if ah can help it! Ok so maybe this mess has somethin' tah do with yah but if'n yah think we're gonna sit around and let yah get turned inta applesauce, yah got another thing comin'!"

"I'm not asking you for permission, Jackie." I replied. "I'm gonna go find these shit stains and mop 'em up by myself and you all are gonna stay here and take care of the royal sisters! Capiche?"

"And ah said yah ain't goin' without us by yer side!"

"You left me no other choice, Jackie! I'm sorry but I can't let you follow me out there."

I then knelt down to Jackie's level, placed both my hands on her shoulders and attempted to knock her out by delivering a firm headbutt to her face. That turned out to be a big mistake as I was about to find out.

SPLOOSH!

"I'll kick 'em in the nads!" I yelled as I was awakened by Pinkster's bucket once more. "What the fuck happened to me this time?"

"Well, Vinnie..." Gem began. "You tried to kiss Applejack and ended up smacking your head into her face and then you proceeded to pass out on the floor."

"Aw it's ok, Vinnie." Jackie said. "Spike once tried tah kiss me one time when Rarity got pony-napped by a bunch 'o dogs. Not sure why ya'd knock yerself ou-"

"Whoa whoa whoa!" I cut in. "That is not what I was trying to do! I was trying to knock you out and it backfired!"

"Everypony?" Sparks said. "I know it's not very important right now but Vinnie, I never seem to stop learning with you around. You just taught me the differences in skull thickness in comparison between equine and that of homo-sapien"

"What the f- Oh c'mon Sparks! Sure I learned more about my feminine side in a week more than I ever have in my whole life but you don't gotta drop a wisecrack like that!"

"That's the scientific name of your species you douche ba-"

"SILENCE!" Princess Luna screamed at the top of her lungs. She then paused for a moment to catch her breath. Being in the wounded state that she was, simply raising her voice was taking a lot of her energy. Now that she had our attention and was able to stop panting so heavily, she was finally able to speak.

"I understand that it may prove difficult at this moment..." The princess began. "But we all need to calm ourselves in order to better find a solution to our problem. We must think rationally of how we can stop these people."

"I vote for calm." Fluttershy said quietly as she finished dressing Luna's wound. "Um, Princess Luna? I think I have everything all set. I removed a little chunk of metal from each of you and was able to stop the bleeding. I think If we just keep her well hydrated, Princess Celestia will be alright."

If I was amazed by her medical skills before, I was completely blown away this time. A four legged creature with non-cloven hooves and I assume no experience with gunshot wounds had just outdone herself. After Luna was patched up, she then proceeded to slowly stand herself up on all fours with a little help from Doc Fluttershy and then turned her attention to me.

"Vinnie, is it? You seem to know those people. Surely you can find out what their weaknesses are."

"We can take them down by doing the same thing they did to you and your sister." I replied, raising my newly acquired weapon in the air for everypony to see. "If I can sneak up on them and make every shot count, I might be able to pull it off."

"I see. Now let me ask you this. Why do you say 'I' as in implying that you are doing this solo?"

"With all due respect Princess, that's exactly what I plan on doing. There's no reason for my friends to suffer because of something I brought on them."

"See, that is what I am talking about. You mentioned that you have found friends in these six ponies and I assume spike as well. Judging by their reluctance to allow you to fight alone, I find it safe to say that the feeling is mutual."

"Of course! That's why I'm willing to risk life and limb to take out this trash. Like you said, I do know these guys and they don't fuck around. These girls won't last a minute against them and their firepower!"

"Vinnie" Sparks began. "Who says we can't fight fire with fire. Like use the same kind of weapons they have."

"Well sparks" I replied. "That plan is find and dandy but we just have this one gun. We can't really fight a battle with weapons we don't ha-"

Just then, it hit me. I remembered something very important that could make or break our plan. I recalled the time when Sparks was studying my cigarettes and managed to do so without taking any out of my pack.

"Twilight Sparks!" I exclaimed as I lifted her up and hugged her tightly. "You're a fuckin' genius! You can use your duplication spell and make more of these!"

"V-Vinnie...too tight...can't breath."

"Oops! Sorry, kid."

"It's ok, Vinnie. If this makes you feel any better though, I also have a shield spell I can use to deflect their shots."

"Vincenzo, darling?" Gem said. "I would also like to remind you that the girls and I once took on an army of thousands of changelings. I understand that these men are not to be taken lightly but if we all work together, we can win this."

"Alright." I sighed. "I guess it would be a lot easier if I didn't do this solo. Just so you all know though, if anything happens to any of you, I'll never forgive myself. You capiche?"

"We've got this, Vinnie!" The smug Cloud Speed replied. "We've dealt with tougher guys than them!"

"I highly doubt that, pal. You can't underestimate these guys. Don't let your guard down for even a second. Let's get to work now. Uh, Sparks?"

"Yes, Vinnie?" She replied.

"Remember what I told you...about what I've done in my world? You know. Actually killed people."

"Well, yeah. I'm aware of that but you've moved on to better things, right? You've changed for the better."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. I lost my soul because of the shit I did. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy let alone my best friends. Any way you could maybe make these...um, I guess 'nonlethal' is the word I'm looking for."

"Of course. Great Idea, Vinnie. I could make them just stun them."

"Alright then. We've got no time to waste. Get me a quill and some paper and I'll sketch some things out for you."

It took just under an hour and one by one, we had turned the library into an arms factory. Sparks seemed like the type who would appreciate precision and accuracy so I drew out a bolt action sniper rifle on the paper for her to make a real yet less deadly one. Cloud Speed would be good for an areal attack so I had an uzi made for her. I had Gem collect some empty bottles, fill them with that Fancypants(R) cologne and stuff some rags into them for fuses. I felt that a twin barrel shotgun would suit Jackie well and since Pinkster could hold onto anything with her hooves, I gave her an extra revolver. Last but not least, a fully automatic Thompson sub-machine gun for the timid Doc Flutters. I'm not gonna lie, the biggest reason I gave that intimidating piece of hardware to her was for the sake of Irony and for some reason I just wanna see her of all ponies go on a maniacal rampage on these fools. I really hope they have a local therapist. I'll need one when this is all over. Our plan was to incapacitate our foes hopefully without killing them and get whatever justice system Equestria may have involved...and I knew for a fact that it was gonna be a bitch to pull off. The sudden and urgent sounding knock on the door didn't help to calm my nerves either.

"Identify yourself!" I shouted with my Colt Python cocked and ready to fire.

"This is Derpy the mailmare." The familiar voice from before said. "P-please help me."

Without hesitating, Sparks used her magic to violently rip the boards off the door and swung it open to let Depry in. She was wearing her blue postal service cap and she was holding an envelope in her teeth, but the first thing I noticed is that she was bruised up.

"Who did this to you?!" I demanded, already being fully aware who her assailants were.

"A bunch of two-legged guys kinda like you." Derpy replied. "They sent me here with this let-"

"I'm starting to have second thoughts about making these guns nonlethal, everypony! These scumbags have already gone too far when they shot the royal sisters! Anyone who beats up a slow pony doesn't deserve to li-"

"Slow?!" Derpy repeated as she glared up at me. "Did I just hear you right or am I just going crazy?"

"Well I, uhh." I stuttered, surprised by Derpy's attitude. "Sorry kid, I just though you were a little bit differently ab-"

"Slow? Dumb? Stupid? A few apples short of a bushel perhaps?"

I then turned to the rest of the ponies as Derpy hovered up to my level and continued to glare at me with her mismatched eyes. Jackie's eyes were nervously darting around the room for some reason. "I like this girl's attitude! She don't take any crap from anypony! I admire that! My bad, kid. What's this letter all about?"

I Then opened the envelope and read it aloud.

Vinnie

We've got some of these little pony friends of yours over here at this place they call 'town hall' or some stupid shit like that. If they truly are your friends, which is pathetic I may add, then you shouldn't have any trouble coming over here to exchange your worthless ass for their lives. You've got twenty minutes to grow some balls and make it over here. For each minute you are late, a pony dies! Show up alone. Tick tock, mother fucker!

Tony Z.

"Uh Derpy?" I asked. "How long ago did you get sent over here with this?"

"About ten minutes I th-"

"LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO!!!"

End Chapter 15

Comments

[BureYaAkili]

Tango bravo, commence operation ponyvation

[Caddy Finz]

4537865 Feel free to say no but...would you be cool with it if I used that as a title for a future chapter? That's quite clever.

[BureYaAkili]

4550407
Nope, go for it

[Flutters Is Shy]

I though Twilight had to have an actual physical object to make a duplicated item... So she can just make stuff straight from her imagination? And alter it past that point so it works differently? Cause lets be honest, Vinnie should have just had them create a tank at that point. If she can make literally anything, go for broke.

Failing that, don't give anyone single fire weapons. Even though they presumably fire... magic? I guess? Even then, them all having uzis would have been far smarter, especially seeing as none of them have formal training regarding marksmanship. It would have been better to give them the opportunity to shoot as much as they could, as fast as they could seeing as their accuracy wasn't guaranteed. Hell, just have Twilight carry in twenty uzis in her magic, start firing them all at once before you even start negotiations. Once the fire stops, wait and see if the bad guys have any spine left to try and swindle a truce out of them...