Mobster Meets Equestria

by Caddy Finz

Chapter 2: Not What I Had In Mind

Chapter 2: Not what I Had In Mind

So I'm dead. I just drowned in a park water fountain and I'm in Heaven or some kinda paradise. Funny how that worked out on account of my having taken other human lives. I don't care how it happened, all I know is that I'm here and I kinda like it. My clothes are still soaked but hey, nothing taking a little walk in my new paradise can't fix.

Pretty close to the pond I just crawled out of, there was this nice little trail leading into a flowery meadow. After just a few minutes of walking, I even came across this cute little stone bridge going over a little crick. I'm feeling on top of the world for a while, stopping here and there smelling flowers and whatnot until an all too familiar feeling came over me. The feeling that it's been long enough since you've had some smoke going down your throat. Time to get my fix of nicotine and hope I'm able to before I came across somebody else and take my frustration out on them. I reached into my now slightly damp jacket on my suit and pulled out my pack of smokes hoping that they had fared better than the rest of me. I ended up pulling out nothing but disappointment. My cigarettes were destroyed.

"Shit." I said to myself. "If I'm in Heaven, why do I still even have cravings?"

At least I wasn't in any pain...yet. I was soon to find the cold truth that changed everything.

"WHOA-oof!" I grunted as I tripped over a rock, fell flat on my stomach and bashed my shin.

"HISSSSSSS...AAAUUUUUGGGHHHH!...HISSSSSS...AAAUUUUUGGGHHHH!"

If I had learned anything in church when I went there as a kid, it was that pain doesn't exist in Heaven. Something was wrong here. Really, really wrong. I was sitting on my ass, massaging my shin and whining like a little bitch and I was getting a bit concerned and really hoping nobody saw me acting like a pussy.

"HI!" A squeaky little voice said behind me, catching me off guard. Before I could turn around, the voice spoke again. "I've never seen you around here before and-"

Before the voice finished, I was now standing back up with my fists ready to start swinging and turned around to face...nobody.

"What the fuck?" I said.

"Wow! you stand on Two legs?" The voice spoke again.

I was starting to think that I was going crazy and hearing things.

"Down here, silly."

I followed the voice's direction and looked down to what I assumed but still wasn't quite sure was the source. Looking up at me with big blue eyes was some type of a...some kinda...animal...like a equine sort of thing. It kinda reminded me of that pegasus statue on the fountain except it had no wings...and it was fuckin' pink! It was a tiny little pink horse-like creature and it was talking in this squeaky little friggin' voice that both startled and annoyed the hell outta me at the same time. At this point, I'm still staring down at this pony thing to really process what I was seeing. Maybe a visit to a shrink would be in order?

"Oh wow!" The thing said. "You must be one of those human things my friend Twilight told me about!"

My eyes and ears did not deceive me. This mini horse was talking to me and proceeded to go on a rant as if it were on crack.

"You see, a friend of mine went though a portal to another universe and when she came back she told us about these creatures that walked on two legs that were called humans or something and wow this is weird so then I heard somepony over here whining about being hurt or something so I came over to see If anypony needed help and I saw you and said 'HI' and that's when you stood up and now we're here and this is soooooo cool that I get to see what my friend was talking about and have you met my friend when she went to your world her name is Twilight spar-you okay?"

THUD!

I figured It was all just a dream. I'm just lying down here in the park after Fatman and Hobblin' tore me a new one and I'm just gonna sleep it off. Soon I'll be able to wake up and this will all be over.

SPLOOSH! "Aaahhh, fuck!" I yelled as I jolted out of my sleep. I had just had some crazy dream about falling into a central park fountain and crawling out of a pond and now I'm waking up to some dead jerk throwing water in my face. Still lying on the ground, I looked up to see that friggin' pony from my dream with a bucket in it's...hoof! how the hell does it hold onto a bucket with a hoof? a fucking hoof! A non cloven one too!

"You fainted." The pink stained horse said to me with this stupid little smile. "Let's start over. HI! I'm Pinkie Pie!"

Well at least there's something that makes a shred of logical sense. What I'm assuming was the thing's name suited it or her quite well. A bit too predictable but at this point, I was thinking that predictable was a good thing.

"What's the matter?" The pony asked me. "Cat got your tongue?"

I finally decided that I wasn't gonna get anywhere unless I communicated with the talking hoofed animal and said the first thing that came to my mind and a very important topic it was indeed.

"Uhh Ok, 'Pinkie Pie'." I began. "Lemme me ask you this. Where can I get a pack of cigarettes in this joint?"

"Ciga-who-da-whatnow?" The pony replied. "What's that?"

"Ok listen, Pink weirdo." I retorted "I'm gonna be nice and give you a more than fair warning. I'm in serious need of a nicotine fix. You're just an innocent little animal and I'd rather not hurt you if I can help it, so if you know what's good for your own well being, you'll get the fuck outta my sight until further noticed!"

The Pony then gave me a confused look. "What's a fuck?" it asked me. "You've said that like five times already. what does it mean?"

End Chapter 2

Comments

[GatoYBeans]

Horale eso era buen estoria pon mas
(Good read make more)

[Caddy Finz]

3136937 gracias!

[icedude94]

i can imagen this wise guy is going on "pissed off" mode i like to read some more but there is no other chapter for now i'm waiting paciently

[MasterSpike]

"What's a fuck?"

Something that this guy is just not giving at the time, and he could not afford to give not a single one, that's what.

[HB_DS2013]

Oh no, Pinkie knows it. It's like the one fic where Pinkie learns the word-that-has-the-same-letters-as-firetruck!

[Flutters Is Shy]

I know this story has a sequel, but these early chapters REALLy make it hard to believe he ever manages to fit in.

Heeeeeeehehe~

This journey gonna be guuuuud~

[ConfettiColored]

Ha, they're so innocent!