Mobster Meets Equestria

by Caddy Finz

Chapter 4: Take Me To Your Leader

Chapter 4: Take Me To Your Leader

"So if ya wanna use it as an insult, there's a lot of ways to do that." I said to Pinkie as we continued our walk through this Ponyville. "For example if you want to dismiss somebody you can say 'fuck off' or 'go fuck yourself'. Or you can put it together with another word and say something like 'fuckhead' or something."

"Cool! So when I called you 'fuckface' earlier, that's another word combo?" Pinkie asked me. "But then that means I insulted you right?"

"Well not necessarily. You said it in a playful, joking manner. In that case, it's just you messin' around is all."

"Neato! How about when I said 'shithead'?"

"Yeah that's another good example. But again I could tell you were just messin' around so no offense taken."

I was walking alongside a pony in a town full of ponies, having an intellectual conversation with a pony and teaching said pony about the versatility of swear words. Wow. At this point though, I was actually starting to get a kick outta this. This Pinkie Pie who I had just nicknamed "Pinkster" was actually turning out to be alright. It certainly was a sigh of relief to get a whiff of cinnamon rolls when we walked past this weird building with a sign that read "Sugarcube Corner" indicating that I'm not stuck in a world with nothing to eat but hay.

"See that shop over there?" Pinkie asked me. "That's sugarcube corner. I work there."

"I assume it's a bakery?"

"You assumed right! They have all kinds of baked goodies like cupcakes and muffins and pie and cookies and cak-"

"How about cannolis?"

"Never heard of those so probably not."

"Is that a fact? Well then I think I can help with that. We'll have to stop by that place later."

"Okie dokie lokie. Hey! I just thought of something!"

"What's that, Pinkster?"

"You never told me your name."

"Vincenzo Scungilli. Just call me Vinnie though."

"Ok then. Well, we're here. This is Twilight's library."

Pinkie had her hoof pointed in the direction of a huge weird looking tree.

"Where? You mean that tree?"

"Uh huh."

"Oh yeah, I see that door there. I suppose next you're gonna tell me that the elves who bake the cheap, crappy cookies around here live there, right?"

"What's an elve?"

"Never mind. I'll explain later."

"Okie dokie lokie."

She then trotted up to the chest high door on the side of the hugest tree I've ever seen and gave a few good knocks.

"Spike, would you get that?" A feminine voice said from behind the door.

"Sure thing, boss." Said another voice that sounded more like a male but much younger.

The door opened and out came one of the craziest looking things I ever saw. It was a tiny little bipedal reptilian creature that stood about knee height. Most of it's body was light purple with it's belly a very light green with darker green fin-like scales jutting out of the top of it's head.

"Oh hi, Pinkie Pie!" The small lizard said not noticing me as the door had not been opened wide enough. "What brings you over today?"

"Hi Spike!" Pinkie greeted. "I wanted to talk to Twilight about something. Remember when the two of you went through that mirror in Canterlot that lead to a different world?"

"Yeah!" The reptile apparently named Spike replied. "And what a heck of a few days that was, heheheh! Why do you ask?"

Pinkie then grabbed the door and swung it open the rest of the way revealing me standing next to her.

"Does this look familiar?" She asked him.

"Holy guacamole!" Spike gasped not out of fear but more fascination. "Hey Twilight! Remember that thing with the portal and the dimension with the high school and me turning into a dog?"

"Um, yeah." Said the feminine voice sounding like it was coming from upstairs. "What about it?"

"You gotta check this out!" Spike replied.

The door was about up to my chest so I had to bend down a bit to get a look at the inside and to meet Pinkie's friend who could possibly help me out. Inside there was a curved staircase and coming down them was a lavender pony with a mane and tail with stripes that were shades ranging from a very dark blue to what looked like fuchsia. As she was coming closer, I noticed that she had one of those weird unicorn horns on her head and a set of wings too. I didn't see any others like that when I was walking through town. Seeming how that was the case and on account of Pinkie telling me she could help, I put two and two together and got something pretty important figured out. She must be their leader. She was now standing at the door looking up at me not showing any emotion for some reason. Just a straight look on her face awkwardly staring up at me until her pretty purple eyes suddenly rolled back into her head.

THUD!

"Aww shit!" Pinkie said. "Not again!"

"What's a shit?" The so called "Spike" asked.

"Vinnie will explain. Now where's that bucket?"

A Few Minutes Later

SPLOOSH! "Hey!" Twilight yelled. "Pinkie, what was that for?!"

"You fainted, silly." Pinkster replied.

"I did? How did that happen?"

"Dunno. I guess you were startled or super duper surprised by something."

"Well I had some weird dream that I saw a human from that other world I went to."

"Ahem." I cleared my throat grabbing her attention. "Hi, I'm Vinnie." I said with a smug tone.

I was sitting on a sofa next to Spike showing him my snub-nose .38 revolver that I forgot that I had in an ankle holster the whole time.

"But. But. How?!" Twilight asked me dumbfounded. "H-how did you get here? Princess Celestia told me that the portal in Canterlot only opens every thirty moons!"

"Not now, Twilight!" Spike retorted. "He's showing me this cool thing called a gun!"

"Alright, listen." I said, desperate for answers. "I'm the one here who needs to get some shit taken care of. If anybody needs answers it's me. I really don't belong here."

It was true, I didn't belong there even though the pink pony and even the purple lizard I was talking to were actually pretty cool to hang out with. I needed to get back to reality and try to figure a way back to my world so the less attached I got to anybody the better.

"Actually, Twilight." Pinkie cut in. "He didn't come from that portal. He just crawled out of that pond just east of here."

"Whoa! Back up, Pinkie!" Twilight replied. "You mean to tell me that there are more of those?"

"I sure as shit do."

"Sure as what?"

"Shit. It's a word that they use in Vinnie's world. He's told me about tons of 'em. There's also 'damn' and 'fuck' and 'prick' and 'asshole' and cu-"

"Okay, Pinkster." I chuckled as I covered her mouth. "That's enough swearing lessons for today. Since we're in a library, lets start hitting some books about portals so I can go home."

"That sounds like a good plan." Twilight said. "You said your name was Vinnie? That sounds...uh, different. It's a shame that you're in such a hurry though, I've got tons of questions to ask you."

"How about you ask while we're doing our little research project here? I'm not planning on being here for too long."

"Alright, I'll start gathering any books that might help. Spike, write a letter to the Princess. This is huge!"

End Chapter 4

Comments

[icedude94]

i like the way a italian mobster is going though equitria

[butterfield pancake]

It was every 30 Moons not years [Basically 2.5 years

[treegrowth]

Spike retorted. "He's showing me this cool thing called a gun!" this...... can't end well.

[Base-Delta-Zero]

Huge? Don't you mean Yuge?

[Remnant Viscera]

I have decided I like this story so far. And not just because imagining Pinkie saying cunt got a laugh out of me... It totally did, though.