You know, I never thought that the day that I got my cutie mark would be a day that pleased me. That was mostly because I never thought that I would get one because a human getting a cutie mark might just be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. But gosh darn it, I'm a freaking alicorn goddess now, and I just got my cutie mark. I have to say, I like the symbolism behind it. It's kind of nice. The crowd went absolutely berserk when I got it, particularly seeing as how I got it right after a rousing speech about how I was going to be an awesome princess.
Why couldn't I freaking be an awesome prince instead?
Well, given that it seemed that I had the full support of the Equestrian ponies, and the fact that I got my cutie mark, I have to say that the press conference was a rousing success. I didn't see any of the Mane Six there, but Celestia assured me that they came. I almost wished that she hadn't told me that. The fact that they didn't come to congratulate me seemed telling.
Still, that wasn't something that I wanted to dwell on. I had something more pressing to attend to. A privilege that Celestia told me was one of the most sacred traditions amongst the princesses since Cadance ascended.
Poker night.
When Celestia told me about that, an evil smile crossed my face. I was quite the card player in my high school years. I fell out of it a bit in college because I didn't have many people to consistently play with, but I was always up for a game. So, the four of us found ourselves back in the private room that I had come to after we arrived in Canterlot. The minute we entered, a guard came up levitating several suede pillows. Celestia, Luna, and Cadance ignited their horns, and all of their regalia floated off of them onto the pillows. After two tries I managed to get my own breastplate and shoes off. The guard saluted and exited the room.
"There is no need for stuffy regalia here," she said to me with a knowing smile. "This is a time for us to relax."
Luna grinned and levitated a deck of cards and a gigantic pile of bits onto the table. She rubbed hooves together and began distributing them. "Our sister is indeed correct. 'Tis the best night of the week!"
Celestia took the cards from Luna and used her magic to shuffle them. "Now, are you aware of how to play five card draw?"
I grinned evilly and mimicked Luna's action of rubbing my hooves together. "Oh you'd better believe that I know how to play five card draw." I pulled the cards close to me that Celestia had dealt out. With a little effort, I lifted them up. Five of clubs, six of spades, four of spades, eight of spades, and... princess of diamonds? It even had a picture of Luna on it. I wanted to ask, but if I did then they'd know what I had, and I certainly didn't want that. I put on my best poker face and tossed a bit into the middle for the starting pot.
"Well, since I dealt, it's your move, Cadance," said Celestia.
Cadance grinned and cracked her neck. She slid two cards across the table. "Two please." Celestia slid her two more cards.
I looked down at my own and stared at them. I had a shot at a straight which would have been quite the good beginning. On the other hand, I had a shot at a flush too. Decisions, decisions. Eh, the night was young yet. I put down my princess of diamonds and asked for one. Celestia gave me a replacement. I tried not to hold my breath as I picked it up. Six of diamonds. Curses. Pair of sixes wouldn't get me very far, and I wasn't quite ready to bluff. I clicked my tongue and tossed my cards down. "I fold."
The other three princesses exchanged amused glances that increased my determination to completely clean up by the time the night was over.
Luna requested three cards and Celestia took two for herself. Then the betting began. "I'll start off with three bits," said Celestia, pushing the amount onto the table.
"I'll call," said Cadance.
"We shall call and raise thee two, dear sister."
Celestia slowly nodded, but pushed two out. "I'll call that."
"Me too!" said Cadance.
"Very well, mares, show 'em!"
I have never heard Celestia use slang before. It kind of made sense to me when I thought about it, though. We weren't trying to be regal here. We were just playing poker. I have to admit: after everything that had happened to me recently, this was kind of nice.
Well it turned out that I was quite right to fold. Celestia smugly placed a pair of princesses and a pair of... princes on the table. I made a mental note to ask them just which ones were higher. Luna put three aces on the table and leaned back in her chair with a smug smile. "We believe that trumps two pair."
"Yeah? Well I think that a full house beats three of a kind, Auntie Lulu," said Cadance with her own smug smile. Sure enough, she put three fives and two sixes on the table. Luna groaned and facehooved while Cadance eagerly scooped up the nineteen bits she had won. She giggled as she used her magic to begin dealing out the cards again.
As I looked through my cards, I heard Celestia clear her throat. I glanced up at her to see that she was looking straight at me. "TD, I am glad that you obtained your cutie mark today, but I must ask this: why did you decide to be the princess of pastries? That was not something that we agreed on."
A wide grin split my face. "Well, that would be because I am aware of your fondness for cake. Twilight has told me that you partake in your fair share of it. Now I am the princess of it, and that means that I have power over it." I chuckled and looked back down at my cards. "Right?"
"Are you planning on eating a lot of it? said Celestia with a hint of stiffness. "Or is it simply a prank on your part?"
"A prank," I admitted as I pushed a bit into the pile. "A rather good one, is it not?"
"Indeed," said Celestia with even more stiffness. The other two princesses tried, but failed, to hold back their laughter. "You do realize this will not go unavenged, correct?"
I chuckled and put three cards on the table. "I would expect nothing less."
Cadance exchanged my cards, and I was quite delighted by them. I didn't show it, though. I had long since learned to have a poker face. It had served me quite well in high school.
"Okay, mares. Just like last time, let's start with three," said Cadance.
"You're on and I'll raise you two!" I shot back.
Luna grimaced and put her cards on the table. "We fold," she groaned.
"I'll see you and raise you five," Celestia retorted.
Ooh. If this wasn't an attempt to get back at me for becoming the princess of cake, I'm not sure what was. I'm sure something more was in store for me, but she'd start here. I smirked at her and pushed the bits onto the table. "You are so on."
"Same here!" Cadance chirped. She pushed seven bits onto the table. "Alright, called. Show them."
I smiled and put my cards down. Flush of spades. Cadance clicked her tongue and put her three eights on the table. Celestia raised an eyebrow at my hand, but sighed and put her cards down. Three princesses.
"And that's me," I said happily, gathering up the thirty bits and putting them in a neat stack. I took the cards from Cadance and began shuffling them. "So, you said that I'd be able to create my own guard. When will that be?"
"Well, I think that it would be prudent to start the selection process once you move to Baltimare," said Celestia as she pushed a bit onto the table. "You'll be pretty much on your own there."
"Makes sense." I began dealing the cards. "When will the move be?"
"Whenever you're ready, TD." Celestia pulled her cards closer to her. "I assume you would like that to be sooner rather than later."
I smirked and nodded. "Not that I don't enjoy the pleasure of your company."
Celestia chuckled and put two cards down. "The princess of snark and sarcasm you are."
I snorted and began exchanging cards.
"We suspect that thou hast a plan for your branch of the royal guard, do you not?" Luna said with a knowing smile. "Thou seems quite eager to initiate their creation."
I chuckled quietly and exchanged my own cards. "Oh, you know me too well, Luna." I snorted and called Luna's bet of four bits. "And I really do mean that."
"We don't get to know your plans for them, do we?" Cadance guessed.
I smiled proudly and shook my head. "Nopedy nopedy nope. My guards are my business until they are ready to begin active duty."
Celestia chuckled and called Luna's bid. "I look forward to it."
* * * *
Do you know what none of you knew about Cadance? She's quite the card shark. I mean, the night didn't last as long as I thought it would because Cadance kept winning. I'm just glad that Luna was out before I was. That probably had to do with my experience with poker coupled with some good luck.
Having said all of that, the night was quite good. I didn't quite expect to see the other three princesses so relaxed and laid back, but it was kind of refreshing. I hate to admit it, but it started to shift my perspective on them a touch. Not enough that I didn't have some resentment towards Luna and Celestia for, you know, breaking my spine and tearing me away from all I knew and loved, but I was starting to feel more comfortable around them.
I'm not sure how I felt about that. I'm also not sure how I felt about me being so comfortable around all of them. Sure, poker nights are awesome in any dimension, and I had an absolute blast. Still, when I thought about it, I realized that I was kind of getting... comfortable with the whole 'me as an alicorn princess' thing. That I did not like. Yeah, I was only tolerating this for now because I was getting some cool stuff out of it, like my own guard that I had deliciously mischievous plans for, but once I got powerful enough I was going to expend all of my free time looking for a cure.
Though... maybe I'd spend some of that time looking to see if I couldn't get Twilight to ascend in my place. This was her destiny, after all. Not mine.
I sighed and laid back in my temporary chambers in the palace. I settled into the cloud-filled mattress--pegasi were right to favor those--and stared up at the ceiling. Now that I had a moment to reflect, I was kinda... worried about how much I was settling into this. I didn't want to be an alicorn princess. End of story. Fate could deal me this hand--heh... poker puns--but I didn't have to take it with grace and dignity.
"Focus, TD," I muttered. "Focus on what's important. You can have your fun, but get back to being a human."
I nodded to myself and slowly closed my eyes. "Focus. You're a human. Forget this pony body. You're a human."
The more I thought about it, the less I liked the situation. I had money, power, ponies who would bow to me--I especially hated that part--and a position that others would kill to have. Just my luck that the one being in all of this universe who didn't want this is the one who got it.
Figures.
What are doing posting at 2 o'clock in the morning? Then again, what am I doing on this site at 2 o'clock in the morning, I got work tomorrow!
I wonder when Twilight is going to blow a fuse about TD stealing her 'destiny'.
It was one thing when he expressed that he wanted to go back to being a human, but now he's moving forward with being a princess moreso than doing Twilight any favors. I look forward to this...
3097108 I'm in Colorado. It was barely midnight for me.
Oh I hope so. I started reading that the other day and I'm eager for more.
I would feel incomplete if I didn't comment on this new chapter
So, yay for new chapter
static3.fjcdn.com/comments/Fancy+marine+approves+this+_92b56cb38409a9514348cfd3c60d8ceb.jpg
I think I'll go to sleep now, my eyes hurt
man this story rocks! and since celestia found a way to open a portal in TD's rarity universe then he probably can too with enough magic training
Error Error Error! That 'i' needs to be capitalized...
I think there should be some questions he needs to be asking. Like: 'What will happen when we reverse the alicorn spell on me and cast it on Twilight?' 'Is making a Guard really worth the time and effort if I'm not going to be an alicorn forever?' 'Where the hell is Discord during all of this?' (I think that last one there is the most important, where is he?)
3097171WAITWHAT!? BIONICLE WITH A MONOCLE PIC? PLEASE SAY IT IS SO!.....(it's probably not.. sigh...)
Ah shit... DONT DO IT TD YOU'RE MORE FUN AS A HUMAN!
"Great men do not seek power; they have power thrust upon them."
So what's higher, a princess or a prince?
3097506 Great men do not - what the . God dammit, you beat me to the punch. ...I like punch. 'Specially fruit punch
3097506
Not a hundred percent sure that statement fits TD in this spin-off verse. Doesn't sound like is all that great a "man" anymore . Though plenty of real life examples to prove me wrong and right here. Am I rambling I can't tell. Sleepy time, too late for philosophic ramblings.
Found in one place "mot" instead of "not".
3097532
Given current political establishments, I'd wager Princess outranks Prince like a King outranks a Queen.
3097554
But then what would our third face card demonation be? (assuming a princess outranks a prince we stills need our jack equivalent)
3097549 Oh, I don't know. He's.. she's a person who didn't want the position to begin with, but took it up because she didn't really have a choice in the matter. I suppose that's bravery.
3097538 Kahless for the win.
3097561
The EoH maybe? The problem with that, though, is that since there are only four suits, two of the Bearers would get snubbed. If that's the case, then I'd bet Applejack and Rarity are the ones that do, since their Elements (Honesty and Generosity) are the exact opposite of what card games are typically about.
3097564
I think there is still plenty of opportunities for TD to prove that, in spite of his origins and his antics, he can be a better "princess" than Twilight, much to her chagrin.
Really, do you imagine miss "mental instability" with political power and responsabilities over an entire nation?
3097565 Kahless?!? Qa'plagh!
3097592
Ah yes, and it shall be glorious! The stuff of legends!
oh man give him his balls back thats cruel he gets now slowly psychological problems
Should be not, not mot.
Extra " at the end.
3097130
30 bits says he breaksdown too when she does, but for his loss of humanity and even sex (it would be very sad and a downer for a bit when he cries about losing his humanity but when he starts to complain about his lack of balls it goes around and becomes funny again).
Damn it! My name would only work for maybe an army of Discord, an element of chaos bearer or a really hammy mad scientist! Looks like the odds of me joining TD's guard are zero. :(
3097807
Yes. As soon as in TD the feminine of Alikorn will start being shown(estrus for example), the consciousness of TD will begin to change. And here events develop in two directions:
1 . TD accepts the new nature and ceases to look for ways to return to human I.
2 . The consciousness of TD doesn't accept changes. In that case self-damage begins: tendency to suicide, malefication (Nightmare TD lol...)...
Transformation of TD into a male can soften a situation.
It would indeed seem to be so.
There's no way anyone human can regularly pump out that amount of work. Are you some sort of cyborg inexplicably sent from the distant future to write pony fanfic?
3097592
Pfft. Get out of here with your reasoned argument about how a young adult that is still quite immature in several ways and inexperienced in the world is not ready to rule a nation. There are toys to sell damnit!
Meh, I should probably stop now.
3097617 Qapla' *
And yes, t'was Kahless who said it first. I am only quoting him.
3097592
Actually I thought it was pretty damn silly that apparently Equestrian Law automatically elevates ANYPONY who successfully ascends to alicornhood to Royalty. Like literally anyone who wakes up one morning with a horn and wings is deemed capable of ruling the nation. Can anyone else see problems with this? What if it happens to a serial killer? Or a child molester?
3097934
Celestia explained ponies are herd creatures, and automatically identify alicorns with authority, so coronation ceremony is merely a legitimation procedure.
My theory is, the Elements care less for the person/pony curriculum, and more about if the candidate is suited enough for the task. TD is not a world saving hero like Twilight, but he has at least a solid head on his shoulders.
When I read that the princess of diamonds had a picture of Luna on that I laughed, because I've got her as the king of diamonds on Solsuite. Awesome. I can't wait to see how TD assembles his guard.
3097894
I don't know about cyborg from the future, but I can tell you that he was wrong to say "halfway edited". The whole thing was finished yesterday, as I simply couldn't find many errors in it (which, as the editor, I can only say the amount of errors I'm finding is going down. In a chapter or two, I probably won't be needed). Trust me, it looks like an unfinished job, but it's all I could find. It's a pretty good chapter too, and I know you're gonna enjoy it.
3097299
It's a Warhammer Marine
Those best suited to rule are those that do not wish for the job, for they are those that truly understand the work and responsibilities that may come with the job.
3097959
I was talking more about the television series in general and less this fic in particular.
3097561 Elements of Harmony. All six are on each jack card.
3098537
We don´t know much about how ascension works in canon, but if Twilight´s case is an example, do you think the most sacred relics in Equestria, or Harmony in general, are going to elevate somepony unworthy into an alicorn?
There aren´t serial killers or child molesters in the cartoon. Only jerks and ineffectual villains. This is not "Boondocks". Period.
Well, they say that power is usually give to those who don't want it.
Definitely a fitting phrase for this story.
Furthermore, ever though of making a commission for making a full set of deck of cards the way you have described it?
That sounds cool...
3098763
Well considering that one of the four known Alicorns canonically tried to kill all life in Equestria over jealousy of her sister's popularity, and another routinely freaks the fuck out over minor disruptions to her schedule; I'd refrain from wholehearted approval of any political system that gives supreme executive power to any individual lucky or skilled enough to suddenly mutate additional limbs. And IIRC, Cadence's background story at least does not involve the Elements or some mystical Harmony force in the slightest. She just randomly Ascended to Alicornhood while confronting an evildoer, so it seems that its entirely possible for just anyone to Ascend, no background check needed.
And then there's the sheer complexity and instability that their political system would achieve after a while. I mean, can any Alicorn just issue a law at their whim, or do all of them have to agree first? Even once there's inevitably over a dozen running about? (which considering we've had one Alicorn return from exile and two more Ascend in the last decade or so, is a legitimate concern. Plus there's at least one more running around somewhere according to the textbook in Hearts and Hooves Day, unless Celestia was unlucky enough to get dosed with Love Poison.) What happens when one princess makes a law that contradicts a law a second princess made? Do they both apply? Are both laws nullified?
Really when you come down to it, there should be two princesses, no more. One would be best but we already had a diarchy so we can't exactly go back to a monarchy. Anyone else who bumbles their way into becoming divinity can become a Duchess or something, but anything else is just asking for chaos and lawlessness. There's a reason why 99% of all political systems have only one supreme executive leader. Inevitably some noble house is going to take advantage of a naive new princess to launch a coup in her name, and seize power or something equally bad.
Bah! Texas Hold 'Em is the best poker variant.
Even if TD tries to resist it, in the long run he will settle in and accept his lot in life. That won't stop him from suddenly realise 200 years later that he is not the same person anymore, and subsequently enter an alicorn middle age crisis. Which may or may not turn him evil. (He would make a awesome villain.)
Cool
3099033 Well considering that we have to ask all of those questions for Twilight, I think I have a touch of leeway here.
3097564
Well a good amount of guilt was involved too. Okay, I will level with ya: TD is a good person, but not a great one. Also you gotta remember his petty scheming that he seems to be having because of the power thrust upon him is deducting points.
3099892 Well you know that he'd never miss an opportunity to troll snobs. He flat out said when he was trolling Vichy that if Vichy was sincere he would have taken the offer. Blueblood is a favorite target of his for that very reason. You know you like it when him and Blueblood go at it.
In terms of the guard, you don't even know what he's up to yet.
3099924
Okay, I am somehow being taken out of context. The trolling of the snobs has no bearing on his "greatness" (in fact it might tip the scales that way), and I will agree I don't know what he has planned, but you are making it seem very devious and possibly in some way a petty revenge. All I am saying is not in the rank of "greatness" like say King Arthur who had greatness shoved on him also. In the Wanderings verse, yes he earned it..... here not so much but that is okay.
3100036 The guard is a small thing. How he rules is more important in determining that, which I will definitely delve into.
3100042
I am starting to think my comments that started out being joking have gone too far into serious town. This happens alot. Oh well.