James is a bit out of place here in Ponyville. But the local hero residents made sure he was very welcomed during his time while they figured out to send him back.
2963861 Thanks so much! I'm still a little giddy from all the attention this is getting. It makes me really happy that so many people liked it and that I managed to make something people would enjoy Thanks for the comment and favorite!
will you asshole writers stop writeing dash fics that i have to favorite, fucking hell. thats like 3 in a week. stupid talented fuckers. only thing worse than r.d. is scoots.
James is a bit out of place here in Ponyville. But the local hero residents made sure he was very welcomedduring his time while they figuredout to send him back. But after some weeks of still trying to send him home, the ponies can't seem to hold off some, "urges"that had to suppress around to not disturb him about some of the more, "intimate" parts of normal pony life.
**Warning!** The following story is intended for mature audiences of Age 18 or older. If you do not meet this criteria please do not continue.
Perspective confusion. Redundancies. Stilted language. Missing words. Bad description. Unnecessary punctuation. Wrong word choices. Warning that is already handled by flagging system. And that's just the description.
2964399 Thank you for making your critique constructive and I'll begin working on those inconsistencies you pointed out. It is people like you who point those things out that helps me become a better writer and improve my stories.
Rainbow manipulated his emotions, and played with his heart.
We're I in the protagonists place that would be precisely the sort of shit that would make go back to earth as soon as possible. That bullshit just does not fly.
It's been... interesting. Really. Many other clop fics are bad because you forget very fast that you are reading about ponies. But you managed to make the reader always remember that James was fucking... Rainbo Dash.
Not that I can really turn on that (seriously, I can't put "Ponies" and "sex" together in my brain). But it was very interesting. Good work.
2964591 Ya it was really weird for me to write. For me if I am to get turned on by anything thats not human they need to at least be anthropomorphized to as human as possible. But I don't know, just felt like this was how I should have written this story.
Playing with a person's heart is Just Not Done. To my mind, that sort of thing is even worse then cheating - one is a betrayal of trust. The other is a betrayal of the heart itself. Rainbow's actions in this fic just made her (within this works context) 20% less awesome.
2964618 Just because I started with Rainbow Dash doesn't mean shes the only character. I didn't feel write tossing in more characters until they are actually added.
Knighty has a thing for poorly written fics about Rainbow Dash getting fucked. I mean look at this guy sincerely!
Also, principal-based downvote. I'd downvote again if I could (due to it being badfic), so the author will just have to settle for my loathing of his guts.
It was nice, but... You could have made his will to accept it being more an issue of the herbs rather than her toying with his heart. At least that wouldn't feel like kind of a dick move on RD's part.
That's my only advice for improvement, no more manipulation is all I ask; being used is not a fun thing, even when it isn't you being used. Other than that, i'd give this story a 5/5 so far.
2964613 Alright, edited the ending so hopefully it will be better. A clopfic is still a clopfic, but I'll try to make it have some heart in it at least
so I'm guessing he is gonna stay now he would be crazy if he didn't.
2963160 Perhaps, there are still more chapters loosely planned and the ending hasn't been decided
Congrats on the feature
2963573 Wow! Didn't even notice! Thanks so much!
I'm gonna go ahead and guess that this is a clop fic because of the 'Sex' tag, but it looks interesting so I'll give it a read.
Sometimes...sometimes you just have to take the risk and dive in.
Hmm... Has an over 18 warning... Yep I am going to read it!
2963602 That and the Warning Age 18 or older below the description
welp, I finished it. I kinda skimmed over some of the more explicit parts. all I have to say is,
31.media.tumblr.com/6cca696b55e3a1e5e1e9071237662b1a/tumblr_mjje80bxOb1rwcc6bo1_400.gif
Not my kind of fic, but it's a pretty interesting concept, so have a like.
2963669 Thanks so much Hope you find more fics of your taste
You earned yourself a fave and like, good sir.
I'll keep an eye out for a sequel/new chapter!
2963696 Thanks so much! I'm glad every pony has been liking it so far. Did not expect this many!
I'm just sitting here, wondering why RD screamed "Oh god". Shouldn't it be more along the lines of "Oh Celestia", or even "Oh Goddess"?
2963830 Nice catch, gona edit that. Thanks for pointing it out :D
i'M JUST GONNA GO OUT AND SAY THAT THIS WAS FUCKING AWESOME.
2963861 Thanks so much! I'm still a little giddy from all the attention this is getting. It makes me really happy that so many people liked it and that I managed to make something people would enjoy Thanks for the comment and favorite!
2963839 Happy to help!
Sex central, thou name is Equestria.
>he came inside rainbow dash2963982
Oi! Spoilers!
rainbow came off as a little heartless with the whole tearful i'll miss you/nah we just want to fuck you thing but I still really liked this
2964000 She's a tough gal that might use a trick or two to get what she wants. But who's to say it wont be real in the end
2964002 ohh she's like a tsundere
will you asshole writers stop writeing dash fics that i have to favorite, fucking hell. thats like 3 in a week.
stupid talented fuckers. only thing worse than r.d. is scoots.
great job. much enjoyment and bloody hell more.
2964045 If anyone of them are it would probably be her.
Like a boss
Can´t wait to see what the other girls are preparing for him. Especially Fluttershy
Seriously? This is featured? LOL.
Perspective confusion.
Redundancies.
Stilted language.
Missing words.
Bad description.
Unnecessary punctuation.
Wrong word choices.
Warning that is already handled by flagging system.
And that's just the description.
2964399 Thank you for making your critique constructive and I'll begin working on those inconsistencies you pointed out. It is people like you who point those things out that helps me become a better writer and improve my stories.
you sir have earned yourself a great story and i look forward for more
Rainbow manipulated his emotions, and played with his heart.
We're I in the protagonists place that would be precisely the sort of shit that would make go back to earth as soon as possible. That bullshit just does not fly.
2964557 The protagonist may just address that in future installments. And Rainbow Dash wasn't completely untruthful on how she felt.
It's been... interesting. Really. Many other clop fics are bad because you forget very fast that you are reading about ponies. But you managed to make the reader always remember that James was fucking... Rainbo Dash.
Not that I can really turn on that (seriously, I can't put "Ponies" and "sex" together in my brain). But it was very interesting. Good work.
2964591 Ya it was really weird for me to write. For me if I am to get turned on by anything thats not human they need to at least be anthropomorphized to as human as possible. But I don't know, just felt like this was how I should have written this story.
2964574
My point still stands.
Playing with a person's heart is Just Not Done. To my mind, that sort of thing is even worse then cheating - one is a betrayal of trust. The other is a betrayal of the heart itself. Rainbow's actions in this fic just made her (within this works context) 20% less awesome.
Oh Gee another Rainbow Dash gets rutted by a human fic... Not surprisingly it gets featured too! Is it honestly that easy to get a feature?
well he's fucked...............................LITERALY
2964613 Know what? Your right. Going to make some edits that will somewhat address that point for now.
2964618
Yeah just about.
Slap 5k somewhat well written words about pony sex together and you've got about a 50% chance of getting featured.
2964618 Just because I started with Rainbow Dash doesn't mean shes the only character. I didn't feel write tossing in more characters until they are actually added.
2964399
Lol.
2964618
Knighty has a thing for poorly written fics about Rainbow Dash getting fucked. I mean look at this guy sincerely!
Also, principal-based downvote. I'd downvote again if I could (due to it being badfic), so the author will just have to settle for my loathing of his guts.
Have a nice day.
2964603 What I say: Good work. I should try to write something like this just to test out my writting skills.
2964778
NO PLEASE NO ALL OF MY NO NOT ANOTHER ONE NO
2964680
Just for that, I'm making a Dr. Whooves fic.
So..will there be a sequel? I would greatly appreciate it.
So... is this a clopfic?
Cause I think that's weird.
They're ponies.
It was nice, but... You could have made his will to accept it being more an issue of the herbs rather than her toying with his heart. At least that wouldn't feel like kind of a dick move on RD's part.
That's my only advice for improvement, no more manipulation is all I ask; being used is not a fun thing, even when it isn't you being used. Other than that, i'd give this story a 5/5 so far.
Probably a good time for James to stop by a market and see if the Chastity Belts are on sale.
Steamy and humorous while leaving me wondering what will happen next. A most excellent tale.
2964613 Alright, edited the ending so hopefully it will be better. A clopfic is still a clopfic, but I'll try to make it have some heart in it at least