• Published 16th Jul 2013
  • 3,195 Views, 212 Comments

It's Impossible! - AlicornPriest

Twilight discovers that magic is impossible. Things go from bad to worse in a hurry.

  • ...

New End 1: The New Impossible! (Part 2)

Previously on: The New Impossible!


“There's just nothing we can do! If she keeps working on this, she'll disprove everything. Who knows what could happen?”

“She'll get brain-slapped by the universe, then meet a giant starry version of herself and a cavehuman named Thak?”


“Pinkie? What are you doing in my house?”

“I wanted to check out a book about tarts, when suddenly I saw all of your theories and stuff, and it looked like so much fun, so I decided to make my own!”


"My theories prove without a doubt that magic is totally possible.”

"Your face is totally possible!"


"Pinkie, are you serious? That's your explanation?”

“It's unarguable!”

"Unarguable's not even a word!"

"Your face isn't even a word!"

"Hay, you can't turn that against me! Wait, don't cut this quote off h--"


“I got through an entire proof!”

“And look what you proved! You proved that magic is possible!”


"Pinkie, even with your fancy proofs, you can't just let the mole people come into Ponyville!"


"At least, not without a proper welcoming committee!"



“By Celestia...it's spreading too.”


And now, the conclusion.


If Twilight's logic had spread quickly, Pinkie Logic spread twice as quickly. It seemed so easy for the ponies of Ponyville to simply take as read that nine plus cookie equaled the morning star. The only ponies who never picked it up were the four ponies who had cooked up the concept in the first place (excluding Pinkie, of course). Now, simply believing ridiculous chains of logic was bad enough. But then the rules started changing.

It all started with Pinkie Pie, who figured out an incredible proof demonstrating that a ceiling was just an upside-down floor, therefore by Logic you should be able to walk on it. In an instant, gravity was double-ended. She followed this up with a simple lemma for walls, water, and air, and from then on ponies just walked wherever and however they liked. If you thought this might clear up the traffic problems in the town, it in fact did the opposite.

But this was only the beginning. Ponies turned one bit into one thousand, or a dozen hayburgers into one artery-clogging nightmare. (No, hay doesn't have cholesterol, shut up.) They turned buildings into mad labyrinths and made all the houses adjacent to each other. They hacked their bodies, making themselves capable of walking through fire, seeing the whole spectrum of light, or eating tamarind candy without gagging. Clearly, they'd become utter monsters. Something needed to be done.

Only one creature made sense to ask for help.

"You want me to fix this?" said Discord. "But this is the most chaos I've ever seen! It's like a dream come true!"

"But think about it," said Applejack. "It may be chaos, but you didn't do a bit of it. Ain't that a bit like gettin' a big ol' jigsaw puzzle for your birthday, only to find out someone else finished it for you?"

"Hmm... I suppose so. But that doesn't mean I want to undo it. It's still beautiful, beautiful chaos."

"You're right," said Rarity. "Why, it's so chaotic, it puts all of your antics to shame. I doubt we'll need to come to you when we can make our own wild scenarios."

"Not on my watch!" Discord pushed through the four of them and flew up to the top of the town hall. "As a good little reformed draconequus, I recognize that chaos is best in small packages. So it's my duty, no, my honor to bring this down to a more manageable level."

He released a huge wave of his magic, which rippled across the town and changed everything back to normal. For about two seconds, anyway. Then the ponies shrugged and restarted everything he'd undone.

"Whaaaat? How can that be possible?" said Discord. "That should have been strong enough to keep things sane for weeks!"

"Maybe we just can't fight fire with fire." Rainbow Dash struck on an idea. "Hey, you got any siblings named Order or Sanity lying around?"

"Be serious, Rainbow Dash. As it stands, I'm afraid I'm all out of options. There simply doesn't seem to be any way to undo this."

"I have a solution."

Everypony turned around to see Maud Pie coming down the path. "Maud!" said Fluttershy. "It's good to see you."

"Same." Maud looked about from corner to corner. "Pinkie, I take it?"

"That's right," said Rarity. "I noticed you don't seem to be affected by Pinkie Logic."

"I've seen it before," she said simply. "Pinkie did this all the time back on the farm."

"And what's the solution?" asked Rarity. "Disproving it?"

"Turning it 'gainst itself?"

"Punching it?"

"H-hiding until it goes away?"

"No." Maud gestured for them to follow, then made her way to the figurative epicenter of the whole debacle.

At the moment, Pinkie was currently trying to make a spaceship out of glitter, pasta, and baking powder (or baking soda, it was kind of hard to tell). When she saw Maud come in the bakery, she squealed and called out, "Maud, check this out! I'm gonna fly up and get some green cheese from the moon!"


"Huh? But Pinkie Logic says it should--"

Maud bopped Pinkie on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. "No."

"Hey, I'm just--"

Bop! "No."


Bop! "No."


Bop! "No."

"Aww... okay." Pinkie sighed and set down her hammer, and the little rocket began to clatter apart.

Maud smiled, just a flickery bit, and bopped Pinkie again.

"Hey!" But she couldn't help but smile in response, and soon she was laughing as hard as she could, plenty enough for two.

Her friends, meanwhile, watched in disbelief. "Wait, that's it?" asked Rainbow Dash. "We just had to say 'No?'"

"Did you ever say that? No arguing, just 'No?'" Maud replied.

"Oh... I suppose we didn't." Rarity facehoofed and laughed at herself. "That would have made things so much easier."

"Well, now you know." Maud turned around and began to go right back the way she came. "Goodbye, Pinkie," she said.

"Bye, Maud! Say hi to Mother and Father for me!"

"Can do." And with that, she was gone, just as quickly as she'd arrived.

The five ponies and one draconequus looked upon all the insanity going about. With a nod, they set out, ready to just say no.