New End 3: Mastery is Impossible! (part 1)
“It seems the situation is critical,” said Celestia. “We have no choice but to deploy… Honeycrisp.”
“Your Majesty, are you sure?” the messenger pony replied.
“Of course I'm sure!” said Celestia. “This is a standard operation for them. I doubt anything will go wrong.”
***
All of Ponyville had gathered around the library to excoriate Twilight and get her to undo whatever freaky-weird magic had messed up their bodies and their magic. While the rest of the mane 6 held the door back and kept the rioters at bay, Pinkie asked, “Don't you think somepony ought to be coming to help us right about now?”
Her Pinkie Sense may have been kaput, but her sense of comedic timing was still as hardy as ever. At that moment, a huge yellow-green wave of light wafted over the crowd, and suddenly there was a strange group of six ponies right at Twilight's door. The tallest pony was, to everypony's shock, an alicorn; she regally lowered her head and pointed her horn at the door, which faded into a barrier the same color as her magic. This allowed her and her associates entrance into the library.
The first thing Applejack noticed was the alicorn's particular cutie mark. “Ye've got an apple!” she said. “Are ye one of ours?”
“Fer sure!” said the alicorn. “Name's Honeycrisp. What's yours?”
“Applejack,” she said, “and these're my friends. But we're in a bit of a bind right now, so I hope you don't mind if'n we spare the introductions for the moment.”
“Not at all. That's why we're here, after all.” Honeycrisp looked about, but nothing seemed out of sorts. “What seems to be the problem's got all these ponies here knockin' down yer door?”
“Mah friend Twilight, she's the brown'n over there—only she ain't normally brown, normally she's a unicorn—sorry, it's a right mess.”
“No, I'm followin',” Honeycrisp said.
“She decided she thought she could prove magic is impossible, only she did, ye see, and a whole buncha other things, too. So we need ye to un-prove what she came up with, ya'll get me?”
“Disprove, and yep, I get ya.” Honeycrisp gathered her team and put their heads together. “For a magic and physiology probl'm, I'm thinkin' Speedy and Wind Chill, with Sweet Treat on assist. We good?”
“Sure, sure!” said a thin, yellow-and-pink unicorn next to Honeycrisp.
“Mm,” added a white-grey pegasus on the other side of the huddle.
“Aand… break!” Honeycrisp summoned up a pair of slate tablets and chalk and handed them to the two ponies who had answered. The rest of the team began to mill about, checking out the books and other objects lying about the library floor.
“What was that 'bout magic and phys'ogn'my?” Applejack asked.
“Physiology. If'n it's yer body ya'll need t'know more about, ain't nobody knows more about it than Speedy. She's our resident expert on physics, equine anatomy, and health.”
“'Cept Sweet Treat. She's the foody of the group,” the yellow-and-pink unicorn (who must have been Speedy) added. “You got any food questions here?”
“Cupcakes!” Pinkie shouted. “She disproved that ponies can eat cupcakes!” She actually started tearing up just thinking about it.
“Well,” said a willowy pegasus over in the cookbook section, “as it turns out, cupcakes are a great source of thaumodigestive enzyme. Any baked good, actually. It's the yeast that gives it off during anaerobic oxidation.”
“I… didn't know that,” Twilight replied. “I guess eating cupcakes is possible for ponies. But I'm still confused about a lot of things!”
“That's why we're here,” Honeycrisp said with a smile. “So why don't ya'll tell us more about the things you need to know?”
“But… I know all sorts of things...”
“General things, maybe,” the white-grey pegasus snipped. “Not expert knowledge like us.”
“Wind Chill, ain't no reason to be fussin' up an attitude, y'hear? She was just honestly confused.”
“Oh, mes amies, no need to argue!” This came from the red unicorn with colored splotches all over her mane and tail. “It eez a be-you-tiful day today, and we're saving the world. We should have fun, non, Wind Chill?”
“I guess you're right, Brush,” Wind Chill said. She blushed and looked out of a window.
“And who is this fetching figure?” Rarity asked. “She seems like a pony of fine taste.”
“Only the inestimable Brush Stroke, mad'moiselle, Team Honeycrisp's resident ingenue concerning all things art and style!” She caught up one of Rarity's hooves and gave it a delicate kiss. “And I take it you are one of my fellow artistes, hmm?”
“Oh-hoh-hoh, do go on.”
“Ahem!” said Rainbow Dash. “Less flirting, more world-saving.”
“Right, of course.” Honeycrisp returned to the task at hand. “So what was it you had trouble with? Magic, you said?”
“Mm-hmm. How does magic work? Like, how is Wind Chill still flying up there when I disproved flight yesterday?”
“Look, I'm chief weatherpony over in Bluegrass Fen, and I know everything there is to know about flight and meteorology. If there was something impossible, I would have proved it by now.”
“...Oh.”
“And for your information, it's not hard. Pegasus flight involves thaumic wind currents lowering the pressure around their bodies. It's Berneighli's Principle on a much more developed scale.”
“Your house isn't a real tree.”
“Huh?” The last of Honeycrisp's team had snuck next to Twilight while she wasn't looking: a forest-green earth pony with a flat-looking mane.
“Your house. It's not a real tree. It has thaumoxylem and thaumofloem instead of regular xylem and floem in real trees. This one's a magical construct.”
“Thank you, Evergreen,” said Speedy. She pushed the earth pony off to the side and grimaced. “The girl loves trees. Don't get her started!”
“Thaumoxylem, thaumic wind currents, thaumodigestive… It all comes back to magic!” Twilight shouted. “How does magic work?”
“And that'd be my cue,” said Honeycrisp. “Ah studied magic for eight whole years to get mah princess status. Believe me, I know what you're lookin' for.”
“Okay… how does magic work? It should be impossible, coming just from a unicorn's horn.”
“Ah, that'd be my First Law of Magic. That's what got me mah wings 'n horn.” She magicked up a piece of paper with a complex set of mathematical workings on it.
Twilight snatched the paper up in her hooves, ignoring for the moment the “impossible” magical spell she'd witnessed. For a few tense moments, she scanned each and every word. Once she was done, she grasped her head and staggered back. “It's so obvious, looking at it like that.”
“Right?” Honeycrisp replied. “Ah was so shocked Ah figured that'n out. The next two came after.” She brought another two sets of parchment, which Twilight grabbed and read as quickly as she had the other two. With each passing second, another wave of magic pulsed out from her, and the ponies outside shouted more approvingly.
While Twilight was reading, Honeycrisp continued, “I'm thinkin' 'bout putting all my discov'ries together 'n publishin' a book on all of it. The Foundations 'f Magic, I'll call it.”
“You'll have to use a nom de plume, of course,” Brush Stroke reminded her. “Sa Majesté Celestia would expect it, I believe. Might I suggest Color Light again?”
“Whoa, whoa!” Twilight swung her hooves back and forth. “First off, you know Princess Celestia? Second, you're Color Light?”
“'Course we know Princess Celestia!” said Speedy. “We work for her! And she's been fantastic for work on alicorn anatomy.”
“And we're all Color Light,” said Wind Chill. “We use it for all of our publications.”
“Why?” asked Rarity. “And why haven't we heard of you before? Surely another alicorn princess would be making some waves.”
Evergreen glanced over to Honeycrisp. “Should we tell them?”
“Don't see why not. Wind Chill already said where we're from. I figure Twilight's pretty bright; she could put together the rest of the pieces.” Honeycrisp called all of her team together, where they stood in what appeared to be a choreographed pose. “We are the Bearers of the Elements of Knowledge, and we work over in Bluegrass Fen, northwest 'f here.”
“The Elements of Knowledge?” Fluttershy asked, confused. “Like the Elements of Harmony?”
“Mm-hmm. We go on missions, saving the world using our brains and expertise.”
“But… but that's our job!” Twilight moaned.
“Did you really think you were saving all of Equestria all by yourself?!” Wind Chill asked.
“Well, kinda,” Applejack answered.
“Nope!” said Speedy. “In fact, we're not the only other team out there! We're the only ones with the knowledge of all the Equestrian teams!”
“H...How many are there?” Fluttershy asked.
“By our count… 'bout 20,” said Honeycrisp.
“Twenty!?” Rainbow Dash said. “How have we never heard of the others?”
“It's a nice thing, I think,” Sweet Treat said. “Princess Celestia wants us to feel special, so she lets the teams think they're the only heroes in Equestria.”
“Woulda thought you'd'a met the ponies with the Elements of Business over in Manehattan during yer friendship problem, though,” Honeycrisp added. “Funny thing, that.”
“We were working on a charity production, if you must know,” said Rarity.
“Ah, of course, ze Midsummer Theater Revival,” said Brush Stroke. “Such a piece magnifique, if I do say so myself.”
“Right,” said Honeycrisp. “In any case, that's 'bout the long 'n the short of it. Anything you wanna add, Evergreen?”
“I also like plants and fungus too,” Evergreen said. “Speedy didn't mention that. She just said trees.”
“Glad to get that cleared up,” Honeycrisp said. “Ya'll sure 'n stable now?”
“I… I think so,” Twilight replied. “Your three laws should get me started, at least.”
“How did you six keep from getting hit by Twilight's disproving power, though?” Rarity asked. “It affected everypony else who came near it.”
“We know why magic is possible, so her belief that magic is impossible didn't affect us,” Speedy said. “Simple as that.”
“Yup, reckon that's the case,” said Honeycrisp. “Now if we're square, Ah'm thinkin' we're gonna head on home.”
“Enchanté, nouvelles amies.”
“Wait! Ya'll can't leave now!” Applejack said. “Ya'll just got here!”
“Yes, you simply must stay a little longer,” said Rarity. “We represent the Elements of Harmony, and our specialty is friendship. It simply would not do to let you all leave without sharing our hospitality.”
“Please?” Fluttershy said.
“Oh, all right,” said Honeycrisp. “But we ain't stayin' long. Wind Chill's workin' on a sleet experiment back at home, and she's gotta get back 'fore the next step.”
“Hey, I may not be a fancy-shmancy scientist like you,” said Rainbow Dash, “but I am captain of the weather team here at Ponyville. Maybe you could share some of your ideas with me?”
“...Sure, I guess,” said Wind Chill. The two of them paired off and headed out of the library.
“...I like trees. And plants. And fungus… sometimes,” said Fluttershy.
“Have you heard of the Cordyceps fungus? It controls animals' brains.”
“Oh no! That sounds scary!” Fluttershy replied. “Is there a cure?”
“If you mix up a potion with spider silk and white ash bark, you can turn the animal back to normal.”
“Oh, that's good.” They continued talking as they too walked out of the library.
“Now, I believe I haven't told you yet about my work,” Rarity said to Brush Stroke. “I'm a dressmaker, you see. One of the most famous in Canterlot!”
“Quelle grand!” said Brush Stroke. “Your dresses must make any mare feel like the belle of the ball!”
“Oh, yes. Let me tell you about the time I made a dress for the Sapphire Shores!”
As they left the library hoof in hoof, Pinkie and Applejack locked eyes. Then AJ shouted, “Ah call the fitness lady!”
“Well, I call the food lady!” And they raced over to their respective Bearers of Knowledge and hustled them out of the library.
That left Twilight and Honeycrisp. All Twilight could seem to say was, “...Thank you.”
“Mah pleasure,” Honeycrisp replied. “Let's see if'n we can catch up with the others and hear what they're talkin' bout.”
“Sure.” And together, they headed out of the library to spend the day.
...But throughout all of this, something was burning deep inside of Twilight. It wasn't right. She bore the Element of Magic. She was supposed to be the best there was at magic. And yet here, meeting Honeycrisp, she realized just how woefully behind she was in the craft. She had a long, long way to go before she was even close to Honeycrisp's level.
“Actually, I just need to do something really quick in the library. Go catch up with Rainbow Dash and tell them I said to go to the Hay Burger for lunch.”
“The Hay Burger for Lunch, got it!” Honeycrisp waved goodbye as Twilight slipped into the library once again. Then she walked away without a second thought.
***
“I thought you said she was coming.”
“Well… she didn't say exactly,” said Honeycrisp. “She just said she was gonna go do an errand in the lib'ry, and to come here to meet.”
They'd arrived at the Hay Burger over half an hour ago. They'd eaten the burgers, and a couple of the others were nursing the dregs from their milkshakes while they waited for Twilight to get there.
“Speedy, why don't you run over to the library and see what's keeping her?” Wind Chill asked.
“Hey, I'm the fastest pony in Ponyville.”
“Actually, I bet that's me now, considering I'm in Ponyville,” Speedy said with a smirk.
“Oh, you are so on! Race you there!”
“You got it!” The two of them bolted out the door: Rainbow Dash flapping her wings as fast as she could, and Speedy coated in a pale yellow magical spell that seemed to increase her speed severalfold. While the others sat in the restaurant, they heard the massive *crack* *boom!* of the Sonic Rainboom, followed by the lesser-but-still-impressive *crash!* of Speedy hitting Mach 1.
After a few seconds, the two of them exploded through one of the walls, Rainbow Dash carrying a small letter and Speedy holding Twilight's princess crown. “She's gone!” cried Rainbow Dash.
“And she left this letter!” Speedy added.
“What does it say?” the others asked.
Speedy picked it up and began to read.
“Dear friends,
Thank you so much for being such good friends to me. Unfortunately, I've learned from Honeycrisp and her friends that I have a lot to learn before I can consider myself a princess of magic. It's been wonderful, learning the magic of friendship from all of you, but my cutie mark is calling me to something much more important. I will not rest until I've achieved something as great as Honeycrisp's three laws.”
“They ain't that great,” Honeycrisp muttered. “Just a couple proofs, is all.”
“If Twilight thinks they were great, they were,” said Rarity. “But is that the end of the letter?”
“Not yet,” said Speedy. “Here's the rest.
“So it is with a heavy heart that I regret to inform you that I will be temporarily retiring as the Princess of Friendship until such a time as I have completed my studies. I love you all and wish you the best,
Twilight Sparkle
Bearer of the Element of MagicP.S. Fluttershy, please take care of Spike while I'm gone. He's very independent, but he needs an adult presence to keep him on task. So just check up on him every couple days, will you? Thank you!”
“That's all it says,” Speedy concluded.
“The poor fool!” said Honeycrisp. “What was she thinking?”
“Well, we've got to find her!” Fluttershy said. “Ponyville needs her!”
“Don't worry!” said Rainbow Dash. “With 11 of us, I'm sure we can find her and bring her back safe and sound! Who's with me?”
“Yeah!”
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Man, this is the Rolling Stones' Career of fanfics. A never-ending string of farewell tours.
Twilight is off on a quest!
6770701 I know. I don't think I can take any more...
I like this.
Fuckin' Cordyceps.
Okay, and do we have a spin-off fic about the adventures of these two groups? :D