2868938 just because it's his perspective doesn't mean it has to be 2nd person
first person or 3rd person would have been fine
it's just that I am not that character and most of hose actions I would never take, so the effect of it is basically nonexistent

2869104 yeah that is true. I had the same problem when I read it originally and I carried it over to keep with the style of writing. In hindsight maybe I should've switched it from 2nd to 3rd when I re-wrote it, but what's done is done by now and I am not in the mood to go back and redo it all over again. maybe later down the road if I feel like it. Kinda in shock from this stories reception

this is awesome!!!! so happy you were able to continue this story!!
funny yet romantic. makes me feel happy for them

i am entertained , feel free to continue

2869194 probably tomorrow... or sunday. I have a history of working fast on these things.

Good story, only problem I have is there are multiple occasions in which you have forgotten punctuation. Mainly periods; it tends to make your spacing look odd as well for me.

Definitely going to enjoy where this story goes though.

I suggest that you have one or two proofreaders before you publish, just to make sure that it's free from any grammatical/spelling errors. Aside from that, it's pretty good.

This chapter brought nice comedic feel to the story. You are getting even better with this, although you still tend to forget words from time to time.
Also

said Rainbow, still trying to intimidate a snooty waiters voice

more like imitate.

You need an editor man. Mostly to clear up structural errors and grammar issues. Loved the original story, and to be a bit blunt, I'd rather drop than push forward reading a story that wasn't up to the same standard as the original.

Perfect example here, one of at least a dozen instances that needs addressing, and an editor will fix.

Well genius, you got to say anything? You think to yourself
Is there anything that needs to said?

Now, read those to yourself. See the issue? Should be...

Well genius, you got anything to say anything? You think to yourself
Is there anything that needs to be said?

Note, I'd recommend using GDocs if you aren't already so that the editor(s), when you get one, will be able to leave comments rather than simply fixing the errors, so that you may learn from it.

I like Luna ships because she is the best princess. Moar please

Amazing story. Excellent pacing, descriptive detail and the plot (no pun intended) is awesome! Keep up the good work.

So rare are Luna ships this wonderfully written. You have my utmost respects.

Nice story, keep up the good work

2869805 ehhh, that, yeah. I flipped a coin when I took this up. Heads human terminology since it's human, tails equine terminology because its MLP. Tails won 2 out of 3. I rest my case

omg amaizng more nows

Needs More.

Also, That Plaigerism Claim needs to be retracted.

nuff said.

2871718 not my call. I'm currently revising the first two chapters. Kinda hard really

2869194

@skylight laster I love that line!

Also i have a couple of cretiques. idgaf how to spell :). First off, did you edit the 3-4 chapters when this went offline? secondly, you don't need to mention grey almost every line, "he said" suffices.

2877289 I've already done, i know it's rough and I hate it, I tried my hardest to give it something. but I had no choice

MOAR!

here is a question, as i kinda forgot how the original story before it got taken down flowed.

Please look at this line here "Gray's like of this guy is dropping faster than Derpy's Pianos. He flips through a few pages too fast to check until turning back to him." In the original story, wasn't it Gray replaced with "he" as in he was thinking to himself, and the reader could see that thought?. I just don't remember it saying Gray, i could have sworn it was "he". Also, if it was "he", and my hunch is right, why did the mods ask you to change it?. The point of view isn't plagerism, besides, Gray flames wasn't even in the story Brony13 wrote.

also i noticed 'crystal moon" where she ordered a drink was cut off. It used to have more after or before that if i can recall. Sorry, i sound nitpicky, usually i am not detailed focused, but it is these little things that throw story off. I will do anything to support this story, and i hope you bring back the original style from chapter 5 as it really made this the best luna fic in america history.

:(

m16

What could possibly go wrong?

Everything. Anything. Hell, the CMC are bound to fail because of this statement and they aren't even part of this fic!

And I was right. To an extent. Reguardless, I look eagerly forward to more!

2877773
Brony13?!?! Da faq?!

(Just kidding, I couldn't care less. )

2878724 brony 19 eh?

2878783
Yup! At your service!

dawwww

Luna has Quickscopers in her guard!

I was kinda hoping they would find a lake and skinny dip at the end

As you approach the restaurant you hope all your effort for the past week will pay off. Between studying with Applejack, which was loads of fun, and Twilight's own plan to help out everything was set to go smoothly, or blow up in a big epic failure. if only you knew what Twilight's plan was. You were so busy trying to study with Applejack you never listened into her plan. Actually, half the time you were "studying" you were laughing with Applejack over the stupid rules you were supposed to follow. No idea what she had planned, only it involved Rainbow and Fluttershy. What could possibly go wrong? Thankfully no big epic thoughts of failure, humiliation, and banishment to the moon after being raped repeatedly with a whip while tied to a guillotine. Don't know how, but they avoided your thoughts this time, save that last one. You apparently have some dark thoughts.

Admittedly that last one sounds kinda hot bro