I enjoyed the original story very much so I was quite sceptical towards this but I don't regret reading so far. You pace the story well and your style seems to match Brony19's well. However, you could use a proofreader - there aren't too many mistakes per se but you tend to forget to erase some words when you rewrite a sentence.
“Never talk with your mouth open.” you say
- well, that would pretty much kill the conversation...
So the running gag is that Gray Flames and Twilight seem to end up in VERY awkward situations... Hmm, I ask you to please continue sir, for you have my curiosity
Shudder I went though a year of this exact type of training, what makes it worse is my teacher said I picked it up faster then ANY student she had in the past.
Trust me, ninty percent of what was mentioned here is only like one chapter of one book in a list nine feet long.
Don't know if I should downvote or not. This looks VERY familiar.......
2863912 the fic is an extension of the other fic that it is based on
2863938 Ah! I see it now.
I enjoyed the original story very much so I was quite sceptical towards this but I don't regret reading so far. You pace the story well and your style seems to match Brony19's well.
However, you could use a proofreader - there aren't too many mistakes per se but you tend to forget to erase some words when you rewrite a sentence.
- well, that would pretty much kill the conversation...
2864619 Agreed.
2864619 I thought I fixed that!
Right, sorry 'bout all those comments. Didn't think they would be published when this was.
There are a few atomic typos (typos that don't get picked up by regular grammar-checking programs), but overall, it's pretty good.
MOAR
2866470 working on it
Pweez moar
So the running gag is that Gray Flames and Twilight seem to end up in VERY awkward situations... Hmm, I ask you to please continue sir, for you have my curiosity
i demand more
that would be she. There was another misspelling around the Luna and Celestia part.
2868912 Thanks for that! Yeah, Chapter 4 seems to have the most. Don't write upload at 2AM in the morning. That's my advice
this... is really interesting
it's just the 2nd person part... blaahh brain y u no tolerate 2nd person even when it's a good story?!
2868936 not my fault! Taking from Brony19's perspective!
Well, there are a LOT of simple grammar and spelling mistakes throughout this whole thing.
But at least the story is good.
Im pretty sure that this story is supposed to be "human", right?
2869805 Nope, men.
2868938
Indeed it is. I just realized you are implying that I find human Twilight attractive.
... I suppose you wouldn't be wrong.
Why doesn't Twilight teach him. I mean she did live in Canterlot for most of her life.
And she complains about Spike's laziness...
dawg, when royal guards show up to your pad and ask you if you accept a date with moonbutt. there should be no hesitation.
3662069
Shudder I went though a year of this exact type of training, what makes it worse is my teacher said I picked it up faster then ANY student she had in the past.
Trust me, ninty percent of what was mentioned here is only like one chapter of one book in a list nine feet long.