Foals for sale
It was a quiet, dark night in Ponyville. Most ponies were just settling into bed. In a cottage near the edge of the Everfree forest, a yellow pegasus mare named Fluttershy was preparing to do so herself.
Fluttershy heard a knock at the door and turned her head. Opening the door she was greeted by the eager face of a flying Draconequus, and jumped out of the way with a surprised ‘eep’.
“Fluttershy it’s Cadence,” spoke a voice from the door, and four footsteps could be heard entering. She quickly peeked out of her hiding place behind the couch, and blinked. It wasn’t that she was shocked, it was more confusion then anything else.
Cadence walked into the house, closing the door behind her. At her feet were three foals of different species. There was the Draconequus from before, gazing around the place with exited glee. A changeling with green hair and some sort of crown. She looked familiar too. There was also a dark blue Alicorn. On Cadence’s back was also a pure white filly, casually munching on Cadence’s mane.
“Uhm, he-hello.” Fluttershy cautiously walked out, and saw Cadence turn to look at her. There was bags under her eyes, her hair was strangely silky smooth, and the look of pure desperation was enough to cause Fluttershy to become slightly worried.
“You have to help me! I can’t take care of four foals at once!”
Celestia and Queen Chrysalis were engaged in a battle royal. Each fired spell after spell, trying to hit the other. Luna chipped in occasionally, but she had her hooves full holding up the shield to keep the changelings out of Canterlot. Cadence was on her way, she could hold on.
Discord watched this with a sense of amusement, occasionally snapping his fingers and changing something in the fight. Once such change was when he made all their spells make whoopee cushion noises, that was his favourite so far.
Celestia knew her spells would not keep Chrysalis down for long, she needed a more permanent solution. Suddenly, memories of a certain purple Alicorn currently in Ponyville brought a smile to her face before she grew serious again. Changing the intention of the spell, she began to prepare.
Chrysalis fired off a spell, and Celestia was not quick enough to miss it. She winced in pain, and fell to the ground, Chrysalis stopped darting around and prepared a stronger spell. Celestia acted quickly, leaping into the air and firing straight at Chrysalis. However Chrysalis had been expecting such a plot, and pulled a shard of one of the broken windows over to deflect it.
It hit the mirror. Celestia and Chrysalis’s eyes widened as both saw the magic deflect back to them. Discord had yawned and completely missed the beam of magic flying toward him. Luna had turned to fire a spell to assist and saw a beam heading towards her. The spell activated and the room filled with magical dust, which quickly cleared.
A minute later, Cadence burst into the room, and was met by the sight of four foals. Their eyes locked onto her, and for a moment everything was silent. Then the Changeling foal opened her mouth and began to cry.
“This better not be what I think it is…”
“So-um-what is it you want me to do?” Fluttershy didn’t understand, shouldn’t she have gone to Twilight for this? Cadence sighed, and pulled her hair out of Celestia’s mouth again, shinier then ever.
“Twilight said you know about animals. I was hoping you could help in some way. Discord keeps causing trouble, Chrysalis won’t stop crying unless I feed her, Luna won’t stop clinging to my leg, and Celestia is eating my mane!” Cadence couldn’t handle four foals at once. Discord was hard enough to keep away from everything, and not to mention him making things appear. But when you factored in the other three she was on a balancing act, and about to fall.
“To b-be fair your hair looks like ice cream," commented Fluttershy. Cadence glared at Fluttershy, and growled in annoyance. Fluttershy flinched and took a step back in response.
“My hair is not ice cream!” She glanced to Celestia, and pulled her hair out of the foal’s mouth once more. Finished that, she turned just in time to see Discord make a cookie appear and snatch it away before he could eat it. She was just in time to send a quick love spell at Chrysalis as she began to cry but didn’t reach her full tempo. And finally she pulled Luna off her leg and placed her beside Chrysalis.
“W-Well I haven’t h-had a pet changeling before. B-But Discord is my f-friend so I could probably take care of him for a while i-if you want.” Cadence frowned, unsure if she should do as Fluttershy said. However as Discord plucked another cookie from thin air, and Fluttershy quickly picked him up and took the cookie away, she paused to watch what happened.
"No," whispered Fluttershy, her voice soft but commanding. Discord didn’t do as she said at first, making another one appear. However Fluttershy was known for her patience, and eventually Discord stopped and simply giggled at her. Giving a gentle smile, she began to rock him to sleep.
Cadence sighed in relief, it seemed Fluttershy at the very least knew what she was doing. She couldn’t leave a foal in some strangers care in good conscience. But since Fluttershy obviously knew how to take care of a high-maintenance foal, Cadence could see Discord would be fine here for now.
“Ok Fluttershy, only if you are sure” she replied finally. Fluttershy raised her head and gave a smile before retuning her gaze to Discord.
“I’m sure we will be fine. He’s a regular Angel.” Cadence smiled, and left Fluttershy’s place. She would check on them in the morning. Cadence was sure Fluttershy would be fine.
“So is there any way you can help?” Cadence was in town in a place called Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie was the source of her question. Twilight has said she had experience babysitting and would probably be the next best place to check.
“Oh sure! Why don’t I take one?” Before Cadence could react, Pinkie had already picked up Luna and was tickling her and making cooing noises.
“I’m sure the Cakes won’t mind me watching the little tyke for ya.” Pinkie Pie made silly faces, and Luna chuckled slightly before becoming quiet again. Cadence didn’t know if she could really trust Pinkie with Luna of all foals, but Twilight had said she was capable.
“Do you think it might be wise to ask the cakes first?” She asked, glancing around the store. When she glanced back she blinked, Pinkie was gone. She was back a moment later, face filled with a grin.
“They said yes! They also said don’t worry about it I might not look it but I’m pretty capable.” So with those parting words from Pinkie Pie, Cadence left the store with two foals in tow. While she was less sure of Pinke Pie, she had history to back her up.
“Ahm not sure how ah could be of any help.” Applejack frowned at Chrysalis. Cadence had heard about how Applejack had raised AppleBloom more or less by herself from Twilight. It was the last place she could think of going.
“You raised your sister didn’t you? Is there any chance you could give it a shot?” Cadence was desperate for help, even with two foals taken care of.
Applejack considered it, “well…Ah guess I can give it a shot.” Cadence watched as Applejack picked up Chrysalis and plopped the foal onto her back. Cadence said her goodbye’s and walked away, Applejack waving as she left.
“So you’ve got Celestia left? Where are the others?” Twilight greeted Cadence at he door, opening it to let her in. In the time Cadence had been gone her hair had become even shinier then before. Cadence pulled it out of Celestia’s mouth.
“They’re with Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack. I only wanted advice but they seemed willing to take one each off my hooves.” Cadence rubbed her eyed and glanced to the final foal on her back.
“Well if you want I’ll take care of Celestia for you.” Twilight spoke casually, as if a no would not be a problem. Cadence frowned, and considered it. Twilight had no experience taking care of a foal, but she would be in the house if she had any problems.
“Okay Twilight, but if you need anything promise me you will come and get me.” Cadence could only chuckle as Celestia was pulled off her back and brought over to Twilight by the eager mare. She watched them for a while, before heading upstairs to the guest bedroom.
She was sure there was no way this would backfire on her.
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You might want to change your mention of hands to hooves. Ponies don't have hands, after all
2804822
Damn thought I caught them all.
Applejack and filly Chrysalis huh neverthough about it. Soo unusal combo
2804827 bleh. same. That's why Ctrl-F for hands, legs, arms, toes, fingers, stand or anything human-related becomes mandatory.
That, and like ." or ," and [[doublespacing]] and stuff like [i] [/i] (I type in BBCode lol. :P)
Highly amusing! But there were a few missed words/spelling errors, but not enough to take me out of it.
2804930
Sorry
2804965
Don't apologize, it's an extremely amusing story and quite well written overall. Sorry if I seemed rude.
2804966
nah you're fine, I was saying sorry for the errors 
I'll get a proofreader on it asap.
2804968
No reason to apologize; best of luck regardless.
2805014
Thanks
What could possibly go wrong
2805327
Chrysalis is with applejack
Thats your first mistake, as for Pinki and Luna. that might go over well. however I think Twilight will have problems taking care of Celestia initially things will calm down on her end. those are my thoughts on the matter.
Let the headaches begin.
There's a foalification fic trend lately.
Welp at least it helps counter the oviposition trend.
2805555
I just write the stories, I don't pay attention to what other stories are similar.
If I was paying attention to that, I'd never write one.
2805567
So far not bad. A bit simplistic.
Discy with Shy makes sense.
Tia with Twi is basically a reversal of the prequel so that makes some sense. (Cadance thinking Twi has no experience is wrong. She took care of Spike once they were both old enough. Celestia only raised him as an infant.)
Lulu could go with anypony, really, but would make the most sense to be with Twi as well since Twi works at home, and has Spike to help take care of them, and they can be together. AJ, Pinkie, Dash, and Rarity work all day and the CMC are not mature enough to help. But they could all help out Twi when she needs a break.
As for Chrysi, she should really have stayed with Cadance since only she can give love without feeling it (who really likes Chrysalis?), and since her hubby is the only one who can really contain her if she "grows up" suddenly. Also them working to reform Chrysalis by raising her is mutually ironic.
I'll keep it on my RiL to see where it goes.
2805654
Oh how I would love to spill my plot so I can use your unique talent to ensure there aren't any plot holes.
>Fluttershy heard a knock at the door, and turned her head. The dark night obscured any chance of seeing who it was, and the curtains certainly didn’t help either. Opening the door she was greeted by the eager face of a flying Draconequus, and jumped out of the way with a surprised ‘eep’.
>, and
>, and
>, and
Wow, an opening paragraph without any attempt at sentence diversification. Oh, and two of those commas were completely unnecessary ("and" is supposed to remove the need for a comma). Color me unimpressed.
>“Fluttershy it’s Cadence” spoke a voice from the door
Awesome, forgot the punctuation mark at the end of dialogue. Second paragraph is starting off even worse. Are they trying to outdo each other in a race for how to screw up comma placement?
You actually label the flashback as a "flashback". Hooooly shit. I'll just mark this square off on my "Amateurish story mistakes" bingo card here... Seriously, you should be using this thing known as "Organic story-telling". It's where the two characters you have in the scene actually talk about what's going on, rather than sticking a shovel into that mess of exposition and trying to ram it down my throat.
>“To b-be fair your hair looks like ice cream, ”commented Fluttershy.
>, "F
You were too fast on the Spacebar there. Chances are you're too fast in other things as well, like during bed play with the significant other (or the significantly well-paid, at least).
>Fluttershy gently gazed at Discord and said a soft but stern, “no”.
>"no"
Generally, people capitalize the beginning of dialogue, but I suppose you're blazing a trail. A trail headed right for a sheer cliff face that falls into the Fens of Ferocious Mediocrity.
>ABSOLUTELY NO WAY!
Wow, how clever and meta of you, delivered with all the subtlety of a brick to the face. There's ABSOLUTELY NO WAY this will turn out well, and I'm not talking about how Fluttershy is going to deal with the foals.
2806187
While you aren't even trying to not be rude, I will still thank you for pointing out my errors.
Also I'm a virgin, so congratulations!
I do not claim to be good.
I do not claim to be 'not amateurish.'
I just write.
2806267
>I do not claim to be 'not amateurish.'
That's a double-negative.
Right, since you didn't respond with all the maturity usually reserved for a four year-old whose mother won't buy them a chocolate bar at the grocery store, you get help.
Punctuating dialogue.
Sentence structure.
More on it.
(You should read that entire thread, but I linked those two in particular since it's pertinent to the grips I had, which are pervasive and legion).
And the best way to learn how to get better: Read actual, good, professional writing. Published doesn't mean good; just look at Twilight (and its god-awful fanfiction-cum-erotica novel, Fifty Shades of Grey).
2806789
Well well, looks like someone can be nice
I've read the first one, but I'll give the others a glance when I have time.
I'm always looking to improve, and I rely on other people to point out where I go wrong so I can try. If no one tells me where, how can I stop a leak?
So, if you have some spare time, I'd love to see you have a look at my Sweetest Belle story, as it is the one I put the most effort into.
Thanks for the advice.
2806187
Just wanted to point out that in correcting the author, you've made some mistakes yourself. Not hypocritical, are we, now?
2807510
>Says there are errors
>Doesn't point them out
>Claims not substantiated by evidence
Right. You do that. I'll be over here, not giving a fuck.
2807570
Hehe
Like a certain somepony, I'm not gonna spend ages writing a huge, boring comment for people to ignore.
2807684
Which is to say "I don't got jack shit."
who wants to bet Cadence will have something to drought. ME!!!!
If I know you right this will backfire and burn to Candance.
2808111
Whatever makes you happy, pal!
i like it baby princesses, baby discord, and a baby changeling soo cute
The adult / foal pairings make pretty good sense actually ...
Twily + Tia is obvious
Flutters + Dissy is also pretty obvious
Pinkie + Lulu not obvious but I like
AJ + Chrissy not obvious but I understand. Unless Cadance wants to constantly cast love spells on Chrissy then the best option is to put her in an enviroment full to bursting with Love ... AKA Sweet Apple Acres...
I like it make a new chapter please
Nice chapter so far
2806789 What's wrong with dou8le negatives? M8king no cl8m on not 8eing an amateur is not exactly the s8me as cl8ming to 8e an amateur, although th8y are usually pretty much interch8ngea8le.
~Vriska Serket
2807684 Wouldn't that 8e unlike, rather than like? Who else doesn't spend 8ges writing a huge, 8oring comment for people to ignore?
~Vriska Serket
2810363 It seems to me that s/he's right. If you're going to s8y th8re are 8rrors, point them out. Otherwise, just don't mention them. Also, 8rror correcting comments is generally not done unless the comment author specifically asked for it.
~Vriska Serket
Cadence is friend, come, eat friend!
oh, yeah. Nothing will go wrong.
also, i know cadance wanted a break from them, but i think she is the best choice for chrysalis. i mean, hello. alicorn of love.
Okay then.
it'll be Pony pokie perfect!
I do enjoy the story; though I’d wish that it had some editing done even though it’s already completed.