i am kind of wondering how did he gain such quick control over his powers it took goku 18 life to freely manipulate ki (well really it was 3 years on kami's look out) the same goes for the avatar with the binding (well maybe the minimal air bending he did would't count (i bring up good points) and one more thing he needs the training involved with this because ki is spiritual energy brought about by training the body and the binding methods the avatar uses involves certain styles of martial arts but i digress this is your story and maybe god gave him the knowledge to use them
Unless this is secretly a parody of bad SI fics, then the only thing I can say is that this story is terrible. I already found a large amount of problems with the story, and it's only been a single chapter.
The writing is awful (please at least make sure to go over each chapter one time before submitting it, and if you can't do that, then at least get a proofreader to go over it). Your character is an obvious wish fulfillment SI. Nothing in the story makes any sense, and it's also full of clichés. Really, why would he ask to be an Avatar while at the same time asking to have saiyan powers? That kind of power is massively more powerful than the Avatar, so it makes no sense to ask for both. Also, why would he need the glider if he can fly? Why did the princesses just believe everything he said? How does he know that pony is the Doctor (and why are you using that stupid trope)? Why did he try to make up a story if he was going to spill all his secrets less than a second later?
I had been hoping to upvote this just to balance it out, but there's no way I'd ever give this a like the way it is now.
"I grab my custom revolver, made to shoot 50 caliper () bullets."
Couldn't he have just got a Smith and Wesson 500? You know, the only revolver that is made for shooting .50 AE bullets? You tell me that you can rifle out a smaller caliber gun, even a .44 Magnum, to fire .50 shells, and it won't fucking blow your hand off when you fire it.
283050 if you want t9 go the route of choosing the gun, why not semiautomatic? Yes, revolvers are more reliable, but with mobs of people, if you know what you are doing, quantity over quality is the one thing that may save your life. Besides, if he took care of the firearm, chances are there wouldn't be a big malfunction. As for "caliper" it too made me cringe, but then I thought "well, at least it is a word..."
i can see why it has so many dislikes but i wanna read further. like jerry peet said mary sue is not a thing i want to see where this goes could be awesome or terrible. only time will tell.
Im not going to add whats already been said but the character here went from cocky, to calm, to fan girl to depressed in one chapter. Also sorry but lame test by god there "those who stay calm are worthy" sorry no. The most terrible people on the planet can stay calm under pressure. If it were me i would look those who didnt take advantage of the chaos or something like that. Also for the people complainig about the gun. Ill just say we dont know enough to judge maybe it was a gift and the only one he had. Just saying we dont know he specificly had it custimized to him. At least not yet.
DAT'S A LOTTA CALIPERS MAN
flexbar.com/shop/pc/catalog/calipers-descIMG.jpg
I just wonder... can you cram any more wish-fulfillment into here?
i711.photobucket.com/albums/ww118/AAKRON/nope-1_zpsea399929.gif
I'm not going to stick around to find out!
I just want cry from laughter.
i am kind of wondering how did he gain such quick control over his powers it took goku 18 life to freely manipulate ki (well really it was 3 years on kami's look out) the same goes for the avatar with the binding (well maybe the minimal air bending he did would't count (i bring up good points) and one more thing he needs the training involved with this because ki is spiritual energy brought about by training the body and the binding methods the avatar uses involves certain styles of martial arts but i digress this is your story and maybe god gave him the knowledge to use them
Wait. This reminds me of a fic I read a while ago... I can't really put a finger on it but this has exactly the same premise as that fic.
Unless this is secretly a parody of bad SI fics, then the only thing I can say is that this story is terrible. I already found a large amount of problems with the story, and it's only been a single chapter.
The writing is awful (please at least make sure to go over each chapter one time before submitting it, and if you can't do that, then at least get a proofreader to go over it). Your character is an obvious wish fulfillment SI. Nothing in the story makes any sense, and it's also full of clichés. Really, why would he ask to be an Avatar while at the same time asking to have saiyan powers? That kind of power is massively more powerful than the Avatar, so it makes no sense to ask for both. Also, why would he need the glider if he can fly? Why did the princesses just believe everything he said? How does he know that pony is the Doctor (and why are you using that stupid trope)? Why did he try to make up a story if he was going to spill all his secrets less than a second later?
I had been hoping to upvote this just to balance it out, but there's no way I'd ever give this a like the way it is now.
dude rushed much and dude op in 2 min new record
2851797 ts2.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4870249289288377&w=228&h=150&c=7&rs=1&pid=1.7
It's god, don't question him
*Sigh*
"I grab my custom revolver, made to shoot 50 caliper () bullets."
Couldn't he have just got a Smith and Wesson 500? You know, the only revolver that is made for shooting .50 AE bullets? You tell me that you can rifle out a smaller caliber gun, even a .44 Magnum, to fire .50 shells, and it won't fucking blow your hand off when you fire it.
MANY FACEPALMS
Very different start... I guess that God is a bro, if he would just give all those gifts away, and seriously, why no more freaking out all of you?
283050 if you want t9 go the route of choosing the gun, why not semiautomatic? Yes, revolvers are more reliable, but with mobs of people, if you know what you are doing, quantity over quality is the one thing that may save your life. Besides, if he took care of the firearm, chances are there wouldn't be a big malfunction. As for "caliper" it too made me cringe, but then I thought "well, at least it is a word..."
i can see why it has so many dislikes but i wanna read further.
like jerry peet said
mary sue is not a thing
i want to see where this goes
could be awesome or terrible.
only time will tell.
Im not going to add whats already been said but the character here went from cocky, to calm, to fan girl to depressed in one chapter. Also sorry but lame test by god there "those who stay calm are worthy" sorry no. The most terrible people on the planet can stay calm under pressure. If it were me i would look those who didnt take advantage of the chaos or something like that. Also for the people complainig about the gun. Ill just say we dont know enough to judge maybe it was a gift and the only one he had. Just saying we dont know he specificly had it custimized to him. At least not yet.
its bad
A little fast but I like it