Rarity and Rainbow Dash
June 23rd
Dear Rarity,
Something’s not exactly awesome about Las Pegasus. It seems like a pegasus town in name only. Though, I’m probably getting ahead of myself, so I’ll start at the beginning.
So after writing a letter to Applejack, I went out searching for an apartment. I was sure to find a cloud complex, because otherwise, why would this be a pegasus town?
The thing is, when I was looking through listings in the newspaper, I couldn’t find any for cloud apartments.
Weird, right? So I figure that the newspaper is just wrong, so I go to the office of a realtor for a lot of these apartments. He says that there are no cloud homes in Las Pegasus.
No. Cloud. Homes.
Ridiculous, right? It’s like... why even bother trying to appeal to pegasi? Well, from what I saw on the strip and the rest of the city, they don’t.
Okay, so after that meeting, I decide to hit the buffet at one of the casinos. Here’s what I noticed (both here and while flying through downtown): all of the bellhops and valets (you know, the ones that do all the grunt work) were pegasi, and all the managers and business owners were unicorns. Then, you’ve got earth pony tourists who were coming in to piss away their life savings while filling up on cheap alcohol and fried food (while I can relate to that, they still treated the employees like dirt).
It’s just weird, you know? I mean, this was a city founded by pegasi after they had families with earth ponies and unicorns. I have no idea why or how this city became so unicorn-centered. It’s like a grimier version of Canterlot.
Still, it’s not all bad. This city does have entertaining stuff. For one thing: casinos. I am going to make so much cash by the time summer’s through. I refuse to back down from a challenge. Chance has got nothing on the mighty Rainbow Dash!
Also, the live entertainment. Las Pegasus has a stadium, which means Wonderbolts performances. I already have tickets for their upcoming race, so that’s pretty much the best thing ever. Then, you’ve got the theatres, and no, I’m not talking about your frou-frou plays or whatever. I’m talking live shows with magic and dancing and stuff. Trixie has a running show here, so I might check that out, and there’s this club that has chippendales and showgirls. I mean... what more could you ask for?
Also, I know a lot of you guys are pretty busy, but hopefully, Twilight and Pinkie can swing by to hang out. Pinkie will love this never-ending party of a city, and Twilight will probably want a break from whatever boring stuff she’s doing.
Oh yeah, and I also found an apartment. It sucks that it’s just a regular, non-cloud, one bedroom, but it’s in my budget. Of course, I really need to get some furniture tomorrow afternoon, because I’m sleeping on the floor.
I also probably should get pillows... and a blanket... and a toothbrush. Yeah, I didn’t bring anything with me.
My job starts tomorrow, and I know that’s gonna be awesome. Even if the city has become dominated by unicorns and gambling, I just know that pegasus foals still have the spirit of their tribe.
So yeah, hope things are going well for you and stuff. Write back.
Your friend,
Rainbow Dash
July 9th
Dearest Rainbow Dash,
I know exactly how you feel. When I signed on for this little fiasco they call a play I did so under the title "Costume Designer." Upon arriving I find said designs have already been placed on patterns and it is my job to essentially play seamstress to these cretins. I will not stand for this, and neither should you. I am going to buck some doors in and explain what my talents are worth to them, and you should shake the foundations of that city starting with their foals.
I have faith in you, darling! Wish me luck!
Sincerely yours,
Rarity.
August 4th
Dear Rarity,
First off, thanks for taking weeks to reply to my letter, I really appreciate that. Secondly, you really need better mailponies out in Baltimare. I mean, Twi’s letters come to me faster, and she’s travelling all over the world. Must be some kind of witchcraft (I’ve never trusted you hornheads with that kind of sorcery).
Anyway, I can tell you that a lot of my problems have gone away, at least the ones I mentioned in the letter. While Las Pegasus is kind of a dud for a city, I’ve met some pretty cool ponies (there’s this one stallion named The Gun Show who you might really like. I should see if he’d want to swing by Ponyville someday).
Also there have been some pretty awesome changes in my life, you ready for this?
Okay,
1. I got an acceptance letter from the Wonderbolts that I burnt to a crisp.
2. I’ve decided to teach foals how to fly full time when I get back to Ponyville.
3. I’m now having sex with Twilight and Applejack (at the same time).
So anyway, what’s up with you? How did that thing with the theatre go? Did they give in to your demands. If I were, I would’ve whined them submission, it’s an effective strategy for you.
Write back soon for a change, huh?
Your friend,
Rainbow Dash
Aug 5th
Dearest Rainbow Dash,
Manners, Darling, I responded when I received it I assure you. The mailponies here are just fine when they are not suffering from a huge backlog due to managerial incompetence. Oh, and it does help when they are not actively on strike. With any luck this one will have reached you much quicker as the duties have been shifted around to better suit individual talents (can you believe they had the racing talents in the mailroom to sort quicker and the organizational talents delivering to ensure they got to the right places?)
Well, my goodness, Applejack and Twilight? To each their own, but I am glad to hear my friends are happy. I don't quite know what to say about the Wonderbolts... well, I suppose if you have a new dream that's what's important.
The theater... well, that is a tale. As I had written to you I confronted the producer and director and told them flat out I refused to work under the conditions I was in. I am a designer, not a seamstress, and I will not come all the way to Baltimare to sew by somepony else's designs. This... was overheard by the cast, each of which walked out as well, declaring their talents were being misused. The mass walkout of the theater was observed by the workers in the mail service office, who in turn went on strike. This was followed by all of the other government offices, until eventually most of the city was on strike for one reason or another.
That whole mess took many many weeks to straighten out finally. During that time a number of things happened. Our director skipped town in the confusion, making off with what meager profits the play had made prior to the strike. I managed to convince the theater workers to come back, having gotten the producer's okay to straighten out the issues with misapplied talents. This resulted in my being named the director of the play. By simply putting the right ponies in the right places the show has become far more successful than it ever was.
As for Ponyville... I'm not entirely certain I am coming back, Rainbow. I... well prior to writing you I sent off a letter to Fluttershy. I could tell you I was quite drunk, and lonely, and more than a little down, but what matters is the result. I don't remember all of it, but I am fairly certain I invited her over for wine and some friendly experimentation. I have not heard word one since, I'm not even sure if the letters made it through. I sent an apology the next day, and another a week after... nothing. So... I may just live here now. Or maybe Stalliongrad. I'm not sure yet. To think, I warned her about those stallions in that quaint little town. Be a dear and... when you get back to Ponyville, give her my everlasting regret for being a terrible friend.
Sincerely yours,
Rarity
August 6th
Dear Rarity,
First of all, damn! Those mailponies are fast. Man, I gotta see if they’re ever up for a race or something, jeez. I mean, wow, that wasn’t even like six hours after I wrote you that letter that I got your reply.
As for why I’ve taken a few days... eh, I’ve been busy. Work’s a bitch like that, you know?
Second, no, you are not leaving Ponyville. Quit your dramatics and listen up. Your old pal Dash is about to drop some truth bombs on your mind.
To start off, you and Fluttershy... damn, that’s hot. Like, really hot. Like, you gotta let me watch sometime, Rare, that’s like seeing the northern lights or something... but I digress.
Okay, so Imma tell you how I, Twilight and Applejack started doing the nasty with each other. Basically, being apart started bringing out all these feelings within us that we didn’t even realize we had. For me, I had realized that Twilight was somepony I could always count on to make me feel special and stuff. Applejack, meanwhile, was the mare who I realized was my better in so many ways. I know now that whatever I want to do with my life is based on wanting to make AJ respect me. Yet, even with all that, there’s still this something that nopony else sees; this kinda weakness and doubt she has about herself. She only showed it to me and Twilight after she sent those drunken letters.
Oh yeah, I should probably back up with that. Okay, so because of my brilliant sense of humor, I was sending flirty letters to Twilight. I didn’t mean anything by it. It was just a way of getting Twilight thrown for a loop and me laughing as a result. It turns out, however, that AJ’s been crushing on Twilight for quite a while. So when it seems like that I’m stringing Twilight along (because I guess she’s been into me for a while), AJ gets pissed and really drunk. She then wrote two letters, one for me, one for Twilight, but she sent them to the wrong ponies.
So I get AJ’s letter to Twilight confessing her feelings, and Twilight a letter to me that’s a bunch of threats from AJ. So Twilight then forwards that letter to me, and I am pissed to the off. I write a letter to AJ immediately afterward telling her to fuck off and get out of our lives for being so cowardly. I thought that would be the end of it, but instead, AJ sends me a letter apologizing for what she did and agreeing that she was a coward.
I felt like the worst pony ever, Rarity. When I get home, I down two 40s and send AJ a letter apologizing and telling her all the truth liquid courage could provide. I tell her stuff about her, my dad, Twilight, my insecurities about the Wonderbolts and my path in life, all that good stuff. In my drunkenness, I also send Twilight AJ’s letter expressing her feelings.
So Twilight goes crazy and arranges to get all of us in Las Pegasus the week after. The emotions between me and AJ cool down and we go back to being best friends... too good, actually.
Apparently, my letter opened up some feelings in AJ that she didn’t realize she had before. She had a dream where I rutted her at a train station... don’t tell her I told you that. In fact, keep all of this between us. I’m only telling you this because I wanna help you.
So I get some letters in the mail, one is from the Wonderbolts (the acceptance letter), and the other is from AJ. In AJ’s letter, she lets it out that she had a sex dream about somepony who wasn’t Twilight. I realize that it’s me, and I start to hate myself again.
That night, I too have a sex dream. It starts with me blowing Booster (oh yeah, Booster’s my boss. Cool guy, really ripped), but then he turns into AJ. We’re cuddling and stuff and I look and see that Twilight’s watching us. Then, a fire starts in the distance and I can see Spitfire’s face in the flames. The fire drags me and AJ into the flames and we burn.
I wake up and I immediately burn the Wonderbolts letter, taking that dream as a confirmation of all my thoughts on everything that had been happening.
So finally, AJ and Twi make it to Las Pegasus. We have dinner where we just lay everything out and we all admit our feelings and stuff. We went back to my place, did the nasty, and sealed the deal.
Now then, why did I tell you all of this? Because you’re setting yourself up for overdramatic crap that’s easily avoidable. If you just tell Fluttershy whatever it is you’re feeling, you’ll avoid a ton of grief in the process. Think about it Rarity: what could Fluttershy possibly do that would break you? The worst would probably be politely turning you down, but it’s not like she’d shun you.
My point is, there’s always a simple way of doing things... and you’re not doing it right now. So start doing it.
Let me know how it goes. Write back soon.
Your friend (and hell, I should be your therapist),
Rainbow Dash.
P.S.- You and Fluttershy... UNF
Aug 9th
Dearest Rainbow Dash,
It took me a full day, and half a bottle of this turpentine they call alcohol, but I did it. The ball is in her court, I believe is the expression.
Oh, Rainbow, what have I done? She's too innocent to even understand how I feel about her, much less reciprocate! I couldn't have fallen for Berry Punch (who by all accounts is quite open when you get her a little tipsy) or somepony like Pinkie who wears her heart on her foreleg. No I had to pick the adorably naive shy pony who has likely never even considered what being in love is like much less lusting over somepony and Celestia would it be cute to see her in lust! Can you imagine her attempts to flirt? I've seen it, Rainbow, it's as heartmelting as it is ineffective... on stallions at least. It worked just fine on me and what am I saying she is my dear friend I need to stop thinking like that!
Stupid sexy Fluttershy. Why couldn't you have been born a colt? I would have trotted you off to my shop ages ago. I've been hard pressed to avoid that even despite her inconvenient insistence on being a mare. Did you know there is a huge catalog made just for that very problem? So many choices Rainbow.
I'm going to finish this bottle, and then I am going to bed. I wonder how much one has to consume to induce a blackout.
Sincerely Rarity,
yours
August 13th
Dearest Rainbow Dash,
She wrote back! Not only did she forgive me but she feels the same! Oh my stars, Rainbow you were right! I just cannot believe... she said she wanted to come over for wine but I told her if we are going to date we are doing it right. The um... other things can come later, when she is ready. Fluttershy is such a sweet mare, she mustn't be rushed.
Oh, I wonder if I should write to my parents? Sweetie will need to know, horribly awkward to have her rush in during an intimate moment. I wonder should we move in together? Hmmmm, maybe not. That rabbit gives me the stink eye every time I see him. I'm just so very thrilled she said yes!
Maybe I should mail Pinkie next, we can all have a party to celebrate. Oh... I can't wait to see her now... Should I make arrangements to travel there perhaps? I wonder if its cold there... no, it's summer, it should be pleasant if a bit cooler... so many things to consider.
I don't know what to do, do you think I should go to her?
Sincerely yours,
Rarity
August 17th
Dear Rarity,
See? What did I tell you?
Damn, it feels awesome to be right! I swear, I should get paid to give ponies advice... actually, yeah, next time you need help, Imma charge ten bits. I’m gonna be out of a job for a while when the summer’s over, so I need the cash.
I gotta tell you, Rarity, it’s been a pretty sucky week for me. I’ll spare you on the dets, but long story short, I made a little colt cry.
...Yeah, like I said, it hasn’t been too good a week.
But this is good! And yeah, be gentle with Shy and stuff. I’m honestly surprised that she actually responded and said yes. Seriously, that pony’s afraid of her own shadow.
If I had any other advice, I’d say to just take it easy like me, AJ and Twi are doing. Once we get back to Ponyville, we’ll have all the time in the world to do what we gotta do to make this work, and you guys shouldn’t be an exception.
Oh yeah, and we’re totally having a rager when we get home! Pinkie’s gonna throw us something awesomely insane; something that’s just as insane as her (like seriously, have you seen her letters? I can’t even tell what she’s writing).
You know, it’s funny. I didn’t even pick up that Fluttershy was into mares, let alone you. Then again, this week has shown that my gaydar is kinda screwy, but still, I should have seen some signs in the years I’ve known her.
Eh, life is a weird thing.
Anyhoot, I need to write a letter to Twi, and then I’m gonna drink myself to sleep.
Congrats on you and Shy.
Your free (for now) therapist,
Rainbow Dash
August 19th
Dearest Rainbow Dash,
Enclosed find 100 bits, I trust that will help. My love life may be in turmoil but my professional life goes well. The show is sold out and has been for weeks now. If this keeps up perhaps this little troop will go to Manehatten next, even Canterlot.
You should consider laying down the bottle, Rainbow. I threw all of that swill out, and I feel clearer headed for it. You might find it makes you less inclined to making foals cry.
The trouble I am having now is... being of sounder mind makes me think more with my head than my heart. You mentioned in your letter that you had never seen our Fluttershy show an interest in mares. At first, this did not concern me. So long as I have known her Fluttershy has never shown any interest in ponies whatsoever, at least in a romantic sense.
That's what concerns me now... for her to just knowingly agree to what I asked of her, without being horrified by the crass way I asked... it strikes me as very probable that she was just saying what I was hoping to hear.
I dearly hope I am wrong. I could be misreading things, perhaps she is frightened, unsure what to do. I want to be wrong, because I want this to work... but if she is just humoring me only to break my heart later I would just die!
I just... I wanted to... I don't know anymore. This was so much easier when she just confused me. I could live with that, it was simple. Now I have to question if she's lying to me or if she really does want to try this with me and oh Celestia why was she not born male? I don't like being confused, I just wanted to date somepony who I actually loved. Is that so much? Am I allowed to be happy?
Well, Doctor Dash? Am I overreacting? No, I think the better question is... am I wrong?
Yours truly,
Rarity
P.S. Mail me again if you run short on bits.
August 31st
Dear Rarity,
Whoa! Really sorry this took me a long time, but the last week or so has been really busy. I’ve been doing a lot of paperwork, and I was planning to write a letter, but then I just decided to get hammered.
Those have been my nights here in a nutshell.
Well, nuts to that. I’m spending my last few days here living it up. Me, Booster, and his buds are gonna tear this city up, just like I had planned, before all this work and relationship stuff got in the way.
Not that any of those things were a bad thing. Actually, I’d say this has been a pretty good summer for me.
Which brings me to my main point. Sometime in the week, I’m going back to Ponyville. I was just wondering if you wanted to come back too and hang out with me until everyone else gets back. I know you’re probably still tied to that theatre or whatever, but maybe you could cut your ties and come over.
I think you need it, Rarity. You need somepony awesome to hang out with. You need time to not worry about this business with Fluttershy. It can, and will, all work out in the end, so you really just need to let loose for a little while until everyone comes back.
I mean, don’t you wanna get drunk for fun for a change? I can help you with that. Although, we wouldn’t Princess Luna with us, so it wouldn’t be as fun (oh, man, I gotta tell you about that sometime, she was crazy).
The point is that I’m here for you. I’d never leave my friends hanging.
So what do you say, Rarity?
Write back soon,
Rainbow Dash.
P.S.- All I said was my gaydar was off. That's no reason to think Fluttershy's not into you.
Sep 1st
Dearest Rainbow Dash,
That’s quite all right, darling. We all get busy. I am glad to here you are doing well. As for me... I will be returning shortly. I look forward to getting back to my shop, this whole play business has been nice, but it’s not for me.
I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, darling. While I don’t mind going drinking with you, there is no "business with Fluttershy", and there never has been.
She is my friend, and will always be. That is all she ever need be to me. It’s enough.
I expect to be very busy for quite a while, the fall line needs to be designed. But I am sure I can make some time for a friend. Oh, but I invited Pinkie Pie out as well, so it will have to be a threesome. Pinkie really needs to be educated about the kind of shots that don’t hurt until the morning. Can you imagine what she will be like drunk?
See you in Ponyville, Darling.
Sincerely yours,
Rarity
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Not sure if you noticed, but the letter where Rainbow signs off with 'your free (for now) therapist' is in there twice. I'm not sure if it's intentional, but thought you should know, just in case.
OUCH.
The worst part is I think this was an actual coincidence.
Yeah, Rainbow's Aug 17 letter is duplicated. Also:
There meant to be a 'have' in here?
4065142 Rainbow Dash, worst advice giver ever. "Just go for it, and let me watch! What's the worst that could happen?"
Alright, I really want to know what happened with Luna.
Sounds like there's quite the story with Luna in there somewhere.
That final letter from Rarity, along with Fluttershy's last message to Twilight makes me really curious just what went down there... apparently it was bad, that's for sure.
4065992 Few ponies have accused Dash of being wise, gotta say I'm kinda with her on the let me watch front... UNF
August 17th
Dear Rarity,
See? What did I tell you?
Damn, it feels awesome to be right! I swear, I should get paid to give ponies advice... actually, yeah, next time you need help, Imma charge ten bits. I’m gonna be out of a job for a while when the summer’s over, so I need the cash.
I gotta tell you, Rarity, it’s been a pretty sucky week for me. I’ll spare you on the dets, but long story short, I made a little colt cry.
...Yeah, like I said, it hasn’t been too good a week.
But this is good! And yeah, be gentle with Shy and stuff. I’m honestly surprised that she actually responded and said yes. Seriously, that pony’s afraid of her own shadow.
If I had any other advice, I’d say to just take it easy like me, AJ and Twi are doing. Once we get back to Ponyville, we’ll have all the time in the world to do what we gotta do to make this work, and you guys shouldn’t be an exception.
Oh yeah, and we’re totally having a rager when we get home! Pinkie’s gonna throw us something awesomely insane; something that’s just as insane as her (like seriously, have you seen her letters? I can’t even tell what she’s writing).
You know, it’s funny. I didn’t even pick up that Fluttershy was into mares, let alone you. Then again, this week has shown that my gaydar is kinda screwy, but still, I should have seen some signs in the years I’ve known her.
Eh, life is a weird thing.
Anyhoot, I need to write a letter to Twi, and then I’m gonna drink myself to sleep.
Congrats on you and Shy.
Your free (for now) therapist,
Rainbow Dash
This letter appeared twice in the story, you should really take away one of them, Skeeter!
4063685
Hey, I noticed that to! Skeeter should really do something about it!
4065987
Yeas, yeas it is indeed! I'm glad I'm not e only one that noticed this! Fix it, Skeeter!
I don't know why it's taken me this long to see it, but this is a rather interesting take on Rainbow Dash. At least in my eyes. I never took her for a drunken sex fiend.
4068762
Same here. Luna would be a beast in the sack ... at the bar ... and possibly in any party ever. After all she was once Laughter, so I know she knows how to get down.