The Mailbox Compilation

by Skeeter The Lurker

Applejack and Fluttershy

Dear Fluttershy,

I hope you’re having fun up there. Seems like it’d be right nice about now, it’s hotter than frying pan down here. I bet there’s all kinds of critters there, too. You’re gonna have to write me all about them.

Hey, sugarcube, about critters... I know I promised that I’d be nice to all the critters here, but this is just silly.

Today was my first day on Sunny Grove Farm, and one of the farmhooves was showing me around. It’s real pretty here, Aunt and Uncle Orange do it up right. The farmhouse is huge, my room’s bigger than the downstairs back on Sweet Apple Acres, and everything’s white, or these light sunset colors. And they got a swimming pool and a tennis court outside, but that’s no matter to me.

Then there’s the orange groves...

Well, they can’t be as pretty as an apple orchard, but they’re trying real hard. In the middle, there’s this big pond, with the bluest water you ever seen.

So, Plup, that’s the farmhoof showing me around, he pointed at that pond and said to me, “You be careful of that. Don’t go messing with old Toothy.”

Well now, I’m the manager here, and I didn’t rightly know who old Toothy was, but nopony was going to tell me I can’t mess with something on this farm. So I asked him where old Toothy was, so we can get this worked out.

He just laughed, and used his tail to flick an orange in the pond.

Out came this gator; bigger than a pony and ugly as a timberwolf. He just kinda looks at me, like he’s deciding what the appetizer is gonna be.

My mouth dropped open, and I was staring at this fella staring at me with my eyes as big as apple pies. And Pulp was right next to me, cool as could be. I couldn’t think of a thing to do! I know how to handle a monster in the Everfree, but not just sitting there on my farm. Finally, I just shut my mouth and nodded, and turned to walk back to the farmhouse. Pulp chuckled the whole way.

I ain’t gonna be messing with old Toothy.

Fluttershy, sugarcube, I can live with varmints that like to eat my fruit, but what the hay am I supposed to do with a varmint living on my farm that’d like to eat me?! Pulp says it ain’t just Toothy, either, sometimes gators just wander in at night to visit the lake. How’s a pony supposed to run a farm like that?

I wish you were here, and could come on down and talk some sense into these overgrown lizards. I know you’re busy, but I don’t suppose you got some advice on the matter?

Other than pony-eating monsters, things are going okay here. I got some trouble with the pony I’m training, but don’t you worry, I’m gonna deal with that. And I reckon it just hasn’t sunk in yet, how long I’ll be away from y’all and my family. It still feels like I’ll be back home in a day or two. It’ll sink in soon enough, but for right now I’m holding together fine.

Your friend,

Applejack

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June 27, 2013

Dear Applejack,

It’s just wonderful to hear from you! I feel like we’ve been apart for so long now, and I just want you to know that I’ve missed you dearly, even more so than all the critters back at the cottage. I hope that doesn’t sound too “gushy” or anything, I know that Rainbow Dash would be very disappointed in me if she heard I was being “soft” again. Promise me you won’t tell her?

Anyway, the weather here sounds much nicer than it does down there. Oh no, wait, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. I meant, the weather here is very nice, and the weather there sounds less than... nice.

Oh dear.

I hope that you don’t mind my tone, I didn’t want to make it seem as though my vacation were any better than yours. I’m sure that yours is just fantastic, even better than mine.

The house you’re staying in sounds lovely. I would love to visit. And regarding the tennis courts, you might not know this, but I played tennis back when I was in school. I wasn’t so good at competing because I was scared of the ball (it was awfully fast). However, I was very good at sitting on the bench and cheering everypony on, though some of my teammates would get mad when I cheered for points that were scored against them.

Oh my, I’ve gotten very much so off topic now, I apologize.

About old Toothy...

I’ve never met an alligator before. Don’t they have big, scary teeth like a dragon? Your situation sounds dreadful. But I think the best way to deal with old Toothy (if you haven’t already) is to make him a friend. That always helps me. Remember when we unfroze Discord? I made him a friend, and that’s what was most important! A friend!

Excuse the exclamations, I hope the internal yelling that took place didn’t give you a headache...

Also, if it is at all possible to completely avoid old Toothy, I would advise that. Also, don’t take any advice that Rainbow Dash might give you on the matter. I feel as though her advice could get you seriously hurt. Oh goodness, please don’t tell her I said that. Promise me you won’t?

I think you’ll handle everything just fine (please tell me you’ll handle everything just fine). My number one rule for you is don’t get eaten. That’s my number one rule when I deal with dragons nasty critters.

Though I know you have a lot of work to do, I wish you could be here. Whinniepeg is just beautiful. The trees are home to a lot of wildlife that I’m not used to. There are so many types of birds that I simply don’t have names for, and there are big creatures and small creatures, and creatures that are so cute you’d just want to pack them up in a suitcase and take them home!

Unfortunately, my suitcase just isn’t big enough...

Oh Applejack, I have to tell you all about my moose friend. I don’t have a name for him yet, but he’s just the nicest company. He’s very quiet, and so the conversations are one-sided. Actually, there are no conversations. Still, he’s the first friend I’ve met so far, so I think that’s just great. He even helped to put out the curtains when I set them on fire recently.

I need to go buy new curtains.

Anyway, I just love him and I wish you could meet him.

Oh my, I’ve just about run out of space. Please write back as soon as possible, I’m worried about you and old Toothy. Don’t take too long to write back unless you want to give me a heart attack... I’d rather you didn’t, please.

- With love,
Fluttershy

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July 1st

Dear Fluttershy,

I hope I didn’t give ya’ a heart attack, sugarcube! I’m sorry it took a few days to get back to you, I been real busy, I can barely keep my eyes open right now. But I sure don’t want ya’ to worry for not having heard from me. (And don’t you worry about me being tired. It’s just normal tired, so no need to fuss.) (And don’t you start fussing about be telling you not to fuss, neither.)

Anyhow, I’m glad you made a friend. A moose sounds right handy to have around the cabin, and to tell the truth I’ll feel safer thinking that you got a big critter there to help you out. It does a pony good to hear that you’re having such a good time with the animals there.

So far I ain’t exactly made friends with old Toothy, but we have a working agreement where I don’t go near the lake and he don’t eat me. And don’t worry, while Dash did have some suggestions, I didn’t take them. I think I mighta offended her a bit, but she can handle it. It’s better than making an enemy outta this gator, or him making a meal outta me.

I ain’t quite sure how to make friends with a gator, though. Pinkie says gators like music, do you think that’s right? Pinkie also had some other ideas, but they were real... Pinkie.

It ain’t like I’ve had much time to worry about it. I had a day off last week, but since then we’ve had rough storms about every day. Pulp, the old farm hoof, says that this is where the weather factory sends the overstuffed storm clouds. It’s a trade off, see, everything’s real pretty and sunny most of the time, but in exchange they gotta take some of the roughest weather in Equestria when the weather factory ends up with some.

Well, storms do a number on trees. We had a few blow down, and we had to get those cleaned up, along with lots of branches and dead fruit, and some places the barn and fences got hit that needed to be fixed up. Plenty of work to keep a pony’s mind off things. I feel good, but I’m tired, and I’m looking forward to my next day off.

So, I gotta hit the hay. I just wanted to get this out to you, so as you don’t worry. You keep having fun with your new friends, and write me all about them.

Your friend,

Applejack

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July 4, 2013

Dear Applejack,

Oh thank goodness you’re okay. I had been a little worried, but your letter has definitely calmed me down. Thanks so much for writing back, and it was just in time, don’t worry.

While I’m not so much worried about your safety now, I am worried about your health. I was fully prepared to fuss about it, but I guess since you’ve so openly told me not to, I won’t. Are you sure? I have plenty to fuss about.

Oh nevermind it. I’m sorry, I don’t want to bother you about it. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself.

I’m happy to hear that you’ve come to an agreement with Old Toothy. The “you don’t eat me I don’t go anywhere near you” approach has worked quite well for me in the past. Keep that going, and you’ll be just fine! I’m unsure if music will help soothe him, I’ve never tried it, at least not on an alligator. I will say it definitely does work for some creatures- like snakes, most birds, and beavers. But I think for now it would be best to just remember not to go near him. Ever.

And I regret to hear that you had to turn down Rainbow’s advice, but I think that it was for the best. I mean, probably, I don’t know what sort of advice she gave. Oh dear, I just realized how judgmental I’ve been toward her. Oh, sometimes I’m just terrible! I should apologize immediately...

I’ll be writing her another letter soon.

How are you feeling now that you’ve settled down on the farm? I don’t think I’ve ever had an orange, do they taste as good as everypony says they do? Not that I really talk to everypony about oranges, nor do they tell me that oranges are so good. But I’m sure that if I did talk to somepony who has tried one they’d tell me they are amazing.

I know they aren’t apple trees, but I just want to know how well you’ve been adjusting. Sounds like you’ve had some nasty weather recently, but nothing so bad, right? Those poor trees, I hope that at least you could plant some new ones successfully. On the other hoof, it sounds like Rainbow would be very interested in the weather factory there. Do you think she’s visited? Have you told her about it at all?

I’m sorry for asking so many questions, but I feel as though I haven’t talked to you girls in ages. Has any other interesting stuff been going on? What’s new? I’m sure that you must have so much to talk about now.

I just have too much stuff to talk about, and I’m sorry for the lengthy letters. I can update you on what I’m up to, if you want.

The moose has a name, and it’s Alfred. I decided on that a few days ago because, well, I liked it. Turns out, he is very lost and just doesn’t know where to go. Poor thing, I just had to give him a place to stay in the meantime. His family is out there somewhere in the woods, and tomorrow we’ve planned an excursion so that we might find where they went.

If nothing else, I expect the trip to be quite lovely, even if we don’t find any signs of Alfred’s family. It’s supposed to be another wonderful day weather-wise tomorrow, so we’re looking forward to it. I will tell you all about it in the next letter.

That’s about all I have to write about now. Write back soon! I mean, if you want to that is.

- With love,
Fluttershy

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July 26th

Dear Fluttershy,

I’m so sorry, sugarcube! I haven’t written in way too long. To be honest, I had a bit of a time a few weeks ago, right around the time I got your letter, and I think I must have lost yours. I found it today under my bed.

So, let me get you caught up on things.

I went to Las Pegasus to visit with Dash and Twilight. One thing lead to another and I think I’m kinda dating them both now. They both know it! And they’re kind of dating each other, too. I... ain’t really sure just what happened, you know. It’s a real long story, and I did some dumb things. But it comes down to, I love Twilight, and I love Dash too. (I still love you, too, sugarcube. But not that way, I promise. I need more of that like I need a hole in my head. Which is to say I don’t need more of that.)

I also figured out some stuff about the pony I’m training, OJ. I been having some trouble with him, he ain’t the friendliest pony I ever did meet. But it turns out he’s been hurt by a friend before, and now he’s kinda taking it out on everypony else. I meant to do a few things to help him out when I got back from Las Pegasus, but things have just been crazy here since then.

We got a visit from Aunt and Uncle Orange. So not only am I catching up on missed farm work, but I also had to go over how the farm’s been running, and on top of that they want me and OJ to be part of all their fancy stuff, being family and all. So I had enough brunches and fancy parties and teas for the rest of my darn life.

But here I am complaining instead of answering your questions. Let me get to that before I forget.

Oranges are real good. I’m gonna send some along with this letter. Just take the thick peel off, and you can break the fruit inside into wedges and eat them one at a time. I promise you’ll like them.

The weather around here is wild, and I hear it gets worse. The trees are holding up pretty good so far, and we’ve planted some new ones for the ones down. I hear tell that the weather factory usually ends up with some pretty nasty stuff towards the fall, and it hits here like a freight train. I ain’t talked to Dash about it yet, but be sure I will soon.

Now, how are you doing? Last you wrote me, you were headed out with Alfred to find his folks. Did y’all have any luck with that?

I promise I’ll get back to you sooner next time.

Your friend,

Applejack

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August 11, 2013

Dear Applejack,

Thank you for the oranges you sent. They were quite delicious, just as you said they would be. And yes, they are not anything like apples.

No need to worry about the delay between letters. I’ve done the same thing a few times, believe me, and I'm sorry about that too. You just get back to me whenever you can so that I don’t have to come find you and make sure you’re okay, and that Old Toothy hasn’t eaten you whole. That would be just awful.

I haven’t written anyone in awhile, and there’s a reason for that. I have a slight problem (or big problem) that I’m dealing with, and I really want to tell someone about it, but I’m not sure if I should.

Please, if I tell you, will you promise not to tell anypony? I’m so embarrassed and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I... figured you’d be the right pony to talk to, if that’s okay with you.

But first, I’d rather get to your... situation, if it’s all right to call it that...

Can you actually date two ponies? And especially Twilight and Rainbow, two of your closest friends- at least I thought so. Do you like both of them? I never would have expected this, there have been too many surprises of late, and I guess I don’t really know how to handle them. Are Twilight and Rainbow okay with this as well?

I’m happy for you either way, Applejack. I want you to know that, and I love you too (also not in that way). And since you, well, appear to have experience here... I’d like to ask your advice on a different matter.

Oh, Applejack, you have to promise not to tell anypony about this! Please, I’d die if anypony knew, it’d be terrible!

Okay, here goes...

I think Rarity likes me.

I don’t know how to respond to her, Applejack. I had no idea she even liked me. Her first few letters to me looked like nothing special, but then I got a string of letters a few weeks back, and the first one seemed innocent enough. But then I read closer and I think I found a few things. She wanted to invite me over for wine, saying she wanted to talk about being “brave with a friend”.

You see, at first I thought that would be like what Rainbow Dash would have me do. You know, be brave and all. I suppose I was a little confused at first. But then I figured it out, especially with the second and fourth letter she sent. Now I think it’s true...

I wrote a few letters to the others in the meantime, while I ignored Rarity’s. But then it really started getting to me and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Applejack, the truth is, I don’t like Rarity that way. I... I like stallions.

Is that okay? Is it okay to like stallions? I used to think that was okay but now everypony is getting marefriends and I just don’t know how to feel!

Please write back soon, I feel miserable. Albert left a week ago after his family found him, and I’ve just been sitting in my cottage staring at these letters like a goon. Oh Applejack, I’m so scared... I’m scared of losing Rarity and everyone else, and I think I’ve cried every tear I have left.

- With love,
Fluttershy

P.S. I’m so sorry to put this all on you. If you don’t know how to respond, then you don’t have to, I’m just very upset...

P.P.S. Please don’t tell Rarity! I’m begging you, please!

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August 23rd

Dear Fluttershy,

I reckon you can date two ponies, or at least I’m doing it, so it seems that way to me. And of course they’re both okay with it, I’d never even wanna do this if they weren’t.

It is mighty strange, I ain’t gonna lie. Sometimes I ain’t sure how I ended up here… but I love them both, so much, I can’t even think of choosing. Maybe I’ll have to sometime, but I kinda hope I never do. I don’t even know what that means, really.

I mean, I always thought that someday I’d meet a nice pony, and bring her home to Sweet Apple Acres, and get married or something. Even if you can date two ponies, I don’t think you can bring them to live with you… can you? I don’t know that Twilight and Dash would even want to. And I know you can’t marry two ponies, though I guess maybe Twilight could take care of that, being a princess. But… I just don’t know what I’m doing. Honestly, I think that’s part of why I like this. It’s scary, and risky, and I don’t do much like that.

Now as to your problem… You do not have’ta like mares, missy. I like mares, and I always have. It’s just how I am, but I can’t speak for Dash and Twilight. But if you like stallions, you find yourself a good one. Don’t you worry about Rarity. I know she’s our friend, but asking a pony out is always a risk, and she’ll just have to get over it.

I hope you already told her that, it’d explain the mood she was in with her last letter. But I promise she’ll come around. What did she think she was gonna do, get you on a date and sway her hips and try to change your mind? I mean, she’s got real real nice hips, don’t get me wrong, but they ain’t magic. You like stallions, so she’ll have to live with that.

Don’t worry, sugarcube, this is all real hard to work out in letters. But we’ll be home before you know it! Then you and Rarity can work this out face to face.

I’m sorry it took so long to get this to you, we had a real bad storm here and I’ve been working my tail off. Hope that didn’t cause any problem for you. But don't you worry, I didn't tell Rarity nothing about what you said.

Your friend,

Applejack

Comments

[MDNGHTRDHTLN]

Plup

Not sure if real name. Seems more likely to be 'Pulp' to me.

[span]like a dragon[/span]

I don't know what 'span' does, but it does not seem to work very well.

... that came out very dickish, and I apologize

Also, that's what Rarity said (kind of)...

Can't wait for those letters.

[Aatxe360]

You know, I think this would have been better in chronological order. Sometimes my mind has to back-track on what I read and where I've come across it before. I still like the letters, but it's a bit confusing for me.

[MariusIoannesP]

This place Applejack is sounds a bit like Florida. They got oranges, alligators, and the weather is nice for the most part but then hurricane season.

[Web of Hope]

Applejack, the truth is, I don’t like Rarity that way. I... I like stallions.
Is that okay? Is it okay to like stallions? I used to think that was okay but now everypony is getting marefriends and I just don’t know how to feel!

Is that okay? is it okay to not be lesbians?
Not lesbians? what the fuck are you on about? EVERYBODY is lesbians!