Chapter 1: A Drop of Ink and an Ancient Spell
Not As It Seems
Chapter 1: A Drop of Ink and an Ancient Spell
Written By: RobertBel98
Edited By: X-Ray One
I felt as if lightning had struck me, as my entire body jumpstarted. My torso flung upward out of reflex as a large intake of air flooded my lungs. Too many senses coursed throughout my nerves for me to process at once, which left nothing but a mess of disorganized thoughts. All I could see was white, and the only sound I heard was ringing, which only added to the panic. My breathing, erratic; my sight, blinded; my hearing, deafened. I was lost in my own mind, but I was about to be found.
The sensation dispersed as quickly as it appeared. The whiteness that had blinded me began to dissolve, as basic images started to become visible. The ringing softened until it was completely expunged from my mind. My hand, which had grasped onto my chest and dug into the fabric of my shirt, allowed me to feel my heartbeat settle, and lungs come to a rest.
I was seated on some kind of hard surface. Unlike the hard wood floors of my apartment, this felt different, almost like stone. As I thought of my apartment, more memories started to rapidly become clear. I was submerged into an inescapable trance, almost like a stilled video had just flashed forward in front of my eyes. But as the vision came to an end, I was left even more confused than before.
With my vision fully restored, I was left to take in my surroundings. Evidently, I was no longer in my apartment. My eyes darted around the floor. Books surrounded me, all strewn about. I noticed one had landed on my lap. Out of pure curiosity, my hand reached out to my legs to pick it up. I brought it closer to my face for further inspection. It was like any other book, but something did stand out. The title, at least I think it was the title, was unlike any language I had ever seen.
I analyzed it with a puzzled expression on my face. It looked like some kind of image-based language. Like Egyptian hieroglyphs. The one thing I was sure of was that it was completely alien to me.
Placing the book back down, I looked up, greeted by the sight of dozens of other tomes also scattered about. All of them had this strange form of writing written across the covers. To both my right and left were two towering bookshelves. I was forced to bob my head as far back as it could reach to catch a full glimpse. At first, I was taken in awe by the gargantuan size of the building around me. I had never been in a structure so large. But where am I?
That question tore me from my daydream as the realization started to seep in. I had absolutely no idea what the hell just happened. At first, the logical part of mind naturally took its stand. Maybe this is a dream. That could be it, yea. Maybe after I got home I passed out on the couch, and I just…thought up all that nonsense about the journal! A feeling of relief started to wash over me. So…if this is just a dream, then all I have to do is wake up. Well, how do I do that?
After a moment of consideration I had pieced together a plan in my head. I raised my hand, and with all my strength I slapped myself across the face. With no result other than a newfound pain spreading across my right cheek.
Man that hurt! I gave a pained sigh. Alright, let’s try that again. And so I did, again, and again, and again. Each attempt had the same result, or lack thereof. Oh my god, why isn’t this working!? I lowered my sore face into my palms, bowing over in defeat. I knew, one way or another, I was stuck here. I just needed to accept it.
After I had calmed down, I raised my head back up, and took a nice, long, breath. Okay, I need to stop acting like a damn paranoid, and start finding some real answers. I guess the first step to that would be to get off my ass.
With renewed vigor, I swiftly picked myself up from off the floor. Clumps of dust that had clung to my silk shirt fell down in silence. My hurried pace caused me to stumble a bit, but I eventually found my equilibrium.
Alright, now let’s find a way out of this fucking place- I cut my thought short, as something had caught my eye. At the end of the row, peeking out, was a light silhouette. I just stared at it, taken by surprise at its sudden appearance. And it, whatever it was, just stared back at me. This exchange lasted for several moments, and then…it disappeared.
The shadow darted back into the corridor. The sound of its fleeing echoed throughout the corridor. Still dazed by the encounter, it took a second for me to come back to reality, as I quickly called after the specter.
“Wait, hey I said wait! Can you help me, please?!” I began to run to the center of the complex but I tripped over a pile of the books that had fallen due to my ‘arrival’. “Ugh, God dammit all!” I yell in frustration. But the sound would only reach my own ears. For whatever had come, was already gone.
I shakily sneaked down the hallway. Occasionally backpedaling due to the constant noise coming from the row ahead, where that odd blue light had beamed just before. My heart rate started to pick up, as adrenaline began to inject itself into my veins.
Oh, Sonnet, why do you have to be so skittish?! Just go up there and check it out! I mean, it’s probably nothing. Just a mysterious blue light that caused an earthquake that shook that entire building! Oh dear, what am I talking about “it’s probably nothing”, it could be anything! Oh, what if it’s a burglar, or a ponynapper, or…what if it isn’t a pony at all! Oh no, now I’m scaring myself! Alright, remember, deep breaths, Sonnet, deep breaths. Like I said, it’s probably…nothing. Oh dear Celestia they said this job would be relaxing.
Slowly but surely I inched my way down to the row. As I reached my destination I had glued myself to the front of the bookshelf, keeping my body perfectly hidden. I kept quiet, listening out for any noise, or speech. My ears perked up at the sound of books being pushed around.
Okay, something is definitely moving back there. Still hidden I continued to listen. I picked up nothing but the occasional rustle or swipe across the floor. I can’t just sit here. I need to see what’s back there. Mustering up my courage, I peeked out from the corner. This allowed me to peer into the row.
All across the floor, books were scattered everywhere. Oh, look at the mess! But the mess was the least of my concern, as something I had never laid eyes on, in reality or literature, stood before me. I was…terrified, to say the least. It was so tall compared to me. Its presence seemed to just dominate the immediate space, which left me trapped in a stupor. It looked like a monkey, but also so different from one. I only thought monkey due to the shape of its face, but it was nearly hairless! And why was it wearing clothes? It’s just so…interesting.
My defensive mindset slowly melted away as the scholarly side of my mind began to take over. I scrutinized the strange beast for any information I could gather. I have never seen anything like this thing before, I can’t recall even seeing or hearing of a creature of this description in the zoology archives, and those are some of the most complete records on the planet! I took a step out from my cover. I wonder where it came from, and what it has to do with that blue light I saw. I took another step. Oh! I wonder if it is intelligent. It seems like it, but since when do you see animals wearing clothes. I became even more zealous, as I took two more steps out from my cover, absolutely lost in the oddity before me. And those features, they are not unlike a primate, but more refined. And look at its eyes, they’re so tiny! And… and… they seem to be looking… directly... at me. Oh my.
At this point my mind only processed a single thought. Run…
And so I did. Well, sprinted would be more accurate. My surroundings became nothing more than a blur as I rushed past them in my desperate escape.
As I neared the end of the column I could’ve sworn I heard something call after me. Wait, did that thing just speak! No, not important, need to get help! Not wanting to waste any time, I burst through the door headfirst, causing me to stumble and crash into the wall on the other side of the hall. Quickly, I got back on my hooves and continued my charge to the lobby.
I turned and galloped through hallway after hallway, door after door, being guided only by my instinct as I searched. Eventually, a large passageway made its way into my line of sight. Oh, the exit! Yes, I’m safe! I hastened my marathon.
I raced so fast, in fact, that I had failed to notice the elderly librarian, Minda, turning the corner. Uh oh! As Minda turned towards me her eyes went wide with surprise. My legs instinctively locked up, causing me to nearly fall flat on my face. Looking up, I was met with a worried expression from Minda, her blue eyes filled with concern. I was about to speak before my mind caught up with my body.
Completely out of breath, I started to hyperventilate. Sweat drained from my pores. Minda hurriedly trotted over to my position, most likely concerned about why her assistant librarian almost ran head first into a wall. I felt a hoof drape over my neck, as Minda’s lowered her face down to the same level as mine. She then began to address me.
“Sonnet, look at you you’re a mess! What had you going in such a hurry? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”
Having calmed down enough to speak, I am able to formulate a response in-between my labored breaths. “Not…a ghost,” I say in a strained voice.
“What was that dear?”
I took in several more intakes of air before responding to Minda’s query. “I said it wasn’t a ghost. I don’t know what. Just…please, you need to come with me to the archives right now!” My tone had become one of pure desperation.
“Sonnet, what is it, what’s the matter?”
“We can’t wait any longer, it might get away!” I grasped one of Minda’s hooves.
“What in Equestria are you talking abou- whoa!” Before she could complete her sentence I had already shot off down the hall once again, with Minda clinging onto my hoof for dear life.
At the speed we were going, it did not take us long to reach the archives. And by the time we arrived there Minda made sure her disapproval of the little stunt was duly noted. Mainly by her yelling and screaming the duration of the trip. After some convincing I was able to coerce Minda into trusting my still unknown reasoning. I, already being more than restless, had continued to race towards where the anomaly had occurred, leaving the old earth pony to slowly trail behind.
I galloped down the hall, scanning plate after plate, searching. Eventually, I was flagged down by my desired location. Halting abruptly I gaze into the space. But the more I took it all in, the more a sense of utter dread filled my heart. Everything was just as it was before I left it, except for one, big, difference.
It was just here. Where did it go? Oh my. I collapsed on my haunches, paranoia chilling me to my bones. Scenarios raced through my mind, leaving me nothing but a nervous wreck.
By now Minda had caught up with me at the row. Although dazed, I was able to pick up on Minda’s annoyed tone.
“Oh dear me just look at the mess, books everywhere! Oh, I hope none of them are damaged!” Minda waded through the pile, picking up book after book, inspecting them for any sign of damage. It took her a few moments to notice the state in which I was in. “Sonnet? Sonnet dear, is this what had you so upset. I mean, it’s not much to get you ninnies in a twist about.” I shook my head violently.
“No, there was this big blue light, and then an earthquake. And then I went to check out what it was, and there was this thing…yea, this giant monkey, and it was wearing clothes! And then, and then-” Minda held up a hoof, ceasing my ramblings.
“Sonnet, honey, I know that working here alone can be hard, especially this late. You can start to go a little stir crazy, maybe even start seeing things. I’m sure whatever you think you saw, it was really just in your head.” Minda put on a sympathetic smile. I understood what Minda was getting at, but I wouldn’t give up that easy.
“No, no it wasn’t in my head. I know it wasn’t. I mean, look at the mess, how did all these books get knocked down? And I saw it, it looked right at me, I even think it said something to me when I ran away! And-” I was once more cut off by Minda, this time with a little less of a sympathetic touch.
“Sonnet, just calm down and take a breath.” I followed her instruction hesitantly. “Good. Now, I can obviously see you are a little shaken up over whatever you think happened. Now, I don’t want to be so quick to call you wrong, so just listen okay?” I nod slowly. “Alright, now I don’t know about any giant blue lights or talking monkeys, but I do know something. This building is old, even older than me.” Minda said the last part with a chuckle. “It may look big and strong, but it tends to shake about every now and then when the wind’s strong enough. I think that it has been a very windy day out and that maybe some of the books might not have been shelved properly. You understand?”
“Yea, but I saw it, right in front of me…”
Minda had walked closer to my side, and looked me directly in the eye. “I’m sure you might have seen something dear. I just don’t think it was some big monkey. Now, seeing as how you’re still so concerned, I’m gonna let you leave early today. I was coming in to start my shift anyway.” Barely any fear of the supposed creature lingered in my mind, as a new sense of worry emerged.
“Oh no Minda, I can’t let you work here through the night by yourself. At least let me help you clean up that mess.” Minda just put on a grin and responded in a calm manner.
“Oh, don’t you worry about old me. It’s you, you should be worried about. Now, go home and get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning, alright.”
A smile wormed its way onto my lips, as I gracefully lifted myself off my haunches. "Alright, Minda. I will," I replied, keeping my expression jovial
The mare gave an understanding nod and walked into the row to begin her work. Before walking off I gave one last goodbye. I continued my stroll down the corridor where I had been sprinting like a mad mare just minutes before. I almost let loose a laugh as to how ridiculous the whole episode seemed right now. But I just kept on walking in a mild pace towards the door.
Oh, that poor mare. I still can’t imagine what got her so frightened. Well, other than a giant talking monkey. I had begun picking up the absolute obstacle course that was the row Sonnet had led me to. I thought obstacle course due to the fact that just a single hoof print could ruin a very valuable piece of knowledge. I picked up book after book, glancing over the title then placing them on my back to be later sorted into their correct spaces.
I mean, what could have possibly put that picture in her head. Well, she has been spending a lot of time in the Zoology archives. I guess that could be it. Still, it does raise some questions. Looking back down to the mess, I noticed something… off. At the base of my hoof was what seemed to be another book, except I did not see any title, or writing at all for that matter on the cover. Flipping it over, I was met with the same blank face, along with the spine. That’s odd. I could have sworn every book in the archives had been labeled correctly. Hmm, I guess someone might have just left it where it shouldn’t be, wouldn’t be the first time. I’ll just leave it on my desk to sort out later. After placing the anonymous book on my back, I continued with my cleaning duties.
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...I want the next chapter.
Seriously, that's how good this is.
I felt like Sonnet's part felt a bit...... flat.
3017845 How?
I enjoy this story please don't take as long to update the story again.
*Crosses Fingers* Please don't be a stereotypical HIE fic, please don't be a stereotypical HIE fic....
MOAR!
3017864 Mostly the way you tend to "tell" us rather than "show". For example:
How exactly was she trapped in a stupor? Did fear and apprehension overtake her?
What defensive mindset?
Her behavior doesn't really show her to be zealous.
I think more description when writing would help to eradicate this.
3017909 Thank you for specifying. And yes, I can see why you think that now. Maybe I could reword some of the sentences to make it a bit more descriptive of her.
3017918 No problem. Wasn't trying to be a jerk or anything.
YOUR ALIVE!!!1!
3017922 Oh, no offense taken. I welcome criticism. It helps me improve myself as an author,
So the doggy didn't come with?
3017976 Stay tuned...
I rate this first chapter 5/5 Big Mac heads.
Not that this obviously wasn't coming, but I like the turn that you pulled with it. No automatic Mane Six, no falling in the lap of Princess Celestia, very well written, and don't rush the latent writing abilities that come to you! We'll just be standing by for some more writing goodness!
3017969
3017994 Oh I will. You can bet your cutie mark I will. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!
http://imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
well, this chapter was interesting.
you sem to go overboard with some of your word choice, like you'd just eaten a thesaurus or something. mostly in the orologue, calling the key a brass object, or the leg an appendage...
you do that too much. stop padding the story with excess verbiage
I am enjoying your writing greatly and look forward to more. However I have no inkling of where you will take this story so not quite faved yet.
...it was worth the wait...i think
sooo...moar...sooner?
4.5 / 5 trollestias for good story, but if i may...shitty transitions which makes it hard for the dyslexics to read
:troll
3019172 Since you seem to be having trouble with the comment system let me help.
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
I have to agree, good chapter overall. Although 3.5K words over 2 months is quite a wait for a semi-short chapter. It would be nice if you could update a bit more often, if you could find the time of course.
3020564 How embarrassing...
Anyway... 3k words is just right if you ask me. A long wait, sure, but hell, if it was any more than 5k, I'd probably not feel like reading it.
OHMYGOD!!! F***ING FINALLY!!!!
But...
3k after 2 months? Well that's just...hmm... embarrassing and shameful (no offense)
overall good chapter
Very much enjoying this so far.
Though I can't keep myself from hoping our protagonist will sing a bit of Michigan J. Frog at some point.
3021616
Read people's blogs before saying things like that. (S)he has been having problems.
Problems with self-confidence, creativity and more are pretty common in the fanfiction world. Just sayin'.
Anyways, good job on your new chapter!
I really don't like that you have us see from the eyes of every character and still refer to them as "I". It makes it difficult to remember whos thoughts we're reading at the moment and it starts to sound repetitive fast.
Ooh! FInally an update!
I'm sorry, but no matter what issues you are going through, unless you are incapable of typing or have no Internet, 3k words in two months is unacceptable.
If I wanted to wait months for a short chapter, and one that hasn't added much to the story at that, I would frequent fanfiction.net rather than fimfiction.
I'm interested in this story, but I honestly forgot it existed until it updated. As an author, you should really, really try to avoid that.
Nonetheless, I wish you best of luck, and I really hope you increase your output. Drastically.
3027838 All I can say is I am sorry,
, and I will try to improove my output.
3022558 You don't like that I change perspectives? And what do you mean you don't like when I use "I". Do you mean that when I make the page break you don't understand which character it is switching to? If that's it then I understand. I only didn't do that because at the time is seemed unprofessional. Maybe I could find some way to word it into the actual story-line rather then just placing a sub-title. Thank you for pointing that out though.
3021616 Yes...I AM ASHAMED!!! I'm just going to go back under my rock now.
3031820
Can I join you?
3030971
As long as you try to improve, I silence my complaints. For now.
3031812 Changing perspectives is not the problem, but changing between several limited perspectives that all are refered to as "I" instead of "she" and "he" makes it hard to follow who we're seeing through at the moment. I can't skim the story and always know who's doing what, and if I'm taking a pause in the reading of the story I'll probably forget who's talking.
It just makes for an awkward reading.
3031820 Rock? ROCK?! You believe scum like you deserve a sturdy ROCK to quiver under?!
NEIGH! NEIGGGGHHHHHH, I whinny! You shall hide under this cow patty and be happy with it!
(Alondro is a cruel and evil person.)
3022558 That's what I keep telling writers around here! Too many rapid perspective shifts make the story hard to follow!
But as long as Nightmare Moon is a vampire, Chrysalis is eating ponies, Discord is raping Celestia, and ponies are being tortured in every way imaginable, the readers are happy. They never even complain so long as the good are suffering and evil reigns supreme.
But if a good pony is winning, then they're pissed and nitpick at everything.
The sad part is, I'm not exaggerating...
3037827 *Looks out from under rock*
s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/filepicker%2FTpE3OGcYSG6OzWWojyV4_Bitch%20please.jpg
I'll stay under the rock thank you very much. But you're free to keep that cow patty for yourself.
3032906 Sure, but you're going to have to pay rent.
3037926
Aww, damnit
so close to a free home...
So, um...what do our pony characters look like? All I know about them is that one is a young unicorn and the other is an older earth pony.
~Have a good one.
3037921 Trololo.
Oof. This perspective shifting is really jarring and very weak. Avoid using it as much as possible, it's distracting and overly novel for what you're trying to accomplish.
Redundancy is redundant!
Don't fall asleep under that rock! Someone else might live there!
3055554 Just a typo, thanks for pointing that out.
3033627 I added notes to distinguish who's perspective it is. Hope that it's a good fix to the problem.
3042257 I know you made this comment a while ago, but could you please elaborate? I am writing the new chapter and I would like to understand why you thought the perspective shifting was weak.
3172892
It's weak because it breaks flow and immersion, not to mention how short each "perspective" is. If you need to shift perspectives, then do so sparingly and preferably after a chapter break. Switching perspectives so frequently disjoints the reader and confuses your story unnecessarily. It makes the writing feel cheap, gimmicky. This is especially true because you've gone and labeled each as "Character's Perspective." It's coddling to your reader, and a prime example of "telling" not "showing." Why are you even switching perspectives in the first place? Each of the character's viewpoints in the latest chapter were redundant upon each other, they added nothing of value. Each viewpoint has to serve your larger narrative, such frequent switching does not accomplish that, it just makes it look like you don't know what you're doing, but figured it would be "neat."
3087292
This is bad advice because it doesn't take into account the core problem. Adding labels makes everything weaker, not stronger. The problem is that the perspectives have no reason for existing, the shifts are arbitrary. The only exception I can remember is the switch from the human to the pony. That you can get away with in-chapter (with a line break, and some sort of distinguishing mark) because the character is literally shifting worlds in space-time.
In short, it's distracting and make it obvious you don't have a lot to say, since you replayed the same event thrice.
3173020 Thank you, I think it's too late to go and re-write this chapter, also because the majority seemed to enjoy it. So I will just keep in mind your advice for when I am writing the next chapter. Thank you for specifying your analysis of my story. It really helps.
-Robert out.
Sorry but I'm bit confused. It seems like only ten minutes tops past in the story?
3209946 More like two hours actually.