Sometimes in politics, you can't be afraid to get a little dirty. But what constitutes going too far? Condescending remarks? Invading somepony's privacy? Making out in front of diplomats? Cadance, Celestia, and Luna are about to find out.
*Reads first description* Well, this seems like a great exploration of Candence's character by shedding some light on her relationship with her two aunts. This ought to be-
*Sees mature and sex label accompanied by final warning*
I was interested in reading this story, but having tried to do so, I can honestly say you need an editor, or at least a pre-reader.
There's missing words all over the place, and several of the sentences don't really make all that much sense-- and this is just within the first section of the first chapter. I wasn't able to bring myself to read further.
examples: " Its smell alone intoxicating." Missing Is, or was, depending on the tense, which I'm having trouble determining.
"Words not accompanied by a spouse, the lovers separated." I've only got a vague sense as to what this sentence is supposed to mean, it's very confusingly worded.
Ooh sorry everybody for the long silence! I didn't mean to not respond, (but ended up doing so anyway... whoops) but you'll be happy to know that as soon as I got home from work I started editing the last chapter of this little number. So expect results by this weekend. Anyways, onto the comments! 2899454>>2900223>>2900288 Lol, that's dedication! Glad that you enjoyed it, sorry I kept you up so late. 2900613 Favorite comment. "Tactful" is probably the best comment you can get when you write porncloperotica 2900863>>2901339 Thanks for the corrections! As always I'm very grateful anytime people can help me by pointing these things out...
Comment posted by Lord Naarghul deleted at 7:01pm on the 19th of July, 2013
Which brings me to this comment. I don't know why you deleted it, it was a great question! If I remember correctly, it was a comment about Celestia being somewhat OOC in the story. And yes, I did struggle with trying to keep the characterization consistent. Trust me it's not that easy writing a story about the three characters in the show that have been explored the least. (well at least Luna got her own episode) Mainly, the reason I made Celly a little harsh was to reflect the pressure on her to see other ponies didn't screw up her meeting. Maybe you realized this as you read the story, but I hope that I made it clear... (Let me know otherwise!) 2903453 Mmmm... thanks for the input I will admit that having a second pair of eyes on everything is probably for best, (y'know cause even editors shouldn't be so arrogant as to think they can edit their own work to perfection) but I figured "by Fimfiction standards" (whatever those are) this was above average. I will agree with you that my syntax waxes a little poetic sometimes, but know that it was a conscious decision to make it that way. (Such as in the examples you provided) I rely a lot on context to make a statement for me and the tradeoff is sometimes I get more confusing sentences. Guess I like to give my readers a lot of credit. The English language is a canvas for exploration, if you want to write a sentence a certain way: write it! Who knows what impact it might have. (positive or negative, which I guess in your experience was the latter. )
Whew, thanks for putting up with all of that. And a big shout out to everyone who has read my story so far: Thank you!
Edit: I just read it. Cadance, you're in trouble! You messed with her dreams and that's influencing her now! OR she knows exactly what you did and is just getting back at you..
2906188 Let's just pretend that never happened... It's fixed now Thanks for the help. 2903323 Thanks for the compliments! I'm ashamed to say that I've been working on this (and, you know, an actual job) so I haven't had much time to read. I really, really, really want to read those stories. (they're all on my read later list) Here's to the next competition at 350 though! 2901164 That's good to hear! Sorry to make you wait so long... but I hope it was worth it.
This story looks awesome. Added to my read later list, so I can get to it when I'm not all mopey about writing and reading ponies.
" Chapter 1: To Be A Princess · 18th Jul 2013
4,263
[( Click to toggle read status )] Chapter 2: "Neigh"gotiations · 18th Jul 2013"
"Chapter 2: "Neigh"gotiations"
"Neigh"gotiations"
oh you clever mother fucker......
LOL.........
Looking good.
And this is why you don't try and get into the heads of others while under the influence of shitloads of sexual frustration.
Your description says "super-secedes". You meant supersedes. More comments when I read.
Very nice. I'll have to follow this - any story where Celestia gets put in her place gets nothing but love from me.
I will like and favorite just for the description.. Yawn... It's 2:15AM I will read this later...
Why did I just fave this?
2899454 It's 7 here
I have to admit that I'm enjoying this one so far.It seems promising.
Enjoying this so far.
2899548 Well whatdaya know? 7:36 Am, let's read!
What?
You have just successfully confused/amused me.
*Reads first description* Well, this seems like a great exploration of Candence's character by shedding some light on her relationship with her two aunts. This ought to be-
*Sees mature and sex label accompanied by final warning*
i21.photobucket.com/albums/b262/jhaggard29/Im-not-mad-son-Im-just-disappointed.jpg
god damn it! I wanna read this but I know I am just going to wind up looking back here everyday waiting for it to update.
And I shall read this with joy!
~Skeeter The Lurker
All of my everything forever.
This is shaping up to be an interesting night for Cadance. I don't know if I ever seen a story where her love magic hasn't resulted in flaring libidos
Had you had this ready, it would have been stiff competition , but you got featured for it, so it evens out.
its molesting time already, oh how time flies.
I was interested in reading this story, but having tried to do so, I can honestly say you need an editor, or at least a pre-reader.
There's missing words all over the place, and several of the sentences don't really make all that much sense-- and this is just within the first section of the first chapter. I wasn't able to bring myself to read further.
examples:
" Its smell alone intoxicating." Missing Is, or was, depending on the tense, which I'm having trouble determining.
"Words not accompanied by a spouse, the lovers separated." I've only got a vague sense as to what this sentence is supposed to mean, it's very confusingly worded.
Why do Celestia, Cadence, and Twilight all have purple eyes? Luna is the only princess with out them. What's up with that!?
Ooh sorry everybody for the long silence!
I didn't mean to not respond, (but ended up doing so anyway... whoops) but you'll be happy to know that as soon as I got home from work I started editing the last chapter of this little number. So expect results by this weekend.
Anyways, onto the comments!
2899454>>2900223>>2900288
Lol, that's dedication! Glad that you enjoyed it, sorry I kept you up so late.
2900613
Favorite comment. "Tactful" is probably the best comment you can get when you write
porncloperotica2900863>>2901339
Thanks for the corrections! As always I'm very grateful anytime people can help me by pointing these things out...
Which brings me to this comment. I don't know why you deleted it, it was a great question!
If I remember correctly, it was a comment about Celestia being somewhat OOC in the story. And yes, I did struggle with trying to keep the characterization consistent. Trust me it's not that easy writing a story about the three characters in the show that have been explored the least. (well at least Luna got her own episode) Mainly, the reason I made Celly a little harsh was to reflect the pressure on her to see other ponies didn't screw up her meeting. Maybe you realized this as you read the story, but I hope that I made it clear... (Let me know otherwise!)
2903453
Mmmm... thanks for the input
I will admit that having a second pair of eyes on everything is probably for best, (y'know cause even editors shouldn't be so arrogant as to think they can edit their own work to perfection) but I figured "by Fimfiction standards" (whatever those are) this was above average.
I will agree with you that my syntax waxes a little poetic sometimes, but know that it was a conscious decision to make it that way. (Such as in the examples you provided) I rely a lot on context to make a statement for me and the tradeoff is sometimes I get more confusing sentences. Guess I like to give my readers a lot of credit. The English language is a canvas for exploration, if you want to write a sentence a certain way: write it! Who knows what impact it might have. (positive or negative, which I guess in your experience was the latter. )
Whew, thanks for putting up with all of that. And a big shout out to everyone who has read my story so far: Thank you!
2904048
Because Luna is special
Oh, great job, Cadance. You broke Celestia. Or maybe, turned her on.
zipmeme.com/uploads/generated/g1346049513304817557.jpg
2905146
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7cs25lE6i1rbaxuco1_400.gif guy gets it.
Edit: I just read it. Cadance, you're in trouble! You messed with her dreams and that's influencing her now! OR she knows exactly what you did and is just getting back at you..
2904198 It's fine, it was DEFINITELY worth it.
2906188
Let's just pretend that never happened... It's fixed now Thanks for the help.
2903323
Thanks for the compliments! I'm ashamed to say that I've been working on this (and, you know, an actual job) so I haven't had much time to read. I really, really, really want to read those stories. (they're all on my read later list)
Here's to the next competition at 350 though!
2901164
That's good to hear! Sorry to make you wait so long... but I hope it was worth it.
2906441
I need to get a job, actually. No money makes life so difficult...
~Skeeter The Lurker
2905663
Maybe it's just been a long time for Tia too, and that little, ahem, intrusion reminded her of what she'd been missing.
2907514
static.tumblr.com/hs5m5gv/vW8m7dufb/tardistache.gif
You might be on to something here...
Silly Cadance, sending a will-breaking love spell right into somebody's subconscious tends to alter their emotional state!
2911223 ...All according to plan...
Typo in the very last 'Celestia'
Love the story! Can't wait to see where this is going
"It was time for Sun-butt to get off her high horse."
oh my that's a great line lol......
when update?.....
2908390 your icon looks like it's by negative fox but i don't recognize the pic......
Good ol' Molly. This explains a lot.