215515
Thanks!

I'll admit I don't like threesomes involving more than 1 guy, huge turn off.

My god, can you write clop about anything?! While the arousal value was lost at threesome with guys outnumbering girls, this was well written with only one or two mistakes.
Challenge: Celestia, for some reason owes some(thing?) a sexual favor for some reason. Preferably that something that is a sentient eldrich abomination tentacle monster thing worthy of any anime.
DO IT FAGGOT.

216036
I can do that, no problem.

But I'm committed that my next clopfic is going to involve Big Mac and an undead / zombie Pinkie Pie. She has evil powers and she's pretty sentient, so then Mac gets to (literally!) fuck her brains out. And I mean 'litterally'. Except her undead nature to come up a lot as they make love.

I'll definitely file that idea somewhere in the bin for a later date, though.

OH GOD.
YOU ACTUALLY DID THIS.
YOU'RE MY HERO.
MY HERO, I TELL YOU.

216677
HELL YEAH

You magnificent bastard.

the fun has been doubled indeed sir
you have now risen to the rank of the God Emperor
may i be the first to accept our new overload
that is all
kthanxbai

BONER! Y U DO THIS TO ME!?

Okay so now that I'm more refreshed, let's give this a real review:
-Watch your wording and grammar. I know that's hard to do, I've make very silly errors that have destroyed certain sentences in my own, but it's crucial to be thorough.Things like "that should be impossible" would be better saying "that's impossible". Say it out loud as you read it and see if the flow sounds right to you.
-If two characters are conversing back and forth, you don't necessarily need to put "Princess Celestia said" every time, unless they perform an important action, or another character joins in.
-I think this might just be my own personal gripe since a lot of authors do it, by I can't stand omnipotent narrators (switching with point of view to follow mid-story). It disrupts the story when I read about what the princess is feeling inside, then suddenly read what Harry is feeling inside in the same paragraph.
-The transition from Equestria to "human world" happened a bit quickly. It would have been nice to hear Celestias reaction to knowing she needed human DNA, or preparing herself for the journey mentally, or gathering information on their anatomy (like hands and fingers).
-Some choices of words kind of bugged me. In the first chapter the men "squealed" and in this one they "whined". That's kind of feminine, like something Fluttershy would do. Try to find some different terminology to spice it up.

I did enjoy parts of the clop scene though, mostly due to Princess Celestia. It's hard for me not to get some pleasure out of her being a sexual deviant. It might have been better though if it had been told through the eyes of the humans, so we could relate to how strange it would be to meet a magical talking horse and be enraptured by how beautiful and enticing she is, and then how it feels to make love to her.

There you go!

225506
Thanks for your review.

I see your point about proofreading for errors. I really should go back and clean it up. I did, though, want the transition should be quick. I thought it would come across kind of funny. I like having the omnimpotent narration, since that's using my own basic writing style. That's okay-- different strokes for different folks.

I'm glad you liked it. She is totally awesome.

Is it weird that I read this, not to pleasure myself, but for the simple fact I find clopfics really funny while listening to leonard cohen?

Still, well written fic Swiper. I anticipate more.

If you ask "Is it weird" then no, it is not.

This was, pretty damn sweet!

I can't find this hot...

But I do find it uncontrollably hilarious.

AWWWWWWWW YAAAAAAAAA this story got a good laugh out of me nice job.

276237
Uh.... what?

277258 It's what I want to do to this story. No offense to you, of course.

i cant read this. i'm sorry, swiper, but its just so damn weird!
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This was quite humorous; taking every college nerd's wet dream of bedding a sexy alien princess, but with our favorite pony monarch instead, making it all the much better (and relevant to my interests ).

I do think that when she entered the dorm, it would benefit from a change of perspective to the humans, to better convey their sense of confusion and arousal. As for the sex, having it from Celestia's pov works well, since she is the center of attention, but it would be nice to occasionally get into the heads of the guys, if only to satisfy a bit of that audience wish-fulfillment (considering they are humans like us).

Anyways, I liked the story, and I hope you find time to give it a proper conclusion.

374432
Thanks! I hope to finish out the third and last chapter soon!

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This fandom has permanently ruined the word "plot" for me. Or enhanced it. I can't quite tell which.