- Member Since 16th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 2nd, 2014
SwiperTheFox
This sneaky fox, always clad in a blue mask and gloves, has long been a bane of unwary travelers with loose accouterments.
SwiperTheFox
Joined 16th Jan, 2012 ·
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I like the picture
yes...
WHY BONER..WHY!!!!
LOL
personally i would prefer story then just cutting to the chase even though that is her goal i mean it is 1.another species. 2.she is just asking you outright. and 3.well F IT IM DOING IT ANYWAY!!! (thoughts that were going through their head on 1. 2. and 3.)
What the fuck is going on lol
The picture gives me a boner so.... Why boner why?
211735 excatly what i was going to say
oh you swiped you son of genius bitch
WHY BONER WHY?!
fucking pietersite
Looks like I'm getting a lot of one star bombers... ugh
Thanks to those that actually read the story and liked it. They'll be more very soon.
What the BUCK did i just read?
Why boner why? Really? I mean just come on are you serious
Just to those that are curious:
=) Robin Wayne Zander (born January 23, 1953) is the lead singer and rhythm guitarist for the powerpop band Cheap Trick.
=) Todd Harry Rundgren (born June 22, 1948) is a powerpop multi-instrumentalist, singer-songwriter, and record producer who has been in the groups Utopia and Nazz.
=) Chris Henry Difford (born November 4, 1954) is a singer-songwriter and record producer for the powerpop band Squeeze.
So that's where the names come from. I throw musical references into everything I do. If you're not a fan of all three musicians, then check them out right now! They rule!
Thanks to all of you readers out there! Love you all!
I noted something.
You don't use the word "as" a lot in your writing, nor the "-ing prefix after comma" trick.
I mean, Maybe it's just me, but it would sound better if there were sentnces like this
"The unicorn called out. Celestia held up a hoof. She leaned back, and then she magically lifted up a washcloth. Her horn glowed brightly.
Being like this
"The unicorn called out as Celestia held up her hoor. She leaned back while she magically lifted up a washcloth, her horn glowing brightly."
You could replace those dots with tricks just demonstrated.
I REALLY am not into metaphors /fic/ uses, but I have an ample one.
That excerpt from your fic there looks like 4 pieces of metal welded together roughly without any post welding handling. Try processing those weld spots with other tools, as in, be more generous with "as" and "-ing" after a comma instad of dotting everything, makes things more interesting.
Just saying, it's something I noticed.
212053
I think that I use both of those things a lot in my normal writing, but when I did this I tried to have more of a direct and conversational sort of tone to this story.
And a lot of the time it's a matter of how events go down. So "The unicorn called out as Celestia held up her hoof" doesn't mean the same thing as "The unicorn called out. Celestia held up a hoof." The point is that Celestia let him scream for a bit before she then intervened. Although more transitional language might be better like: "The unicorn called out. Celestia held up a hoof in response, and then she ..."
212082
I tend to avoid "then" when I can, I hear it's a word that may be hazardous to story if used overly.
212090
Just curious, but did you get any of the three musician references at first?
And now that I've made it explicit, do you know any of those guys?
"Princess Celestia's search for an heir..."
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there! Isn't Celestia like an immortal goddess or something?
As in, doesn't need an heir?
212095
I don't listen to a lot of unknown artists, so no.
OK, I'm gonna be honest here, I am not reading this story, NO WAY! However. the synopsis had me in tears laughing. As far as out lines of clopflics are concerned,YOU WIN MY GOOD SIR!
I'm giving this 5 stars. Thank you for the laugh.
"You should know what you're getting into. *Smiles* "
That made my day! Thank you, and keep writing
212130
She might not need one, but she wants one. Or at least that's what I'm thinking.
I did a bit of a double-take at the title; I don't normaly read clopfics, but I thought this could be funny at the very least, and it was.
-Mortem aut gloria. Eligere sapienter.
215515
Thanks!
I'll admit I don't like threesomes involving more than 1 guy, huge turn off.
My god, can you write clop about anything?! While the arousal value was lost at threesome with guys outnumbering girls, this was well written with only one or two mistakes.
Challenge: Celestia, for some reason owes some(thing?) a sexual favor for some reason. Preferably that something that is a sentient eldrich abomination tentacle monster thing worthy of any anime.
DO IT FAGGOT.
216036
I can do that, no problem.
But I'm committed that my next clopfic is going to involve Big Mac and an undead / zombie Pinkie Pie. She has evil powers and she's pretty sentient, so then Mac gets to (literally!) fuck her brains out. And I mean 'litterally'. Except her undead nature to come up a lot as they make love.
I'll definitely file that idea somewhere in the bin for a later date, though.
OH GOD.
YOU ACTUALLY DID THIS.
YOU'RE MY HERO.
MY HERO, I TELL YOU.
216677
HELL YEAH
You magnificent bastard.
the fun has been doubled indeed sir
you have now risen to the rank of the God Emperor
may i be the first to accept our new overload
that is all
kthanxbai
Since you actually sent me this story right when I was beginning a clop-session of my own... you get an automatic 3 stars for clairvoyance.
Only read the first chapter and it's way too late to give it a proper review. I'll finish the 2nd chapter tomorrow and tell you what I think.
BONER! Y U DO THIS TO ME!?
Okay so now that I'm more refreshed, let's give this a real review:
-Watch your wording and grammar. I know that's hard to do, I've make very silly errors that have destroyed certain sentences in my own, but it's crucial to be thorough.Things like "that should be impossible" would be better saying "that's impossible". Say it out loud as you read it and see if the flow sounds right to you.
-If two characters are conversing back and forth, you don't necessarily need to put "Princess Celestia said" every time, unless they perform an important action, or another character joins in.
-I think this might just be my own personal gripe since a lot of authors do it, by I can't stand omnipotent narrators (switching with point of view to follow mid-story). It disrupts the story when I read about what the princess is feeling inside, then suddenly read what Harry is feeling inside in the same paragraph.
-The transition from Equestria to "human world" happened a bit quickly. It would have been nice to hear Celestias reaction to knowing she needed human DNA, or preparing herself for the journey mentally, or gathering information on their anatomy (like hands and fingers).
-Some choices of words kind of bugged me. In the first chapter the men "squealed" and in this one they "whined". That's kind of feminine, like something Fluttershy would do. Try to find some different terminology to spice it up.
I did enjoy parts of the clop scene though, mostly due to Princess Celestia. It's hard for me not to get some pleasure out of her being a sexual deviant. It might have been better though if it had been told through the eyes of the humans, so we could relate to how strange it would be to meet a magical talking horse and be enraptured by how beautiful and enticing she is, and then how it feels to make love to her.
There you go!
225506
Thanks for your review.
I see your point about proofreading for errors. I really should go back and clean it up. I did, though, want the transition should be quick. I thought it would come across kind of funny. I like having the omnimpotent narration, since that's using my own basic writing style. That's okay-- different strokes for different folks.
I'm glad you liked it. She is totally awesome.
Not bad, just read ch 1 and probably will read the next chapter tomorrow. I would write more, but I need my sleep ( time is midnight as of right now) if I want to wake up to catch the new episode tomorrow.
Is it weird that I read this, not to pleasure myself, but for the simple fact I find clopfics really funny while listening to leonard cohen?
Still, well written fic Swiper. I anticipate more.
If you ask "Is it weird" then no, it is not.
This was, pretty damn sweet!
I can't find this hot...
But I do find it uncontrollably hilarious.
AWWWWWWWW YAAAAAAAAA this story got a good laugh out of me nice job.
Your sperm, We must have it.
PFFTTTBWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
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276237
Uh.... what?
277258 It's what I want to do to this story. No offense to you, of course.
i cant read this. i'm sorry, swiper, but its just so damn weird!
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This was quite humorous; taking every college nerd's wet dream of bedding a sexy alien princess, but with our favorite pony monarch instead, making it all the much better (and relevant to my interests
).
I do think that when she entered the dorm, it would benefit from a change of perspective to the humans, to better convey their sense of confusion and arousal. As for the sex, having it from Celestia's pov works well, since she is the center of attention, but it would be nice to occasionally get into the heads of the guys, if only to satisfy a bit of that audience wish-fulfillment (considering they are humans like us).
Anyways, I liked the story, and I hope you find time to give it a proper conclusion.
374432
Thanks! I hope to finish out the third and last chapter soon!
...what.
Good god i went from
then last sentence 
.............we need nightmare moon......THAT would be interesting......
*ahem*
HAAAAAWWWWWWWWTTTTTT!!!
There we go. My opinion. Why is Celestia so GODDAMN sexy!?
...what
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*shrugs*
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I LOVE IT.