I don't usually go for twi and shining incest fics but this is good and I like the way its going you sir get a for that its really rare for me to like this kinda ship
2615627 Theory- Unicorns have magically augmented/protected semen that scatters recessive traits and allows for inbreeding minus the effects. That, or it's a spell.
Incest clops always tickle my fancy, but I do have one complaint. It's difficult to get a sense of time between events. Approximately how distant are events? Does Cadance's talk take place before or after Twilight finds out? Is it hours or days? Months? Years? All I know is that these events happen. I'm not even sure if they are in chronological order.
Oy, let's ava go shall we? 2640991>>2640726>>2640896>>2640976 Well that's all good to hear. Means that I'm doing my job and everyone seems to be okay with that.
2641019 An astute observation my friend, and one that I had difficulty incorporating into the story. Flashbacks within a fic do have a disorienting effect on the reader, especially if not presented chronologically or if one jumps in and out of timelines. However, for this piece I just wanted to go back to an event in Twilight's past of unknown date and time to set up a sexual encounter with her brother. To do this I attempted to lul the reader into the scene with Twilight thinking back on how fooling around with her brother and setting up the trigger for a romantic scene with Cadence. That way all of the characters hopefully feel utilized and not just thrown in as cardboard cut outs of their show personalities. Also, it will be incorporated more into the storyline in part 3, but should serve it's purpose now as it expands upon the character's feelings. Incidentally, it allows for tension in a situation that otherwise has none. This tension occurs when you get the reader asking questions like: where will they go from here? Do they still love each other? Wait, so Shining fucked his mom and his sister? Anyways, just a little info on what was going through my head during the writing process. I suppose that I could give dates and times and stuff, but that feels very mechanical. This is a story about feels. It should be organic.
2641087 Mmmm to answer that or not? That's the big question... Well, I struggled over whether to include that scene or not. It didn't seem relevant to the plot, but on the other hand this is where experience comes in. Believe it or not (hint: believe it) that last scene is based off of real life sexual events. My intention was to make it not overly graphic, but just give it that touch of reality that would separate it from the mundane. So yes, I suppose she did. Although, I intentionally left it vague enough so you can make up your own shit if you want. (if you must know...)--->Needless to say, if a girl hasn't done anal before, make absolutely double damn sure that she is loosened up and positively does not have to go to the bathroom, or you could end up cleaning your dick off in the shower.
2641110 Exact dates aren't necessary, but a scale of time is. I suspected it was a flash back, but I wasn't certain. Velvet said Twilight had a crush on Shining, but the flashback showed an actual consummation? That's what was confusing. Something as simple as: 'Last year, Twilight...' or something like that gives what is needed.
Also, sometimes exact dates are necessary, or loose dates if they are more appropriate. Saying one day or one month passed implies a greater sense of emotional stewing. For instance, if a sex scene between Twilight and Shining came after the talk with Twilight learning about her family's incest, the scale of time implies important things. A day would imply the knowledge got her hot and bothered enough for the act to be 'okay' in her eyes. If one month passed, it suggests that the pair have stewed in sexual tension and hormones for a lot longer. That, in tern, suggests that the sex would become a lot more visceral and satisfying.
A sense of time, or ambiguity by omission, lets readers come to their own conclusions in certain situations. What I said in the previous paragraph may not ring true for everyone, but that's just what i believe in such circumstances governing time. Different people can conjure up their own sensations, emotions, and settings that way.
2641168 Again thanks for the feedback and explaining your confusion. After some review, I decided that it would be best to leave things ambiguous, but do as you recommended letting the reader know that it takes place a few years back. It's been updated with the line edit now. God knows as writers read their own works they are often blinded by what they know but that hasn't been properly conveyed to the reader. I hope anyone else reading can now avoid any confusion, but if you are, don't be afraid to post about it!
well this was great i even got out my favret modle i got from that bad-dragon.com website i relly enjoyed thisand i think when my boyfriend gets on he will enjoy reading it
2645818 It's a little secret, just the Sparkleson's affair. Most of all, you've got to hide it from your dad. ... Sorry, your question just inspired me...
You were great with Twilight. Her taking apart sex and having a plan in her head of how she does it. Observing the best teacher and then copying her methods. For Twilight sex is just an objective like any other.
I don't usually go for twi and shining incest fics but this is good and I like the way its going
you sir get a for that its really rare for me to like this kinda ship
Thia is so wrong but why do I like it.
2615627 Theory- Unicorns have magically augmented/protected semen that scatters recessive traits and allows for inbreeding minus the effects. That, or it's a spell.
Damn that was good.
Incest clops always tickle my fancy, but I do have one complaint. It's difficult to get a sense of time between events. Approximately how distant are events? Does Cadance's talk take place before or after Twilight finds out? Is it hours or days? Months? Years? All I know is that these events happen. I'm not even sure if they are in chronological order.
Did twilight just.... Shit at the end?
Dear god that could have ended badly.
Oy, let's ava go shall we?
2640991>>2640726>>2640896>>2640976
Well that's all good to hear. Means that I'm doing my job and everyone seems to be okay with that.
2641019
An astute observation my friend, and one that I had difficulty incorporating into the story. Flashbacks within a fic do have a disorienting effect on the reader, especially if not presented chronologically or if one jumps in and out of timelines.
However, for this piece I just wanted to go back to an event in Twilight's past of unknown date and time to set up a sexual encounter with her brother. To do this I attempted to lul the reader into the scene with Twilight thinking back on how fooling around with her brother and setting up the trigger for a romantic scene with Cadence. That way all of the characters hopefully feel utilized and not just thrown in as cardboard cut outs of their show personalities. Also, it will be incorporated more into the storyline in part 3, but should serve it's purpose now as it expands upon the character's feelings. Incidentally, it allows for tension in a situation that otherwise has none. This tension occurs when you get the reader asking questions like: where will they go from here? Do they still love each other? Wait, so Shining fucked his mom and his sister?
Anyways, just a little info on what was going through my head during the writing process. I suppose that I could give dates and times and stuff, but that feels very mechanical. This is a story about feels. It should be organic.
2641087 Mmmm to answer that or not? That's the big question...
Well, I struggled over whether to include that scene or not. It didn't seem relevant to the plot, but on the other hand this is where experience comes in.
Believe it or not (hint: believe it) that last scene is based off of real life sexual events. My intention was to make it not overly graphic, but just give it that touch of reality that would separate it from the mundane. So yes, I suppose she did. Although, I intentionally left it vague enough so you can make up your own shit if you want.
(if you must know...)--->Needless to say, if a girl hasn't done anal before, make absolutely double damn sure that she is loosened up and positively does not have to go to the bathroom, or you could end up cleaning your dick off in the shower.
2641110
Exact dates aren't necessary, but a scale of time is. I suspected it was a flash back, but I wasn't certain. Velvet said Twilight had a crush on Shining, but the flashback showed an actual consummation? That's what was confusing. Something as simple as: 'Last year, Twilight...' or something like that gives what is needed.
Also, sometimes exact dates are necessary, or loose dates if they are more appropriate. Saying one day or one month passed implies a greater sense of emotional stewing. For instance, if a sex scene between Twilight and Shining came after the talk with Twilight learning about her family's incest, the scale of time implies important things. A day would imply the knowledge got her hot and bothered enough for the act to be 'okay' in her eyes. If one month passed, it suggests that the pair have stewed in sexual tension and hormones for a lot longer. That, in tern, suggests that the sex would become a lot more visceral and satisfying.
A sense of time, or ambiguity by omission, lets readers come to their own conclusions in certain situations. What I said in the previous paragraph may not ring true for everyone, but that's just what i believe in such circumstances governing time. Different people can conjure up their own sensations, emotions, and settings that way.
2641168
Again thanks for the feedback and explaining your confusion.
After some review, I decided that it would be best to leave things ambiguous, but do as you recommended letting the reader know that it takes place a few years back.
It's been updated with the line edit now. God knows as writers read their own works they are often blinded by what they know but that hasn't been properly conveyed to the reader.
I hope anyone else reading can now avoid any confusion, but if you are, don't be afraid to post about it!
2641212
All my ninja skills will be tested when I man the hell up and write a clop. I just know I will. I can hear it calling to me on the wind.
I fear something terrible will happen if i don't write it. Fate demands I finish the clop.
2641221
<---Fate and this guy.
Thanks again everypone, and stay classy
2641087 2641110
The backdoor can be messy, but that's one of the risks of the Musky Asterisk (TM).
fc05.deviantart.net/fs47/i/2009/232/e/0/Engineer__Heck_Yeah_by_Kobb.jpg
Now make them have a sloppy foursome where Twilight get's some velvet folds!
(Your expected best response)
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/021/6/0/alrighty_then__by_blueskiies-d5sa3ql.png
Don't try to fool us with what's to come. It doesn't doesn't work too well. Especially not in MY Intel Room. Not with MY sentry.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/299/5/a/the_spy_and_the_engineer__mlp_x_tf2__by_shit1200-d5j2f3a.png
Fuckin' spies... Always sapping my sentry...
The Sparkles are a naughty family
well this was great
i even got out my favret modle i got from that bad-dragon.com website
i relly enjoyed thisand i think when my boyfriend gets on he will enjoy reading it
So, does Night-light know about Shining and Velvet gettin' it on or is it more of a secrete kind of thing? My curiosity is driving me nuts.
2645818
Guess you'll have to wait 'till next chapter...
2645991
i.imgur.com/E8vivC8.gif
Welp, I expect a debaucherous family orgy, now.
Oh god, that ending
Let me tell you from first hand experience, anal while 'full' is horrible!
2647842 me too XD
2645818
It's a little secret, just the Sparkleson's affair. Most of all, you've got to hide it from your dad.
...
Sorry, your question just inspired me...
WHAT...THE....HELL!! Why isn't there more!?! I know it's already completed but still!
10/10 Pinkies my good man!
2739484 tell me more just kidding I guess good for you? meh. i mean unless you didn't make it.
Right as I was about to, ahem, finish you had to bring up poop. Well done, you blueballed me masterfully.
You were great with Twilight. Her taking apart sex and having a plan in her head of how she does it. Observing the best teacher and then copying her methods. For Twilight sex is just an objective like any other.