As Bella, Edward, and Alice leave behind the vampire blood orgy (that’d be a great name for a death metal band), Bella slowly freaks out at what’s going on in the room she just departed. One of the Volturi’s human servants asks if they need anything, but Edward sends her away. According to Edward, she’s aware of what’s going on and is fully aware she could end up as a vampire’s dinner, but goes through with it in the hopes that the Volturi will turn her.

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Before we begin New Moon, I’m happy to announce a new staple to this series, the Clinginess Meter! Whenever Bella — just Bella — says or does something that’s horrifically obsessive about Edward, rather than comment on it, I’ll simply put the quote down and add 1 to the Clinginess Meter. And it needs to be obsessive; simply “I love you” doesn’t count, but “I could never live without you” does.

That settled, on we go!

Clinginess Meter: 0

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In spite of having a human bleeding in front of him, Carlisle immediately takes control of the situation, telling Emmett and Rosalie to get Jasper out of the room. He’s perfected his self-control as a surgeon, after all. Carlisle and Edward take Bella to the kitchen to get her fixed up. Slowly, all the other vampires file away to avoid temptation, leaving Carlisle and Bella alone while he picks out the glass and stitches her up. And the next scene, aside from Carlisle putting antiseptic on the

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Bella wakes up on the beach, Jacob thumping her in the back to get the water out of her lungs. She gradually comes to her senses and puts together that Jacob rescued her. The other werewolves are nearby, asking if she’s okay. She says she’ll live, but Jacob still decides to take her to a hospital. He’d come back because Victoria had slipped past the werewolves and into the ocean. Jacob was scared because he thought she might swim to the beach, where Bella spends a lot of her time, so he raced

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Experimenting. That's basically the gist of it.

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"This will be my first test." Melody said, speaking into a recorder. Griff was trotting alongside Metamorphosis, taking a walk with him. "Step one..."

Melody clicked on a red laser and shone it out at Griff. He froze, stared at it, then, when she moved it, he began chasing it. Meta giggled and followed as Griff began pouncing on it like a kitten. Meta batted as it as well, and soon the two were chasing it. Melody shrugged.

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The first sentence of the chapter is this:

We made our flight with seconds to spare, and then the true torture began.

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Hearing something scratching at her window, Bella freaks out, thinking it’s Victoria. No, it’s actually Jacob, climbing a tree to try to get into her room. Bella opens her window to let Jacob in, which brings up lots of bad emotions.

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So, what’s the reason for the cliffhanger last chapter? What’s beyond that door that’s so surprising?

A hallway. Lame.

Three more pages of walking through halls, and then the group emerges into a castle turret, populated by both humans and vampires. They’re greeted by Aro, who…

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Really?! (looks at table of contents) …Nope. Dammit.

Anyway, during Bella’s day at school, Edward’s distant, and the rest of the Cullens and Hales who still go to school aren’t there. Naturally, this is terrible for Bella, and her job after school at a sporting goods store drags on and on and on. She thinks it’s nothing, even though your boyfriend’s family almost eating you on instinct shouldn’t be nothing.

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Bella drives out to the Cullens’ house, trying to get a glimpse of it. Actually, she’s wanting to hear Edward’s voice again, hoping deja vu will trigger it, but she doesn’t want to admit it. Think that’s unhealthy? So does Bella:

I didn’t want to admit the strongest motivation. Because it was mentally unsound.

She admits it’s mentally unsound and does it anyway. CM + 1

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If any chapter in the series so far has come close to breaking me, it’s this one. If I wasn’t reading the series to find out what it did wrong, if I was only reading it out of a trainwreck mentality, I would’ve quit here.

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There’s a brief description on how, several weeks later, everything’s back to the way it was before the Cullens left. Charlie’s set visiting hours for Edward and basically put Bella under house arrest, which I find hard to argue with. Bella’s looking at colleges to keep that option open and, apparently, Edward’s already gone to Harvard. If you’ve ever gone to Harvard, why the fuck would you go back to high school, you stupid son of a bitch?!

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Bella and Jacob start trying out the motorcycles. It doesn’t go so well, mainly because Bella has no clue as to what she’s doing. It’s kind of endearing; it reminds me of when I was learning a manual transmission. Eventually, Bella manages to put it in gear, learns how to change gears, and tries driving it. But as soon as she starts moving, she hears Edward’s voice again, telling her how stupid she’s being. She loses control of the bike, but since she’s barely moving, she’s not too badly

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Jacob’s sickness gets worse; according to Billy, he has mono and shouldn’t have visitors for more than a month. To make matters worse for Bella, the phone lines around La Push are acting up, so she can’t call him. Bella, however, is suspicious after looking the disease up online; mono isn’t very infectious and a lot of the symptoms don’t match what Jacob was like before he got sick. Besides, the main way you get mono is by kissing someone else with the virus, and they haven’t been kissing.

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When we last left Bella, she was thinking about whether or not to tell Jacob about the hunting parties out looking for wolves. He’s her best friend, but she thinks he could be a killer. She’s come to a compromise: warn him about the hunters, but also try to convince him to stop eating hikers. She drives over to Jacob’s house, but Billy says Jacob’s still sleeping. So Bella just bangs open the door as loudly as possible without knocking. However, she changes her tune once she sees Jacob asleep

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Jacob’s come to visit Bella — with Jared and Embry waiting in his car, in case the vampire he smells proves to be hostile. He’s angry even as Bella invites him in, and Bella doesn’t like that.

I locked gazes with first Jared and then Embry — I didn’t like the hard way they eyed me; did they really think I would let anything hurt Jacob? — before I shut the door on them.

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Okay, this is an experiment I want to try out, not just because I’m a bit of a fan of shipping, but also I want to test to see how fast you guys can react to these blog posts when I have a vote. So, this was the best idea I could think of, even though it’s kind of a wild one, but still, I want to see how this goes. Anyways, Strawpoll is where the voting will be held. So, unless you pick other, votes in the comments here won’t really count for

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Get your heads out of your asses so you can suck our dicks.

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