Disclaimer: There is only one very short chapter published so far.

Summary: A mysterious figure does something at his place, and Twilight goes to a festival with Spike.

So far, thats it. This story was submitted far to early for a review. Though lets look at what we have so far.

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We only get a glimpse at what this story is about so far, and from that, I can tell the main idea seems average. Some stuff is set in motion, some dialogs or monologues are held, so the characters introduce themselves a tiny bit. Not enough to really judge them, but at least Twilight and Spike seem to be written alright.

What I can do tell however is, that this story seriously needs a pre-reader and an editor. Wordchoice is very repetitive, the sentence structure is boring and someone who can overlook the whole thing would also be a nice advantage. 

It seems this is an attempt at writing down an idea of the author but without the proper preparations and effort.

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NO RATING <- What we have so far is more a writing example than a story for the time being.

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Feedback: It does not help if you tell in the authors note who the char is you try to not name in the chapter. Also please put some more effort and work into your story before you submit it for a proper review.
Also you should look for someone who can help with your wording and general buildup

Thanks for the review, Azure. Do you think you can review The Rise of Odium as well? I need to see how it's doing so far.

Here's the story if you want to get to it quicker:

[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]

7329972
I think that's going to have a similar problem as the first story: only one chapter is out.

7329972
Your welcome.

As I said, you need to puplish more and work on it before it is worth a review. I would suggest to look for an editor or pre-reader.

https://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/the-proofreader-group

These are the groups you are looking for.

7329987
Okay. Thanks.

7329986
Indeed

7329972
Read the rules. You have already submitted the story to the General folder. If you want to have Drache review it, you will have to remove it from the General and place it in his folder. That said, since the story is so short, it'd be unfair to expect a full review based on that short length.

7329994
Thanks again, Jarvy.