Okay, I'm going straight to the point.

My name is Thomas, I'm 18 years old and I'm questioning if I am gay or not.

Firstly, I have previously identified myself as bisexual. I have been intrested with girls all my life, however, it came to me when I was either 15 or 16 years old when I actually realised that I had feelings for boys as well. These were both emotional and sexual feelings for both sexes. I especially learned about having feelings when I was going through my first and only relationship with a girl that ended 14 months ago, but I knew that I was uncomfortable with going out with my ex-girlfriend, because I knew that she didn't really want to go out with me anymore, so we broke up just before Valentine's Day 2017. I have been single ever since.

Up until January of this year, I didn't really think about going out with people. I was more focused on my writing and studying, especially in college and didn't come around with anyone in mind. But then, during the excitement of Valentine's Day this year, I came to the decision that I was actually bisexual, after having feelings for men as well as girls.

However, today, I felt much less for girls and soon felt really unconfitable around them, especially after reciving verbal, sexiest and homophobic abuse from a girl in college today. I was actually quite scared, after she threatened to hit me and pull at my nuts. Needless to say, I was not happy and had to leave the room, which made everyone else slightly uneasy around this girl. So I am now beginning to wonder that girls aren't my thing and that perhaps I would prefer a boyfriend instead.

I am open for mainly a peaceful relashionship with a boy, and I will only go into sexually when we both feel that may be something that we want to do. I don't know; I haven't made my mind up yet, but I am really beginning to question if I'm gay or not.

Please feel free to leave a comment and surgest anything to me. I would particually like Furion to comment as well, as I believe he is also gay, so it would be nice to hear from someone who has the same sexual orintation interest as I do. Thank you very much for reading and have a nice day!

6410733

Okay, I'm going straight to the point.

Listen hun, if you're gay you can't do that.

6410747
Funny. Very funny.

Seriously though, got any advice?

6410749
Well, you had a problem with two girls, right?

Maybe just try and make sure that it's not just bad vibes from a few ladies? Just because your relationship ended and one woman was rude to you doesn't mean you're not bi any longer. Just try and talk to someone female (a friend maybe) and see if you can push those bad vibes away, because maybe you'll feel more comfortable that way.

But you could be gay. I'm really not sure, I've never gone through this myself.

6410733
Wussup, Thomas,
As someone else that's also gay, first and foremost I'll just say that this chick that threatened you and insulted you is just an asshole, regardless of what your sexuality is. That shouldn't be a huge determining factor in whether or not you're gay but I can see why it'd be taken as such. Forget about her crap (and you're justified to drop her if she puts a hand on you, self defense matters).
I consider my sexuality to kinda be on a whatever works best basis. As of right now, my happiest relationships happen to have been with guys, so I consider myself gay. If I suddenly have an equally enjoyable relationship with a girl, I'll be bisexual. That's how much thought I pay to the whole deal; it's not something you need to be writing theses and theories about. Just think about what makes (or may make) you happy and go forward from that. Hope that helps :>

6410753
Okay, well at least that's something, thanks.

It's just that I've been feeling really depressed because this has been going on for quite some time now, the abuse from multiple females. Hey, I'm not going against girls/women, because I'm not and don't want to be sexist.

However, I'm certainly not straight and honestly, I am thinking through my head at the moment that I am actually gay, however, I could also be bi. Those are the only two possible options I have. This is a serious problem though because my parents are homophobic. It has made me feel so ill these past few months when I've been thinking about when I will admit to my parents that I am gay/bi. The positive I find for being gay is that I can turn away my attention from thinking of girls and, who knows, bump into a boy I like.

This will be a long period of time, though, before I completely make up my mind. Again, thanks.

6410763
Thank you.

Oh, don't worry. I've never liked her. Today just got toxic, that's all. Tommorrow's a new day. Stay awesome!

6410774
Sure! Just be sure to know that there's people of any sex, gender, or anything that don't fall into what one person did. Just be comfortable again.

6410779
Sho thang my dude.
I'm no therapist but consider me someone you can talk to whenever ya feel the need to, or just wanna ask me more stuff about gayness and whatnot. I'm down to help out.

6410789
Thanks

6410733
Hey, hon.

Sexuality, firstly, isn't always cut and dry. It's not that uncommon for bisexual folks to have a bit of a preference, or for them to sort of slide towards one gender because of things happening to you in life. Part of my discomfort about cis women as far as intimacy is trauma related, but from the outside it looks a lot like I just turned straight. IT sounds like a bad experience with this girl has made you cautious. And maybe that's it, and you'll just go back to an equillibrium. Or maybe it's a coincidence and you've always been like a kinsey 5 or something, i.e. almost exclusively homosexual but maybe occasionally you could be interested in another sex.

However... I think you might just be freaked out after a bad experience, which frankly sounds awful and scary as hell. I'm sorry that happened. :< Regardless of whether or not you are gay, I encourage you to seek out a confidant willing to listen and help you work out some of these wounds.

6410798
Very true and very wise. Thanks for writing that; I'll keep that in mind.

6410774
From your story, you sound like you're bi-leaning-gay. Your experiences with those particular girls were unusually bad, and so I'd imagine that has more to do with it.

6410815
Yes, indeed. I am not saying I don't like all girls; it's just some and that particular one I mentioned. But yes, I would consider myself bi-leaning-gay.

6410733
One thing I think is that sexuality titles are overrated - they're useful and there's nothing wrong with them, and I believe some people are naturally straight, gay or bi. But sexuality is fluid sometimes, and you can also make choices. I'm physically bi, I find both sexes attractive, but I would generally go for guys more often, mostly because I think guys are more often adorable dorks which is my thing. (No offence.)
However, I consider myself pansexual because while I'd generally be on the look out for guys, if I meet the right girl or enby I wouldn't say no. At the end of the day sex really doesn't matter. When you're old and grey neither of you will be sexy, it'll be the heart and mind that you love. Well, that's just my opinion anyway. Just do what you feel you want to. Experiment with yourself but remember never to experiment with others as you risk breaking their hearts.

Just remember, every real love story that ended well that I have heard of, started not with infatuation as you might see on TV or in books, but with friendship. (But that doesn't mean you should go hitting on straight guy friends. ) You're not gonna end up with the person you expect to, at least that's been my experience both personally and talking to others.

Also, lastly, try to not judge all women on a few bad experiences. We're not all bad - most of us are nice. And guys can be arseholes too, so try to watch yourself.

6410827

When you're old and grey neither of you will be sexy, it'll be the heart and mind that you love.

Of course. If I found the person that I will be living with for the rest of my life, then I wouldn't mind seeing them turn grey and old, because I'll be doing the same. I do look for what's on the inside of someone rather than on the outside.

Experiment with yourself but remember never to experiment with others as you risk breaking their hearts.

Not doing that, don't worry. Not my style.

Also, lastly, try to not judge all women on a few bad experiences. We're not all bad - most of us are nice. And guys can be arseholes too, so try to watch yourself

I'm sorry if my story did seem sexist, I don't mean to be, I don't want to be sexist towards women and I never will. And yes, guys like me can be arseholes; heck, so can I when I'm really screwed off. But honestly, I do want to be a nice person and try to be as friendly as possible to people. This girl, I know, won't and never will get on with me, same for the other way round. I wrote this blog to get things off my chest and begin a journey of understanding more about myself, whatever my sexuality.

Thank you for writing and have a nice day.

6410835
Oh, no worries, I didn't think you were being sexist, I was just making sure you weren't going for guys only because you're afraid of girls. I've heard stories vice versa as well, and it's just sad because people are people and I don't want you to pass by someone amazing, that's all.

6410733
Bisexuality comes in a spectrum. Few bisexuals are exactly as attracted to women as they are to men. Personally, I'm not - I prefer women, although I not by much. If you are attracted to both in any capacity at all, you're bi. It's not worth being concerned about any further than that. Just go with what your feelings tell you to, because they are what makes the decision in the end. So long as you're happy with the relationships you end up having, you haven't gone wrong.

Well, as a bisexual, I can tell you that, as the person above me said, bisexuality is very rarely ever 50/50 in attraction and its okay to prefer one to the other. Also, it sounds to me like you're just shaken up from having a girl be a dick to you, and you should probably make sure that's just the case

6411185

it sounds to me like you're just shaken up from having a girl be a dick to you

Certainly something many here can sympathize with, in one form or another. I haven't been in many relationships that ended well, but with how emotionally charged these things are, I only find that natural.

6411225
hmmhmm

6411226
That could mean either yes or no.

6411229
yes

6411231
k then

Feel free to use more than the absolute minimum of words necessary, though. We strive to be a community here and you're clearly thoughtful enough to be part of it. See you 'round.

6411231

6411236
Alrighty, well, thanks anyway you two.

6410733
Woah, hey, direct shoutout in an OP. That's a switch.

I don't really know that there's much I can say that hasn't already been covered my most everyone else who's posted in here, but I will say that it's fairly normal to be a bit confused about where exactly you're sitting on the spectrum. Sexuality's complicated. I used to be in a similar situation a year or so after I first realised I was attracted to other men. If I'm to be perfectly honest, it isn't impossible for me to imagine myself ending up in a long-term relationship with a woman. Used to be I called myself bisexual, but it got to a point where I didn't feel comfortable with it anymore because while I can see myself as being in a relationship with either sex or even someone gender nonconforming I just kind of came to the realization that I didn't have much sexual interest in women. These days I just tell people I'm gay because it's easier than explaining that every damn time it comes up, but it is, in fact, more complicated, and that's not a bad thing. Just use whichever terms you're comfortable with.

6413194
Thank you very much for the advise, Furion. I will need to do something in return one day, but I'll need to think about what that is.

Anyway, back to the main topic. Yes, that's a good point. Needless to say, I am in a similar situation here; I'm not really into sex, I just like guys in general. Girls are still in my mind, but honestly, I would only go into a relationship with someone when I'm ready for one. The last relationship ended badly for me and brought me down to a point that I was beginning to question my sexuality and that I was in fact gay. I lied to myself for months and months, saying that I was actually bi, but for now I just push that choice away because it's not healthy for me to think about. From this Wednesday, I considered myself to be gay.

Well, after a bit of a rough week, I am feeling better and more positive than before. Thanks Furion for giving me some guidance and to everyone else who commented on this blog. I am surprised on how many comments have come in and I am grateful for that, so thank you. Honestly, I've managed to move on from this "situation" I had with "that person" and it's all thanks to everyone here. MysteryMuffin.

6413199
I'm glad that worked out for you, then. Just always remember that in the end, this kind of thing is always up to you. Many people, even in the LGBT community, tend to think of sexual orientations as hard and permanent categories when that really couldn't be farther from the truth. It's absolutely not uncommon for sexual preferences to change or vary a bit over a person's lifetime. If you ever meet someone who makes you want to rethink this decision a little, allow yourself to do so. Don't let thoughts like this restrict you, because as mentioned, there is no right or wrong way to feel. Ultimately, it's all about what makes you happy, no more and no less.

Have a good one!

6410733

You sound bi, but possibly more oriented toward males than females.

6410779

That girl sounds INSANE. Not in the fun way, either.

6410733

Hey. Your situation isn't quite the same as mine, but there's a lot that I relate to, so here's my perspective on this:

First of all, you don't have to worry about whether you are gay or bisexual. It's nice to be sure, but what is important is that you are you first and foremost; whether you are straight or gay or bisexual doesn't have to define you. Remember that sexuality is not a form entry that you tick off. It's a spectrum, and to put it bluntly, some people are more gay or more straight than others.

Secondly, I really sympathize with what you said about being put off by bad experiences. Trauma can change drastically how attractive a gender is to you. What I want to tell you is that who you are attracted to is entirely your own business, and you do NOT have to justify why you feel or do not feel attracted to anyone. If you never feel attracted to a girl ever again, that is perfectly fine. Seriously! No one requires the inside of your pants to be an equal opportunity zone. If it happens that you do fall for a girl again in future, that's great! But let it happen (or not happen) naturally, not because of whatever label you apply to yourself.

Personally, I too am bisexual, but I have always leaned much more heavily towards my own gender, and poor experiences with straight relationships have only exacerbated this... so in many ways, I understand how you feel!

Aaand I guess the thread is still alive.
N e c r o

6455275

6455286
I'm either gay or bi (again, only towards personality not sex). And yes, to anyone who is reading this I'm not sexist and I have no hate towards females (I have female friends as well), it's just how my life's been for the last 12 months... a dang rollercoaster!

6458841
Kek, anyone who tries to say you're sexist for not feeling attracted to girls is honestly just ignorant or an assclown. There's nothing to worry about there. It'd be like trying to say I'm an sjw feminist for being straight (if I was).

6455867
Apologises for the late reply. Thanks for your comment; it has helped me.

6459511
Thanks