A Dictionary Problem by Dreams of Ponies

Twilight has a problem, not that she'll admit it. Spike has a solution, not that she'll listen.
Written for theComedy (Is Serious Business)contest.
Art by:Dilarus

Editors:The Best Dasher
Prereaders:
Toasty
JackRipper
Scuttles

Featured on 2/10/2018 I love all of you

Written for a contest, eh? Don't feel bad if you didn't win any prizes. I too tried my luck once for a writing contest and came back empty-handed. The only difference is that I didn't have any damned editors/pre-readers! You know how nerve-inducing it is to correct your own horse words? Not very uplifting.

Is reading addiction a real thing? It sounds crazy, but at the same time strangely plausible. And if anypony would suffer from it, it'd be Twilight. She's been overspending on her book collection, and Spike, acting as the voice of reason, tries as he might to put an end to this catastrophe. Things only escalate from there.

I enjoyed A Dictionary Problem for what it's worth. I read over Aragon's blog post which kicked off this contest, and the proposed idea is to write good comedy he finds, to whatever extent, objectively funny. The prompt Dreams of Ponies picked was "We Learned Something Universal." That's pretty damn ambitious, dude. Well, either it's ambitious or it's an excuse for lazy sophistry. This fic goes in nether direction. The biggest issue I see with this fic is, while it works as a comedy (got a few chuckles out of me, might be funnier to others), I don't see it holding its own particularly well as a story. Were there stakes? If there were any I didn't notice them. Any character development? No. Like, nothing at all. What do you take away from the lesson?

“Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned… well, I learned something. I’m just not entirely sure what. If anything, I’m more confused than I’ve ever been.

“Thank you for helping with Twilight. She really didn’t need any more enabling at that point. Anyway, I’m going to take a ten-year nap.

I'm also not sure, Spike. Does Twilight getting a job count as character development? Clearly not. There's no indication that she learned from her past mistakes of hording books. In fact, she only became employed through immoral means, by bribing the inspector who took her illegally-acquired money away from her. She still seems crazy to me, only now she's on a looser leash.

And while Twilight was thoroughly out-of-character (you can make the argument that she was in-character à la Lesson Zero, not that I would buy it), you're supposed to laugh at her desperate antics to make up for her deficit. It didn't get a laugh from me (chuckles do not count as laughter), but I can still see it working. Hell, this story was featured, so I guess it did work.

The plot is incredibly fast-paced, although I think that works in its favour due to the nature of comedy fics. Because the dialogue and direction was so snappy, there was always something happening to keep your attention from drifting away. Some things were funnier than others—which is inevitable—but I was reasonably entertained through and through. I liked the transition from the scene at Rarity's shop to Twilight's floofing business set in motion. But why the hell did Rarity kiss Twilight? No forewarning, mind you, she just straight-up kissed her full on the lips out of nowhere. Yeah, I get that that was a gesture of gratitude, but Jesus, a "thank you" would have sufficed. There's no random tag, so no excuses.

The story as a whole is one where you can read with your mind turned off. I actually recommend that you not think too much while reading this one. It's a light breeze, but there are some problems.

For starters, the characters were kinda dumb and acted inconsistently. Rarity was written very flatly here (something I don't appreciate considering she's best pony). She just went along with whatever was going on with Twilight and displayed not a modicum of concern. Twilight was acting crazy and learned nothing in the end. Starlight was... there. I guess. The only level-headed character was Spike, and he's, incidentally, the only character with whom I sympathized. His reactions to the absurd events transpiring around him were the highlights. You know what? I'd even recommend A Dictionary Problem if you're a Spike fan.

Now let's bring up that prompt: something universal was learned. Is overspending a universal issue? If it is then I've clearly failed, 'cause I looooove spending money. But unlike most people I can control myself. Remember, kids: financial independence before lower-class impendence.

But in all seriousness, I can give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume this "universal" lesson is itself meant to be taken lightly, which could explain it being overblown. But nothing was learned. I had fun reading, true, but did it really matter? Here's how I'd improve this fic: keep it slightly more grounded. By that I mean, instead of giving us the exaggerated, insane Twilight, give us a Twilight we can care about. Put us a bit more in her head, show us what she, individually, is going through. It can still work as a comedy, no doubt. We'd laugh, but we'd also be concerned for her well-being. I think the episode Too Many Pinkie Pies (season 3, episode 3) handled this balance exceptionally well. Aim for that.

The technical writing itself was fine. Nothing distractingly wrong with it. There were a few sore thumbs, though.

The table map sat there, absent of any quests for the moment, paying Spike no mind as he walked around to Twilight’s chair.

How can a table "pay mind" to anyone? It's an inanimate object. Unless you meant to imply that the table was not calling for Spike on any friendship problems specifically? Maybe.

Staring up at the star that represented his sister’s cutie mark, a slow smirk crossed his face as he drew in a breath.

What the what? There are only two characters in this scene, Spike being the sole male, hence the "he" pronoun—so this can only imply that Twilight is his sister, since this is said in the narration. But... Twilight isn't Spike's sister. Canonically they don't view each other that way either. There's no Alt. Universe tag, so this is especially confusing.

Sighing, he pushed away, eyelids heavy from the financial torrent of the last weeks.

The last few weeks sounds more appropriate.

There's a few others, but take my word for it, you won't be bothered by it.

A Dictionary Problem is a comedy first and foremost, and it puts any consideration for plot development and coherent characterization to the backseat. There's a good chance you'll find this one on the funny side, and you'll especially enjoy it if you like the Spike who acts as Twilight's anchor. I give it a... ehhhhhhhhhhhh 7/10, plus or minus expenses.

I say that as a business student.

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Glad I didn't give you a brain Aneurysm, my friend. Also, it's nice to see you reviewing again, but anyway...

The only point of criticism I have contention with is Spike referring to Twilight as his sister. I know it's not really canon, but if I had to pick what family role that would suit them best, it would be as siblings. I'm sorry if that threw you off; it was what me and my friends decided on in the long run.

Thanks for the lengthy and thorough critique. Some of this I had gotten from Aragon, so I wasn't totally surprised. Either way, you always manage to hit on some points that I missed.

And yes, it is quite the problem to edit your own horse words. I'm quite glad I have a few friends to give me a kick in the butt every so often. I'm looking forward to my next submission to you