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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Comic books, yay! I love details like Alloy's reaction to her first comic book. Nice luck for the two at the end there, being saved by a Bigger Fish. There's totally nothing to worry about now.
5111572
Y'know. I watched Spice and Wolf when it was newly-dubbed, a few years ago, and absolutely loved it. Maybe there was a little unconscious inspiration there? I dunno, but either way given the quality of the show, I'll take it as a compliment, hehe. And I'm glad you're enjoying Grit and Alloy's interactions.
Regarding the chapter length, it's more a matter of personal preference. It's easier for me to stay on track with a chapter when I keep them to managable chunks, and I know if my chapters were longer, my already-dismal update schedule would get even worse.
5147123
Alloy's comic bookery was one of those fun character traits I always knew I'd have to insert somewhere, but I didn't think I'd be able to fit it in as early as I did. If not here, it probably would have been closer to chapter 14-15 or thereabouts. I'm glad you liked seeing her nerd out, hehe.
You wrote "to working" twice.
5153114
Aw shoot. Thanks for the catch! Fixed now.
I think you mean 'took' not 'gave'.
It's kinda sad that raiders have to screw with ponies that have half-way respectable living conditions. Also, it's frustrating that you can't be truthful to other ponies when the information would really help them out. For instance, letting the stable ponies in on the whole raider situation would be notice for them to keep their eyes out and nimble on their hooves in case trouble ends up coming their way.
5186861
Indeed they are. But hey, coulda been worse.
5186887
Ah, but the catch there is that Gumbo got forced to do this by the other shopkeepers. They had themselves a town meeting that Alloy hid from. Poor guy just wants to take it easy, and kicking her out is the path of least resistance.
5186948
Hrm. I'm reasonably certain that isn't the first time I made this substitution. In all likelihood, you're right. I'll fix it when I make a few other tweaks to ch 6. And yea, them scumbag raiders huh? They just love to fuck with ponies. Thing is about Alloy warning Stable 15? Her and Grit made mention of them in Chapter 4 when Studio asked for details about the region. That bit was kinda glossed over, though, I didn't want to spend too long on re-expositing stuff the readers already knew.
Sorry it took so long to reply, but I really appreciate the comments! Thank you!
5227336
I was kind of, somewhat, getting at the bit of how Alloy is a walking target now and potentially liable to draw the raider's attention to the stable.
5229766
I misunderstood at first, but I see where you were getting at now. It is a bit of an uncomfortable subject for her to bring up, that she's running an errand on behalf of raiders. Who knows how towns of strangers might react to her? That's at least partially Alloy's logic here, but mostly it's simply that she doesn't even consider she might bring hell down on a town she visits. She's locking herself into this single-minded pursuit, wanting to see it through as soon as she can.
I really, really love the way you show things from Alloy's perspective.
Like her bartering tactics and smithing actually being shown and the general level of detail, that, for example in the games and their bartering/crafting, are largely handwaved.
And her being reasonably(!) adept at combat and knowing the basic wildlife of the area from her regular trips.
And I find your way of conveying the mind control well done and... immersive in that one can follow her addled train of thoughts.
As for her frustration of being told to wait for him, I found it endearing and also a nice take on something the games couldn't show.
In a nutshell, I find her quite relatable not simply by identifying with her but also largely due to the intuitive way I get to read her thought process.
Holy crap these comments! Thank you all so much!
5253532
Given how much of a motivator Alloy getting into my head was for starting this story, I'm really glad to hear it convincingly transferred to helping you get into her head. And yea, while I'm not going to give anything away, at least part of my thought process was to look inside the heads of some of these everyday Wastelanders who just tried to look out for their own. Or at least, that was one of the initial ideas, hehe.
I hope the rest of the story doesn't disappoint, and I have to say I'm absolutely floored by your remark that reading my chapter helped you get past a block on your own writing. Man, I don't even know what to say to that, but I'm just overjoyed that my little thing here could help someone else. Thank you again for your comment!
5253563
Confession time! I sometimes wish I could handwave the bartering, because as much fun as it is to write bartering scenes, I agonize all the time over what the appropriate prices should be. I suspect that's the real reason most authors gloss over buying and selling and quantities of caps, but given that I named my story "Wasteland Economics" I can't exactly do the same. Oh well, I've never gotten a complaint that the prices sound too cheap or too expensive, so I have to assume I'm not overstepping anything.
I'm also glad to hear you liked the mind control and reverse-escort stuff, heh. The former was just a lot of fun to write, I had to rein it in or else I coulda just let it spill on for another half a page. The situation with the prison was much trickier, I admit. A few different versions of that wound around in my head, but the concept itself made me nervous because I wasn't sure how engaging it would be to read. I'm relieved to hear it went over well.
5265260
I'm sincerely glad you enjoyed the slice-of-life style intro. For a story about one of the many Wastelanders out there, I figured this sort of isolated chapter would do the best job at introducing everything. I'm really glad Alloy's metalworking connected with you, as someone who actually studies the craft. I did as much research as I could manage on blacksmithing, adapting things for "postapocalytpic jury-rigging." Actually, the link Alloy and I have there is that I build and paint models for miniature wargaming. Not much of a practical overlap between that and metalworking, but for me it served as a thematic connection to her, akin to the way someone who paints for a living can connect to someone who sculpts for a living, I guess.
I'm actually curious to know, what makes you say you might not have clicked on the story, even if you saw it outside of the good Curd's recommendation? Should I tweak my synopsis in some way? I'm genuinely curious to know how I could have done a better job drawing you in as a reader, though it sounds like the prologue at least got your attention. Thank you again for the comment, and I really hope you enjoy the story.
5289701 I do not remember seeing this reply. Oh my gosh, I feel really stupid now. Herp derp, baby blond me coming through even though I'm a guy and got dark hair now. (Genetics, aren't they funny like that?)
Anyways, to the question about your summary. I think it has more to do with it being in second person than anything else. For some people that's a big turn on, but for me I dislike second person. Always enjoyed the choose your own adventure books, but could never read to many of them. But because I was recommended I thought I'd look inside and hope it was third or first and yay it was in first person!
Now I had a thought about Alloy's forge. She said she made it out of a pony's old fireplace. I would imagine in her travels and reading in books, she would figure out how to create something now so much jury rigged and more proper for her occupation. As a smart and creative individual, she should be able to slowly upgrade her shop for a wider of arranges and tools.
Take arc welding for example. It is possible to use three car batteries hooked up with one another to make a jurry rigged welder. With a little science and smarts, you can add more to it and make something a little more decant. :)
Quaver Ava
There's always a bigger fish. Well I've enjoyed your story very much and hope to see more of this adorably useless mare and her escapades.
5289701
This miniature wargame you speak of. Is it in the grim darkness of the far future? (I need to know for... Academic reasons)
5311071
Yea, I admit, my handling of that initial situation could really have been better. I can't say exactly what I might change, but were I to rewrite the story, the kickoff of this initial arc would probably come under the most scrutiny. But I don't even want to consider rewrites or anything of that nature until it's over. Too easy to get caught in a trap of rewriting everything and not producing new content. Which is on the way, I promise!
I'm glad you found the bloodsprites appropriately frightening, I've always been creeped out by giant bugs myself. Sorry it's taking so long to reply to you, but I do absolutely love your comments, and thank you so much. Speaking of which...
5318493
Not seeing the notice has to do with how FiMFiction handles reply notices, I've seen. I tend to reply to comments from the story's index page, which marks them as comments to the latest chapter, but because your comment is under a different chapter, it doesn't ping you. Oh well.
Regarding the summary, that is... an interesting unintended side effect of the new synopsis. Hrm. Shit. I know what you mean, too, I personally don't enjoy 2nd-person stories either, I just thought it would be an eye-catching way to write the summary. I still maintain this one is a vast improvement over the first synopsis, which was so bland as to be forgettable. I wonder if I'll have to do something about the second person though. Something to think about.
And another thing to think about is the arc welder idea. I will fully admit, I did not think it would be possible to jury rig something like that, and I might have to file that idea away for future, heh. I actually know exactly when such a tool might come in handy...
5318499
5318507
Thank you! I'm really glad to hear you're enjoying it, and I apologize for the wait between chapters. And to answer your question, yes it may indeed be some kind of 41st millennium game. I certainly hope the 17th Legion can assist your academic studies.
5335137
No need to apologize, you get them out when you feel their ready and well be waiting patiently. (some more than others mind you)
And yes I do believe the 17th can assist the 6th in "academic pursuits"
Yay, robots and comics and artpons and stuff! For the business savvy, the apparent social awkwardness is an odd combo, but possibly also part of why she's interesting. Also, I get the whole desperate plan thing, but the value of her one life over the many in the stable and those who went out to earn funds, I think there's a pretty reasonable disparity there. But having remote robotic repairable scouts does cut down on direct risks, so... Fair trade! Or something!
AND THEN SUDDENLY awkward vaguely romance-y relationship shenanigans. I generally dislike that sort of thing, but it seems fitting.
This is the part where Alloy becomes one of the Mysterious Strangers deemed Sword Mare Lives via silly radiohosts.
also butts
Swordbutt
and Bowl o' Grits
5389170
Glad to have you back! And sorry for the delay on replying to you here, been busy trying to get Ch 7 up before year end, which seems to be completely likely!
5389186
Heh, part of me has actually wondered if I should try to make my own audio version. I'm working on an audiobook of Outlaw, but the advantage there is that the protagonist is male. I'm no good at falsetto or accents, which is a significant hurdle for this story. Still, if text-to-speak works for you, awesome!
5389202
Yep, Alloy has zero experience with orbs. Lucky for her this one wasn't so bad.
5389214
I know I've said it before, but it doesn't stop being true: Absolutely could have handled this better. Oh well, nothing for it now. I'll probably revisit it once I complete the story.
5391445
Definitely a bit of a lull chapter here. Glad it at least wasn't bad for you.
5391458
Hrm. Yea, some of my transitions are a little jarring, and I apologize for that. In trying to avoid writing monstrously long chapters, a lot of transit time gets cut. And yea, Alloy has all the social graces of someone... with uh... with no social graces. Yep.
5394878
That's the thing though, being able to talk business and negotiate is a distinct skillset from being able to just converse and pick up on social cues. Alloy's got more than a bit of no-nonsense attitude in her, which blunts her already dull conversational skills.
As for Alloy's epiphany about Grit's behavior, I recommend sifting back through the earlier chapters to find the clues. Alloy doesn't have a romantic interest in Grit, but she suspects that he might have an interest in her, basically. I suppose you'll have to wait for later chapters to find out how that plays out! Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
Building up a boss fight for several chapters, then suddenly that boss is killed by something even bigger and more mysterious.
Freakin' GENIUS.
Took her long enough. Grit is to good for her.
I find it funny that Grit wants thanks for his own plan to split up and get himself killed when all she wanted was to stick together in safety. Because clearly his dumb idea to split up was her idea and not his. He even told her in that place that they had to do it his way. Had To, as in he wouldn’t do it any other way. It might have been her idea to go to the prison for weapons to sell to the vault but it wasn’t her idea to split up and have Grit deal with everything by himself. If he want’s some gratitude for almost getting himself killed then he should’ve done it her way instead. Otherwise he should go bitch about almost dieing to himself for acting like a dumbass.
Grow up Grit and take some responsibility for your own damn actions.
8223578
this is, of course, implying that he was wrong about there not being any other way. He talks about stealth being vital, and clearing the way. I imagine clearing the way would be impossible for a pony who, not only has very little combat experience, does not have the benefit of seeing enemies around corners as red dots. Don't be enamoured by the protagonist because we're seeing things from her perspective. Gritt has been immensely generous, and likely saved her life multiple times in that situation. Alloy, who is a character I adore and love, is a bit of an asshole. She just doesn't seem to have ever developed a sense of communication. Her reaction to Gritt helping her for the sake of helping was to assume there had to be an ulterior motive, ie romantic interest. Everything we've learned about Gritt has showed him going out of his way to help ponies. He's the "town hero", the guy who, in Alloys eyes, learns pointless things about the residents of Four Hoove. So no, I don't think he needs to get over himself, he seems completely justified.
7917341
Gritt has been shown to go out of his way for strangers in his introduction. While an interest from Gritt seems to be implied, Much of his actions can be explained by a desire to be friendly. Especially considering he's from a vault, and has a more intrinsic ethic driven life, as opposed to the more lax one that Alloy shows. If a romance occurs, I think alloys assumption of a crush would only damage the immediacy of such an event. Doubly so considering Gritts (rightfully) frosty behaviour towards Alloys ingratitude. I don't know though, I didn't right the story.