Tarhal looked down from the viewing platform above the room Spike occupied. Ever since he and Norik had returned from Maryx Minor, the Wookie had been coming here every day, sometimes twice a day, looking over the Dragon as he slept, tossing and turning to the point where he was having to be heavily sedated whenever the healers came to look at him. No one wanted to go near him when he was thrashing around, the claws acting as a fairly good deterrent. To be fair, after what Tarhal had watched on the security feed, he wasn’t going to start judging or condemning them too hastily.

Tarhal still didn’t know quite what to think of his friend now that he was back with them. He had been missing for close on a month and a half, his ship going missing after investigating the Sujimis system, and was presumed to have been lost with all hands. Rescue missions had been launched of course, search parties, but when they didn’t find anything, the Jedi had pronounced him dead. There had been a funeral and everything, and the members of Nexu clan had mourned the passing of yet another one of their number, and while the other two had just about managed to get over it, Tarhal hadn’t forgotten his friend.

That was why it had come as even more of a surprise when on a fairly routine planetary assault, if such a thing could be considered routine, he had watched as Spike rose up from the ash, roaring at the heavens. It had been almost too much to bare when Spike had fallen backwards into the pit of lava, but somehow, his friend had survived.

He didn’t even want to know what happened to Spike in that room, what could have possibly broken Spike down to act like he had on the cameras. Tarhal had seen Spike get angry before, he had seen him burn a man alive in his own armour for god’s sake, but nothing had prepared him for watching his friend act like an animal. They had a word for that back on Kashyyyk. Madclaw.

Tarhal didn’t want to see his friend dishonoured for his moment of madness, whether it was by the council or the rest of Nexu clan.

“Any change?” He asked, sensing a presence moving up behind him.

“We’ve been recording a noticeable increase in his rapid eye movement, something usually associated with intense dreaming. It’s been getting worse since he came in, as have his fits.” The healer said, moving next to Spike and looking through the window at Spike.

“I doubt he’s dreaming.” Tarhal said softly. “Not in the state he’s in. Any idea when he will wake up?”

“None.” The healer admitted. “Physically he’s recovering quickly, although I’m not going to say he’s ok. He’s not waking up because his mind won’t let him. Whatever happened, it wasn’t pretty.”

“Thank you.” Tarhal nodded. “Please inform me if anything changes.”

With that, Tarhal turned and quickly made himself from the room, the sterile smell sticking in his nose long after he had left. Turning a corner, the Wookie laid his eyes upon a pair of humans, and made his way towards them.

“Zule. Corinna.” He nodded, looking at the siblings.

“How’s our draconian friend holding up?” Zule asked.

“Docs say that he’s dreaming. Probably more like nightmares though. They don’t know when he’s going to wake up either.” Tarhal admitted.

“You and Norik found him. What did you actually find?” Corinna asked.

“I don’t know.” Tarhal sighed. “Whatever happened, he was moving before we landed, and the facility had been damaged heavily. I found, something, down there, a room filled with things that made my skin crawl and my fur stand on edge.”

“Maybe he’ll tell us…” Zule began.

“We don’t ask him.” Tarhal cut him off bluntly.

“But…”

“If he wants to tell us then fine, but he’s going to have a hard time from this. We’ll be there for him all the time.”

“You know, I’m fairly sure he’s going to be one of the few Jedi that have been listed as dead and then come back.” Corinna smiled.

“I’m sure it’s happened before.” Zule shot back.

“No seriously. Most Jedi who go missing are listed as missing. Usually they don’t declare anyone dead without seeing a body.” Corinna explained.

“Well we’ll have to tell him then.” Zule grinned.

“Excuse me. Are you the other members of Nexu clan?” A man, dressed in the robes of a healer, asked, walking towards the three Jedi.

“We are.” Corinna nodded.

“You have been summoned to the halls of healing. Please follow me.” He said simply, before turning and heading back the way Tarhal had just come from.

***

A soft beeping punctuated the silence of the room as Tarhal, Zule and Corinna looked down at the prone form of Spike, his chest barely moving as it rose and fell. This was the closest any of them had been to him since he had been brought back to temple, usually only seeing him from the viewing gallery above the room. Now that he saw him up close, Tarhal almost wished he hadn’t.

Spikes chest was a mess, scars riddling its surface and splitting the once green surface apart with lines of red, ranging from tiny thin lines that snaked lazily across his stomach, to the one massive straight line that cut up from his groin to just below his neck.

“What’s going on?” Tarhal asked.

“He’s waking up.” A droid said, its voice cold and mechanical.

“You’re sure?” Corinna asked sharply.

“Corinna.” Tarhal hissed, turning the female around forcefully and pointing at Spike.

Spikes eyes flickered for a moment, before slowly opening, his pupils dilating as they adjusted to the light.

“Fuck you.” Spike muttered, before springing to his feet, grabbing hold of Zule and pulling a scalpel into his free hand, holding it against the man’s neck. “Stay away!” He sobbed.

“Spike, put it down.” Corinna said, advancing towards the Dragon and trying to pull his hand away with the force, struggling against Spike as he slowly moved the knife closer to Zule's neck.

“This is a trick. Fuck you, you hear me? Fuck you.” He sobbed, before letting the knife fall from his hand and releasing Zule, sliding down the wall and sobbing into his hands.

“What the hell happened?” Zule whispered slowly, moving back over to Corinna and Tarhal and looking at the Dragon.

“This is going to be harder than we thought.” Corinna whispered back.

***

“Do you know where you are?” Corinna asked Spike, making sure to keep her distance from the seated Jedi.

They had moved Spike away from the hall of healing, taking him to the meditation chamber that he and Solaris had frequented when they were still Master and Padawan, in the hopes that the memories would help Spike recover. Solaris had been contacted as soon as the news about Spikes condition had surfaced, and she had was heading back to Coruscant already, but she wouldn’t be back for at least another two days.

“No.” Spike said softly, his eyes glazing over as he looked blankly at Corinna, Zule and Tarhal.

“You’re home Spike. Safe.” Zule assured him.

“Safe? Spike scoffed, his eyes focusing for a second, before fading again. “No where’s safe. Ship’s not safe, ship causes pain. Ground’s not safe, ground causes more.” He said softly, rocking slightly.

“Spike, no one is going to hurt you while you’re here.” Tarhal insisted.

“Asho got hurt here.” Spike muttered.

“You remember Asho?” Tarhal said quickly.

“His brother. He killed Asho, I killed him, his brother tried to kill me, I killed him. Circle is broken.”

“What circle?” Corinna asked.

“Death. Circle of death. I broke it, I owe the galaxy death.”

“Spike, you don’t owe the galaxy death, you did nothing wrong.” Tarhal insisted.

“I di…” Spike began.

“No.” Tarhal insisted, walking towards Spike and forcing the Dragon to look at him. “Whoever this guy was, he was angry with you for killing his brother, but whatever he did, it pales next to what you did.” The Wookie sat next to Spike, putting an arm around his shoulders while the other hand held Spikes chin, forcing the pair to look into each other’s eyes. “You saved us at the cannons, you kept the men full of hope, and you were prepared to lead us against them again when you could have curled up and given into your injuries. But you didn’t. You fought on Spike.”

“I…fought on.” Spike nodded slowly.

“Use that strength now Spike. Fight on, beat this.”

“I’ll fight it.” Spike nodded, breathing heavily as he looked at Tarhal, his eyes focusing properly for the first time since he had woken up.

“Spike?” Tarhal asked.

“Tarhal.” He smiled, before looking across the room at the others. “Zule? Corinna?”

“Do you know where you are?” Zule asked softly.

“This is…the meditation room.” Spike said slowly, looking around. “Mine and Solaris’s. How did I get here?”

“You don’t remember Tarhal finding you?” Corinna asked.

Spikes eyes flashed as he remembered falling, clutching a Mandalorian and tearing one of his eyes from his head before they both fell into the searing pool below. He remembered watching as the Mandalorian melted in his hand, before his own hand managed to break the surface, and then, nothing.

“I remember pain, and I remember falling.” Spike said shakily.

“You went swimming in lava.” Tarhal chuckled. “That’s not usually a good idea.”

“Dragon.” Spike smiled, before pushing past them, dragging one of his legs behind him in a limp.

“Whoa whoa, Spike. Slow down there buddy.” Tarhal said, moving in front of Spike.

“Fine. Need to go.” Spike said gruffly, making to push past Tarhal.

“Go where?” Zule asked, standing beside Tarhal as his sister did the same.

“Forward.” Spike grunted, his eyes narrowing.

“You’re in no fit state to move around Spike.” Corinna said softly.

“Says who? You? Are you a doctor?” Spike snapped.

“The fact that you have to ask is what’s proving my point.” Corinna shot back.

“Move.” Spike growled.

“Spike, talk to me.” Corinna growled back, locking gazes with the Dragon.

“You don’t want that.” Spike spat.

“Yes we do.” Zule said forcefully, moving up beside his sister.

“Nobody wants that, I, don’t want that.”

“Guys…maybe we should…” Tarhal began.

“Try us.” Zule said bluntly.

For a moment, Tarhal thought that Zule had crossed a line as, something, glinted in Spikes eyes, and made to position himself in between the two parties, knowing that of the three of them, he was the closest match to the Dragon physically. Even as he moved forward however, he knew that it wasn’t needed, this wasn’t going to come to blows. Not physical ones anyway.

“Try you. Ok.” Spike nodded, snorting aggressively, before moving backwards and walking over to the window, looking out over Coruscant.

“Come on then Spike.” Zule said, moving forward, into the range of Spikes arm.

Suddenly, Spikes hand shot out, wrapping around Zule’s neck and lifting him off the floor. Apparently Tarhal had been wrong. Instantly the others rushed over as Zule struggled in Spikes grip, the dragon not letting go, but not holding tight enough to cut off his air supply either. Even with both of them tugging on his hand, Spike refused to let go, instead breathing out a puff of smoke.

“Every scar you can see is from where he cut me.” Spike growled through clenched teeth, memories welling up and causing tears to spring into his eyes. “Every day, he would come back, and I had no way of stopping him. The first day, I could have avoided all of it, just had to give in, but I wouldn’t. Not to them, not to Kun, not to Ulic, none of them.”

Spike released Zule, allowing the man to drop to the floor and grasp at his neck. Taking a deep, ragged breath, Spike slid down the wall, placing his head in his hands.

“He…he cut me open. I never felt so much pain.” Spike sobbed.

“Do you…still want to talk about it?” Zule asked, getting odd looks from his sister.

“He tries to strangle you and you ask him the same question?” She hissed.

“He needs help.” Zule hissed back.

“What’s there to talk about? No point hanging with broken goods.” Spike mumbled.

“You are not broken goods Spike. You’ve just had a hard war.” Tarhal insisted.

“I got everyone killed.” Spike said weakly.

“Who?” Tarhal asked in confusion.

“Everyone on the Valiant.” Spike said, his voice trembling. “None of them wanted to check out that sector, but I insisted. I wanted to hunt down the Sith so badly that I didn’t think about what I was doing. I had a frigate and a wing of fighters, and I went up against four battleships and a pair of destroyers. If I’d have been thinking straight, I would have just turned and ran, but anger clouded my judgement, and got everyone killed.”

Tears were now streaming down his face again as he looked up at the others.

“How did I survive it? Everyone else dies, and I get captured? I get shot into space, my blood should have boiled and flash froze at the same time, but I survived. I get tortured, and somehow you rescue me. Why do some many others die when I don’t?”

“Spike.” Tarhal said softly. “This is war, people die, but they know the risks when they sign up.”

“But not that their commanders are going to make stupid decisions and get them all killed.” Spike snapped.

“You made a mistake, but you paid for it Spike. You don’t owe anyone anything, and this Mandalorian whose brother you killed is dead. He has no hold over you now.” Corinna insisted.

“No shit. He’s dead.” Spike said softly.

“Exactly Spike. He’s dead, you’re not. As Master Brine said, live for the living Jedi. Don’t live in the past, look to the future.” Zule smiled.

“The councils going to want to speak to me, aren’t they?” Spike asked.

“They asked, but they said they’d wait until you felt ready to see them.” Tarhal chuckled.

“I should get going then.” Spike nodded, walking towards the door.

“We’ll come with you.” Zule piped up, but was stopped by a look from Spike.

“Please, just me.” Spike said simply, before limping out of the room, leaving the other members of Nexu clan alone in the room.

“What do you guys think of Spike?” Zule asked, massaging his neck.

“He seems like he’s in pain.” Corinna said simply. “Not really physical, but mentally…he’s hurting badly.”

“No, really?” Zule deadpanned. “Do you think he was serious?”

“About what?” Corinna asked.

“Cutting him open.” Zule asked incredulously. “That…that can’t be true can it?”

“He has a scar on his stomach.” Corinna said weakly. “Why would someone do that?”

“Tarhal?” Zule asked, looking at the Wookie. “You’ve been quiet, what’s wrong?”

“Fine, promise you won’t say anything to anyone, including Spike.” Tarhal said, moving over to the door and making sure it was sealed.

“What’s wrong?” Zule asked.

“I’m…scared.” Tarhal admitted, looking guilty at admitting it.

“For him?” Corinna asked.

“Of him.” Tarhal corrected. “Nobody else knows this, well, maybe a couple of soldiers, but I found some security footage on Maryx Minor.”

“What did it show?” Corinna asked uncertainly.

“Spike.” Tarhal said uncomfortably. “He looked…feral. He wasn’t speaking, he was on all fours, I just don’t know. He ripped four Mandalorians apart with nothing but a small knife and a pipe, and then almost killed another one with nothing.”

“That’s just Spike though, I mean, come on look at his claws. They’re weapons in their own right.” Zule pointed out.

“Claws aren’t meant to be used as weapons.” Tarhal muttered. “But no, this wasn’t Spike. Remember at the cannons when he went a little…”

“Banta-shit crazy?” Zule offered.

“Yeah.” Tarhal nodded. “That’s an angry Spike, and if I’d seen that, I’d have no qualms, but what he did was a step above. If I didn’t know him from before, I would have thought he was an animal, not a sapient Jedi.”

“We should head up to the council chambers then.” Corinna decided. “If he’s as bad as you say, he’ll need friends.”

“Funny.” Zule grinned. “He always told us about his home and how friends were the most important thing in life, now look at us.”

“What did he call it? The magic of friendship?” Tarhal nodded.

“Yeah, sure.” Corinna laughed. “Friendship is magic.”

***

“Spike. You are well?” Garton asked as Spike limped into the room, standing in the middle.

“Well? No.” Spike shook his head. “But here none the less.”

“You know why we asked you to come here don’t you.” Garton said, more as a statement than a question.

“You want me to justify what I did.” Spike nodded.

“You were told to travel to Karlp and to find out what was causing the export problems, not to travel to the Sujimis sector.” Garton said pointedly.

“I found out what was happening.” Spike reasoned. “A corrupt dock worker was letting a group of smugglers in, but that was only the tip. Ships were going missing after they left, all while passing over the Sujimis sector. I made the decision to travel there and find out more.”

“And what happened next.” A Master asked.

“You know what happened.” Spike growled, refusing to let his memories boil over and reduce him to tears in front of the council.

“We want to hear your interpretation of events.” The Jedi pressed.

“We got fucked.” Spike snapped. “Four battleships and two destroyers jumped us. We didn’t stand a chance. Everyone died. Leaving nothing behind. Just me.” Spike snarled, his voice wavering as he fought back tears. “I survived, and I was punished for my failures. If you want to punish me, you want to throw me out of the order, just go ahead. I don’t care anymore.”

“Spike.” Garton said, his voice filled with a surprising amount of compassion. “If we threw out everyone who made mistakes and allowed their emotions to overflow, this order would be a lot smaller. You made a mistake, but you have passed through your ideal, and have come out stronger. Steel will break in the heat of battle, unless it is first temper with fire, the same is true of Jedi. We must experience some things to truly know them. This is what you must learn now you are no longer a Padawan.”

“So…nothing then?” Spike asked. “You’re just sweeping this under the rug?”

“You act as if you want to be thrown out Spike.” A Jedi noted. “From what Master Norik and Padawan Tarhal have told us, as well as medical reports on you, you have suffered enough. We are not heartless, just pragmatic.”

“So what happens now?” Spike asked.

“Now, you will stay in the temple. No more missions. When the war is over, we can discuss this more, but until then, you will help with the younglings.” Garton said simply.

“Thank you.” Spike bowed, before turning and walking out of the room, quickly seeing the others waiting for him.

Spike moved over to them, and instantly found them grabbing hold of him. For a sickening, heart wrenching moment, Spike instantly thought that everything he had been experiencing had been nothing more than a thought, some result of a drug the Mandalorian had given him to make him hurt mentally, but after a few seconds without pain, he realised this was something different, something that he hadn’t experienced in a very long time. It wasn’t just the fact that he was being hugged, and getting contact with people that didn’t want to kill him that was different, it was the feeling that was radiating off the others.

They would be there for him, they always would be.

His friends, standing tall beside him.