Dan Vs. Barro's Tricks of the Trade

Golden Oakes Library
One month after Dan and Chrys' wedding

Ah, the security system. A combination of firepower and surveillance, it was a home defense package that had plenty of offensive firepower, and probably would've targeted the neighbors if the Golden Oakes Library had any nearby. Dan was proud of it; he'd ordered it, assembled it, installed it and programmed it all by himself. Well, maybe not all by himself, but he was still proud of it and had put plenty of work into it. Even the finicky targeting system had finally been sorted out and was now working properly. It could now properly distinguish friend from foe, which was definitely an improvement from before.

There was just one problem with their defenses: Barro.

Dan frowned at the security console again. He spooled through every security camera, every video feed a fifth time. It was the same result: no targets. Yet the monitor had clearly captured several- Barro's squadron- taking off from the t.v. station across town. So why wasn't it registering them?

"Have you tried just asking Barro?"

"No," Dan said. "What am I supposed to do? Knock on his door and say, hey pal, wanna explain all the secrets of your super stealth starfighters to us in broad daylight?"

"I was gonna say you could invite him over," Phoenix said. "I do still have my magatama. If he tries to hide anything, we'll know."

"We don't know if it's deliberate yet. It could just be a problem with the security system's targeting functions again."

"I thought you said it was working."

"It IS working!" Dan said, frustratedly unplugging and plugging back in the security system. "It's just not working on Barro's damned flying circus!"

While Dan was preparing to defend Equestria from a full-scale invasion, possibly more than one, at the SAME TIME, Barro was apparently flying missions of his own with his own squadrons. Barro, the pony version, was somehow an expert at space combat. He'd managed to hide his own fighter squadrons in the Everfree Forest and then moved them to Ponyville under the guise of maintaining his news station. He was even forced to threaten Equestria with his ship when his friend Michael Hay was held hostage. That turned out to be a ploy as well, of sorts, and one Dan only survived thanks to the timely intervention of multiple friends... and a brief cameo from Snoopy and Woodstock.

Dan needed Barro's expertise. Unfortunately, he could not fully count on Barro's expertise, much as he wanted to. The pony version of Barro, like Dan, was made of many of his creator's negative traits and multiplied exponentially. Pony Barro was quick-tempered, merciless, ruthless, violent, spiteful and extremely critical. In essence, he was pretty much exactly like Dan. But like Dan, he was more than just a combination of negative traits. It was just the trouble of getting through them to reach common ground and an understanding.

That, and the fact that Barro had installed a security system of his own on his broadcasting station and Dan wasn't on the "okay" list.

"You could easily call him," Phoenix suggested.

"No," Dan said, dismissing the notion. "That wouldn't work. No calls, Nicky."

Phoenix at least partly understood Dan's reasoning. Barro wouldn't divulge a secret so openly, not knowing who all was listening on the other end, and Dan wouldn't risk the call being intercepted. It's not that they didn't trust each other, it's that the information was too sensitive to risk such a way.

Dan nodded to himself. "You're right, Nicky. We're gonna go ask him."

"Okay, so, first thing tomorrow?" the lawyer asked, already knowing the answer.

"Now."

They left the library right then, in the middle of the night. Ponyville was quiet and dark with the streetlights burning barely bright enough to illuminate the lampposts they hung from. Most of the houses were dark as well; Equestria was not constantly active like Earth was, at least not in the case of ponies. Even Manehattan slept, and Ponyville was a light quieter than that big city. As quiet as things were, it was easy for them to sneak all the way across town unnoticed.

The news station was quiet as well, but everyone knew it was also where Barro and his team lived and slept along with worked. They were able to get away with that because it was such a small town, that and it was easier and cheaper for them. Add to the fact that it was also more secretive; Dan knew from experience the news station was built much like the way he'd remodeled the Golden Oaks Library. It was built for defense and a lot more secure than it looked.

Still, they were trying to keep secrets from others, not from Barro or his team. So when they got close to the station, they abandoned stealth and just knocked right on the front door.

Or rather, they WOULD have knocked on the front doors, if they hadn't opened in front of them. The double-doors to the news station swung outward in front of them just as they were close enough to not get hit by them.

"Good evening, gentlemen," Barro said. "Something I can trouble you for? Instead of you troubling me with something?"

"No, no, no troubling," Dan said defensively but politely. "I'm just here because I need to know a few things. A few very... private things we'd like to discuss with you."

Barro folded his forelegs. "You're wondering why you're not picking up my gunships on your security system."

"HOW? HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?" Dan demanded. His jaw dropped as a hundred scenarios and accusations flooded his mind and tried to force their way out of his mouth at once, but the question of just HOW forced its way out first. "HOW? HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW?"

"You remember that bug you put in my t.v. station?"

"Ohh." Dan's shoulders sulked.

"It works both ways, you idiot!"

"Ahhh... ohhh..." Dan and Phoenix both sulked. Barro tossed the remains of a two-way audio device at Dan's feet.

Dan rubbed the back of his neck. "So, uh, sorry about that and all, but you're not exactly the most forthcoming guy with information, you know?"

"Really? Wonder why that is. Think it might have to do with the fact we had spies throughout the town at one point?"

"HAD spies," Dan countered. "We worked that out, remember?"

"Uhh, Barro, err- Mr. Broadcaster-"

"Barro is fine."

"Yes, uh, Barro," Phoenix began, "we could use more of your help if you'd indulge us." He smiled.

Standing in the doorway, Barro did not return the smile. "Last I checked, you have my help. I raided the Terrans, I'm helping with your orbital defenses, I've committed some of my best people to the cause. You want me to defend Equestria, this is me defending it. I get to decide how, remember? So no, I'm not going to teach you all my tricks of the trade." He grabbed both the door handles.

"But we could really use them! Just tell me how you're able to fly that thing without power! Is it a stealth module? Cloaking device? Crystals or some kind of gravitational-"

"Goodnight, gentlemen," Barro said, and closed the doors.

Dan and Phoenix were left outside in the dark. In the dark in more ways than one, it could be said.

"Well," Phoenix said, "what now?"

"Why are you asking ME? It was YOUR idea to ask him in the first place!"

"Right, yeah... it was," Phoenix admitted. He thought about the situation. "Maybe if we ask someone else?"

"Someone else like who? Who else is there that knows these things?"

"I do," Michael said.

They both turned to see Michael Hay by the side of the building.

"You guys want to know about our gunship starfighters, right?"

"Yes. Yes, please," Dan and Phoenix both nodded.

"Well, come on, then. I can show you."

They stepped forward, then both stopped, exchanged a glance.

"Won't Barro get mad at you?" Phoenix asked.

Michael shook his head. "I think Barro just doesn't want to be a doormat or something. He's got his own projects and stuff, and I guess he wants you to respect them more? Or something like that. He's probably fine with me explaining things."

"Probably?"

"Probably."

Dan shrugged. "We'll take any help we can get."

"Alright, then. Follow me."

Michael Hay, Barro's best friend, co-producer, co-author and sometimes copilot led Dan and Phoenix to the aerodrome behind the news building. Helicopters, airships, the news and weather copters, all were parked in the corral-like lot by the station. Barro's squadrons of gunship starfighters didn't look out of place among the other flying vehicles. There were even a few hot air balloons nearby, including Twilight's, kept safe in the fenced-in area. To the untrained eye, it looked like stealing one or two might have been an easy task, but Dan knew there were defenses in place.

They approached Barro's gunship. The same one Barro had used to shoot at them during their trip to the moon, it now sported additional engine modifications to make it faster and, unbeknownst to Dan and Phoenix, more powerful.

"He just flew it tonight. Go on, touch it."

Dan reached out and touched the fighter. "Okay. What am I supposed to feel?"

"What does it feel like to you?"

"Cold piece of metal."

"Exactly," Michael said. He shined a flashlight on the ground.

Phoenix was the first to pick up what Michael was doing. "There's no imprints on the grass. No scorch marks, no dents, not a single broken blade."

"Same as the other ships. But these things have to be heavier. Even heavier than the choppers," Dan said.

Michael nodded. "They are. But we never land them in the same exact spot, so no one can tell where they'll land next."

"Okay," Dan said. "So, you're pretty sneaky about it. That's good- we certainly don't want anyone else using these things, but what about getting them to fly without power?"

"That," Michael said, "is a little more complicated." He took them around to one of the engines. "See here?"

"Yeah."

"Touch."

Dan touched the inside of the engine's opening. "Just feels like metal."

"Exactly," Michael said again. "It's like space itself."

Phoenix rubbed his chin. "So... Barro has found a way to tap into space itself to fly his ships?"

"Not exactly," Michael said. He pointed at the thrusters, the maneuvering fins and the engines themselves. "It's called star drifting. It's an old technique, one few pilots do any more. Originally, it was a pirate technique before regular space navies started doing it."

"Star drifting?" Dan repeated. "Alright, so, like go kart drifting?"

Michael shrugged. "Maybe? So, you have to have an old ship that still has the manual intake system and ion jet engine flow. It's old school and doesn't use zero point energy, mass effect fields or gravitational manipulation to make it work. What you do is you open the intake system and let the flow carry you. Air, particles, solar winds- everything goes through here, through the thruster intake and then is accelerated and forced out the back. This gives you thrust even without power."

"Flying... in space..." Dan said. "Without power. Using just... solar air?"

"There's a flow to space. It's not empty, it's full of stuff. And the stuff is moving. You point the intake towards something, let it rush in and then it flows out the back. You ride the current. Kind of like sailing, I guess."

"I see," Phoenix said, still rubbing his chin. (I really don't get the science behind it, if there is any, but I guess it kind-of makes a little sense? It works here, anyway.) "But what about taking off? Without being detected?"

"Well, it's the same thing. Hot air rises, so by keeping the engines supercooled, the air is hotter coming in and colder going out. It gets trapped briefly and while it's in the engines, it's providing more and more lift as the temperature changes. As the ship gets higher, it gradually levels out until you reach a high altitude and you just use your momentum to break atmosphere. Then, just continue riding into space," Michael explained.

"Huh," Dan said. "So that's how he's doing it. The security system is set to search for hot objects, not cold ones. Maybe we can fix that so that it also scans for movement."

Michael nodded. "That might do it."

"Okay, thanks for the info, Mike."

"Don't mention it."

"So, uh..." Phoenix turned to Dan. "It's getting pretty cold out here. We done?"

Dan looked around. "For now." Equestria was safe. Ponyville, their home, the planet was safe for the meantime. The threats they would face were coming from other worlds. If they arrived in their midst, the ponies were poised to deal with them themselves, especially the princesses. The problem was what they couldn't see, couldn't detect. Dan was good at that, but there were things further away and more distant than he could deal with. That was where Barro came in. That's where Dan needed Barro to come in.

Perhaps it was appropriate that Barro's main job in Equestria was that of a broadcaster. He'd get news from afar and be ready to handle it. With a camera or a bigass railgun, whatever was coming at them from space would get shot one way or the other.

Dan and Phoenix were about to head back home when Michael stopped them. "There's one last thing."

"Yes?"

Michael led them over to another ship, a smaller one. To Dan, it looked more like a plane from Earth, or a glider, but it was clearly yet another space vehicle. He took them around to the back of it and pulled out a large box.

"This is something that can disable any fighter." Michael tapped the box with his hoof and it shook in response. "It's called a Sabotage Probe." The box shook again, as if it understood its own name being called.

"So it can disable Barro's gunships?"

Michael nodded. "Yeah, any starfighter, but not something big unless you get it to the right systems. Sabotage Probes are loaded with programs and software and uh... stuff to like, shutdown the systems of small ships. It prevents them from maneuvering by using energy beams that lock the thrusters, drains the power and damages the hull."

"For how long?" Dan asked.

"Like ten or twelve seconds."

"Ten or twelve seconds?" Phoenix said. "That's not really long."

"It's long enough," Dan reached for the box.

"And that's far enough," Barro said. He grabbed the box.

"Awww," Dan said. "We could've used that! C'mon, Barro, what if the Terrans get their own gunships?"

"Then I'll be the one to handle it, Dan," Barro declared. He could see Dan and Phoenix were a bit frustrated, Dan more than the lawyer, as expected. He sighed, realizing he had to give them something.

"Look Dan, I know what it's like to want contingency plans, to want to do it all yourself. And I know how high the stakes are. I'm not going to cut and run when trouble comes knocking on our door."

Dan considered his words, then asked, "You swear?"

Barro extended a hoof to Dan. "I promise. I'll give you all the help I can. All of it."

"And so will I," Michael added.

"And me," Phoenix joined in.

Dan grabbed the two hooves and Japanese man's hand. They shook on it.

The walk back home was quiet after that, but they weren't sneaking any more. Dan thought, Phoenix noticed Dan thinking, there wasn't much of a reason to talk until they got home. Finally, the silence was broken as they approached the library.

"So, we figured it out. It sounds like he's going to help us."

"Yeah. I guess I can tolerate one hole in our security setup," Dan said. He wouldn't admit it, but he was a bit of a perfectionist. Some might blame it on OCD, but that wasn't the case; he just liked being fully-prepared.

They were almost to the library when the tiny automated Scotsman on the mailbox activated.

"TRESPASSERS DETECTED!"

"Dan," Phoenix said, "You forgot to fix the settings when you were adjusting the targeting system, didn't you?"

"...Maybe."

The guns, cannons, lasers, tripwires and knives deployed from the treehouse. The Scotsman pulled a machine gun out from under his bagpipes. "YA HAV THREE SECONDS TO VACATE THE PREMISES! THREE-"

"Oh shit."

"TWO-"

"Run for it, Nicky!!"

Then, suddenly, it shut off and the Scotsman donned a nightcap and went to sleep. The door to the library opened for them. Twilight stood in the doorway.

"Out for a late-evening stroll?"

"You could say that," Phoenix said.

"Alright, yes, we sort-of... snuck out to get see Barro and Mike. It was an important security issue."

"Undoubtedly." She nodded over her shoulder. "Get in."

Relieved, the two of them reentered their home, happy to be done for the night.

"And Dan?" Twilight said before he went upstairs, "There's a reason why you trust others with sensitive stuff."

Dan rubbed his neck. "Yeah, because occasionally you forget the password to the security system."

"And because it's sometimes necessary to take a little pressure off your own shoulders or you make mistakes."

"That too," Dan admitted.

"Next time you go out, you let me know first."

"No promises."

"Dan!"