Home Movies: As Good as it Gets

"This is it, Brendon. This is it."

"This is it? What is it?"

"This. Right here, you and me, by the benches at the soccer field. This is as good as it gets."

Brendon looked up. The other kids were running around, some chasing the volleyball they used instead of a soccer ball, others picked flowers or did anything else. Seemed like just another day to him.

"Coach, what are you talking about?"

Slumped on the grass in front of the bench, Coach McGuirk proclaimed, "I'm reveling in the moment. Living in the now, the present, Brendon. I'm basking in the glory that is today. The good old days are being made right now- these are them. This is as good as it gets."

"You're just like, happy to be here right now, then?"

"Yeah."

Brendon slid up on the bench. "You're sure you're not on drugs?"

"I'm not, Brendon, I'm high on life."

"Uh-huh." He laid back down again.

Coach spread his arms out wide. "It's just like what Alexander the Great did. Like, when he saw the breadth of his domain, he fell to his knee and crapped. Because there were no new lands to conquer."

"He crapped?"

"Yeah. I mean, I wasn't there but it's a historical quote. He's a famous figure- Alexander the Great."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, it's just... are you sure it wasn't wept?"

"What? No. Why would he be weeping?"

Brendon slid up again, as if sitting up would somehow make his point more profound. "Well, it's just I thought that's what the quote was, historically."

"No, Brendon," Coach McGuirk said, kindly but firmly needing to correct his friend on history. "This is Alexander the Great, he's like a manly, manly conqueror guy. He conquered the world, Brendon."

"I know, I get that, it's just..."

"And when he saw the breadth of his domain he fell to his knees and crapped. For their were no new lands to conquer."

"He crapped, though? He crapped his pants?"

"Yeah. Just completely unloaded it right then and there. He fell to his knees-

"Uh-huh?"

"And he crapped. He took a massive dump right there. Just a big, relieving moment; he was relieved, Brendon, he was satisfied," Coach explained.

"So the conqueror of the known world gazed out, he saw all the lands and the places he had been with his army, realized there was nothing left for him to conquer, no foes yet to face or enemies to fight and he gets down on his knees and... and he craps his pants, that's what you're saying?"

"Well, it's history, Brendon. I'm not saying it; this is what happened. Historically. It's in the books, Brendon."

"Uh huh. Well, I'm not really doing great on history," he laid back down again.

"Because you haven't been paying attention, Brendon. We talk about history all the time."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"You don't pay attention."

"Coach?" Brendon asked.

"Yeah?"

"Did you crap your pants?"

"About five minutes before this conversation."

"That would explain it."

Comments

[Wydril]

History is not just written by the winner. It is also skewed by the teller and bent by the audience.