Writing, Hooks, and the Need for Emotion · 12:17am Nov 13th, 2021
A story should hook the reader within the first half page. (This blog post was inspired by a game I misinterpreted in a forum.)
Abruptly hooking a reader is an artifact of a standard 12-pt manuscript typewritten format where—between the the slugs for title, the author's name, and various spacing and margin requirements—a half page of text (approximately 150 words) was what the reader of over-the-transom submissions would see dumping your work from the manila envelope to their desk. Publishing short-stories for money was dog-eat-dog. Lots of supply; constrained demand. Novels, too. Getting in, becoming known, that was a key. An accepted story earned you a penny, maybe pennies, a word. The publisher then provided artwork, blurbs, maybe advertising. You could become a bigger fish in an overwhelmingly huge pond. Very few whales, though, even if they hogged all the magazine pages (yeah, mixed-metaphor).
FimFiction is a microcosm of the publishing world. Darwinism applies, just differently. A hook is still important. Whether it's action or it's evocative description—like wind that that precedes the storm, rustling the autumn leaves and rolling bits of litter on the sidewalk—your hook must signal the reader that they will be swept away. What's different here is you control all aspects of publishing. You control (and must get right) the cover art, the blurb (long and short descriptions), and advertising (groups, forum posts, blogs that reach your followers, etc.). You also control the publishing schedule; dividing stories into parts can aid exposure, etc,
You still get paid pennies, only this time in views, likes, comments, and experience. Don't discount experience. There are plenty of writers on this site who could (and should) make a living as authors in genre fiction. Maybe you?
That brings us to how to start a story.
(Ha! I see you read up to this point! Hooked?)
The key is to tap into the reader's emotions.
Action works, if your reader wants action. That’s not always the best way to start. What about romance? What about cute adorkableness? Regardless, whatever you write, it better show emotion.
You need to know your audience. In my last novella, Love, Friendship, and Gangsters, I evoked a lonely scene of regret on the waterfront in Baltimare; within 120 words I implied the protagonist had murdered somepony. An interesting start for a romance? For a super-niche story staring OCs, I'm happy. I'll wait for my readership to grow as it always does. I wrote it for a special audience—read the long description carefully if I've intrigued you.
What works best, if you aren't known and don't have enough followers to generate heat when you publish your story, is writing emotionally for your audience and signaling that in the first paragraphs of the story. Your general audience on this site has favorite characters: the Mane Six (or the CMC, Luna, or the new 5), anon sometimes. Ship the characters, put them in jeopardy, have them mess up and need friendship to save themselves or save others. Writing anything else is hard, and requires a better hook, and more relatable emotion.
Examples are called for. (I have taken Bad Dragon’s examples—credit where due—from the forum post I linked above and rewritten them. You may wish to refer to the post, but it isn’t required.)
This example is rewritten to hit chords. The source was punchy, but too concise. In 110 words...
The door banged against the wall as I slid across the floor, down feathers flying. "Girls! They're, they're, they're—"
"What?" Sweetie Belle hugged me in a stranglehold as Apple Bloom bucked the clubhouse door closed. At least she sensed my terror.
"Tentacles ponies—" I gasped.
Apple Bloom smacked a hoof over her face. "Spaghetti nightmares again, Scoots? Really?"
"No!" I fought free of unicorn legs to breathe, barely succeeding. "Real. Like hydra. Only ponies."
"Let's get Twilight," Sweetie Belle said.
"Orrrr..." I said in unison with Apple Bloom. It took a few blinks, but the green eyes inches away widened. Together, we cried, "Cutie Mark Crusaders, Monster Wranglers!"
Another example (the disliked one) was simple description. Evocative. I rewrote it for emotional implication, but kept it simple description, no action. 64 words:
The sun shown in a brilliant blue sky, peppered with just the right number of clouds in case somepony wanted shade to cool off in. Like my special somepony. Her blue fur matched the skies, and glistened with cooling horsey-smelling sweat. Her multicolor mane stuck up in all directions. Adorably. It didn't surprise me her athleticism served her beyond sports and competition...
I’d love to discuss this. Feel free to ask questions and comment.
That thread of my really blew in my face, didn't it? I just thought we could play an interesting game. I marked it as a game in the very title. I guess I'm not as good as a writer as I thought since I can't even make OP understandable.
Anyways, about your example, I did the exact opposite in my story. I subverted expectations and removed the emotions, leaving the reader alone to hunt for them by reading on. Here are the first 105 words:
5606483
The game was a good idea. You just put the pony behind the cart. Thanks for taking my blog post in good humor.
As for your revision, I disagree! There is emotion: a growing expectation of horror; Sweetie Belle’s friends are acting all wrong. I’d keep reading.
In the spirit of your game, the revisions I’d recommend are: Two instances of eyes rolling is too much. Really, it’s repetitive; could be poetic, but isn’t. And “I sighed”? I am betting with that setup, it is probably the wrong word, but I haven’t read the rest of the story. Just think about that I noticed it. Replace “door of our club” with “clubhouse door” and cut “of our treehouse”. (Or you can look at how I cut it in my blog post.)
BTW, I played along with your post. People are engaging with it. It’s not too late to revise the order using the edit button and explain your update!
Aim for the first sentence. I still remember The White Mountains trilogy beginning with something like, "It was Capping Day", followed by a description of what horrible thing that was.
5606530 Those are some excellent points you just made. I adhered to all of them and fixed my story accordingly.
If I were to edit the already confusing OP, I think I'd just add more confusion. Somepony who reads through the thread will figure it out anyway. I think it's all good. The thread will die eventually, and after a few months, somepony can repeat the game with less confusion.
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I'm glad I helped. I use the Clarion Workshop method.
Hooks are hard. Hooks are what make even the most competent author stare at the blank page and cry like a baby.
I think it would make a very good idea for a new writers' group!
People post no more than 150 words and readers make snap critiques, quickly going off topic as they always do.
Rule 1: Be nice.
Rule 2: Don't attack the author.
Rule 3: Suggest ideas to make the hook better.
Rule 4: Post the story to the folders if and only if you posted the first 150 words and submitted to the critique..
Yeah, but do you really think I'm talented enough for that?
5606575 You should create a game thread with your idea.
5606624
I am aware of Groups. I created the Songbird Serenade Group. I am unsure what you me by creating a game thread, though. Can you please elaborate?
5606752 Instead of a group, you create a thread like this one:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group/thread/483246/first-paragraph-feedback-game-for-writers-only
, just that you use your idea instead of the confusing my idea.
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Occasionally certain statements prove inspiring*.. Why you? Dunno. The blood that spilled onto the page turned out to be in speech format. Whilst it’s general for all authors, I think you’ll find additional meaning. (I’m going to make this into a blog post, too.)
*Or tick me off! Especially considering how much I keep trying to get you to stop dismissing there’s talent in you.