Well, Fuck. · 12:21am Nov 24th, 2012
Looks like I made another pretty big mistake. I was harmlessly chatting on the TWE Skype chat with a few other authors and I may or may not have been dragged into writing a Twixie clopfic in order to prove I am the best clopfic writer out of me and a mate. Here's the catch.
I don't read clop.
So yeah, this story will likely kill a boner faster than Mitt Romney R34, so those weak of heart should stay the hell away from this. I would share more with you, but industrial espionage and all that jazz...
This will probably be my first and last clopfic. Hell, I don't even know where to start. All projects have been hiatus'd until I get this over and done with. So yeah, if any of you have any advice at all of writing clop, I'd love to hear it. A demonstration would be appreciated, too. Watch this space!
...
Welcome to my world bro. Appletini and I are writing a clopfic that we had no intention of even starting up. Just go with it. It's kind of fun.
I just got sick to the stomach when I read what you just said. So, I don't even want to know what you have planned.
531978 My goddamn thoughts exactly.
531979 I have a reputation to defend here
I must win this contest.
531981 No. No, you really don't.
531983
You do know if you don't wanna do something, you don't have to, right? You are allowed to stand up for yourself.
531985 I have a terrible habit of accepting whatever comes my way.
531985
Nah thats silly
531985
What contest?
There's no point in writing a story with a great plot that keeps getting interrupted for pointless sex; instead you must have have the sex emerge organically from the plot and use it to drive the story forward. And only write what you'd enjoy reading.
(Optionally, read Xenophilia, which demonstrates the use of erotica to build character).
Hey if you ever need help, get Dancer to edit the story. She really helped Appletini and I
531990
You should work on that. Grow a spine or something
531992
Now you're just being silly.
531995
Wrong comment, bro. Better luck next time.
k have fun
532000
Nah man. If he wants to write it with a bro, then its whatever.
531983
What contest?
532016
But they roped him into doing something it appears he didn't want to do. If he doesn't want to do it, he shouldn't be forced into it. This isn't something you "have" to do. It's not necessary. So if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to.
531983 just go to a party get wasted and come up with something in the hangover its that easy
Umm...
Three step plan.
1) Write clopfic.
2) ???
3) Lose the challenge.
Easy!
Nah, but seriously. I've never written clop, so it'd be kinda hard to tell somebody else how. I dunno.
Good luck. You'll need it, unless your mate is as bad or worse than you at it.
Unhelpfully,
~Plyxe
Oh you bet your Spitfire plushy I'm gonna read this when you're done.
This is going to be amazing. What's hilarious is I'm the one who organized this.
The next week and a half is going to be full of delicious rage...
532021
He does want to though. He's doing it for the challenge, and to smother Elec's face in his incredible writing skills.
532068
I'd put him and his mate at about equal level, but this isn't innuendo, so anything goes here.
531995
A contest I helped organize, it's a competition between him and Elec to see who can write the better clop.
531996
I do agree with this, but the contest basis is in who can write the better clop. Whether story will count for points or not, I dunno, but it'll likely be there so everything makes sense. Should be very interesting to read.
531981
It's not that bad. All friendly competition, right?
You know... most of the time, clopfics tend to be funny for me... so let me preread it, and if I laugh my ass off then you're good.
532000 "Grow a spine?" Holy cow I didn't expect that from someone with a Fluttershy avatar that adorable.
If you want advice for writing clop, remember not to let it devolve into "X's Y Z'ed in W's A" repeated over and over again. Have the character's change positions, talk, examine their thoughts while the action is going on. And above all else:
USE LANGUAGE THAT FITS WITH YOUR PREMISE!
For example, if you're going to be writing an emotionally touching peace, where Trixie is being consoled by Twilight. Don't have them scream "Fuck me!" Or "Plow me to Tartarus like the heated nag I am."
If you're writing a fic where Trixie essentially rapes Twilight, don't have "Her tongue smoothly licked the purple mare's petals as the element of magic gave a contented shudder of pleasure."
By extension of this, the dictionary, not the thesaurus, is your best friend. No word has a perfect synonym for it. Each word carries with it slightly different connotations. Penis, brings highly clinical and intellectual connotations, while cock brings to mind animals and Chinese restaurants.
Hopefully, that advice helps.
Oh, and also PASSION!
532194
I think I'll just point you to the closest dragon migration sight-seeing location. That should remind you that when a certain pegasus doesn't want to do something, she doesn't want to do something. Cheers.
What the hell is a clop fic?
532220 Ponies. Having. Sex. Welcome to the 99% of the internet your mother warned you about! Here, have some cake...
weddingcake.name/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/black-forest-cake-portal.jpg
If you're intrigued, come over here.
If you're absolutely terrified, then I would recommend this, this, or this.
Some nice, innocent rated E for everyone fics to warm your heart and know that there are writers with diverse talents in a variety of writing fields.
532251
That's sickening! Who would write that? Its OK to write and make drawings of ponies but making clop stories and porn photos is going to far! What if a little girl, 5 years old, goes online to look up pictures of ponies on Bing. She see's a picture and is horridly terrified.
"Mommy?"
"Yes dear?"
"Whats this?"
Fluttershy wants people who make porn of kid shows to burn in Hell.
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQmw9ot-FoUAOMjhb6Ni7vKC6BOuUZNDDz2_Er66Zdii1ik2FV2Kw
I think I rest my case.
532276 That's the good news about the internet, a fellow has to actively pursue the more esoteric things in order to find it. Generally, a child isn't going to stumble upon that kind of stuff by accident.
532276
That's why this is being written following all of the site's rules, so only someone with the 'Mature' filter disengaged would find the story. I can't speak for images posted on Google, but I take every necessary precaution to make sure this story is properly catalogued.
Writing about the natural progression of relationships in created universes is bound to happen. I write for the audience, not myself. If people want poneporn, I'll write it. I have a goal to write a story in every possible genre on the site. I think my other innocent stories more than make up for this.
Finally, poneporn recently got shown on Comedy Central, I think. If people can't censor this kind of stuff before it reaches the television, I doubt the internet will do much of a better job. Any parent who lets their 5-year-old daughter use the internet should make sure Google SafeSearch is engaged. That's what it's designed for.
Sorry but my laptop used to have Bing and when I searched up 'mlp fim' or just 'mlp' I search and I find pony porn, only about 5 pictures though.
532288
532315 That's the risk of using the internet. You can't screen every image that makes it onto the web. This is the biggest collection of information on the planet.
532311
I sorry if I did something to hurt your feelings..
I know, all I'm saying its wrong. I just don't like people doing it. It makes me sad that people who make it like it WAY to much and I wonder how many children saw it in the world.
532288
I once googled 'bonbon pony' to find a reference image. You'll never guess who else was in the picture.
532326 Course ya didn't, it's fine! It certainly isn't my most preferred genre, but in places it can be good. Romance stories that feature clop are often more popular than the ones you're probably thinking of. Children see a lot of terrible things on this planet.
In the Rwandan civil war, parents were executed in front of their children to set an example. By executed, I mean messily beheaded with a blunt machete. There are some horrific things that have happened on this planet, least of all being colourful horse sex.
Apologies for the rant
532349
WHAT THE BUCK WAS HUMANS PROBLEM BACK THEN!? RANSACKING ADULTS INFRONT OF THEIR KIDS!?
If I was there the me and RD would do a sonic rainboom. The colors will bring the children love and happiness and as a bonus it will kill some warrior men and tell them to leave before get my hooves on 'em!
....
To much?
*thinks*
Nahhhhh!
532315 You used Bing, The sum total of your problems can be summarized at that point. If you search "How to commit suicide" on google, the first site to show up is the suicide hotline. If your search the same thing on Bing, you get links giving information on just that.
532320 Sierra has a point, there's a risk in all technology. We could eliminate all car crashes by having a speed limit of 15 kilometers per hour, but then all advantage of the technology would cease.
.532326 Admittedly, yes, there are people who obsess over the notion. Personally, I read a wide variety of fictions on this site, and I'm never turned on when the relationship presented isn't at least slightly romantic.
532336 Wait wait, let me guess... Nick Cage? Pinkamena Diane Pie? Gilda? Dang it, now you have me curious. Don't post the picture or a link without a warning though, just, say who she was with.
532376 It happens today. Last week, an Israeli airstrike into the Gaza Strip resulted in a pregnant woman dying from shrapnel and crush wounds. The Israelis saw that as a victory. So the Palestinians fired back. Thankfully, the Israelis have 'Iron Dome', saving many lives, but the disregard for the lives of innocents due to the actions of one of America's closest allies is appalling.
And don't even get me started on what the supposedly 'civilised' America did in the Gulf and Iraq Wars. Smart bombs aren't as smart as they'd have you believe.
532402 I was about to say something, but it's probably best for me to keep my mouth shut on political shit
Er, as for the clop, i'd advise you to look up some porn and take mental notes on what they're doing. If you're a good author (Which i know you are), you can put those visuals into words. Onviously it would be easier to do if you've experienced sex, but it isn't necessary. Also, use seductive adjectives with objects. Wet clit. Throbbing penis. Warm ass. Those would.all be great examples.
Another thing...the plot needs to be decent, but not believable. If i had a nickel for every time i stayed after school to get extra help from my teacher only to end up giving her anal, i wouldn't have any nickels. It can be as flimsy as Flim and Flam (See what i did there?) Seeing Trixie sleeping in a thong and deciding they wanna have a steamy antagonistic threesome. Seriously. Plot for clop or porn is REALLY easy.
Considering you founded the TWE i don't think you need to be told to use grammar, lol. Also, speaking of grammar, i'm writing this comment on my phone, so pardon the mistakes...makes my OCD flare O_o
I'm not mad at you anymore. Sorry for what I said. And as for the story, best of luck! I can't wait, no matter how pointless it is. Sometimes, pointless clop is what this community needs.
I've made more foolish bets before, though none were related to writing
You should just say "fuck it" and write a spoof clop about Celestia's deep seated love of cake.
Oh, for God's sake, sierra, why do you let these things happen?
Well, the only advice I can give you is read before you write, in a general sense. Build up an idea of what works and what doesn't. Remember not to write any of the characters OOC. Write 10,000 words backstory, hell, I don't know. Just think about what the characters are like in the show, and build on that.