The terror of the Possible Review · 1:29am Jun 8th, 2020
For weeks I had problems sleeping. I would reach for my phone and check this site, hoping to catch the moment IT happened. I had posted my story up for review and finally noticed the reviewer was reading it. My mind buzzed. Would it be good? Would it be garbage? I had to know. Somehow this would finally tell me the worth of my story. Definitive proof, as it were, what it was. My heart and brain latched onto this idea like a lifeline and would not let go.
Then today, with elation, I discovered the review was posted. And the last thing I expected was to find it reviewed as "Meh." Immediately, my response was ...
... a smile.
That was what I was afraid of? That was what all those useless hours of waiting were for? And just before my pride jumped up to shout "You don't know a daaaaamn thang!" my rational part said, "Yep. What did you expect? That you're the best writer to hit this site in ages? That it would be universally applauded? Or that it was the dumbest attempt at making an erotic fiction have any kind of depth? That it would be trampled into the dirt and you would be personally insulted as a person? Nope. None of those. "Average."
The scene from "Amadeus" sprang to mind where Salieri burns the crucifix as he declares himself an enemy of God for making him so average and Mozart so magnificent. And I was like, "Pffft! Really? Am I that shallow?"
But this led to another thought. I kind of am. I had based the worth of my work on a review. I mean, of course I love the comments and approval I get from the fans. (I would hug you all if you weren't clearly infected with GERMS and the assured fact that all of the females would fight each other for me. The ensuing bloodbath would be legendary. [Oh God that hurts to write! My humility actually fought that joke.]) But still some part of my mind kept saying that the review would tell all. I think I'm like a man who is complaining of thirst when there's a lake nearby.
Not to say the review was inaccurate. She made many good points I agree with. But, like, probably, every writer in existence, I wanted a review that said something like "Oh my GAWD! This was amazing! It filled my life with ecstacy and everything about it has improved who I am as a person!" Or some insanity of the like. I knew that I had even secretly wished I knew if any of my commenters went away and were chatting with other people like "Hey, you HAVE to read this shit!" Or that I'd get a five paragraph review praising my name (oh wait, that isn't my name) and all my talents. Hell even this blog has some selfish element to it.
I can now only chuckle at myself. I started this for just me. I have no illusions why I started this in the first place, and it wasn't "I'm making the world a better place by starting to write this." No, its intent was to be read by none but me and because I wanted to write about a guy who had sex with an attractive anthropomorphic pony for my own private enjoyment (yes, that word will substitute nicely.)
Have no fear, those who actually read my stupid blog, I will keep writing. I'm halfway done with the next chapter and that is from barely trying. Hopefully I will be able to get some real time in soon. All of you, and my wonderful reviewer, have a glorious night.
That sounds awesome. Good luck with your story
. I look forward to it
Please continue your beautiful story, it is simply marvelous
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Excellent! I look forward to reading more!
It's great work keep it going
Well I would tell other people they should read this... if I talked to other people on this site.
I don't think it makes you shallow that you bet your ego on it either. Though I'm happier that you learned to temper the expectations after the fact. Everyone who writes bares themselves at least a little when they write. You want to write a story they'll enjoy, or at least elicit the emotion you're after (if say it's shock or horror depending on you genre). Then you submitted it to someone who assumedly is at least somewhat respected in the community. That step takes guts so don't underestimate it. I mean my anxiety of anyone not liking my stories is why I don't write. I've general plots for multiple stories including an incredibly extensive and elaborate one, but I never write because once I put pen to paper I clam up. Also maybe they said something different to you, but in the "interview RP" review post they did say to check it out.
And we all know who would win the bloodbath for you. Lord this shows my age, but I immediate thought of it after reading your self-deprecating boast. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIGqfnKgf80
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Holy crap you guys are awesome! Alright time to keep this thing rolling! Huzzah!