A small reflection - TEK · 7:25pm May 20th, 2020
That feel when it sinks in that you just posted one of the most important things you’ve ever written in your life thus far.
Hi everyone!
I know I said I’m going to write a bigger (spoilerific) reflection on the story thus far when the act epilogue hits, mostly one from a writing point of view, but I’m actually pretty emotional so I’m allowing myself a tiny blogpost, as a treat. I’m going to keep it as spoiler-free as I can, as well.
So… so there are my cards, laid out for all to see. The reason behind why I made many of the story-telling choices in TEK.
I’ve said many times, and especially in these recent months, that The Enchanted Kingdom doesn’t exist because The Enchanted Library exists.
It’s the reverse that is true.
TEL was written so TEK could exist.
So that I could write and post what went live yesterday.
As I mentioned in the author’s note, getting to this point was incredibly hard, for both you and me. To pull off what I wanted to do, it wasn’t something I could build up in one chapter or two. It was something that had to be built up from the very beginning of the story.
And it was hard.
It challenged me as a writer in ways I wasn’t prepared for, because I had to juggle fifty plotlines at the same time, and made sure the appropriate ones paid off. Because I knew I was treading incredibly delicate ground, as any story on mental health can be. Because I knew sometimes it was as hard to read as it was to write, and though I obviously don’t hold it against anyone if they did, I knew I ran the risk of people dropping the story or that it would be hard to want to continue.
In the past weeks, my writing and personal self-esteem took a massive, massive toll, both because of pandemic related issues and because, writing career-wise, I’m not sure where I’m going or what I’m supposed to do or if I’ll ever be close to my goals. The words “maybe I’m not meant for this, really,” have crossed my thoughts many times.
And so, in the past weeks, Enchanted Kingdom became the target of my pain, especially as this arc started, because there was so much riding on this, personally, emotionally, and pragmatically.
If the payoff for this didn’t work, if it wasn’t worth it, then… I was afraid of how that would impact me as a writer. What it would say to me about my storytelling abilities.
It probably wouldn’t have been the end of the world, but I can genuinely say it would have been personally devastating. I would recover, of course, but, I probably would have had a friend rain water down my window so I could sit there and cry. Or something suitably dramatic that would have made Rarity proud.
And so, from the bottom of my heart, to those who have commented (or are commenting) and those who have read…
Thank you.
Obviously, one should never write for validation, one should write for themselves, in the same way as the person who should most believe in you is yourself, but thank you.
Thank you for joining me as I wrote (and continue to write!) a deeply personal story, and for believing me when I said it was gonna be worth it.
In all likelihood, had this not done well, I probably would have kept writing. I’m stubborn that way, even as I rip myself apart, I’ll still die for my beliefs. But still, I’m so happy it paid off. I’m so, so, so happy, and delighted, and honestly, just really relieved it all worked out.
Though the story is still far from done, thank you for your warmth and your reception, and to those who have posted them (or will!) thank you for your lovely, lovely comments. They mean more than you know. I’ll try to get to as many as I can, if I can, but please know they really do mean so much.
My heart feels full, and I’m really stoked for what’s coming next, whatever it may be.
Great job, Mono!
Mono this truly is your magnum opus, and I for one can't wait to read more.
Well, first of all: Yes. In my opinion, that last chapter worked 100%. There is a crumpled disposable towel with a salt stain I can present as material evidence.
But, to hear you are doubting yourself? In a way, I have good news for you. That doubt? Probably the main thing holding you back. I will brashly assume that this doubt includes a good dollop of self-criticism as well, as it is so prevalent among artist, be they painters, composers or writers. Don't worry. Let the doubt fade. Tell your inner critic that they are a party pooper and should be silent. You've moved a lot of people. Let that be your proof.
You're very welcome, Mono. And thank you, again, for such a wonderful story.
On the spectrum of reader to fanatic of TEL/TEK, I can't claim to be the furthest along the scale, and I never will be. There are fundamental things about some of the show characters that I'll never quite be able to fully embrace, which you and I have had more than one long discussion on.
Even still, your wonderful writing made me care about those characters.
I also won't be able to fully relate empathically to your emotional plight. While I have personally invested in projects of my own, I have never invested as much of myself in something as you have in these stories. I'll never even know the true amount of yourself that you put into this. But regardless of all the barriers that keep me from seeing the entirety of the sacrifice and heart you put into this, from all the conversations we've and things you've talked about, I can confidently say one thing:
You made it.
The story's not done, no. There's still lots left to tell. But the build up you've had so far, the conflict you put your characters through, the way those characters have grown, the heartache and joys you've inflicted upon your readers, myself included, has come to a head here. Without a doubt, the payoff was worth it. There are few stories that have had as much emotional impact to readers as yours.
It's been a long journey. It was rough, bumpy, and sometimes lonely. We had great times, we had sad times, we made a lot of friends, and we lost some. One thing I want you to remember is that even though we, your readers and friends, have helped you down this path, supported you, and given you kind words, you are the one that did it. You made it and we all got to watch and cheer you on.
I don't know how many of us I speak for, but I am happy for you, I'm proud of you, and I'm grateful to be able to call you friend. I can't wait to see what else this journey has for you.
Obviously, one should never write for validation, one should write for themselves, in the same way as the person who should most believe in you is yourself, but thank you.
From your lips to every writer's ears out there.
One thing I've learned from other writers is when you write to exercise that personal demon within you, there is still you within to continue writing.
:)!
Mono is pretty ok.
Thank you for such insanely well crafted story!
You’ve done a wonderful job mono! Thank you for writing and sharing this amazing journey with us!
May the RariLight continue to shine.
Your work is amazing, Mono.
Mono, you're one of my favorite fiction authors. I love anything character-driven and seeing all the little moments and interactions the characters share, and I always cry happy and sad tears at overcoming personal adversity, and your writing just fills all those niches! Your characters are some of the most realistic and relatable ones I've seen, and I'm so glad I found your work.
i haven't been so emotional over a fanfic - hell, a work of fiction at all - as i was reading that last chapter in... nearly a decade
and i don't say that as hyperbole either
i started reading TEL when you'd just started TEK, well before i had an account on here, but... then i didn't read anything for a year or so, and it fell into that part of my memory filled with "fics i remember loving, but can't remember the name of"
and then i found it again, when you updated it in 2019
and since then i've read and reread both stories nearly half a dozen times, because every time you update TEK it makes me want to read TEL again
you've made something truly special, Mono, and i can't wait to see what happens next :)
(though i'm sure my friends can, because i incessantly regale them with praises for TEK every single time it updates)
I am so looking forward to reading it!
I've been putting off TEK until I had the opportunity to blast through it in a few days, but I think this post just convinced me to start it.