Rage Review, Resist and Bite (Chapter 3) · 12:25pm Mar 21st, 2020
Chapter 3: Arrival and meeting the ruler
Charlie appears in the Everfree Forest near Ponyville, because I'm guessing this is where the Chinese teleporter was focused.
"Whoa, what is this place?" Charlie said with wide eyes. After that, he began to approach the large gate. And once he got there, Charlie saw a devastated town which traumatized him.
I'm getting traumatized by this repeated (mis) use of the word "traumatized." Psychologically it means severely affected, not merely "horrified" or "disgusted" let alone "bummed." Traumatizing events often give one nightmares for the rest of one's life.
Parenthetically, it's confirmed that the castle in question is the one near Ponyville, not Canterlot Castle. Which makes the idea of hiding under Sugarcube Corner more sensible.
"Oh my what happened here?" Charlie asked, he then stepped forward to get a better look at it but his goggles detected a hazard and warned him by showing a hazard symbol on his goggles with words saying 'Hazard detected'.
When Charlie heard the warning, he clicked on a button on his goggles and it showed him a transparent image of three chinese soldiers and one police officer armed wirh guns walking around the area as if they were looking for something or someone.
So, basically, these are magic safety googles. Or to be more (or maybe less) kind, a videogame version of a Heads-Up Display.
As to why one would require these capabilities on "safety goggles" -- who knows? Perhaps the MIT school labs are routinely attacked by the Red Chinese army?
"Oh my, they must've preoccupied the town."
I'd sure be "preoccupied" if the Red Chinese invaded my town! 
Charlie then deploys some mini-drones, which makes more sense than anything anyone's done on any side all story. One drone tells him "Civilization detected," which might be more impressive if it wasn't reconning a, you know, town.
Maybe "civilization" has some special meaning in Authorese?
Charlie's eyes widened when he noticed the word, he then looked at his drone's visual again and saw that it was showing him a house made of biscuits and sweets which perplexed Charlie.
Perplexes me, too. Sugarcube Corner isn't literally made of baked goods and candy. It's just decorated and painted to look as if it is. Methinks Author confuses Pinkie Pie with the Evil Witch from "Hansel and Gretel."
"Activate X-Ray scanning mode." Charlie ordered.
The drone obeyed Charlie's order and activated X-Ray mode.
That's impressive.
And impossible. One can't fit an X-ray emitter powerful enough to do what's described on anything as small as the described drone.
One may wonder why I'm getting technical here. After all, the PRC apparently has an impossible teleportation device.
I'm getting technical here because Charlie is a lone Science Hero, not a Great Power nation-state, and we have no idea how large the teleporter happens to be, or into what sort of power source it's plugged. For all we know, it's the size of an office building and it takes a gigawatt nuclear reactor to run it.
Charlie's drone, however, is known to be small, and its payload and power supply must logically be more limited.
Charlie ran through burning and collapsed houses in the town including some toppled trees and demolished restaurants which was a very petrifying view.
That's an ... odd ... selection of things he noticed. Houses, yes, I see, but why is he focused on the restaurants?
Oh, and why are the Chinese randomly toppling trees?
A Chinese MP spots Charlie and he hides, but accidentally makes some noise.
Charlie was about to move forward to another hiding place but suddenly, he accidentally tipped over a cardbox which drew the police officer's attention. Charlie then hid back in the garbage bin while sweating anxiously.
Somehow the cop notices this little noise over the various sounds of a burning town. Eh, well, it was closer and the cop was alert, I'll buy that for the purposes of Story.
Charlie manages to get the drop on the cop and choke him unconscious.
"I can't believe that worked." Charlie said with a surprised expression.
I can't believe that the MP was patrolling alone in an urban combat zone!
Again, the Red Chinese in Story are as thick as the Nazi Germans in Hogan's Heroes.
Charlie loots the fallen MP, taking his weapons.
Making his way to Sugarcube Corner, he uses a "a small contraption he named the 'feasible door opening laser'" to weaken the door. From its description it was inspired by the Sonic Screwdriver.
Amusingly enough, the Red Chinese have in reality actually deployed a man-portable battlefield laser. It's a rather heavy device requiring a backpack to power it, and probably isn't capable of firing more than a few shots at most.
"It's a good thing I went to technology conventions with my family." Charlie said with a grateful smile.
Because you can totes pick up pocket-sized door-opening lasers there. Right?
Being aware that there were voices inside the place, and that it is probably inhabited by Ponies who are under lethal attack by entities looking just like Charlie, he then kicks the door down and steps inside.
Spike jumps him and ...
Charlie looked in front of him and saw a giant purple dragon charging towards him with it's right arm swung back.
Even Big Buff Spike is not a "giant" Dragon. He is a humanoid and roughly man-sized Dragon.
And Charlie's lucky Spike forgot he can breathe fire.
"Whoa!" Charlie said as he front kicked the dragon on the chest. And the force of the kick made the dragon stagger backwards while holding it's chest in pain.
Charlie, unlike Metal Plates Jinn, is not a trained martial artist. Nor does he have combat experience. How did Charlie just do that to somedrake who is physically stronger, tougher, armored and HAS combat experience?
Is Spike in this world just a hopeless wimp? Because he's not in canon.
Charlie looked behind the dragon and saw many ponies starting at him with petrified expressions, none of them knowing what he will do.
Well, I know what they would probably be doing at this point, if they remembered even half of their canon abilities. Namely, beating the crap out of Charlie.
"Ahh! An invader!" The pink coloured female pony yelled.
Because as we all know, Pinkie Pie is easily spooked.
"Somepony make this horrible white suited ruffian leave!" A female white unicorn yelled.
If only there were "somepony" who knew how to fight!
"It can speak Equestrian!" A yellow coloured pegasus screamed.
Actually, Fluttershy, Charlie hasn't said anything other than "Whoa" so far. Which proves nothing, as it could have an entirely different meaning in his language.
Also, Fluttershy rarely "screams." Author, have you ever listened to Fluttershy?
Charlie gets an attack of intelligence and starts talking. Then he notices Twilight Sparkle:
Charlie tried to intervene again but a sight stopped him. He looked in front of him and saw a large and unique purple pony with a unicorn horn on it's forehead, two wings on the side of it's body and it had a purple effect on it's mane and hair and Charlie must assume that the pony was a female considering the colour and facial expression. And it looks like it was bleeding from her chest.
"Is she alright?" Charlie asked them.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE: Oh, I'm doing swimmingly. I always bleed from my chest.
Seriously, Charlie, do you have any common sense at all? Of course she's not "alright!" She's bleeding from her chest!
Somehow I think you were more perceptive when you saved the Childlike Empress from the Colombian Drug Cartels.
"I think I have enough adroit medical experiences to fix this." Charlie thought.
Oh yes. I'm sure that battlefield surgery is just part of the curriculum at the Sydney MIT. I remember when Charlie helped out Horton the Elephant with that hangnail he got fleeing from the Yakuza ...
Charlie smiled and walked up to the bleeding Princess, he bent down and scanned her wound with his goggles. He then detected a long sniper rifle bullet stuck inside her chest.
Bullets are not the same thing as cartridges. And the bullet would probably be deformed from the impact -- either that, or Twilight Sparkle would be dead (unless we assume Alicorn super-toughness, but if we assume that then she probably wouldn't need help at all here).
"Whoa, looks like a sniper rifle bullet." Charlie said quietly as he pulled out a tweezer from his pocket.
"Um... what was that again?" Twilight asked the invader but it disregarded her and continued to focus to the bullet wound.
Wait, Twilight's conscious? If she's conscious, why doesn't she just probe for and remove the bullet herself? Unless she's afraid of triggering fatal bleeding, but she could prevent that with the same telekinesis.
For that matter, why isn't Rarity helping? Or Fluttershy, who in canon actually has medical skills?
Charlie then stuck the tweezer inside Twilight's chest which made her scream in agony.
"Calm down miss, I almost have the bullet." Charlie told her. After two more attempts, he managed to grab onto the bullet, then he slowly pulled it out and after three seconds, the bullet was successfully removed from her.
Oh, that wacky, wussy Alicorn Princess who screams in pain from a mere bullet wound to the chest! Why, I've given myself worse shaving!
And who flinches from a three-try removal of a bullet with tweezers. With neither painkillers nor -- did Charlie bother to clean the freaking tweezers? Is his pocket sterile? Good thing that Alicorns regenerate, or do they in this Story verse?
"Gotcha!" Charlie said with a proud smile. After that, he threw the tweezers and bullet away.
CHARLIE: Tweezers, thou art unclean! Begone from my sight!
Charlie then pulled out a tall first aid spray from one of his deep pockets in his coat. He then twist opened the lid and aimed the nozzle at her chest wound, after that, he pressed the button on the spray and green and cold liquid were sprayed onto her which made Twilight grit her teeth, after three seconds, Twilight's wound disappeared.
Oh my freaking Fauna Luster. This is videogame based technology. This is something we don't have today, and probably won't have for generations to come. Does Author really think that life works like this? Even remotely?
"You are not like the rest of them are you?" She asked.
"No." He replied with a shake of his head "And I'm not where their from, I'm from Australia while they are from China." He told them.
CHARLIE: Well, you see I'm from a land Down Under. Where women blow and men plunder. Can't you hear can't you hear that thunder?
TWILIGHT SPARKLE: Could you give me a vegemite sandwich?
Twilight was going to ask the invader some more questions but then, she sensed something in him. It was power, power stronger than discord and her, and this power could defeat the invaders occupying her castle and subjects.
"You have power in you." Twilight said quietly with wide eyes.
Oh no. He is Gary Stu! He is Anon! He wields the Seventh Element of Harmony!
Flee, foolish Ponies, for this is worse than any peril you have ever known!
Twilight replied by activating her horn which caught Charlie off guard. Then she pulled out a golden talisman, but to Charlie it was a large golden necklace.
"Here, take this talisman, it will protect you." Twilight tried to offer it to him.
TWILIGHT: 'Tis the Generic Talisman of Generic Plot-Useful Powers! 'Twas forged by the Dwarf-Ponies in the days of old! Wear it, and thou shalt know neither hunger nor unsightly nose hairs!
"Please." She said "Not only will this talisman protect you, it is also the key to save my land and my subjects, and I sense some power in you that can help save my land and subjects so please." She pleaded him.
Charlie's eyes widened when he heard her saying that he has power.
"I have power?" Charlie asked himself. He then bent down and looked at Twilight and was eager to know more.
That Charlie. Nice boy, but a bit slow on the uptake.
Incidentally, why is Twilight carrying around this thing? Why didn't the Red Chinese take it from her when they captured her? Why didn't she use it to protect herself?
Oh, never mind.
"How do you want me to use the talisman? And what is this power in me?" Charlie asked.
"The power is for you to discover. And the talisman will guide you to the other lands of Equestria and you have to recruit the remaining survivors and rescue my land and subjects please." Twilight pleaded.
Twilight, this is a poor time for Ye Olde Mystic Vagueness. Even your Most Beloved Former Teacher was more specific than that.
Which "remaining survivors?" And why can't Twilight Sparkle, who knows the country and the people quite well, and is a natural rallying-point, do it herself? Remember, she just got 100% totes completely techno-magically healed by Charlie's little doohickey?
Charlie began to think about her words, does he really have power? And what are the other lands or continents of Equestria? But still, he couldn't just leave the ponies and other creatures to be enslaved by the Chinese like this so he had to succour them.
"I'm in." He said as he grabbed the talisman.
"Thank you." Twilight said with a grateful smile "You can start by touching the small gems on the talisman." She preached him.
"Okay, I'll give it my best shot." Charlie said as he stood up "And I'll be back as soon as I can before the Chinese finds you." He told them.
Let's stop to savor the stupidity of all this.
Almost everyone else in that room knows where Charlie should go and to whom he should speak and what he should do there. Remember Spike's job? Rarity's international connections? Twilight's authority, intelligence and research skills?
So Charlie's going haring off by himself in pursuit of this goal, leaving the other characters to hide in a snack shop in an occupied town to hide for as long as it takes him to wander the whole freaking world (and remember, Charlie doesn't know about Pinkie's secret underground hideout beneath the place). And both Charlie and everyone else thinks this is reasonable?
This follows videogame logic: Charlie's just been handed a Quest and now has to go complete it.
Fortunately, Luster Dawn (who is once again on-scene) realizes how dumb this is.
Luster Dawn took a quick observation of the invader and saw that this one is more friendly. And it would also seem like it will need some assistance around the land. She then looked at her parents.
"Dad, mom. I think the invader needs some assistance here." She told them.
...
"I'm just saying, he might get lost without some help from one of us. So I want to volunteer to help." Luster Dawn told them "Besides, this invader seems a bit more kind and friendly compared to the other ones." She finished in a veracious sense.
Sunburst and Starlight tried to object but Twilight intervened.
"You daughter is right guys. This invader needs down assistance around our land since he is not from here, and your daughter is the most eligible for the work." Twilight told them.
So Luster Dawn, the Pony with the least relevant experience for the job, is being chosen to act as Charlie's guide.
Why?
Well, I could say that it's a tradition Twilight Sparkle learned from her own teacher, but then Celestia had very specific goals in mind when she chose Twilight to go to Ponyville in the first place.
I have dark suspicions as to just why, and coupled with the "M" rating and "Romance" tag, I fear for young Luster Dawn's virtue.
Remember, always remember that Charlie left poor Lavinia Whateley alone and pregnant after he defended Dunwich from the Cybermen!
No, wait, that can't be what happened ...
Based on a case study of dozens of interdimensional transits, the Everfree is a sort of higher-dimensional sinkhole. I'm surprised a manticore didn't show up for Charlie to thrash and establish dominance.
Narrativium reactor. Or, credit to the dearly departed MythrilMoth, bullfecium.
Given the loving description of his breakfast and conversation with the lunch lady, food is clearly very near and dear to Charlie's heart.
Oh, sure. Common bits of swag, like pens, stress balls, and magnetic monopoles.
Charlie used the Super Potion!
Twilight regained 50 HP!
Well, sometimes. Going by Celestia's example, Twilight doesn't need to point hooves and name names until she's in the process of being petrified.
So the author can get away with fewer accusations of mischaracterization? Luster's practically a blank slate. Though your hypothesis seems distressingly feasible...
I mean, the local avatar of Yog-Sothoth runs the post office, but the One-in-All has many bubbles.
I was screaming in agony during the bullet removal scene, because removing it often does more harm than good--especially if you're not a trained surgeon! I've only been taught basic first aid, and even I know this!
Are you sure this isn't a parody? Because it reads like one at times.
Since they've now got Internet-capable teleporters... who knows?
Unless, perhaps, Charlie's figured out how to keep teleporting new power packs to the drone? Since we don't know how the teleporter works - and he's just been able to access it - for all we know it can do that! Author should have better defined the teleporter's capabilities.
They're the villains, so they're trying to pave over everything just like that one Ghost in Lewis's Great Divorce.
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You have a point. Charlie was so attentive to that lunch lady that I half-thought he was going to start kissing her.
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Oh yes. It's a chest wound. The bullet could be lodged next to or in the major organs or their exterior lining. Probing for and pulling out the slug without at least battalion aid station level medical support would be very dangerous -- though in a sufficient emergency one might still have to do it.
There's no evidence that Charlie knows anything about first aid, or even anatomy -- even more, the anatomy of an equine creature alien to his own world. Evidence of this is that, instead of asking for a clean implement or sterilizing one himself, he pulls a pair of tweezers out of his pocket and goes poking around her chest cavity!
Now, full disclosure. I have more than once used exactly that (tweezers) to extract wood or glass splinters from my flesh. But those were from my hands or feet; not my thoracic cavity! And when I knew I had to go deep into the skin, I cleaned the tweezers first.
The main reason I think Twilight Sparkle could survive this inept attempt at surgery is that my Twilight Sparkle (and the canon Twilight too) is tough. She's an immortal, regenerating Alicorn. She's not "fragile."
And again, in canon Fluttershy has (veterinary) medical experience, Rainbow Dash is military and hence should know Pony first aid, Pinkie is a precognitive and would thus know what approach was safe, and Rarity is a precision telekinetic and could much more safely draw out the bullet.
The only reason Charlie does it is to prove he's The Hero, Master of the Element of Gary Stu-nesty. And it works because of his ineffable wondrous Hero-ness, as he demonstrated while saving the Shire from the Los Angeles Crips!
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Maybe Charlie will rally the Deer against them, like he did the Ents against Al Capone!
Ah shit, it's, it's... the unstoppable Element of Protection!
(I definitely understood that reference)
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You know, the funny thing is that I wrote this before reading the next few chapters, and in one of them he basically fights and beats up some enemies while protecting a single Pony who does absolutely nothing in the fight but literally cower behind him. And this Pony is someone whom one would think might have some combat training.
So he's acting a lot like AlaraJRogers' "Anon."
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Hmm... interesting indeed, to see the parallels.
(I'll admit, in regards to this story, I couldn't consistently bring myself to read chapters in full not too far in, reading a few things here and there. I thank you for making it more doable to go over it, with the commentary.)
The above being said, I think this excerpt from Chapter 15 ("Slavery experience") speaks for itself, when I read it out of morbid curiosity (it is odd, to me, how it's so interesting. You said it very well here, as to why it's... notable):
Well... hoof-breaking being a load of crap aside (and Sunburst participating as described is, as per usual, questionable), the way that's worded sounds about as impossible as Not The Hero!Anon's feats. If you "felt" the attack, you didn't "evade" it at all. What you'd be doing is trying to shift your body in the direction of the momentum of the attack or something, so you don't take the full brunt of the attack. Also, being surprise attacked from behind (if you had to "feel" it to know about it) doesn't help you in regard to reacting appropriately, and stupid warcries alerting the opponent as to what they're doing are stupid.
Point is, that part felt like he, as the villain, in this case, was outright bending reality to gain an advantage in a fight, when what really should've happened was, he should've been injured with a concussion of at least mild severity or something, but no, Jin's just so badass that he doesn't have any pain mentioned from such an attack, in the narration.
the Red Chinese in Story are as thick as the Nazi Germans in Hogan's Heroes.
General Jin: "Sergeant Baichi, you're an idiot! Now guard these ponies!"
Sergeant Baichi: "I see nuff-ink, I know nuff-ink..."
In the end Baichi redeems himself by refusing to report the escape passage the size of a subway tunnel that the ponies dig under Canterlot.