Slowdown continues, unfortunately. · 6:40am Feb 2nd, 2020
Truly, truly wish this wasn't so. Especially as writing A Deer Named John makes me happy.
This one is purely reactionary based. Simply put, I failed to even shortlist at yet another competition for one of my non-MLP works. Doing my best to fight against it but, with that being one of the last places I could even try for that story in either competition or standard publication, I already feel the depression weighing on me. Not sure what to even try with that story now. Doubt I can improve it any further.
I've long lost count of my failed attempts to get published with that story or others before it. I know the industry is super competitive, only wish I could have just a little light my way. My dream is very tiny right now. I have very little, yet still others are in worse places than I. I would rather they get the chance and help before me.
Can't even read things I've been wanting to on here for months. Isn't fair to the works or their writers to not give them my best effort.
My mother suggested trying to make John into something more. I doubt any publisher would take it even if I did restructure it to remove all the MLP stuff and I REALLY don't want to try that. So, now I'm just adrift for a while. Until I dare to let hope grab my hand again.
Hey, at least I have a doctor's visit tomorrow, though can't say it will be great with this news hanging over me. Hopefully I'll feel a little better about this in a few days.
Simply devastated,
Tael.
Hum, it could be salvaged to make an original work with John, at least the premise, but you would need to scrap almost everything in it and I wouldn't be the same story anymore. Know the feel and when you are in that state of mind with everything in despair just hanging and clinging to you your work is the best way to fight against those slumps and to build up your tolerance again, it has certainly helped me when I applied as a concept artist for a brony game. it didn't get me out of my depression just yet, but with just stubbornly fighting to stick with it did made up my mind that I wanted to become a concept artist and fight my way through the depression and got a lot of good results from it for all the pain I went through back then and it was worth it. Hope this helps
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Glad to know you fight for your dream too. Your art is great. Sad to know it throws you into depression as well. Oh we both the suffering artists I guess.
I know. That is why I am against ripping John apart. The amount of work to make it into something truly original would be massive, let alone it would probably destroy my love and enjoyment of it. I am looking at submitting the non-MLP piece to another publisher, one I have long ago but two things have changed since then. One, it has been hugely overhauled. Two, I would be submitting it as young adult instead of general.
Going to have to move into a review and adjustment mindset for it. Not looking forward to it, especially as it takes me away from both John and finishing the re-write of that same story's second half (it was cleaved in two about a year and a half ago and only one publisher and the competition have seen it in that form). Will do my best to take my time with it to give it its best shot. Just really wish it wasn't hurting John's output as much as it is going to. At least I have been writing notes for a lot of upcoming John chapters.
Just keeps making me think of a particular class in high school. I'd pour my everything into an assignment and get a barely passing mark. I'd barely even try and I'd get the same mark. Just felt like I was wasting my time and it feels like it with publisher submissions fairly often. No matter how much you jump through their hoops and change things to make them happy, which is the name of the game.
I want to share with you some peiece of advice that was shared to me just recently that helped me out.
Because of that, I reached an epiphany just recently. When I thought about it on a fundemental level, I just enjoy writting stories. I've been doing that for the majority of my life, and I've been doing that long before I published any of it in any shape or form. After I did that, however, I obsessed for awhile about number of views, like, dislikes, those who put the book on their shelves, those who tracked it, views per day. Just any feedback I could get that helped to validate my quality as a writter and guage my audiences emotional reaction. What I found is mostly positive, but those who are used to high quality work and went to college for several years about this or read up on advanced text books on the matter look down upon my work because it's not quite at their level yet. Recently it occured to me, though, "Why should I care about their opinion? If they don't like the story, they don't need to read it. There are others who do enjoy it, and that's fine."
I've entered another story on this site for a competition, which is:
- MLP: FiM
- Slice of Life
At the first graduation ceremony of the School of Friendship, Applejack gets healthy reminder what is important.I no longer think it's going to win, but recently I've begun to distance myself from caring about that because that's only going to invite stress into my life, and that's not what I want. Win or lose, this may be the last time I'm going to offer a story specifically for the purpose to be judged by others harshly. Stepping on a stage with "America's Got Talent" or things like that wouldn't be a dream come true for me, it would be a nightmare, even if they approved of me because of my shyness and fear of being judged. Those who do step onto that stage clearly have something I lack, which is courage, overwhelming drive, and probably more than a dash of delusion.
But now I'm thinking I'm okay presenting my story to a small audience who really enjoy it. I think I'd rather discuss it with my friends rather than snooty, judgemental strangers who are quick to tear into the story and point out every flaw imaginable.
I am a writer. That's my passion. It's what my cutie mark would have been in Equestria. I remember when Scotoloo said to Gabby, "Gabby, having a cutie mark is not about being good about something, it's about feeling good about something, inside."
When it comes to your stories, do as you will. I recommend following your heart. That's what I do, even if it hurts sometimes. That's better than becoming something you are not just to please a certain few. Let your story be whatever you feel comfortable with. The rest doesn't really matter unless you let it. The light you seek resides within if you let it shine. That should be your hope. That should be the hand to grasp yours in comfort. Your story is your baby. If you cherish it, it doesn't matter who else doesn't. It's still your light. It's still your unique song in the world.
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Hopefully I don't accidentally lose all I type this time. Can't believe I did that.
Thank you for your comment and I very much applaud you for taking the chance to submit a piece on here to a competition. I truly hope it goes well for you. The extra scrutiny can take a lot of courage to bear, but you have dared to do so and that alone can't be taken from you.
I have in the past and still do agree with a lot of your philosophies. Writing has always been a passion of mine, although I have fallen out of and back in love with it fairly recently. This site and the people on it have been a great part of making me fall in love with it again. I know how you feel with regard to "putting yourself on a stage to be judged", I have very similar feelings about it. But, I view it, in the case of professional publication, which I'm trying to get with my non-MLP works, as an unfortunately necessary evil. Why people want to meet the author/artist is actually something I will never understand. Maybe I'm weird like that. I just think the work, either writing, picture, show, movie, performance etc, should stand on its own. Nothing can really be gained from meeting the person. Characters they make, which people love, often differ wildly from who they actually are.
The main reason for the post is that, because of the non-MLP story's failure, A Deer Named John is going to suffer even further slowed production than originally outlined in my previous blog post. Sorry if that didn't come across clearly. I also like to explain why it is slowed down and, unfortunately emotion got the better of me while doing so.
You struck a major thing with me on that. I, with the exception of the proof-readers' marks I use, am actually entirely self-taught. I don't know all the technical stuff with how things are supposed to be in writing. I write the way I do because it (the structure and the flow) feels right to me. I've had encounters with some professional authors as well as fellow amateurs who he sneered at me and insulted me to my face in the most smug ways possible because of how I write. Always I have done my best to brush it off because the other authors, the ones who understand what I'm saying or trying to do, get that I am trying to help them and there need not be any nastiness.
I also believe there is no need to show off with the most complicated words as writing and reading should be accessible and enjoyable by anyone regardless of their skill or ability in either area.
The reason I put the bit about having to change things for others is directed at trying to get professionally published. If you don't listen to the suggestions the publishing houses give you, they will drop your story in a heartbeat. Doesn't even matter if you are famous and make them tons of money. A lot of the changes the previous publisher suggested were very beneficial to the story, particularly slicing it in two. In the case of the 'compromised' competition (could get into that but would just make me mad) my story failed in, it was my only shot at that competition with that story. I can never submit it to that one again, even though someone really screwed up and compromised it. It is a lost avenue to me for that story in a world where there are very limited options for me to try for it.
I'm very much happy writing and posting to FiMFiction. It is far more freeing than only trying for professional publication as I have in the past. Lets me experiment too. Is why most of my stories here are first person.
Pretty sure I forgot something from my first attempt. Oh well. I guess this is just a tribute.
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I can well sympathize with the frustration of lost work because of a glitch or typing the wrong button. That even happens to some of my stories offline. When I lose my work and there are no backups, I get severely discouraged because I know I can never write it the same way twice. To even try to recreate it, I know something is going to change. I have dropped the story on hiatus for months to years because of things like that, so yeah . . . I feel your pain.
I'm now clear on your pain on another level, too, thanks for your more elaborate explanation. You are frustrated with your failed efforts to publish professionally. To me, you already appear to be far more brave and knowledgeable than I am. On a professional level, I haven't even attempted to try. "Sky Dancer" isn't the first piece of fiction writing I have ever written. Far from it. I think I have about 12 other full-length novels written before it. "Sky Dancer" is, however, the first in some regards. It is the first MLP fanfic I've written, and it is the first I've published in any capacity. All my other stories are still on my computer, virtually gathering dust.
The story you told me about professional publication, I find discouraging. It means I would have to struggle just as hard if I wanted to get my works published, but I don't even know how to start. After listening to your story, I might not even want to. Besides, some of my novels have controversial things in it and I'd feel too shy to face the wrath of the flames aimed my way because of it. I wrote those books because I had to and it was something to do, but there the story ends . . . so far.
I find it quite likely that everyone who had successfully published their work can still sympathize with your struggle. I think that they would advise perseverance. I think that every single of them can tell you stories about how many times their stories got rejected before they finally landed one lucky break, and even then it took some compromises to make it possible.
If you make any progress on this adventure, I'd like to know about it because, to me, this is a learning experience too. Even if I'm not brave enough to try myself, perhaps something can be learned from observing someone else attempt the process. i pray you'll continue to have the strength to continue to fight to make your dreams a reality. In the meantime, you can find moments of respite in places like here, where your work doesn't need to be compromised as much to put it out there.
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Just remember, my experience isn't the be all and end all. Others have had worse while many have had better, far more positive experiences. In the case of the piece I am referring to, it also has its own controversial topics. A previous publisher was actually very interested in it because of the topics it covered, just it didn't quite fit with the stories they publish. That happens. Don't be discouraged by having controversial topics. So long as you handle them well and present them in a compelling way, publishers will consider them and, maybe, something about it will be enough to spark their interest and pick up your work.
I have about seven or eight non-MLP novel length manuscripts written, most unfortunately sitting on the sidelines for me to return to and improve them at some point in the future. Each acts as a stepping stone in improving my writing in some way. Same with what I post here.
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No quite the contrary, working on my art with a goal in mind is what helped me get out of my depression. It first started out as just a way to cope with the constant stress that I was going through, but when I really got into MLP, and I offered to do cover art for authors(for free at the time) I really started to do complete finished works sense I had a goal to aim for then, and I got better each time I did one, But when I was working on doing the game with real expectations really doing detailed work in a set amount of time that I started to relish at the challenged of what I loved to do and art really stopped being a hobby in my mind to true passion, I really started o look into becoming a professional artist. I still despaired, and had wild mood swings at times, but at least I now had an end goal that I could run toward where I was aimless before
I hope this help, it doesn't need to be writing , also you necessarily need to go through a regular editor strait up to publish short paid web stories could help you on the sides along with getting some much needed feedback.
A friend of mine told me many years ago that I should pick one thing that suits me and work at becoming very good at it before branching out to other things. I found that to be very good advice and is a part of the reason I am here.
There are also some very good free to download courses by accomplished writers. One of them suggests writing scenes on individual sheets of paper and shuffling them as the story develops to improve flow. I took that and started writing with my word processor in web mode and shuffling with cut and paste. It does help.
Most important, remember that publishers are just gatekeepers. The final verdict belongs to the audience. Shakespeare had to open his own theater in a barn to get by the literary experts.