So, good news and bad news... · 6:05pm Jul 1st, 2019
The good news is that I've gotten a new chapter ready for editing! I'm not entirely sure if this is the direction I want to take with this, but it's ready for you guys to have a look over, so have at it!
As for the bad, yet somewhat related, news, I've been laid off. Not fired, laid off. The factory I was working on was low on orders, and the company needed to cut costs. Since they lay off people from earliest highers to latest highers, I was basically first up on the chopping block. They said they'll still take me back if work picks up, but until then, I'm out of a job. Kinda weird, never been let go before, but I'm sure I'll be able to find something else quickly. The factory in question might have had low business, but everywhere else has 'help wanted' signs out. This is a worker's market, and it won't take me long to find something. In the meantime, it gives me a bit of an opportunity to get more chapters finished, so...
Definitely the right attitude to have when something like that happens, and it can happen to anyone. Good luck out there, and it sounds like you won't even need it.
Hopefully, you find a better job.
5082513 I doubt it. What other job lets me play with power tools and build stuff all day? The only way to make it better is if I got to blow stuff up afterwards!
5082519
A friend of mine had a job smashing old PC monitors for a living; sounded pretty awesome to me. Stand at. The end of a conveyor belt with a sleeve hammer and a drill; pop the monitor with the drill (these were the old vacuum tube monitors), then crush it with the hammer...
Sorry to hear that. At least with getting laid off, you qualify for unemployment, if the search for a job takes too long...
Looks good for me! Finally Contact can properly happen!
Also sucks about the job situation, hope things improve for you soon.
5082519
It sounds like you need to find work at a missile factory.
Good luck finding a new job.
The chapter seems alright to me, though you may want to add a bit of a tonal transition from the last chapter to the start of this one.
For the next few chapters, it may be fun if you mention that either the light on Earth seems harsh and bluish (especially to Equestrian eyes) or that Equus' light seems red-shifted (either bloody or warm, depending on the mood you're trying to setm the sun itself large and easily looked at). Alex just didn't notice because his vision was already messed with, and designed to automatically compensate. I'm assuming that Equus' sun is either late-K or early-M class; would also have UV light hurt the changelings (and, presumably, eyes of other species; would help explain why fairies in all cultures preferred the night). Here's a resource if you want to use it: https://www.orionsarm.com/page/321.
5082519
Sounds like an episode of Myth Busters to me.
Quick question, where did the sling come from?
Other than that, has a abrupt opening to the chapter. Something like saying "After the conference with the delegates..." Or, "An hour later." Really would help in remembering what happened or let us know how far ahead you've moved along.
After all, where you left off in the previous chapter is where we left off. And where we (the reader) expect to begin again unless told why.
5082853 He's been wearing a sling since he woke up this morning. From Chapter XXII:
For the most part, it's been under his lab coat, and I've actually mentioned it several times since that chapter, but with the change of outfit, he's also adjusted how he's wearing it. He hurt his arm when he first evaded Queen Chrysalis's assassin.
5082853 As for the abruptness, that's why I let you guys see these things before I publish them, to point things out like this that I'd probably miss/forget/ignore because I'm really too close to the story to be objective about it. Thanks, though! I'll be working on that, and probably have something different to start this off in a couple of days!
5082857
Wait, the last 9 chapters have been one day?
I got to re-read this hold on...
5082862 Not really. It's been more like 2 days, but still, it hasn't been that long.
That is always shitty. Hope you find a new job soon.
Where I work, we can't get people to stay! No one wants to do actual work, so say we hire 10 people, we are lucky if 1 or 2 stay past a month. Hell we have some hires not even make it past orientation, and my company starts off pretty decent pay for the area, and the benefits after you hire in 90 days later are not bad. But, can't get people to stay, lol.
my only real critique is that it isn't long enough. i know you get comments that yell for "MOAARR" all the time but this isn't that. i honestly feel like it stops too soon and you could continue this for another few pages at the VERY LEAST. it could be you don't want this part of the book to feel rushed, but honestly it's taken a bit of time to get to this point as it is, and i don't think this chapter would suffer by moving the story foward just a little farther
P.S. hang in there dude. it'll be okay
5082863
Alex gets shit done.
I hope you'll be able to find a job soon man. I'm out of work right now, and it is NOT fun...
Been out of work since end of March. Been living off of savings. Money's tight though. I've been looking for the job I want to no avail, so it's back to whatever place offers me the job first. There's a few okay ones I've applied for this last week. Going for a few call backs soon.
5082709 Hey, take a look at it now. Got something you might like...
5083729
The new section works really well. It's also transitions nicely to the next part.
I wonder how much technology the Quzin have adopted from the Krin, and from other races, From the sounds of it, their technological development has remained relatively isolated, despite possible advantages from adaptation and cooperation. QUzin isolationism? Would make sense- the Chinese were very isolationist, and strongly favored social order- which a caste system promotes, at the expense of societal flexibility.