Finally. A Conflict. (One Extraordinary Time, Chapter 13) · 10:38pm Jun 24th, 2019
The penultimate chapter!
Previously, on One Extraordinary Time:
"""Romance""".
And now:
Monday, November 5
Mr. Anderson heard his phone ringing. Blurry-eyed, he looked at his digital clock and noticed the time was 3:07 a.m. Who the hell would call at this hour? he thought to himself. He picked up the phone. “Hello,” he said curiously. “Mr. Anderson, this is Robert Tower. Sorry to call you so early.”
This can only end poorly.
“It appears a wealthy gentleman from London, Sir Walter Stanton, transferred a large amount into one of his U.S. accounts. He was preparing to go to San Francisco but his trip was delayed for a few months. When he went to our branch in San Francisco, his account was missing $840 million.” Hearing this shocked Anderson into full consciousness. He realized he had the head of U.S operations on the phone.
“It took us a few days to sort out what was going on. But apparently, Sir Walter Stanton signed the transfer document in front of three officers at our London office.
Because it was such a large amount, we required an approval on the U.S. side. We used FedEx Global to overnight paperwork back to London, but he wasn’t at the home we sent the paperwork to. So after a week, FedEx sent us the paperwork back. When it came back to our mailroom, it got misfiled. Since the transfer was in limbo, the money should have reverted back to his account in London. But the money was already converted to dollars and put into a U.S. account, which had the same numbers as his European account. All of our U.S. accounts are ten digits. The European accounts are all eight digits except for a few of our very old ones. Our computers should have picked up that two accounts had the same numbers, but it was obviously a blind spot in our computer system, which has since been corrected, unfortunately, not soon enough.
“At your branch, Mr. Freddy Will received this money in error, and as we all know from the newspapers, he has been busy giving our money away,” Mr. Tower said.
So there you have it, folks. The exact details of how our intrepid hero became an overnight millionaire.
So, immediate questions: Why did Sir Stanton feel it was necessary to transfer eight-hundred and fourty million dollars to an onshore account? What was he planning on doing with the money? I think the bank should be investigating him.
Secondly, why would the bank have proceeded to transfer the money despite not having a) the requisite paperwork to do so and b) an actual account to transfer it to?
And thirdly, being someone who works with database software, either this bank is running on some really terrible custom solution or whoever designed the system is a moron. Assuming this is a relational database (which is almost certainly would be), then account numbers should be primary keys, which cannot have duplicate entries in a database table. It's one of the main tenants of relational database design!
And you might say, well, maybe it's two different databases, which would negate this problem. But that would be equally moronic, because that means that this huge international bank doesn't have any kind of centralized record of all of its customers!
Bank errors in real life are almost always the result of human error, but with systems as bad as this, I'm surprised this sort of thing doesn't happen more often!
Of course, in this case, the bank has a dilemma:
"...Mr. Will’s account is now frozen; unfortunately there’s only $26 million left. So the bank is out $814 million. Our problem is three-fold. One, if and when the public finds out, we are going to look like fools and Wall Street will punish our stock. Two, we will have a PR nightmare if we go after the money he gave all the 9/11 families. Three, we will look like the bad guys going after Mr. Will, since the public considers him a hero,” Tower said.
Yeah. That's one hell of a PR whoopsie.
Freddy felt good after a nice run. He pulled a paper with four more names out of his pocket. When he walked into the bank lobby, he was immediately greeted by bank security, who pleasantly asked if he would follow them to Mr. Anderson’s office. Freddy’s heart immediately sank. He feared this was the moment he had dreaded. When he walked in, he noticed Mr. Anderson standing.
Anderson said, “Please, Mr. Will, have a seat.” Freddy sat down and Mr. Anderson continued, “This is Mr. Robert Tower, head of U.S. operations.”
“Mr. Will.” Mr. Tower extended his hand to Freddy. “I believe you’re an intelligent and obviously a busy man, so I will get right to the point. About two and half months ago, you accidentally received $840 million in error. Your account is now frozen; unfortunately it has only $26 million left, leaving you owing the bank $814 million. Now we are required to notify the FBI about any bank theft.”
Mr. Tower makes a proposal: pay back the remaining $814 million, and they'll all pretend it never happened. Freddy, of course, can't do that.
“Mr. Will, you have to recognize the seriousness of the situation. This could be the largest bank theft in U.S. history. If you can’t repay us, we will be forced to report this to the FBI, and you will be facing a long prison sentence. You’ve become a celebrity; perhaps you can have a fundraiser to get the money,” Mr. Tower said.
Oh, biggest bank theft by far. If you want to consider this robbery, the biggest bank heist in the US was the 1972 robbery of the United California Bank in Launga Niguel, California in 1972. The robbers there made off with today's equivalent of roughly $172 million. Heck, the biggest bank robbery in the world at the time, Valerio Viccei's armed robbery of the Knightsbridge Safe Deposit Centre in 1987, only netted the equivalent of roughly $218 million.
It will pale, however, to the theft of almost $1 billion in Baghdad which is going to occur two years from now in 2003.
The one committed by Saddam Hussein.
Funny how that happens.
They give Freddy a few days to sort something out. In the meantime, Mr. Tower calls someone in to oversee operations at the bank, effectively kicking Mr. Anderson out of his post. Frankly, I would have, too, considering how dense this man has been since page one.
Freddy goes to Harris for moral support so he can figure out what he's going to do about all of this. They don't come up with much. Freddy goes to a wine tasting with his parents and drinks a whole bunch but doesn't feel much better. I feel you, Freddy.
A couple days go by. Freddy has done nothing about his issue, and also hasn't told anyone besides Harris. He and Monica hang out at her apartment. The president gives a speech on the television. He mentions Freddy in it. Impeccable timing, Mr. Bush, sir.
“Americans have always risen to the call when faced with hardship and challenge. In New York, a young man has given away a considerable amount of his wealth to help the families who lost loved ones on that tragic day.”
Monica looked at Freddy. The president didn’t mention him by name, but was clearly referring to him. It was amazing sitting next to a man acknowledged by the president of the United States. Freddy was embarrassed he was mentioned. He knew this would only make the story larger when it broke. Monica was just so excited and happy Freddy wasn’t able to tell her.
A couple more days pass. Freddy meets up with Harris for breakfast.
“Well Harris, let’s see, I have about $114 dollars in my wallet. Do you think I can give this to them and say, ‘Let’s call it even’?” Freddy said.
“Hey, what you owe them is small potatoes compared to the $5 trillion investors lost in the stock market since the bubble burst,” Harris said.
“Five trillion dollars. That number is so large it’s hard to comprehend. Now is the time for me to face the music. Let’s go,” Freddy said.
Ah, there's the Mr. Kaplan we all know and hate!
He and Harris go to Great NY Bank (one wonders what their international branch is called) and head for Mr. Anderson's office. Mr. Anderson, however, is conspicuously absent; it's Mr. Tower who is waiting for them, alongside one Mr. Simmons.
Freddy tells them he can't pay back the money. Simmons informs Freddy of the consequences of this.
“Your account will remain frozen indefinitely, and you will have no access to any funds in your account. You will also be receiving notification of Great NY Bank suing in an effort to recover any missing funds. Our head of internal security will notify the FBI before 5:00 p.m. today. Do you have any questions?”
Freddy does not have any questions. On their way out:
Freddy realized he must have unintentionally got Mr. Anderson fired. As he left the bank, he saw Richard Wilford behind his usual teller window. He looked at Freddy and quickly turned away. Freddy thought to himself, It’s ironic that a good man like Mr. Anderson was fired and they kept Richard, who, given the right amount of money, would probably hide al Qaeda’s financial transactions.
Whoooooa, okay Freddy, didn't know you had it in you.
...Then again...
The phone on Henry Marlow’s desk at the City Gazette rang at 4:30 p.m. It was Richard Wilford.
“Well, as promised, I am keeping up my part of the bargain. You told me if there was anything newsworthy to call you.”
“Okay, what do you have?” Henry asked.
“Earlier this week, the head of our U.S. operations met with my branch manager Mr. Anderson. He told me to send Freddy to his office if he came in asking for a bank check. I found out after their meeting that Freddy’s account was frozen,” Richard said. “In fact, Mr. Anderson asked me to stop payment on his recent bank checks. The few times I have seen the bank freeze someone’s account, it’s been due to a court order for a nasty divorce case, or a criminal investigation.”
Henry was in shock. “Are you saying that Freddy’s involved in some sort of criminal fraud?”
“I don’t know. But there is definitely something big going on. Anderson is gone and we have a new branch manager who took the file with all the copies of the bank checks Freddy had us make out.”
Henry brings this to Louie, who gets very excited. He gives Henry the contact information of an FBI agent who apparently owes them one.
Agent Grange was suddenly quiet. After a few seconds, he said, “Let me just say our interest in Mr. Will is in the early stages and it is premature to comment on the nature of the investigation.”
Thanks a lot, Agent Grange. You're doing a real good job.
Monica knew something wasn’t right with Freddy. At the restaurant, he seemed to be sleepwalking. Sex was always great, better than she ever thought it could be, Freddy was always so passionate, wild, and exciting; tonight he just seemed to be going through the motions. When she tried to find out what was weighing him down, Freddy just couldn’t bear to tell her.
I know it's out of context, but:
Freddy was always so passionate, wild, and exciting
Lie of the century.
Next day. It's 5:30 AM and Freddy can't sleep. I feel you, man.
Freddy decides he has to tell Monica before she finds out from someone else, so he takes her back to the Rockefeller Skate Rink. He tells her everything. She takes it well.
Monica sunk her head into his chest, trying to absorb the bomb blast she just heard. She tried to hold back tears. Then she held him tight and said, “Freddy, you are the most wonderful thing to happen to me. I’m not going anywhere. We’re a team; we’ll tough it out together.”
Monica sunk her head back into Freddy’s chest as he hugged her and said, “Monica, in my wildest dreams I never imagined being with a woman as wondrous, beautiful, and exciting as you.” His eyes watered.
I hope you enjoyed this touching scene between a plank of wood and a worm-riddled bar of soap.
Next day. The Gazette has been holding off on printing anything until they have more of a story to go on. They're having a lot of trouble finding anything to go on.
So Henry calls up Freddy.
“Freddy, this is Henry Marlow from the City Gazette.”
“I know who you are,” Freddy responded unenthusiastically.
“We know the FBI is investigating you and the bank froze your account. This story is our headline tomorrow. Would you like to comment?” Henry asked.
Freddy put his hand to his forehead. He was crushed. He knew the story would get out, but not this fast. He felt like this night would be his last peaceful one. By the time the story hit, the media circus would begin all over. But instead of being a famous hero, he would be infamous. He didn’t doubt the Gazette knew the whole story; they had a teller on their payroll and already knew the FBI was involved.
He was always a good kid and never in trouble. He always showed people respect. Now his guilt and remorse was so bad, he was having trouble living in his skin. He was crying loudly on the inside. Freddy needed to tell the public how sorry he was.
CAN'T YOU JUST FEEL THE EMOTION?
Henry manages to coax the full story out of Freddy.
Louie raced over when told of the news and made emergency calls to staff and production people. He told Henry, “This is fabulous. Wait till those cocksuckers at the New York Times choke on our headline tomorrow.” Louie danced around his office.
“Boss, how do you what me to play it?” Henry said.
“This arrogant prick wouldn’t even talk to us, until now. Bury him,” Louie bellowed.
I do have to wonder what exactly the news media did to Mr. Kaplan for him to continuously portray them this way. Maybe a news van ran over his puppy as a kid or something.
Freddy did his best that night to stay focused at work. He knew by tomorrow his life would be different. Mr. Wong saw Freddy looked troubled and told him a Chinese proverb that meant that any time Freddy was ready to talk Mr. Wong’s ears were always ready to listen.
Ah yes, the ancient Chinese proverb of "What's up with you, dude?" Truly a classic.
Next day.
The headlines for most major newspapers that morning were about the president’s speech at Ground Zero and the pummeling of Taliban and al Qaeda forces in Afghanistan. For the second time in less than two months, the Gazette scooped its rivals with a blockbuster headline and sold a record three million copies. It read, “The Man Made Fools of Us” and included a big picture of Freddy Will. The stinging article compared him to Osama bin Laden.
So beyond the ludicrousness of comparing Freddy to the man behind 9/11, I'd like to point out that the population of New York in 2001 was about 8 million people. This little city paper sold more copies than the entire population of Brooklyn (~2.5 million) in one morning.
“He allowed us to start believing in heroes again, as the nation was trying to heal. Little did we know he secretly was playing us for fools, helping some 9/11 families while causing major financial distress to one of our country’s greatest banks. He made Bonnie and Clyde’s robberies look like child’s play. His take was a cool $840 million.
The FBI is now investigating what may well be the largest bank fraud in U.S. history.”
So is this bank international or not? Is it just a subsidiary of a larger banking corporation?
Also, yeah, of course they make Bonnie and Clyde's take look like child's play. We don't actually know how much they stole over their 2-year spree, but there's no way in hell they came close to a billion dollars from robbing gas stations and grocery stores. Charles Ponzi would have been a better comparison.
The Gazette article went on and on like that. Nowhere in the article was anything mentioned about the bank error that put the money in his account or the fact that he gave all the money away and didn’t spend a dime on himself. They did a pure hatchet job on Freddy.
Oh, so the paper doesn't mention where he got the $840 million. The one thing every person reading it would want to know.
Why does anyone read this rag again?
Oh. So apparently the City Gazette isn't just a New York paper, as Frank and Julia encounter it while on a trip to D.C. Despite it being called the City Gazette.
Whatever. They had to find out somehow.
Frank looked forward this morning to spending time at the Smithsonian museums. He walked passed a newsstand. Then did a double take and came back. It was his son on the front page. He plucked down his two quarters and started to read the City Gazette story. He was shocked and angry at the Gazette; how dare they compare his son to Osama bin Laden?
Yeah, I'd be pretty pissed, too.
Oh, wait. I already am.
Monica finished reading the Gazette story as she walked from the subway to her office. She got steaming mad reading the article. Trash, pure trash, she thought to herself.
Funny, you're echoing my thoughts exactly.
Monica proposes to her boss that they defend Freddy pro bono, on the grounds of it being a major publicity boost to their firm. Despite the fact that they're a corporate firm and don't typically handle criminal cases, and despite the fact that all the publicity they'll be getting from this will be extremely negative, and despite the fact that as soon as it gets out that one of his defense has a personal stake in the matter the firm will be raked over the coals, the board agrees.
Freddy tries to call his parents, but the lines are busy. So are the lines at Clinton's office.
Oh yeah. Did I mention that today is November 12th?
He thought that was a little strange, then he heard someone on the other side of the street shout.
“Oh my G-d, there’s been a terrorist attack.” Freddy ran across the street and asked him, “What happened?”
“An American Airline flight just crashed in Queens, over 250 dead. al Qaeda just hit us again,” the man said.
Of course, it's not actually a terrorist attack. This is American Airlines Flight 587, which had its vertical stabilizer snap off the tail (followed by both of its engines) shortly after taking off at JFK International. Killed all 260 people on board, and five others (and one dog) on the ground. Which is honestly kind of a fucking miracle, considering it crashed right in the middle of a residential neighborhood.
But of course, at the time, everyone thought it was a terrorist attack. The state reacted accordingly, evacuating the Empire State building and UN headquarters. And while investigators were quick to conclude that it probably wasn't the work of terrorists, they weren't able to rule it out immediately, and were very deliberate on this point in statements released both internally and to the public the next day. In fact, it wasn't until 2004 that NTSB released its full findings on the crash, confirming—
Julia was catching up on her mail. All had been sanitized to protect the staff from anthrax.
Pamela ran in and shouted, “American Airline flight out of JFK just crashed in New York.”
Immediately everyone in Senator Clinton’s office stopped working and feared the worst. Julia and her co-workers all tensely discussed September 11th. It brought that horrible day back into focus for everyone. Pamela quickly got hold of the head of the counter terrorism unit at the FBI, who told her there was nothing to indicate this was terrorism and was given similar assurances from the White House. You could feel that the staff collectedly exhaled hearing the news, but they were all deeply saddened to hear there were no survivors among the 259 passengers and flight crew.
...Or that. Or you could just go and do that.
Historical. Fiction.
Also, I love how everyone involved knows how many people died already, despite the event happening around 9 AM and the narrative treating it as though it only just occurred.
And the total occupancy count there is wrong.
Whatever.
In the evening, Freddy finally manages to get in touch with his parents. He tells them everything.
“I know that. I’m sorry, Dad. It was an emotional response. I didn’t think through the consequences!” Freddy responded.
“You’re damn right, you didn’t think. Now you’re just a common criminal who’s going to have to spend a long time in jail!” Frank screamed in anger and hung up the phone.
As you can see, Frank takes it well.
Next day.
The city and the nation breathed a sigh of relief, as more reports came in that the American Airlines Flight 587 crash was a tragic accident, not terrorism. All airports, tunnels, and bridges were reopened. The Empire State Building, which was evacuated as a precaution, also reopened. Even the most battle-hardened New Yorkers found their resolve being tested.
Oh, now you decide to start being accurate. I see how it is.
Freddy gets a call from Philip Dugan, his legal council.
“I hope I can live up to those fine words. I would like to meet with you at your earliest convenience.”
“I could be arrested at any moment, so the sooner the better,” Freddy said.
“This is a high-profile case, and you’re right to think things will move very fast. Let’s make it for tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.,” Dugan said.
"Time is of the essence. I could be arrested at any moment."
"Understood. How does a meeting twenty-four hours from now sound?"
At the City Gazette, Louie was staring at all his e-mails and holding a stack of faxes. He was getting more and more agitated reading them. He screamed out, “Henry? Henry, where the fuck are you?”
“Right here, boss. What’s the matter?” Henry asked.
“What’s the matter? I’ll tell you what’s the matter! Look at this,” Louie said.
They both huddled around Louie’s computer and started to read.
“After reading your story on Freddy Will, I was going to throw your paper in the trash. But it didn’t deserve that honor, so I flushed it down the toilet. Your so-called journalism hit an all-time low; cancel my subscription. Comparing Freddy to Osama bin Laden? You guys are pond scum. How long did your reporter put his head up his ass to write that piece of shit?”
Thank you, random anonymous e-mailer, for doing my job for me.
“Look at this one. It’s bad enough the guy is cursing me out. Can’t he at least spell right? This guy called me a dumb buzzard with no asshole. What the hell does that mean?” Louie bellowed.
Oooh, I'm going to have to remember that one.
So yeah, apparently public opinion is still very much in Freddy's favour. That's good. Louie decides they fucked up and tells Henry to write articles slandering the bank.
“Freddy? Hi, Philip Dugan. I’m calling you back because a lot is already happening behind the scenes, almost at breakneck speed. I want to make sure I’m fully prepared. Can we push back our meeting back one day to Thursday afternoon at, say, 2:00?” Dugan asked.
"Mr. Dugan, the FBI are literally banging on my door right now, as we speak. I can see the unmarked black van waiting outside from my apartment window, ready to take me to g-d knows where. There's a head-sized bag sitting on the passenger's seat."
"Oooh, sounds like you're busy. How does Wednesday sound...?"
Next day. The New York Times has put up a poll about Freddy.
New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer was reading the morning papers. A New York Times poll asked the question, “Do you feel that Freddy Will should be subject to criminal prosecution?” A whopping 92 percent said no. More of a surprise, 81 percent still considered him a hero. Similar results were reported in a CNN poll.
He paced in his office. If he indicted him on state charges, the public would surely be against the state and he would look like the bad guy. It could harm his future aspirations of running for governor and then one-day president of the United States. He smiled to himself. “Let the feds take on this one; we’ll stay on the sidelines.”
Oh, don't worry, sir. The scandal over all the prostitutes you've been paying with government funds will be obliterating your political career seven years from now either way.
Congrats on making it to Governor, though.
The Gazette runs their smear piece on Great NY Bank. Meanwhile, Freddy goes to work.
Next day. Freddy goes jogging, meets up with his friends at a cafe in midtown, surprises Monica at work, and then, at long last, has his meeting with Philip Dugan. They go over the legal process, here. It's all rather droll, frankly, and I won't bore you with the details. The chapter ends here.
Only one more chapter to go, folks! And apparently it makes up a solid 15% of the book!
See you tomorrow, everyone!
I know the entire point is about how this is a poorly written story, but I feel the need to comment.
This is poorly paced.
I mean, I can understand having time pass between key moments such as finding the money, getting the checks, and having the problem discovered, but this one chapter kind of goes from nothing really happening, to too much all in one. Having the mistake discovered, letting the main character know, the newspaper report, the plane incident, and the whole set up for filing charges should have been over at least three. Yes, it might have required some padding, but the author has no problem with that. It would created a moment of tension and curiosity if the chapter had been set up to end just after the main character was threatened with federal charges.
It also means the entire trial, or reasons behind why they choose not to, is going to take place over a single chapter
5079598
I would agree with you, except saying that this book has poor pacing implies that there's an attempt at pacing being made here at all.
There was actually an alternative weekly around called City Paper: I think it appeared in multiple metropolises, and it's still being published in D.C. This may be what the Gazette represents. However, typical circulation for that one was in the five-digit range, and it was a free periodical which made all its money from ad space. This mostly presented local adult stores and a whole lot of very detailed personal ads, which have pretty much been replaced by 'Swipe left.'
The lesson, as always: Kaplan can't math. City Paper couldn't pay for a print run that large.
Three sets of quotation marks? Doesn't that just cancel out to one set?
Why not both? It was custom made by a moron. I've seen some horrible custom code when an integrated bit of software in the coding platform would have worked just fine...
Just another thing we are told and never shown.
The legal defence issue is treated with just as much care as everything not related to the Yankees, that is not very much if any.
See, it's funny when Applejack does it because horses are better than people...