A Dragon's Secret: Insight Into Struggle · 10:32am Mar 4th, 2019
This is kind of a rant post and a story explainer all in one, so prepare yourselves, folks.
I write ABDL fics constantly, and I am used to bad reviews. But when someone calls the fic or the lifestyle a joke, it really gets under my skin. Because I know several of those people in real life, and I know how much they struggle, so it's pretty damn hard not to take something like that personally.
The Dragon's Secret was intended to be a fic about the internal struggles ABDL's face every day, including my Baby Girl. It's about self-acceptance, and overcoming the inherent shame that comes with liking this kind of thing. The whole reason is that is perceived as taboo. If we removed the stigma from it, we could change so much and get rid of that shame. The whole point of my role as a Mommy is to make them understand that there is nothing wrong with them wanting to express that part of themselves. And as long as they don't force it onto others, there isn't. It just really makes me mad when someone undermines the message I work so hard to convey. It takes so long to change a thought process and only a second to reverse all that work. One bad comment will do that, as I know all too well.
That's why Silverstream was so accepting in this fic. I tried to convey that message of acceptance in this, and every fic I do. Because that's the whole point. Everybody deserves somebody who accepts them completely as they are. I always feel terrible for those who don't have that. I try to be that for the ABDL's who don't have that.
I wrote this post about shame on my ABDL blog, and I wanted to share it here because I feel it applies:
“The difference between guilt and shame is very clear- in theory. We feel guilty for what we do. We feel shame for what we are.” Lewis B. Smedes, Shame and Grace
For many ABDL’s and also their caregivers, there is an almost inherent shame that comes with showing other people who they are, or even just accepting who they are in general. Some might feel shame because of their desires. They feel like abnormal freaks of nature for wanting what they do. They feel shy or embarrassed when they share this secret with someone else. And why shouldn’t they? With all of the negative stigma attached with the idea of wanting to go backwards instead of forward, it’s no wonder they feel unable to be themselves with many people. But to those who do get the privilege of seeing it, they are forever changed. No matter what reaction they get, ranging from good to bad, no one can deny the vulnerability they display by admitting to the fact.
It is much more difficult for the infantilists to gain acceptance than it is the caregiver. Caregivers can often guise their role under jobs or helpfulness to other people. There are other outlets for them to get their urges out. And even then, admitting to taking care of someone in that way is not nearly as difficult as it would be to be the one who is that way. It is a burden for both sides, but by far it is harder to be an AB than a caregiver to one.
The question, then, is quite simple: How do you conquer the shame you feel about being an AB, or even a caregiver?
The answer, unfortunately, is not as easy. Because it differs for every person. For some ABDL’s, the first step to getting over that hurdle is accepting who you are. We can spend our entire lives in denial about who we are or what we are, or we can embrace it and take that first step on our journey of getting over our shame. Just because you accept it doesn’t mean you have to scream it from the rooftops. You just have to make peace with yourself, however you can.
However, Just because you made your peace with it does NOT in any way guarantee that other people will accept you. It’s an unfortunate but true fact of life. Much as we’d like to have everyone just accept us as we are, the world just isn’t wired that way. The best we can do is take the time to make our peace with it, then hope that everyone else will see that and follow. You have to find your way first and foremost. Then, hopefully, everything else will fall into place. But just because they don’t or can’t accept you doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. Remember that.
So, to all of the AB’s and caregivers reading this post, Here is a message for you from me:
Do not be ashamed of who you are. Other people might try to shame you for who you are or how you act, but their words are empty and only have meaning if you give them meaning. When you can’t get those people who are giving you a hard time or taunting you out of your head, hit the pause button. Just stop for a few minutes and breathe. You have put so much into yourself, and you have put so much into your life. Do you really want one person to be able to steal the light inside of you that makes you unique and different? Just because your parents or your spouse or your family or friends don’t understand or seem to care right now doesn’t mean that it will always be that way. The people who really love you, who really care about you, who really know you will stand by you. They may not be ready to accept that part of you yet. They may not ever accept it. But don’t let that ruin this for you. Some people just can’t get over the hump. But that is not your fault.
Who you are is nobody’s fault. And if you’re an AB or Little or Caregiver and you feel a sense of isolation, If you think that nobody out there understands what you’re into, if you think that there’s nobody out there that thinks the way you do, or that you’re a freak for behaving or thinking the way you do, then I want you to stop thinking that right now. Because, wether you believe it or not, you are not alone. The incredible community of Bedwetting ABDL was the first place that really made me understand that I, as a Mommy, was not alone in my desire to take care of someone. The site isn’t quite as geared toward caregivers as it is actual AB/DL’s, but it’s a fantastic resource for finding others like yourself. Fanfiction.net was also instrumental for my development as a caregiver. You can find stories for just about anything on there, and you can bet that when I was feeling blue I looked myself up some amazing infantilism fanfics to cheer me up. I also write them constantly as a way to get the need to care give out.
There will always be people who don’t like you because your different, or because they feel threatened by you in some way. But when you begin to understand yourself better and begin to get over that feeling of shame, remember they have nothing on you, because the only power they ever had in the first place was what you gave them.
I hope that in reading this you can begin to take your own journey toward getting over your shame. And if you ever feel alone or ashamed, know that I am right behind you, cheering you on, because there should never, ever be any shame in being who you were meant to be.
This is especially hard in terms of family.
*Applauds* Very well put. As I mentioned in my comment on your story, I really wish I would have been able to find someone like you when I struggled the most over being an AF / DL.
I learned, through other bullying as a result of going blind all my life, an important lesson after far too many years. This is a combination of "Others cannot take your accomplishments away" along with the all important, "Feelings are not choosings. We don't choose how we feel. However we can choose how to react.".
The latter has helped me know that, if ever approached in RL, I will stand my ground on who I am both inside and out. I've been shamed for far too long and refuse to allow it be done anymore.
Like you, I hope to also inspire those 'littles' out there by helping them as I was so kindly helped when I first plunged myself in to see if I truly did 'fit in somewhere'.
Be well and keep writing! It's nice to have a champion amongst us.