Hello, Old Friends · 3:01am Jun 12th, 2023
Hello Fimfiction. Long time, no see. I realized I hadn't updated you all in over a year, so I thought I would take a little time today to let you all know how things are going.
If you've been here for a while, you'll remember we left off in December 2021 with my return home a few days before Christmas. The first day I was back home was joyous and cozy. I got to hug my mother after six months without her and it was the best feeling. My Dad showed up and hugged me, and we went to the car at the airport that my uncle was driving around to pick us up in. We got back home and I got to see the dogs for the first time in months which was absolutely the best. Lazer was absolutely glued to me and fell asleep on my sweatshirt because it smelled like me. Honey Bear was happy I was home, despite his paralysis. I had my mom film it and in retrospect I am so happy to have had that reunion with them.
My Mother took me shopping at the nearby outdoor mall, as is our winter break tradition. Christmas came, with essential supplies for my room that I lacked because of everything I left behind in California. Toward the end of the year and through the new year, I reunited with my best friend and got to sleep over at her new house. Her grandma had come to live with them by then and her new house was large enough to accommodate them all. We spent a lot of that sleepover and much of my sleepovers at her home the next year at the community pool and spa, spending nights sitting by the nearby gas fireplaces and talking about our problems. The pair of us and her mother ate jalapeńo poppers and rang in the new year before we retired to her room, where I finally watched Encanto for the first time after weeks of listening to my daughter telling me I needed to see it. There I found the anthem of my next year: "Surface Pressure".
2022 was a pressure cooker that I felt fit to burst. Understanding what my expectations at home were after being on my own was confusing, but my purpose quickly became clear: Take care of Honey Bear, who was clearly nearing his end. My days were spent trying to calm his separation anxiety whenever my uncle left, feeding him, changing his pads, and desperately wishing for some quiet because whenever my uncle was gone he would bark and cry for hours. This did not deter my uncle from late night trips to the local pizza chain to help a friend out after hours, leaving me typically the only one to take care of him as my mother was sleeping and my father either was also or was busy outside in his trailer. But the hours I spent with him petting him, singing to him, dancing to distract him, telling him I cared about him, and having time with him and Lazer together was invaluable.
I kept many of the things I'd worked to develop in California- namely doing my own laundry, cooking for myself, and learning the Korean language. I'm happy to say I do these things regularly still, and am hopeful to earn the money for Korean tutoring. My current goal is to get fluent in my Korean and earn the money to go back to school, and apply to be a student at Seoul National University. But, we were talking about 2022. I still tried to hone these skills in 2022 and was successful at it, despite my dad and uncle's constant bickering and the demands of my dogs.
My only escape from the pressure was my best friend's house, where I frequently spent Thursday's, Friday's, and Saturdays. Any day of the week, really. Where we spent evenings watching anime and making pasta in her kitchen and would sneak outside to the backyard at night while her mom was asleep and sit in the egg-shaped chairs near the back fence, quietly discussing love and life and everything in between. Sleepovers when her mother was gone were particularly special. We spent the days cooking, drinking, playing cards against humanity and watching YouTube videos, taking care of her pets and taking care of the house, feeling as though we were flush with life because there was no one there to judge us other than her pets.
Spring brought my Birthday that year and some of my favorite memories along with it. Going out with my mom for my birthday, where we shopped for hours and I got to grill my own Galbi ribs for the first time and tried mango patbingsu. My love of Korea deepened during that time as I tried new foods, discovered new entertainment in the language and amassed an impressive amount of books in order to learn the language, writing, culture, and history. Just as lovely was my birthday dinner with my best friend where I tried peanut butter whiskey for the first time and found joy in their Crispy Cheese Bites.
Summer's advent brought with it my early Christmas present- a small fireplace for my bedroom. I put it together myself with only some slight help from my dad and relished in having my room feel so much more cozy and relaxed. When I had the time to be alone, I spent it in my room, watching restaurant impossible or helping my mother with grocery shopping or errands.
Fall invited Halloween movies during my sleepovers with my best friend, and a newly discovered love of scented candles. I spent an evening making dinner for my best friend and I and celebrated the success of not only something that was edible but good. It was the cooking milestone that encouraged me to try more new things, and I have happily implemented it since.
Winter, in contrast, pressed me in tightly to home. Though I did go for sleepovers, it wasn't nearly as often. We all sensed that my dog was getting close to the end, and so I pressed in close and held on tight, always with the sense that I was running out of time. This somehow served to make my need for Christmas to be good more urgent. Despite that, my usual trip with my mom was lovely, and Christmas came with a sense of happiness as I watched Lazer nap under the glow of the little Christmas tree in my room next to the fireplace. New Year's Eve was Spent with my best friend and her mother, going to get handcrafted cocktails in the late afternoon before going home and ordering McDonalds from uber eats before eating the fondue her mother had prepared us, watching The Holiday, having a maple old fashioned, and trying to comfort her frightened dogs from the fireworks.
January 2nd, 2023 I returned home, but realized too late that I had left my laptop at her house, which anyone who knows me knows is vital to my existence since at that point I was writing the final story of my 100 Part Avengers series and was updating daily. I had planned to ask my mother if we could go the next day, but didn't realize what an odd blessing this would be until far later on. The next day, my dog Honey Bear passed away. He managed to hang on until my mom got home, and we all said goodbye to him. My laptop being left there ended up being the time out of the house needed for my dad and uncle to bury him in the backyard, and they made him a grave there that was beautifully decorated by us all. I was suddenly left with a ton of time to myself and was trying to figure out what to do when the next blow came.
January 19th. I'm working on my fic when my Dad calls for me and yells that my uncle is dead. Time stops. I can't understand what's happening as I slide on my shoes and run to the backyard, where my uncle is laying face down in the shed. I call 911. They tell me to try and flip him over but I can't, and he's cold. The paramedics come anyway, and he's gone. My father is devastated. Despite their constant fighting, they are brothers, and they always relied on one another. I try and keep it together while the police respond and comfort Lazer, who is distressed by all the new people coming in and out of the house. My uncle had made tacos for dinner the evening prior. We eat the leftovers that night, his last meal for us, and cry. The funeral took place two weeks later. Several people I hadn't seen in a long time came, including the wife of my cousin who had passed in 2021. My mother spoke loving words, and I spoke of the good parts of my uncle that I wanted to remember. This ended with my dad accidentally locked my mom and I out of our car after getting something out of it earlier, and we stood for an hour in the church parking lot waiting for a locksmith. Fortunately, we got one, and went out to dinner with a friend of my dad's.
Those early winter months were full of uncertainty of what this meant for my family. My father's intention in having my uncle live with us was to prepare him to take care of my mother when he passed away. But my Uncle had turned the tables on him. My father vowed to change his ways, and began to work part-time as a delivery driver, and with my mother working until 6 in the evening, I had a large portion of time alone, typically spent cleaning the house.
March. With the advent of spring my father is in bed for days feeling exhausted and tired. After several days of me caring for him, my mother convinces him to see a doctor. He's diagnosed with high blood pressure and heart disease, and is convinced he is going to die soon. He goes on medication, and I begin taking care of him and the house as much as I can, overwhelmed and exhausted.
April came with it's own set of challenges, including a stray cat having kittens in our shed. But there were sprinkles of happiness too- getting an iPad as a gift, spending more time with my dad after work. My mother began spending more time at work and I spent more time alone at home. When I saw my best friend again It had been almost two months. The cloud of depression around me thickened, until it was nearly choking, and remained there until mid-may, around the time of my birthday. The dawning epiphany that things could be alright and I didn't have to consistently be afraid any longer began to sink in. I started cooking more, beginning to get in touch with my own needs, set boundaries, and work to respect my body. My birthday, a day usually spent normally, instead went exceptionally, from not having to cook, to the perfect birthday present, to a nice drink, and good company. The end of may brought my mother's summer vacation, and a helping hand around the house which has mercifully relieved a lot of pressure.
I'm doing well right now. I reconnected with my best friend of fourteen years this past Wednesday and was thrilled to see her in a loving relationship after years of abuse. My dog is happy and healthy, and My Dad is a lot better toward me than he was before, and happier too despite the circumstances. Sometimes he does revert back to his old ways, but It's never gotten to the point of having to call 911 which I count as a miracle. It took a long time but I can finally say I have a sense of direction in what I want to do with my life with getting a tutor so that I can become fluent and attend college. I miss Honey Bear a lot, and my uncle too. But for the most part, my life has gotten remarkably better from where it was, and I can say that for the most part, I'm happy and more mindful of making the most of the time I have here. I wish the same for all of you. Thanks for letting me share.
XOXO,
Cloe
Glad to here your doing better.
May Honey Bear and your uncle rest in peace.
Glad to hear you're doing well, though.
5732921
Thank you!
5732922
I really appreciate that. Thank you.
5732925 You're welcome!
It seems that this story has a happy ending. You’ve always been one of my favorite writers, and it’s glad to see someone so nice finally get what they deserve. Sure, all the losses were rough, but you seem to be much happier. I wish you luck in your travels.
5732937
Thank you!
This is so sweet I want to cry
Sorry to hear about your Uncle and your dog passing away and Glad things are looking up for you now, Great to have you back FabulousDivaRarity
I'm so sorry to hear about all you've had to go through, but it's good that things are on the up-and-up for you now.