On Love · 2:06am Feb 15th, 2019
Back when this was posted on Derpibooru, there was a bit of a discussion regarding whether or not this was shipping. It was decided that it did not count as such and the shipping tag was removed. I mean, you can see why. That drawing doesn't quite strike you as shippy right off the bat, does it? After all, they're not holding hooves, hugging, kissing, or doing lewd things. They're just cooking. That's something friends would do, right? Right...
If, for some reason, you've read my blog posts before, you'll know I'm a big fan of romance. Being able to see the growth of two characters as they get closer together is something I love (hah!) because that is one of the best things anyone can experience. Which is why I'm baffled by the severe underrepresentation of relationships in this site.
Now, your first instinct may be an eloquent "What?". Just a cursory glance will tell you that out of the 123k stories published as of time of writing this, 37k are tagged romance. That's roughly a third of the entire site dedicated to romance in at least some way. So what do I mean by "underrepresentation of relationships"?
Well, simply put, very few of those Romance stories are about relationships.
I won't claim to have made an accurate analysis, so don't expect charts or anything. This is just my impression over the seven years I've been on this site. Also, don't think I'm advocating for one type of story to dominate over another, I just want balance.
Over the years I've noticed that a lot of stories about relationships tend to focus on the period leading up to a relationship. The infatuation, the leading on, the dancing around the issue, and the many misunderstandings™ before a couple finally gets together and so on. And hey, that's a lot of fun. There's a lot of enjoyment to be had out of the sometimes awkward, always tense moments that lead up to the forming of a relationship. That being said, why is it that so many stories close the book once the couple gets together? Why is the forming of a relationship treated as the end goal rather than the relationship itself?
Again, there's nothing wrong with stories dealing with the chase (at least the lowercase kind). That is fun, adorable, and has led to some of my favourite stories. Hell, I have written those types of stories. I just wonder why are there so few people who actually write stories that go beyond the initial stages of a relationship, because that's all it is. It's just the beginning. It would be as if you bought a house and then felt satisfied because you stood under the main doorway. It would be as if you bought a car and then left it in the garage forever. The period before a relationship, leading up to getting together is great, yes... But it's nowhere near the best part.
Of course, I have to address the elephant in the room. The obvious reason. The one that should go without saying. Many people have never experienced a relationship and don't know the first thing about how a real relationship works, so they just emulate the same "couple gets together" stories we've been getting from novels, movies, television, and comics since we started consuming entertainment.
Now, I'll get to that latter portion in a bit, but the first section of that statement holds no ground, and it doesn't take a genius to know why.
I have a confession to make. I am not a horse. I have hands instead of hooves. That hasn't stopped me from writing stories about horses doing horsey things in a horsey way. I can't fly, but that hasn't stopped me from writing scenes about how much a pegasus enjoys being in the air. The people who have written epic adventures probably haven't gone on globe-trotting quests. Most of the people who have written sex-filled debauchery extravaganzas probably have normal, healthy sex lives, and I'm sure some of the people who write gore fics aren't murderers. Of course, there will be some correlation, the person who spends a lot of time outdoors will probably write stories that capitalise on those experiences, just like people who've gone through sad, emotional moments will write more melancholic tales. With this I mean that all storytelling, even if somewhat stepped in reality, involves a certain element of fantasy. A creative use of imagination from the writer's part.
So let's go back to relationships, shall we?
If I’ve never been in a relationship, but have the yearning for it, and I want to write a story to deal with those feelings, I’ll obviously have to use my imagination, with the foundation of whatever I know about love from pop culture, as well as my environment. Therefore, I take some characters I like—and perhaps my very own original character—and set out to write a story in which they find love after many hardships and they live happily ever after.
How wholesome.
Now let me ask you something. Does that person we described not fantasise about what comes afterwards? Do they not think about actually being in a relationship? The dates, the time together, the sex? Well, of course they do. But let’s save that discussion for some other time.
My concern lies in that for every story about a couple being a couple, there are a handful of stories that focus on the couple getting together. On the chase.
I once had a heated argument about someone who maintained that writing relationships was boring and that romance was all about the chase. He was completely serious. And again, it’s easy to dismiss that kind of opinion as belonging to someone who’s never been in a relationship, or who has never loved anyone, or another myriad of justifications.
However, are they entirely wrong? Because there’s evidence to back his claims. Just take a glance at the “New Stories” section of the frontpage. I can assure you for every story about a couple being a couple and expressing their affection as a couple, you’ll find half a dozen “A and B get together” stories.
Why are we as a whole so enamoured with the getting together, but seem to think it’s all over the moment the relationship actually starts?
Another easy culprit is the whole entertainment industry. How many romcoms are about a couple in a happy relationship and how much they mean to each other and how they complement each other in their daily lives? I sure don’t know any.
We are constantly fed this stream of stories about a guy meeting a girl, and the many roadblocks they overcome before they get their kiss in the end and then they were happy and ate partridges (That phrase doesn’t sound as cute in English). Can you really blame the people who think that’s all there is?
If all you see for years are tales about grand gestures and big romantic declarations and two people getting together, it changes the way you view things. More importantly, it prevents you from seeing beyond that.
Going back to the picture at the beginning, I chose to have Starlight and Spike just having a good time while cooking because relationships aren't just the grand romantic gestures, they're not just the poetic declarations of love. Most of the time, love is the small things. Making sure not to make noise when you wake up so your partner can sleep for another fifteen minutes, eating less of the peach jam because you know it's their favourite. Or, say, spend an evening together cooking because you know it's something you both like to do.
What I aimed to do with my new story (Now out on FiMFiction.net wink wink nudge nudge) was to hopefully show that a story can be about the mundane aspects of a relationship and still be enjoyable, because life in a relationship can be fun, enjoyable, and engaging because sometimes, all you need are the little things.
Even though I don't have anything to add or say in regards to this, I still wanted to let you know that I did in fact read the entire blog.
(I'm also going to read your story.)
I think the answer is a lot simpler. The chase has a clear beginning, middle, and end. It's a self-contained story with a very standard structure, which makes it a good template for a story.
When I tried to write a story about a couple already in a relationship, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the pacing of the conflict, because I didn't have those standard beats you have in a story about two people getting together. Writing a couple already in a relationship gives you a whole wide range of options, but the sheer amount of choice available is daunting, and I think a lot of people are simply at a loss as to how to proceed as a story.
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Thanks! I hope you'll like it.
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That's a good point. I guess what I mentioned about the average person not being familiar with the highs and lows of a relationship play into that reticence towards trying to write stories about established couples. It's much easier to default to the types of stories we already know work.
You know what's worse? When the go-to answer a lot of people to that issue is to throw cheap drama at it. "The couple got together in the first story, so know they should split", cue the love triangles, infidelities, and more misunderstandings. It may seem oddly specific, but I've seen a lot of great stories go down that path when there was no need to do so.
Am I bitter? I just wish it wasn't so hard to find romance stories about ponies in a relationship. I wouldn't even mind if they cheated and used established couples. The Cakes, any M6 parent, Shining and Cadence... I would even take bad stories over no stories, because then at least the interest of some may be piqued.
...
Or maybe I'm just melancholic because this is the sixth Valentine's Day I spend alone.
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If it makes you feel any better, I've spent the same number of years alone on Valentine's Day.
Disclaimer: I haven't read Accismus (yet), but based on this blog post, I'm assuming it focuses more on the relationship than the chase.
So, I'm reading this blog post for the first time today, and I think you bring up a lot of solid points. But I think you're also missing the forest for the trees:
A huge part of entertainment of any kind is entertaining the consumer. Unfortunately, most people don't want to read or watch couples being a couple. This is something that even your story description acknowledges through omission: the description of your story sounds like a chase story, and gives no real hint that it is anything but.
And the reason is pretty straightforward - you actually come closer to the answer in your comment:
Drama is conflict. Conflict is entertainment. Stories about a relationship need something to keep them interesting, and there's really not much interesting (to most people) about two characters just living a drama-free life together. That isn't to say that a story like that can't be good. But it won't attract much attention, much less hold it. And if you're writing for others, there's not much point to writing that kind of story because no one will really read it. You have to write it for yourself.
It would be curious to see how a story like that would fare without a promise of porn/clop, since that's one of the few motivations for people to read. I suspect it wouldn't fare well.
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Oh, I agree wholeheartedly. Any story that will feature a couple must have something else as a plot and through that explore the relationship. However, I tried to make a clear distinction in my complaint.
I have an issue against shaking the status quo just for the sake of doing it, as if the only way to tell a story about an established relationship is to undermine it. Drama can stem from a myriad of sources, it can come from the characters themselves, their goals, motivations, and flaws, and I've always been miffed by the people who take the cheap route.
As to your second point... you are right again. I'm perfectly aware that a story dealing with the ups and downs of a relationship will never be as popular as a "Boy Meets Girl" story or a clopfic, but they don't have to be. A small, independent movie will never be as successful or known as a summer blockbuster, and it shouldn't try to be.
It's true that if one were to make that type of stories, it reduces the size of their audience, but that leads to a vicious circle. The less stories of that kind are, the smaller the audience, and authors have less incentive to make more of those stories.
But hey, even if it leads to just one or two more stories that focus on a couple being a couple, I'll take it over none at all.
Nevertheless, thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate hearing different opinons, and if you get the chance to read Accismus in the future, please tell me if I managed to make a story about a couple being in love interesting or not.
Cheers!
Oh, I fully intend to read it when it's done. I read with my wife most nights before bed, and I think she'll enjoy it a lot.
Zaid I gotta ask, did you make the same comment about not waking up your partner years ago in /mlp/? I was going down the blogpost, remembering that post, and then I saw the line.
>Making sure not to make noise when you wake up so your partner can sleep for another fifteen minutes
Hell, I already had half a mind to ask you before seeing it.
If so I unwittingly homaged you in a cyoa I run on that same board. In it, the protagonist wakes up, goes downstairs quietly to prepare breakfast, and then has to rush back up when the blind mare wakes up not remembering where she is, then carries her on his back down the stairs.
Just thought you'd like to know if t was you all that time back, you did leave an impression on someone.
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Okay, first of all: Ohmigosh, you're alive! I remember you!
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've used some of those same descriptions when I originally pitched the concept in /mlp/ back in '16 or so. I'm glad to know it was memorable enough for you to use at some point.
I'm glad to see you again!
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Oy! Nice that you remember me.
I've been active all along, just writing cyoas and making art (I still write classical prose, just haven't had the time to finish anything between the other two. Cirque is at 475.500 words rn) in the board, but wanting to post something decent in fimfic already. I may post a couple things soon, actually.
Deep, touching and very true. I will consider this for future stories. Romance isn't as easy as most make it out to be. Love is difficult.