Quick blog post with a peek at Equestria - 1940 before I head to Bronycon · 11:55pm Jul 26th, 2018
Thankfully, my wife caught that we didn't have hotel reservations for Sunday night and we got that fixed, so a little sleep and we'll be on the way to KCI for our flight shortly. To keep you entertained, I'll just attach a chunk from my 1940 story where Jon Walthers has been assigned by Princess Celestia to help her student learn how to make friends. Because soon she will be headed for the Summer Sun Festival, and before that, Twilight wants to show him just how many friends she has made in school with a tour...
“Alchemy!” she declared, stopping in front of a door with a sign that said ‘Caution - Class in Session - Do Not Enter.’
- - Ω - -
Many, many hours later, Jon had determined that Celestia’s school was secretly some sort of munitions plant specializing in explosives, or perhaps camouflage. Even their short break at the cafeteria for lunch had something back in the kitchens that kept banging and crackling, most likely because the cooks used students⁽*⁾ for assistants.
(*) There was no problem with student obesity. They ran fast or wound up eating hospital food.
The only class that they visited which did not have something blow up was Ancient History, and that had a Roman aeolipile happily leaving a trail of steam while spinning around in the middle of a table with students gathered all around, most likely waiting for it to blow up too. Well, perhaps that was an exaggeration caused by one too many times diving for cover, mostly by observing Spike’s well-honed survival skills and following suit before the bang.
In any case, the search for Twilight Sparkle’s school friends was… somewhat lacking. That’s not to say there was not a search by any means. Twilight interrupted all classes with equal impudence, strolling through alchemy experiments, correcting chalkboards, and even looking under tables when the ponies she wanted were not in sight. Jon was starting to get an idea of just how much the slightly built unicorn was an unstoppable force of nature by the way the teachers reacted, each one tensing up like a guitar string when she strolled through the classroom doorway, and doing anything they possibly could to see her gone in as short a period as possible. In the end, and after walking through enough smoke that Jon’s suit was going to need a full cleaning or burning, Twilight managed to find one of the ponies she had gone to school with by the process of cornering Twinkleshine like a rat and not letting her get away.
“Twilight!” The pale unicorn gave a weak smile, her eyes flickering up to Jon and back down to her former classmate while backing up a step inside her office. “You did Moony a one-up, I see. She went out to work with the humans, but you checked one out of the library.”
“Jon Walthers,” said Jon with his hand stuck out to shake. “Celestia brought me here to help teach her student.”
“Oh,” said Twinkleshine with her nervous smile quickly replaced by a real one as her words sped up. “What subjects do you teach? Do you know anything about the theatre? I saw you at the Wizard of Oz with Twilight’s parents, but the whole place was a zoo and I didn’t want to disturb you. Oh, and I heard you visited our zoo! Have you met Lyra yet? Don’t let her lick your fingers.”
Jon paused for Twilight Sparkle to say something, but the unicorn had ‘borrowed’ two of the books in Twinkleshine’s office and was reading, with a third book floating behind her in line for her perusal. If left un-nudged, she would probably stand there for hours.
“Princess Celestia says Doctor Walthers is an instructor in pony-human relations,” said Spike, filling in the conversation for his owner/sister/whatever relationship he had with Twilight.
“Oh!” Twinkleshine’s smile suddenly became frantic, and she blushed as bright as her pink hair. “Ooooooh!”
“Not those kind of relations,” cautioned Jon, but Spike was still happily digging his hole.
“In fact, when we picked him up this morning,” said Spike with the guileless expression of the young, “he was teaching two of the batpony servants how to give him a bath.”
“Twilight was wanting to introduce me to her friends,” said Jon rapidly. “So we’ve been running around Celestia’s school, looking for them.”
“Oh. Well.” Twinkleshine looked back at her clean white coat. “I don’t think I really need a bath, but if you want—”
“To talk with them,” corrected Jon. “Twilight wanted me to see what good friends you all are.”
“Really?” Twinkleshine blinked her big blue eyes while undoubtedly human-embarrassing ideas churned behind them. “I actually haven’t talked to her in the last two or three years, other than spotting her in the cafeteria or at some sort of event.”
“How about Moon… Prancer?” Jon checked the note he had tucked into his leather satchel. “Moon Dancer, Minuette, Lyra, and Lemon Hearts, that is.”
“Oh, them?” Twinkleshine stuck her tongue in her cheek while thinking. “They’ve all gone on to other things, really. I mean I’m only still here for the theatre department while the rest of them scattered at graduation. Minuette works at a dentist practice in Ponyville, Moon Dancer is chasing neutrons in some chemical plant in Germany, Lemon is working in the castle’s public events office, and Lyra is doing whatever she does.”
“Lyra’s weird,” muttered Twilight as she floated a third book over next to her.
“But fun,” added Twinkleshine with a bright smile. “We meet up in Ponyville every so often, have a few laughs, talk about things. It’s not the same without Lemon Hearts, lately.”
“She’s tied up at work in the castle?” asked Jon.
“No, she’s off with Moon Dancer in Germany,” said Twinkleshine. “Lemon Hearts is working at the castle.”
“She’s working at the castle and in Germany?” asked Jon, trying not to sound confused.
“No, Lemon Hearts is working in Germany. Lemon Hearts is still here in the castle, handling events for Princess Celestia.” Twinkleshine frowned at him. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“Uh…” Jon thought about it for a short time before Spike interrupted his broken chain of thought.
“I thought Lemon Hearts worked in Princess Cadence’s office, keeping her schedule?”
“Oh, she does,” said Twinkleshine. “It keeps her close to her mother.”
The light glimmered dimly in Jon’s head. “Is her name Lemon Hearts too?”
Twinkleshine nodded while Jon thought about how many Jon’s were in his own family tree.
“Um, Spike?” Twinkleshine bobbed her head at where Twilight Sparkle had settled in behind the office desk with several books floating around her. “Could you watch her and tidy up a tad? I’ve got something I’d like to ask Doctor Walthers. In private.”
“No problem.” Spike promptly scooped a discarded book from a nearby chair and started to climb a bookcase to replace it, a task that seemed a little dangerous for a baby dragon, even if he bragged about being so tough. He was on his way down to retrieve a second book when the door swung closed under the influence of Twinkleshine’s magic and cut off Jon’s view.
“She’s good for a few minutes,” said Twinkleshine, nudging Jon down the hallway a few yards. “Twilight always has to check every book she finds to make sure she’s already read it. So…” The pale white unicorn looked up at Jon from under a poofy curl of pink mane over her horn, preparing obvious questions which he felt an obligation to squelch first.
“I have a very professional relationship with my student,” said Jon. “Princess Celestia would have nothing less. My goal is to help her find friends.”
“So… a labor of Hēraklês, then.” Twinkleshine rolled her eyes and let out her breath in a huff. “You’d think she’d have you clean the house regiment’s barracks, or something a little more probable.”
“Helping her make friends has been… difficult, I’ll admit.” Jon cast a quick glance back at the closed office door and lowered his voice. “It’s still very important. Princess Celestia has made it the highest priority.”
“Oh. The Princess.” Twinkleshine’s tongue emerged just enough to run around the edges of her lips. “I suppose… You know, the girls are having a little get together for Moondancer tomorrow morning.”
“I thought she was in Germany?” Jon thought back. “With Lemon Hearts.”
“She is.” Twinkleshine ground the tip of one hoof into the corridor tiles. “We were going to box up a present for her, since she’s been stuck in Europe. A few things to remind them of home, some photographs. A box of Lemon Hearts’ lemon cookies. It would be nice, I suppose, to have Twilight there. If she can make it, of course. Without you dragging her there by the tail.”
Jon slowly nodded his head. “I assure you, no tail dragging. Also, I have a camera and a movie camera, so you can send a roll of film for their projector.”
Twinkleshine perked up. “We could make humorous placards showing how much we missed them.”
“It would be a good opportunity for Twilight to reconnect with her friends, both here and abroad,” added Jon.
“If you can get her there,” cautioned Twinkleshine with a twinkle in her eyes. “She can show off her new coltfriend.”
“Not a coltfriend,” cautioned Jon. “Just a friend. Celestia brought me here.”
Twinkleshine shook her head. “Celestia has her own ways of dealing with heat, but Twilight?” She clucked her tongue. “She needs help. It’s pretty obvious.”
“Not from here!” objected Jon, although with his voice held low as not to carry down the corridor to any curious ears.
“Look, we tried to set up Twilight with some stallions from school, but the ones who knew her stayed away, and the ones who didn’t, ran away afterward.”
Jon could not really argue with that statement of historical fact.
“So Celestia got her a human,” concluded Twinkleshine.
Now that was something he could argue about. “Our relationship is strictly platonic. Plato, even. Teacher and student.”
“Hey, we know all about humans,” said Twinkleshine with a girlish giggle. “All of the fun, none of the foals.”
Backed into a logical corner, Jon grabbed for his only available lifeline. “I’m actually in a relationship. A weird relationship, I suppose,” he added without really thinking about it.
“Just one?” Twinkleshine nudged him in the thigh with one elbow. “You know, friends share.”
“An exclusive relationship,” added Jon rapidly. “Very special. And she’s very protective.”
“Can’t blame a girl for trying. With all the guards out of the castle, the nights are getting long and cold.” Twinkleshine shrugged and turned back to walk down the corridor again. “Anyway, see if you can get Twilight and Spike out in the west castle courtyard around mid-morning tomorrow, and we’ll kick up one heck of a party, Canterlot style.”
Lemon Hearts is Equestria's George Foreman.
Love the line about learning to run fast or eat hospital food
4908303
She's a lovely and useful grill?
4908326 Hey, in the (checks) six years (Omg, it's been *that* long) that I've written for the fandom, the naughtiest thing I've written is Changelings, Love and Lollipops, because that's the only one that comes right out and admits to the act in question. Which is the reason I've never sent it in to EqD, because they'd bounce it, and if I de-naughtied it down to EqD standards, it would lose a lot of its charm.
Just remember the 1940 story is written in a time-period where birth control is problematic, for ponies and people, and in this story Jon Walthers is the only human in Canterlot, with the only *other* human who visited the capital city being Wrong Way Corrigan, who crashed his airplane into Celestia's tower ten years before. The end story will be T rated, although Nightshade will be trying to flirt Jon into bed throughout. Mostly because it's fun. And unresolved sexual frustration and perplexity is fun too.
Despite his best efforts, Jon’s eyes swept upward to take into account the lack of the Unicornian Crown on the rumpled princess, as well as the missing Pegasus Peytral, thus making Princess Celestia about as naked as he had seen her outside of the baths, and thus most likely to have been roused directly from her bed to deal with Twilight’s panic fit. Thankfully, Celestia did not laugh at his obvious discomfort, but she did smile and settle back down on her cushion behind the desk.
“Thank you, Doctor Walthers. You know, of all the humans I’ve dealt with over the years, I do believe that you are the most… comfortable I’ve been with.”
“Thank you, Your Highness,” said Jon while surreptitiously letting out his held breath. “I’ve found you to be quite comfortable too. Although not in the same way as Nightshade. Oh, God that came out wrong. We’re not sharing a bed. Well, we are sharing the bed I suppose since her work hours run counter to mine and it cuts down on her commute but I don’t want to share a bed with you and oh God what—”
The bottom of Princess Celestia’s bare hoof felt warm across his upper lip, a hefty chunk of equine weapony placed across his mouth as delicately as a butterfly might land on a flower, matching the quiet giggle she was sharing at his expense.
“Mister Walthers,” she started, “we’re not that kind of friend.”
4908330 Didn't realize I'd have to translate: George Foreman has 12 children, five sons and seven daughters. His sons are named George, George, George, George, and George, which probably makes it easier to call them in for dinner.
And we own a George Foreman grill. Works wonderfully, and a lot easier than firing up the charcoal.
4908342
I was aware, that was solely for the crappy pun.
4908415 Yeah, she's also so hot she sizzles! :)
4908333
Erm, I wasn't complaining or anything, it actually made me laugh, I just didn't express that clearly.
4908342
He also has a daughter named George(tta)
This will be my first pony con. Hope to see you around.