Rogue Galaxy Abridged, Part II · 2:08pm Jun 19th, 2018
Act III: Tied Up In Red Tape
-or-
MIO Culpa
Jaster, Simon, and Lilika form a landing party to handle the "mission" of renewing the visa.
Zerard is a highly-advanced planet, with shining roads, towering buildings, flying cars, and thousands of beings of every imaginable shape, size, and color roaming around. It's also the headquarters of the Galaxy Corporation and home to the Daytron Starship Factory. Lilika is amazed at the incredible sights which are so very different from her planet, but doesn't want to linger because the air smells bad to her. Simon is enthusiastic about the entire trip, because Zerard is his homeworld.
Right off the bat, it's obvious something is wrong, as a lot of the people milling around are complaining about computer errors causing massive delays at the spaceport and Galaxy Corporation.
The trio arrives at the visa renewal counter to find a young, overly perky girl with long pink hair and an annoyingly cutesy voice working there. This is Zerard's #1 idol singer, actress, and Galaxy Corporation spokesidol, MIO.
Lilika hates her on sight. So do 90% of the people playing this game for the first time.
And 80% of people playing it the second time.
And at least 50% of people playing it the third or fourth or fifth time.
MIO tells the group that visa renewals are suspended due to a computer malfunction, but she does it in an annoyingly cutesy and condescending way that pisses Lilika off. MIO suddenly stepping aside to take pictures with two members of her fan club doesn't help matters. Ever the hot-head, Lilika boils over and demands an explanation. At the exact second she slams her fist on the counter, there's a huge explosion in the background. A whole swarm of stormtroopers arrive to investigate the commotion, and MIO waves them over, proclaiming Jaster, Simon, and Lilika to be the "bad guys". Even though the explosion happened at least ten meters away from where they were standing. She bases her entire accusation on the fact that Lilika yelled at her. While the troopers are beating the crap out of the party, MIO makes this overly cute and incredibly annoying speech about why people like our heroes deserve to be locked up in Rosencaster Prison, and begs them to turn over a new leaf. As the trio are carted away, with Lilika's angry cries of rage echoing into the sky...
We pan outside to see Zegram in the shadow of a pillar, juggling a grenade. The bastard set Jaster and the others up!
Jaster, Simon, and Lilika are dragged off to Rosencaster prison (without a trial or even getting a chance to tell their side of the story) on trumped-up charges of being Draxian spies. There, they meet the warden, a man who's on an obvious power trip and looks dangerously insane.
Guess what, boys and girls? It's wacky jailbreak time.
Hanging out in the back of the cell the party is thrown into is a mysterious short catlike dude in a hooded cloak, who seems to have a way to get out of the prison. But before we find out what that may be, we get another cutscene involving the two MIO otaku from before. It turns out these two are prison guards at Rosencaster Prison!
During this scene, we find out something disturbing: the MIO fan club cards are very high-tech, and the image of MIO on the card changes depending on what MIO happens to be wearing at the time. So while these two doofuses are squealing over MIO's pajamas, two stormtroopers creep behind them and walk right up to the cell where our group and their new hooded friend are...and just open up the cell and let everyone out. Furthermore, the guy in the cell knew Jaster and company were pirates!
Of course, no wacky jailbreak is ever that simple. This one makes the jailbreak in Chrono Trigger look like the opening scene of Final Fantasy VI. It's insanely long and crawling with truly dangerous enemies.
As the party ascends through the bowels of this rank prison, we (the player) learn that Rosencaster is experimenting on the prisoners, turning them into horribly mutated beasts.
While escaping, the party stumbles across the remains of the enormous beast that attacked Salgin way back at the beginning of the game. While hiding from a couple of guards, they overhear Galaxy Corp CEO Valkog's executive assistant, Norma, grumbling about the waste of money this "pile of garbage" was, and contemplating a reorganization of Rosencaster Prison.
We, the player, also learn that Galaxy Corporation wants an army of artificial human soldiers, and Rosencaster's willingness to provide it is actually fueled by his desire to bring a dead loved one back to life through SCIENCE!!
During the escape, the party discovers the research lab where Rosencaster is experimenting with artificial humans. The helpful fellow who aided their escape is grabbed by Rosencaster himself, who then attempts to kill the party. After Rosencaster is defeated, a squadron of stormtroopers show up and begin shooting at everyone in the room. The party and their fellow inmate make a break for it. After they've escaped, Norma enters the room, delivers the classic corny "You're fired" line, and caps Rosencaster in the head.
Outside the prison, more patrol cars show up, but the old prisoner with the party says it's okay, they're friends of his. He doesn't give his name, but the stormtroopers who just arrived seem loyal to him, and he takes off with them after praising Jaster.
So after all that, the gang is ready to go try to renew their visa again. Because, you know, three escaped convicts walking right into the headquarters of Galaxy Corporation just a few hours after they were dragged off by the stormtroopers makes complete sense.
When the gang reaches the center of town, they find a crowd gathered in the plaza, watching a giant hologram of the guy they just broke out of jail with, except now he's in an elaborate military uniform! It turns out this guy is the commander-in-chief of the Longardian military! He's making a speech about a need for military cutbacks and a move to embrace peace with the Draxians. Since Longardia is heavily pro-war, that's part of why he was imprisoned.
While this is going on, Zegram walks into the prison to find Rosencaster, who's just barely still alive, but obviously not long for this world. He makes a speech about what a fool Rosencaster is to do everything he's done for love, then admits he can understand the feeling. The dying Rosencaster is trying to grab hold of a photo he dropped of Claudia, the woman he loved. Zegram bends down, places the photo in Rosencaster's hand, and says, "This time, don't let her go."
After this, the party takes three steps into the town square...and triggers the first scene with Miyoko and Chie. The first of MANY.
Miyoko is a young woman looking for her husband Sho. Chie is her very young daughter. It seems that Sho worked at a chemical plant, but was caught in a huge explosion. He survived, but afterwards, he disappeared from the hospital. Since then, Miyoko and Chie have been roaming the galaxy searching for him.
After they show up, Simon starts acting strange, then decides he's going to go back to the ship and send Steve to join the party in his place.
Spoiler alert: Simon is Sho.
When the party returns to the Galaxy Corporation, MIO is STILL being a condescending bitch. Steve manages to keep Lilika from killing her long enough for her to inform the party that all of Zerard's computers are locked up because a hacker has taken control of the planetary mainframe at the Daytron Factory.
Because, you know, a city that spans an entire planet having just one mainframe that controls everything makes complete sense.
Since Daytron is offering a reward for the capture of the hacker, there's only one thing to do...
Go in there and vent our frustrations on him!
ANALYSIS
This is by far the most boring episode of the game. Unfortunately, the prison dungeon is far too large and the enemies will drive you insane until you unlock Jaster's Desert Wind Level 2 ability, which clears out every random encounter in one shot.
MIO's English dub voice is completely annoying, and her condescending attitude toward the party is undoubtedly the cause of much gnashing and grinding of teeth among players.
Act IV: The Numbuh One Hacker
-or-
Jupis Me Off
When the party arrives at the factory, the local law enforcement is in total disarray. Squads are disappearing left and right, and Inspector Starr is in a foul mood. The hacker who has taken over the factory is named Jupis Tooki McGonal, and he's regarded as the greatest genius hacker in the entire galaxy.
As our intrepid heroes show up, Inspector Starr tells them to buzz off. Steve is unimpressed by his rude behavior, and boldly introduces Jaster as THE Desert Claw. Shocked by this, Inspector Starr's tune completely changes, and he requests that Jaster please apprehend Jupis by any means necessary, and he may name ANY reward he wishes.
Lilika immediately turns into Faye Valentine.
Inside the factory, Jupis has taken control of everything, and in addition to all sorts of beasts, the factory robots are trying to kill our heroes too. Additionally, we learn there's someone else inside the factory, a researcher named Dr. Pocacchio, who's trying to counterhack Jupis from his own lab.
Deep in the assembly lines of the factory, our heroes encounter Dr. Pocacchio, trapped by a trio of ED-209s. After rescuing him, we learn that he's the man who created Steve.
Dr. Pocacchio takes the party to his office. Steve asks why he's in the factory. He explains that his son Mark, the only family he had, recently passed away. After that, his research suffered and he couldn't concentrate on what he was working on, so he decided to apply for the position of factory manager, which apparently doesn't require much in the way of concentration or actual work.
When the party finally arrives at the mainframe control room and confronts Jupis, the hacker reveals that he has one more ace up his sleeve: a giant robot! That looks remarkably similar to Gigantor. And has an AT Field that blocks everything the party throws at it. However, as things look their worst, Dr. Pocacchio shows up with a gun that breaks AT Fields! With this new weapon, the gang smashes up Jupis' big toy...but Jupis isn't done yet! He plays his final trump card: his robot turns red and starts breathing fire. Scary!
It doesn't take long to wreck Jupis' robot, and after the party drags him out of the wreckage, he tries to cry his way out of trouble. He lays a sob story on the gang about how he was fired because his lab assistant spilled coffee on the computer console just when he'd made a critical breakthrough on his research, and Daytron blamed him for the computer explosion and fired him. Jupis believes it's all a conspiracy against him, but he's crazy so whatever. When the stormtroopers arrive to arrest him, he throws a smoke bomb and runs away.
But good news! He's no longer Jaster's problem. After all, Jaster and crew did their part—the mainframe is no longer under Jupis' control. So, it's reward time. What do we get? Piles of cash? Cool skycars? Infinite bitches? No! We get...a whole goddamn FACTORY!
Infinite bitches would've been better, but hey.
After all this, we get a short scene with Dr. Pocacchio and Steve where Dr. Pocacchio asks Steve to write him a letter every week telling him what he's learned about the magic of friendship.
After ALL OF THIS, we go back to the Galaxy Corporation, and FINALLY renew the freaking visa. Third time's the charm!
And bizarrely enough, MIO also hands Jaster a fan club card. Attention whore much?
So, with all that taken care of, it's time to leave Zerard. Jaster and company head back to the Dorgenark...
...and find Jupis on the bridge! What the hell?
It seems that since Jupis is now a fugitive and all his usual haunts have been surrounded by stormtroopers, he's decided to join the Dorgengoa Pirates. He bribed his way on board with food for Kisala and First Mate Talking Cat.
Jaster takes some time to stretch his legs. He's up on deck enjoying the view when Simon and Steve come to fetch him. Seems Captain Dorgengoa finally awoke from his nap and wants to meet Desert Claw on the bridge.
When Jaster arrives, Talking Cat announces that Dorgengoa is coming out onto the bridge. Immediately, the crew hears a loud, bellowing yawn that shakes the entire ship! The curtains on the upper level of the bridge open, and a massive chair slides out, carrying THIS:
Oh my dear God in heaven, we're working for Jabba the Hutt.
Dorgenhutt asks if the crew ever found Desert Claw. Steve presents Jaster.
Guess what?
Dorgenhutt's actually MET Desert Claw. Desert Claw is a friend of his. And Jaster, sir, is no Desert Claw.
The jig is officially up.
Surprisingly, when Jaster's lie is revealed, the crew sticks up for him anyway! Kisala, Simon, and Steve plead for Dorgenhutt to let Jaster stay on. Dorgenhutt decides to test Jaster to see if he's worthy. But first, he decides to tell the crew what he's been scheming for some time.
"My ultimate goal...is the legendary lost planet of Eden!"
ANALYSIS
The Factory is a ridiculously huge and needlessly complex dungeon. It's also one of the most incredible environments to ever appear in a PlayStation 2 game. While the layouts are repetitive, it's worth noting that pretty much every floor of the factory has a transparent or metal mesh floor that you can see through, and there's all kinds of things going on beneath you at all times.
Jupis' character design seems to be a shout out to Level-5's previous game, Dark Chronicle. His species appears to have evolved from the Shigura sea dragons from that game.
Act V: Mine Your Own Business
-or-
The Cowboy Bebop Chapter
The crew reacts with varying degrees of surprise to Dorgenhutt's proclamation. Eden is a legendary planet that is said to have been more advanced than Zerard, loaded with riches, and that on Eden, there was even the possibility of eternal life. However, the legends say Eden disappeared from the galaxy more than ten thousand years ago. Dorgenhutt is determined to find and open the path to Eden and plunder it.
Hey, he IS a pirate. That's what pirates do.
Dorgenhutt explains that in order to open the path to Eden, first he needs the Great Tablets--the same tablets we learned in an earlier cutscene that Valkog is obsessed with.
As it so happens, a tablet was just excavated in the mines on Vedan. Jaster's mission is to go to Vedan and find out if the tablet they unearthed is one of the two Great Tablets.
As the crew departs to prepare for the mission, Zegram asks Dorgenhutt if he's going soft. Dorgenhutt replies that there's something special about Jaster. He felt something from Jaster that he's only felt once before—from the real Desert Claw.
Gee, wonder where THIS is going.
As Jaster and Kisala prepare to disembark, we're treated to a scene of Steve sending a friendship letter to Dr. Pocacchio. Only, Pocacchio remotely shuts Steve down, and a young boy emerges from him! The boy excitedly tells the doctor all about space travel and the ship's current mission.
Spoiler Alert: This is Mark Pocacchio, the good doctor's dead son. Steve is no ordinary robot. He's carrying around the soul of a dead boy and doesn't even know it.
Back to the plot: Jaster and Kisala head into the city of Myna to try to find a way to gain access to the mines.
Upon arriving in Myna, Jaster and Kisala witness a squad of Chicago-style mobsters (pinstripe suits, fedoras, Tommy guns, the works!) chasing down a short man in explorer's clothes with a freakishly long nose. This is Burton, an adventurer and archaeologist, and we'll be seeing a LOT of him. The mobsters decide our intrepid duo are involved with Burton and try to kill them. Thrashing them is obviously necessary, but it also means that the Dorgengoa Pirates are on the Morarty Family's radar now.
We learn from Burton that the place the miners all hang out is called Angela's Bar, so we decide to go there. On the way, we bump into Simon's wife and daughter again, and get to watch them be pitiful for a few uncomfortable minutes.
At Angela's Bar, we meet the proprietor, Angela, a stacked elf gal with a sultry voice and sad eyes, and Deego, a massive dog-man with an artificial arm. Angela is just about to take the pirates' drink orders when the doors burst open and Burton is thrown in. A mohawked mook with shades follows him, and then Vicious walks in. Sorry, I mean Gale. Gale walks in. Gale threatens Burton, threatens Jaster and Kisala, threatens Deego, and threatens Angela. Basically, he threatens everybody. He's very threatening. After he leaves, Burton, displaying his trademark suicidal lack of judgment, begs Deego to take him down into the mines to study the tablet. After several minutes of pestering, Deego decides to do it for a hefty fee. Since that tablet is what we're after too, we decide to tag along. As the group leaves, Angela stares morosely at an old framed photograph of herself, Deego, and Gale together, the two of them in Longardian uniforms. Hmm...
Our party ventures into the seediest part of this incredibly seedy town to buy an ID card off the black market to enter the mines. On their way out, they run into Gale and a squad of hitmen. After Jaster and company fight their way out of this mess, Burton shows up, screaming his head off. Someone torched Angela's Bar! The gang rushes over there to find Angela sitting across the street, watching the bar burn. After Deego comforts her, we get to watch a flashback, revealing the tale of the final disastrous mission Deego and Gale fought together while in the military. They were given misinformation about the ship they were attacking, and when Deego tried to end the battle, a civilian, frightened for his children, found a rifle and opened fire on Deego. Gale watched helplessly as Deego's right arm was torn to shreds by the blaster fire. After that, they both lost their will to fight and their pride as soldiers, and left the military.
Once we get to the mine entrance, Deego bullshits his way in, and we're off. The mine is a short but dangerous dungeon full of the nastiest monsters we've seen yet, including living active volcanos.
The first time we reach a teleporter in the mine, we cut away to Mark sending another friendship letter to his father. He gushes about how the mining tunnels go on for miles and miles.
Now, hold up here.
Steve isn't in the active party. At this point in the game, the active party is restricted, and it's just Jaster, Kisala, and Deego. Sooo...how can Mark know anything about the tunnels?
Anyway, at the lowest level of the mine, the party is intercepted by a massive mining mecha piloted by Gale. Deego makes an attempt to reason with Gale, telling him that selling his soul to the Morarty family won't help him get back everything he's lost, but Gale refuses to listen. After destroying the mining rig, Deego tells Jaster and Kisala to step back while he settles things with Gale one-on-one.
Thus begins the first of MANY duel bosses in this game.
Deego beats Gale, but it's a Pyrrhic victory—Daytron hauled away the Great Tablet. Furthermore, a Morarty escort ship fires at Gale, who's honestly shocked at this turn of events. Deego clues him in to the fact that they were just using him. With an ironic chuckle, Gale admits Deego was right. He also claims he had altrustic reasons for everything he did: he worked for Morarty because he believed the Tablet was going to bring peace to the galaxy. Gale gives Deego an old military coin as a memento, then leaves.
The group returns to the bar to learn Angela is gone. She's leaving town, and didn't leave a message. Kisala makes a cliche anime speech about love and standing on your own two feet yada yada, then they all head to the station.
Deego begs Angela not to leave, and she relents. Then he informs her he's leaving Vedan, going out into space to find "the part of me that can make you happy". Angela says she'll wait for him as long as it takes, or some crap like that.
Meanwhile, Gale faces down a Morarty hit squad. Zax Morarty informs him that his services are no longer required. Despite the injuries from his battle with Deego, Gale fights his way through a haze of gunfire to kill Zax, then guns down the entire hit squad.
After the battle, Gale is staggering away, when the little sunglasses-wearing mohawk runt who's been toadying him all along pulls a knife on him. It turns out the little runt was Zax's son. Gale never realized this, and he lets out an ironic chuckle as he falls down the steps. He lands at the bottom and reaches up for the stars, lamenting that he should have listened to Deego, and then dies.
You're gonna carry that weight.
ANALYSIS
OK, for everyone who's seen Cowboy Bebop, let me break it down: Deego is Spike, Jet, and Gren combined. The Morarty Family are the Red Dragons. Angela is Alisa and Julia combined. Gale is Vicious, except he gets Spike's death scene.
Got it? Good.
You thought you'd talk to a corporate drone, but it was me, MIO!
I don't know who told Norma that the Captain America bustier was a good idea, but I hope she shoots them later.
The comparison between Steve and early Twilight is a bit off-putting given the whole "soul of a dead boy" thing. It'd be like if Twilight were the reincarnation of Celestia's biological daughter.
... That's probably already a fanfic.
The last Deego/Angela scene feels more than a bit weird:
"Don't go."
"Okay."
"I'm leaving."
"Wait, what?"
In any case, greatly enjoying this so far.
The Dorgengoa image doesn't work...
4885542
Works just fine for me. Anybody else not seeing it?
Oh, I remember that damned prison break level.
I hated that part of the game, so much...
And I remember completely laughing my ass off at the reveal of Dorgengoa. I mean, Jesus Christ!
The level with Deego was one of my favorites to play.
Anyway, lots of fun reading this XD Looking forward to more!