Friendship is Card Games: Non-Compete Clause · 10:57am May 13th, 2018
It’s about time we got back to focusing on the Student Six. We're an episode behind the point that Season 5 gave us the first two-pony map mission, so we're overdue on the show revisiting this season’s new gimmick. 
I’m mildly proud of my calling Fluttershy as Teacher of the Month.
Huh. Nine full months of the School of Friendship being in operation, at minimum. Heck of a timeskip, though at least they’re using the term “month” again. “Teacher of the Moon” would just be silly.
Twilight. Think. Listen. Observe. I can understand her having faith in her friends, but allowing this entire farce to unfold is more than a little ridiculous. When Pinkie Pie is snarking about how bad the idea is, rethinking it is probably on the agenda. Or maybe she could’ve had Fluttershy tag along. Sure, that would’ve meant half the staff would be looking after one six-student class, but going by how Fluttershy suggested the two-teacher trip, she seems to have a mediating effect on the Dash-Applejack reaction.
Given Applejack’s idea for the field trip, it looks like those jokes about her using the students as free labor were right after all. Still, that seems like a rather tiny shed. Are we sure she wasn’t having the students build an outhouse?
All this electioneering. This is getting uncomfortably political.
To be fair, any building on Sweet Apple Acres that receives narrative focus has better than even odds of getting horrifically demolished.
There are actually some nice character moments as everyone prepares for the canoe race. Gallus consulting Sandbar to see if the record actually is a thing for ponies, Smolder catching Ocellus’s paddle for her, Ocellus trying to help Yona with her own anti-anxiety techniques… It’s subtle, but appreciated.
I’m going to assume that Applejack’s obsession with slow paddling is an act of deliberate sabotage. Though that technique looks really uncomfortable for the thumbless students.
The canoe is motionless even when no one’s paddling, despite the water’s visible flow. The crap? To say nothing of it going straight when all of the paddling is on one side, but that can be brushed off as a necessity for proper blocking in the scene.
“Biteacuda”? Really? I guess the exaggerated teeth and bat-wing fins distinguish them from barracuda.
Interesting note with the rescue: Ocellus has gotten enough self-confidence since the premiere to let herself take on more attractive forms. Or she was focusing more on saving her friend than making herself unattractive enough to ignore. Or both.
Also, as Applejack and Dash blame each other for the crash, you can hear Silverstream and Ocellus transform in the background. Nice detail.
Way to chew out your friends in front of the students, Twilight. I’m sure that won’t undermine their authority at all.
“I thought you were past that.” So did we. Especially when there’s something more important at stake than a trophy.
Aaaand now they’re overcompensating. Sigh. At least it sends the message that one can have too much of a good thing.
Look, no amount of Scooby-Doo door gags are going to make up for a poorly paced scene that drives its one joke into the ground and keeps going. I know we don’t have a Diamond Dog student, but that is not the way to find one.
The bit where AJ and Dash discuss how to cross the ravine reminds me of more than one discussion my RPG playgroups have had. The simple solution obviously won’t work (or just never occurs to anyone,) so they/we spend the better part of an hour discussing an elaborate plan for a simple obstacle while the GM desperately wants the plot to move on.
Seriously, why do the fish have wings? And can they all fly, or did Ocellus tweak the base form’s capabilities? And did she mean to make herself larger to make herself intimidating, or is there a minimum size for her shapeshifting?
Hey, it’s more interesting than anything AJ and Dash do this episode, and that includes dangling over their doom.
While I appreciate Twilight seeing through the students’ impression of the trip, that only highlights how she shouldn’t have let it go through when these two were on a competition kick.
On an unrelated note, I hadn’t noticed how much crystal was worked into the School of Friendship’s aesthetic. I wonder if Twilight’s castle has somehow integrated the school into itself in the intervening months. Trees have roots, after all.
When I saw the synopsis for this episode, I expected teeth-clenched teamwork along the lines of “Pinkie Apple Pie.” Instead, we got “Fall Weather Friends.” Protip: If a plot in Season 8 relies on the characters behaving exactly as they did in Season 1, there might be an issue. Granted, given that this was this writer’s first outing in Equestria, it’s entirely possible that this is a case of convergent evolution (i.e. she didn’t know this was well-trodden ground.)
A very charitable read of this episode might have Dash using this as revenge for Applejack nearly ruining the Las Pegasus trip for her, but that doesn’t excuse the behavior of Fruit Horse. It was nice to see the Student Six get some use, to get another page in the Equestrian bestiary, and to acknowledge that excessive subordination can be just as harmful as glory hogging, but this episode was largely a steaming pile. Let’s see what I can pull out of it.
Inopportune Photo W
Instant
Tap target creature.
Investigate (Create a colorless Clue artifact token with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.”)
Sometimes one flashbulb can do what a thousand spears cannot.
On the Rocks 1W
Instant
On the Rocks deals 3 damage to target attacking or blocking creature
Awaken 2 — 2WW (If you cast this spell for 2WW, also put two +1/+1 counters on target land you control and it becomes a 0/0 Elemental creature token with haste. It’s still a land.)
Wonderbolt Maneuver 2W
Instant
Creatures you control with flying get +2/+1 until end of turn. Other creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.
”Coordination, cooperation, timing… There’s no part of being a Wonderbolt that isn’t about teamwork.”
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
Favored Teacher 1U
Creature — Pegasus Advisor
Flying
When Favored Teacher enters the battlefield or at the beginning of your upkeep, draw a card. Then the player with the fewest cards in hand gains control of Favored Teacher. If two or more players are tied for fewest cards in hand, you choose one of them, and that player gains control of Favored Teacher.
1/3
Teach by Counterexample 2U
Enchantment
2U, Discard a card: Counter target spell that shares a card type with the discarded card.
Sometimes the most valuable lesson is what not to do.
Neural Mauler 3U
Creature — Fish Mutant
Flying
Evolve
Whenever Neural Mauler evolves, target opponent reveals cards from the top of their library until they reveal a land card, then puts those cards into their graveyard.
2/1
Forced Cooperation 7U
Sorcery
Undaunted (This spell costs 1 less to cast for each opponent.)
Gain control of two target creatures.
”The easy solution is rarely the best one, but it still solves the problem.”
—Starlight Glimmer
Insufferable Boaster 1BB
Creature — Pegasus Warrior
Flying
Whenever Insufferable Boaster deals combat damage to a player, sacrifice a creature.
”Who cares if I burn my bridges? I can fly.”
4/2
Ceaseless Competitor 2B
Creature — Pony Warrior
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Ceaseless Competitor unless you sacrifice all other creatures you control with power greater than or equal to Ceaseless Competitor’s power.
”You’re either the best or you’re nothing.”
4/3
Hasty Construction 2R
Sorcery
You may put an artifact card from your hand or graveyard onto the battlefield. It gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step. If that artifact would leave the battlefield, exile it instead of putting it anywhere else.
Nail Driver 2R
Creature — Pegasus Shaman
Flying
Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell that targets a single creature or planeswalker, that spell gains trample. (It can deal excess damage to its target’s controller.)
She’s always quick to get to the point.
2/1
Hammerhoof Yak 4R
Creature — Ox Warrior
Improvise (Your artifacts can help cast this spell. Each artifact you tap after you're done activating mana abilities pays for 1.)
Hammerhoof Yak has trample and haste as long as you control two or more tapped artifacts.
4/4
Roof Slam 5R
Sorcery
Choose one —
• Destroy target artifact or land.
• Roof Slam deals 5 damage to target creature or planeswalker.
Brining the whole house down is usually overkill.
Companionable Blossom 1G
Creature — Plant
Soulbond (You may pair this creature with another unpaired creature when either enters the battlefield. They remain paired for as long as you control both of them.)
At the beginning of your upkeep, if Companionable Blossom is paired with another creature, create a 0/1 green Plant creature token.
0/3
Honest Labor 1G
Sorcery
Distribute two +1/+1 counters among one or two target creatures.
Flashback 4G (You may cast this spell from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)
There’s always more to be done.
Arboreal Archway 2G
Creature — Plant Wall
Defender
Arboreal Archway can block an additional creature each combat.
Whenever Arboreal Archway blocks two or more creatures, it gets +2/+2 until end of turn.
1/4
Wander in Circles 3G
Instant
If you control a Forest, you may put a +1/+1 counter on a creature you don’t control rather than pay this spell’s mana cost.
Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt by creatures with power 4 or less this turn.
”At least it’s a good workout.”
—Gallus, friendship student
Upstream Canoe 2
Artifact — Vehicle
Whenever one or more creatures crew Upstream Canoe, exert them. (They won’t untap during your next untap step.)
Crew 2 (Tap any number of creatures you control with total power 2 or greater: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)
5/5
School of Biteacuda 1UB
Creature — Fish
Menace
Whenever School of Biteacuda deals combat damage to a player, that player puts that many cards from the top of their library into their graveyard.
They strip flesh from bone and thought from brain.
2/1
Divided They Fall 4RW
Instant
Cast this spell only during combat after attackers are declared.
Choose one —
• Destroy all attacking creatures.
• Destroy all nonattacking creatures attacking player controls.
I haven't seen this episode, and it sounds like I'm better off skipping it. Maybe I'll watch it when the entire season is available for streaming. Binge-watching a season can make the bad episodes stand out less.
It's too bad, though, because when the Friendship School was introduced, I thought that this meant the series was going in the direction of the Mane Six passing on their wisdom to the next generation. Since the Mane Six and Spike don't have much more to learn, the students would be the ones learning the friendship lessons. But no, I guess that would make too much sense.
I realized last night the best part of this episode was the students, and that's fucking terrible because I still hate them. :|
Also, am I the only one who noticed, in the final fadeout argument, Rainbow Dash shouting "No one understands your country bumpkin talk!"
Like
Fuck's sake, show staff, I know you all hate Applejack, but don't fucking channel that through the other characters. <.< God, this season is a shitshow.
yeah, this was easily the weakest episode of the season. Shame because I've otherwise really been enjoying it so far.
Highlight of the episode: Seapony and Bitecuda Ocellus
Ha, you carded the flowerpot.
The students saved this episode for me. that's all i have to say.
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Sadly, that would require the episode writer to know what she's doing. At least the potential's there for fanfics.
But yeah, you can safely give this one a miss. Most important takeaways are Equestria is still a pastel-colored deathworld and Ocellus is cute as seapony.
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Shapeshifters often make for fun characters.
4859510
How could I not make a card out of one of the best moments of the episode? Especially when I could literally make it better at teamwork than AJ and Dash's cards.
4859511
Without question. Not just the little character moments, but also how they were visibly suffering along with us in the second act. Misery loves company and all that.
This was one of the worst episodes ever. Not even the students being amazing salvaged it.
I'm not going to say the episode is good, but it's in the upper half of this season. They weren't deliberately sabotaging each other, which made it infinitely more watchable than Grannies Gone Wild, and being ridiculously competitive over stupid things is in character for Applejack and Rainbow Dash, so it wasn't as terrible as Fake It Til You Make It.
So it's on par with (and has roughly the same problems as) Maud Couple (exaggerated characterization), Parent Map (repetitive cringey competition swapping to cringey 'cooperation'), Surf and/or Turf (stupid argument resolved by not actually making a decision), and Horse Play (forcing ponies to do something you know they're going to fail at long past the point of reason).
On the plus side, people actually hate it instead of somehow thinking it's good like the previous terrible episodes, which gives it a few points in my book.
Thanks for the review, summary, + cards!
Typo:
Brining > bringing
4859540
They know us so well.
PS: Ocellus and Silverstream are best students.
Eh, this episode fell a little flat for me. I wouldn't call it bad -- although Twilight falling into her wise and serene princess routine while at the same time completely failing to notice AJ and RD snarling into each other's faces was a tad frustrating -- but it wasn't terribly memorable overall. To be fair, though, "Horse Play" and "The Parent Map" were a heck of a tough show to follow.
On the upsides... well, Ocellus' shapeshifting was neat, it's nice to see the changelings' main gimmick get more mileage than it did in their villainous days. The biteacudas were an interesting new addition to the bestiary, especially by virtue of how close their little patch of wilderness is to the School and Castle (seriously, they were just on the other side of the mountains the School is built into. A stroll of perhaps a couple miles at most from an alicorn's castle and a largish town in the country's heartland and you're already in monster territory), although I would've liked to see their wings put to some use. Applejack telling the students to row slowly was doubtlessly done out of spite.
I'm surprised so many people didn't like this episode. Not because I thought it was good, but because usually what I consider a bad or mediocre episode still gets a pass for most of the fandom, and this didn't strike me as particularly worse than any of the bad episodes from last season that people seemed to like.
I wouldn't even accept this in Season 1. People are talking about how regressive this seemed for both characters, but holy hell AJ deserves some credit. She gave her students hard hats and goggles while Dash was destroying the construction site. AJ wanted to keep everyone safe and happy, Dash wanted to send everyone through a pack of barracuda, and didn't even check if the students could swim. AJ was using her class to get an award, but you shouldn't leave your kid near Dash. She was more petty and indifferent than in Double Rainboom.
Bull crap I'm accepting this. If someone's ever put in charge of a piece of property watch by millions, and worth tens of millions, that someone isn't too important to sit down and binge watch that series.