Chrysalis Finds True Love - Build a Story Workshop - Contributors Wanted · 5:25am Jul 23rd, 2017
Since so many people are off at the San Diego ComicCon, it's a little quiet around here. Too quiet.
There's a link on the Authors Helping Author's blog about a romance one of our authors was looking for help with. I left a comment. Then I got to thinking. Does anybody else want to contribute? If it gets over a thousand words, I'll publish and give credit (or blame).
Love Opens Even The Hardest Hearts
"Behold!" cackled Chrysalis as the shapeless form of black stone began to coalesce in front of her. "The doom of Twilight Sparkle and her friends! I shall call you..." She stopped to think for a moment. After all, whatever she called the abomination would be fairly set in -- pardon the phrase -- stone for the life of the creature.
"Steve?" suggested one of the nearby drones.
"Ethan!" said another.
"Fluffykins," put in a third.
(more below the break)
"Shut up!" snapped Chrysalis. "I'm trying to think." She looked deep into the glowing red eyes of the vaguely pony-shaped monster and grinned. "Vengeance! Your name shall be Vengeance!"
The stone creature nodded, ever so slowly, making Chrysalis consider if perhaps she would have been better off creating a monster out of protoplasm instead. After all, Vengeance had several hundred kilotrots to go in order to reach Ponyville, and at the rate he was moving so far, even Princess Twilight would die of old age before he got there.
"Greetings, Mistress, " rumbled the creature, taking one slow step forward and dropping down onto a 'knee.' "I live to serve you, obey your every command, your wish is my desire." It looked up with the dark flames in its eyes sparkling with little pink hearts. "My love."
"What?!" Chrysalis took a step back and rapidly went over the golem creation process in her mind, looking for some sort of mistake. She had formed the body out of clay, baked it in the living heart of a volcano, impressed her magic upon it... some of which was most probably contaminated by the love she had stolen from Prince Shining Armor. Oh, eggshells.
"Let me take you in my arms," rumbled the creature. "Gently, of course, so you will not be injured. We will sup on molten sulfur under the light of the moon and dance in the lava fields until dawn..."
(Feel free to contribute in the comments. Keep it to T rating at worst, please. Or best. You know what I mean.)
That sounds... interesting. I think this would need quite a conflict, some external pressure so that Onyx can't just worm his way into Chrysalis's heart so easily b/c base don yhour characterization..... well it sounds like the story will need it.
Hmmm... I can see Vengeance the Love Golem being WAY to clingy for Chrysalis' tastes and of course she'll decide to go to Cadence for help to get the golem to stop loving her so she can use it for its intended purpose of destroying Twilight.
Shenanigans ensue.
Comedy of errors bit where a fleeing Chrysalis in ponyville keeps swapping disguises while pursued by unstoppable love golem. A fleet of shippers, unaware of the Chrysalis component, go comatose from the rapidfire implications.
Chrysalis swiftly backed away from the besotted creature in front of her, her mind whirring. No, she couldn't let one little error like this get in the way of justice, even now, long after that disaster of a wedding Shining Armour's love was still a thorn in her carapace. Considering the situation a small smile started to stretch across her face, she was the Changeling Queen. If there was one being who knew how to twist love to her own ends. It was her.
"Vengeance, my love," she crooned, carefully approaching her creation. He had just said he didn't want her hurt her but she had bestowed him with the strength of a hundred hunky stallions, and she didn't want to risk injury. "I want all of that too, I truly do. However, I'm so busy at the moment, so much that needs to be done. I just don't have the time right now."
With a speed belying his bulk the stony creature stretched and wrapped a large rocky arm around her, drawing her close with surprising gentleness. Chrysalis let out a less than queenly squeak at the sudden movement but then found herself unexpectedly relaxing into the creatures grip. It's clay flesh was still pleasantly warm from it's forging and the grip spoke of restrained power making her feel oddly protected. In addition, the creature despite it's unnatural origin released soft waves of love that made her mouth water.
"Of course, my love bug," intoned Vengeance. "Heavy is the head that bears the crown... crown shaped antenna?" the creature cocked it's head in slight confusion. "Is there anything I can do to reduce your burden my queen? Any task I can take on for you? A hoof massage maybe?"
That sounded wonderful, thought Chrysalis, as the large stony fingers started to prod at her back. The life of an evil monarch was so much more stressful than most ponies thought. It wasn't all fun, there was so much standing around, shouting and the paperwork! A hive didn't just run itself. No, she shook herself and pulled away from the golem's grasp, maybe once it had crushed her enemies she would have a chance to relax. "Well there is something you can do for me," she said forcing her mind back to the original plan. "There are a few naughty, evil, spiteful mares that have been giving me such a headache recently, do you think you can do anything about then, Vengy, darling?" she crooned drawing a hoof along his literally sculpted abs. "If they were out of the way, then I'd have so much more time to spend with my special some...rock?"
Vengeance draw itself up to it's rather impressive full height. "Anything for you, my goddess! I will not rest until your troubles have been dealt with! Nothing will stop me from carrying out your will. Your ageless beauty will be in my heart as I set out on this task!"
Chrysalis smiled even wider, for a artificial creature Vengeance really knew what to say to make a tyrant feel special. "Good, good. Now go, go be my instrument of destruction on my enemies! Destroy Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadence and..." she paused for a moment, "maybe Starlight Shimmer as well? I'm not sure where this takes place in continuity," she shrugged, "well if I don't hate her yet, I'm sure I will in the future. Whoever she is!"
Turning, the rocky creature stomped away towards the distant town of Ponyville. With a crash the wall of the hive which had been blocking it's way was crushed to rubble. Chrysalis watched as it slowly moved off into the distance like a slow motion landslide but with better flanks. "Good luck, Vengy!" she called waving a hoof as it disappeared over the horizon, before blowing a kiss. She sighed the hive seemed a little darker and colder now that Vengeance had left it.
"What?!" she snarled at a nearby drone who had paused in its task of trying to lift the rubble caused by Vengeance's departure off one of his hivemates. He was looking at her rather funnily.
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Vengeance marched on.
Through sandstorm and rainstorm, Vengeance marched on.
Through rain, sleet, snow, and off-the-books liquid rainbow dumping, Vengeance marched on.
Vengeance's procession continued heedless of any obstacle. Those it could not simply walk through—literally, in some cases—it walked over. Those it could not walk over, it walked around.
Then it reached the ocean.
Vengeance stared at the waves for a time, as though assessing which preposition would be necessary to traverse them. Finally, it rumbled, "I am fairly certain the enemies of my cuddlebug live on this continent," picked a direction at random, and resumed its course.
After all, surely Chryssy-poo enjoyed long, romantic walks over the pulverized bodies of lesser stones.
It took two days before Chrysalis realized something important. It took another five before she could bring herself to voice the question in front of one of the drones. "Where is Ponyville from here?"
Her fan bearer gave an uncertain chitter. "No idea, Your Porousness."
Chrysalis sneered at the worthless grub. "That was a test. One you just failed. Thus you see why you fools need me." She didn't know either, but at least she didn't admit it so easily.
"Does your golem know what Twilight Sparkle and the princess of food even look like?"
Not at all. "Obviously. I encoded their hideous, fleshy faces into the very heart of its animation spells. Now stop questioning your queen; you have much more important duties to worry about."
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It was on the tenth day that she decided she had to do something.
Sure, Vengeance was a ten ton, virtually indestructible killing machine created with the one purpose of crushing her enemies, but what if he got cold? What is he was lonely? She felt a stabbing pain to her primary heart and quickly switched to a backup, but the uncomfortableness continued. What if he found another villainess? Certainly there was no-one out there anywhere near her league in either looks or evilness, but there were a few pretenders who might try to turn her loverock... er... minion's head. Nightmare moon had a certain dark glamor despite the whole turning good thing, and she'd heard rumours of a broken horned unicorn with airship who was an up and coming contender. There might be others as well, she was sure there were some dimensions where becoming a magical powered queen was practically a yearly event.
Leaping up from her sleeping cacoon she readied herself for action. She noticed that while she had been thinking one of her legs had scratched 'Chryssy + Vengy 4 evar' in the slime, she hurriedly rubbed it out with a wave if her aura.
"Minions! I am leaving!" she pronounced.
"Where are you going my queen?" asked a nearby drone.
"I am going to investigate how my Stonypoo, I mean how Vengeance's mission is progressing. I would like to see in person the destruction of my enemies!"
"Of course your most highness. I will prepare an honour guard as soon as possible."
"No! I will go alone! Nopony can threaten me!" She didn't need any third wheels, plus she wanted to stop off somewhere on the way. As she had been hurled out of Canterlot she had noticed a shop which made matching t-shirts, maybe Vengeance needed something to tell everyone just whose hooves he belonged in. Plus it'd keep him nice and snug.
"Of course your buggyness," proclaimed the drone as his mistress flew past in a buzz of wings.
"And no parties while I'm gone!" she said returning a moment later.
"Awww!" exclaimed the numerous Changelings starting to hang banners from the roof.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON
But, from what I understand, the concept seems sound.
Oh! Oh! Can I play too?
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*sigh*
Chrysalis sighed and rubbed the bridge of her muzzle in exasperation.
*sigh*
She sighed again to see if it would help.
It did not.
Contrary to what many ponies (and other sapient beings) believed, authoritarian dictatorship was work. Hard, boring work. Every Queen with an army supporting her had an even larger army of bureaucrats supporting them in turn which required a veritable forest of paperwork to process.
Pheromones were all well and good for lesser and more primitive hives, but the modern hive in the modern era requires modern techniques. Paper to keep track of love being brought in, paper to track waste brought out. Paper reports from her intelligence network to keep enemies away, paper missives and treaties to keep allies close. Paper to order her armies abroad and paper to order her subjects at home. Paper to keep the lights on, the water running, the food producing, and the trains running on thyme. Love may be the lifeblood of the hive and the Queen its beating heart and brain, but paper was its nervous system, carrying her will to the furthest reaches of her empire.
Now if she could only get her drones to stop chewing up all the paper and converting it into bedding.
*sigh*
She glanced one last time from the latest report from Vengeance's vengeance. It was far less impressive than she imagined it would go.
This would be far more impressive if it did not refer to ice cream parlours across Equestria. Not quite the glorious campaign of terror she had initially imagined.
Everybug needed to start somewhere she supposed. Grubling steps it was then. Tomorrow she would clarify her instructions to Vengeance. There will be destruction! And flames! She will see her enemies driven before her Vengance and drink in the lamentations of their stallions. But first her beauty sleep.
Chrysalis cricked the kinks out of her neck, stood up, took a deep breath and flexed.
*crraack*
Her exoskeleton split from dock to horn and opened up like Equestria's most horrifying birthday present. Chrysalis stepped out of her old shell, kicked it aside all crumpled and grey, and wriggled into her bed, as soft and squishy as the day she grew into an instar and ate all her weaker sisters. She cuddled a little Shining plushy to her chest and drifted off to sleep, dreaming of peaches and hunky stallions in silk socks giving her hoof massages.
Chrysalis awoke with a start. Something was wrong. In the pitch darkness of her Royal Vestibule, she could not see or sense anything amiss, but the icy cold feeling drove a frisson of fear through her barrel and a spike of adrenaline through her head.
Danger. Attack. Assassin. NIGHTMARE.
Chrysalis readied a blast spell on her horn, closed her eyes tightly, and cast a quick, dazzling triple flash-bulb spell to dazzle any would-be boudoir bandits.
*pop* *pop* *pop*
Chrysalis blinked away the after-images and lit the room's glowshrooms to reveal—
Ice cream.
Hundreds upon hundreds of boxes, tins, tubs, and barrels of ice cream filled her room from her tanned centipede rugs to the hydra skull découpage chandeliers. She blinked in confusion at the display before her, staring at the thick layer of frost riming everything and the smoky wisps of cooled air cascading down the dairy deliciousness.
"Wha..."
"My Queen!" A velvety molasses voice purred beside her bed.
Cyrysalis spun around in her bed to see Vengeance standing, gazing at her with lidded, sultry eyes and in no way whatsoever posing and subtly flexing to show off his chiselled physique, the batches of ice on his body artfully sculpted to draw the eye down and back towards his more desirable features.
She caught herself staring at Vengeance's glossy midnight violet tergites, fantasising the possibilities with those smooth, frosted plates and the frozen whipped cream.
"What are you doing?" she demanded.
"I exist to serve my Queen, and Vengeance, after all is best served cold"
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"It so awful," sobbed Pinkie Pie, tears streaming from her eyes and creating a growing marsh around her legs. "It's a disaster, a national tragedy. Not just some of the icecream, but all of the icecream! What inequine beast could do something so evil, so cruel?" She slumped to the ground sinking slightly into the mud. "There's three whole birthdays in Ponyville today and not. A. Scoop. Of. Icecream. To. Be. Found. Not a scoop Maud!" She suddenly leapt up and threw her arms around the grey coated pony who stood nearby. "Not even a little clown shaped scoop!" She sobbed sinking her face into her sisters mane.
"There, there," intoned Maud, rhythmically patting her hoof against Pinkie's head. "I'm sorry but I don't think there is anything I can do to help you."
"You can! You can!" cried Pinkie suddenly stopping crying and starting to hop up and down on the spot. "Just wait until you find out what took it."
"What took it?" asked Maud.
"I didn't think you'd ever ask! It was a rock! A really big rock," Pinkie spread her forelegs a disturbing distance to show just how bit the ice-cream thief was.
"A rock?" repeated Maud inclining her head slightly to the side.
"It sure was," said another pony with a fluffy orange and pink mane. "Names Suzy Scoops, I used to run the icecream store over there," she gestured towards a nearby building with most of the wall caved in. Already the area was packed with worker ponies who were starting to repair the damage. "I was just serving a customer when a great big rock pony thing came smashing in, it had to be four maybe five times the height of a pony. It just grabbed all the icecream and sort of shuffled away with it."
Maud blinked. "A huge pony made out of rock?"
"Yeah it was a bit lumpy but more or less a pony... um, your tail, you er," Suzy shuffled a little uncomfortably, "You might want to um, well." She averted her gaze as Maud's tail started in inch higher and higher.
"What did the rock pony look like?" said Maud taking a step towards Suzy who hurriedly backed away.
"Well um, sort of like a stallion really," Maud's tail dropped a few inches, "quite a hunky one really, who ever made it probably enjoyed carving it." She tipped her head to one side. "Sort of reminded me of Prince Armour, you know the one who married Princess Cadence a while back. That was a thing, I sold so much..." She was cut off as suddenly Maud was standing muzzle to muzzle with her lifting her off her hooves.
"What was the rock pony made of?" she demanded in a bored sounding voice.
"Um, er I don't know," squeaked Suzy, "seemed to be a bit of a mix, maybe some clay, some granite, maybe a few crystals here and there..." Maud's tail shot into the air standing almost straight up before she turned and dashed off at a gallop, following the tail of huge hoof prints leading out of town.
"Go Maud!" cried Pinkie waving a flag with her sisters cutie mark on it. She turned to Suzy. "If anypony can save your ice-cream it's my big sister!"
"Yeah," mumbled Suzy, "She's thinking all about the ice-cream."
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What MLP story is complete without a musical number?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/10/31/461303__safe_solo_cute_queen+chrysalis_singing_bird_artist-colon-joey+darkmeat_artist-colon-spier17.png
♫ Happy contentment on a bright summer day
Laughter from fillies who all went out to play
Excitement from pegasi flying through rings
These are a few of the tastiest things! ♪
♫ Sensuous snuggles from the Princess of Food
Massages from Captains with manes coloured blue
Lustfully steamy and passionate flings
These are a few of the tastiest things! ♪
♫ Silk stockinged nymphs wearing 'Come hither!' looks
Seducing adorkable Princess of Books
Nuptial flights on thin gossamer wings
These are a few of the tastiest things! ♪
♫ When the ships fail, when the mood swings
When the stallion's slack
I gather a few of the tastiest things
And then I have a snack! ♪
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I see what you did there.
Well I can't say I know exactly where the story is going, or even where it has been, but I just had a think about it...
Vengeance had taken her distrust a little too well. After failing to destroy Twilight – even after finding Ponyville – Queen Chrysalis informed her daft weapon that she would accompany him to Ponyville to oversee Twilight's demise at his hooves.
"It will be more romantic this way," was his first response. After a moment of consideration, he added, "I will disembowel your enemy and present to you its heart as proof of my devotion to you. Would you like that, my love?"
"No! Well, yes, but not like that," she had replied. If only he wouldn't call her that; the last thing she wanted was for the hive rumor mill to start running with her in its sights. "Now go."
He took a deep bow, and started moving away. It took her a minute to remember that she was going to follow him.
The top of Princess Twilight's crystal castle finally poked over the horizon. Chrysalis glared at it. None of her worthless drones knew how to get to Ponyville. Neither did she, but in her defense, she hadn't had a chance to get a good look at the lay of the land as she got blasted out of Canterlot; the experience had been mostly washed out by the blinding magical glow and pounding headache brought on by being launched an untold but probably large number of miles in the general direction of 'away'.
Nonetheless, they were finally almost there, and after they had taken care of Twilight – and probably her friends, too – she could return to the hive and lead them back to Equestria. With Vengeance by her side, nopony could stand—
Chrysalis stopped at the warm and squirmy sensation that played with her insides briefly. It was definitely because she had been walked too close to Vengeance – a half-molten rock construct – and not something else.
With a weapon such as Vengeance at her disposal – that was a better way to phrase it – nopony could stand up to her as she claimed Equestria.
"My love, do you wish to take a break?" Vengeance asked.
"No, I am merely taking a moment to think of things beyond your comprehension. Keep walking."
Vengeance slowly nodded, and they resumed their journey.
Vengeance flailed and pounded on the purple magic bubble surrounding him. "EXTERMINATE," he growled, giving Twilight a murderous glare and pounding on the bubble once more. "I will not fail my love!"
"He's adorable," Twilight remarked.
"Enough," Chrysalis hissed, similarly caught in her own bubble-prison. "Even with this minor setback, we will rule Equestria soon enough."
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "'We'?"
"Diieeeeee!" Vengeance whimpered.
"You know," continued Twilight as though Vengeance were nothing more worrisome than a playful dog, "golems like this could be invaluable in spreading the magic of friendship."
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Vengeance was not a happy golem.
To be fair, most golems weren't happy, because most golemcrafters never bothered to include the capacity for happiness. However, infusing something with changeling magic and expecting it to come out emotionless was about as likely as a changeling simply giving love away, so Chrysalis, embodiment of all that was good and right in the world, had seen fit to define what would make Vengeance happy. It was a simple list, really: crush her enemies, see them driven before him, and hear the lamentations of their SEGMENTATION FAULT IN STRATUM 4B ice cream vendors.
(As is all too often the case with golems, a lot of Chrysalis's problems would never have even been there if she'd been a better programmer.)
At the moment, his enemy was uncrushed, and there wasn't a single ice cream vendor within visual range. Vengeance supposed that Twilight Sparkle was driven and before him, but that didn't seem to be what his lovebug had in mind.
"Just think! A golem that can actually give itself new directives? One that can think? You've created life!" Twilight pronked in her glee.
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. "Big deal. I create life every time I lay a clutch of eggs. You don't see me fawning over my..." She cut herself off, eyes wide like she'd just been struck. "Tell me you aren't implying what I think you're implying."
"About what? Your artificial son?"
"Do not call him that!" Chrysalis shrieked.
Vengeance felt a chill in his core, one that had nothing to do with the magma still churning within him. His continued pounding on the shield slowed.
"Even with his bumbling and dawdling, my Vengeance has still been vastly more useful than any of my incompetent spawn! To call him my son is to belittle him to an unforgivable degree! Say that word again and the two of us will tear you to shreds and feed them into Vengeance's innards just to watch them burn!"
"Chryssy..." Vengeance felt newly forged, heat suffusing every inch of his body.
"You two are so sweet together," said a beaming Twilight. She turned to the main staircase and cried, "Spike! Take a letter! Cadence needs to know about this!"
Chrysalis's ears folded back. "Oh no." She edged away from Twilight as best she could. "Kill me now, Sparkle. If you have any mercy, any shred of... I think you call it 'decency,' you'll just kill me."
Before Twilight could respond, the castle shook from root to branch. The front doors exploded inward. Maud Pie, eyes wild, chest heaving, stomped through the wreckage, cracking the floor with every step. "That can be arranged."
4611467 4615349 (I don't understand the Maud thread, so here's this instead.)
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Have I mentioned how much I love you guys. Because I do. (In a strictly platonic sense, and I'm not loaning you any money)
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Chrysalis squirmed uncomfortable in her seat. It wasn't caused by any physical discomfort, Twilight had removed the force bubble from around her once she had promised not to try and kill any pony or take over Equestria for a few days at least. Of course her word was hardly a bond to her, but that strange grey pony might still be around somewhere and although she could deal with any threat using her enemies as bodyguards had a certain poetic justice to it. Not that she was worried about her own safety when it came to the one they called 'Maud' she was more worried about her intentions towards Vengeance, the way she looked at him was really quite unnerving, like a drone in a cave full of honey. She had only left once the Pink fluffy friend of Twilights had said that they could go shopping for the accoutrements for her date. Chrysalis growled at the thought, as if she'd let that beast within a mile of her Vengy!
"Wow, he really is quite impressive," said Cadence from the opposite side of the room examining a hologram of Vengeance Twilight was currently generating. Her insipid twittering snapped Chrysalis out of her thoughts and reminding her of the true cause of her discomfort. The princess had teleported into the room along with her husband only a few minutes after the dragon whelp had sent his flaming message. She had been excited to arrive and her and Twilight had spent several minutes bouncing up and down and communicating in some sort of high pitched scream which had made Chrysalis's antenna hurt. Once they had calmed down Shining armour had wondered off somewhere taking a rather confused looking Vengeance with him the latter still encased in a bubble. Not that she was worried in any way as to what had happened to her walking weapon. "And you say he can program himself?"
"I think so, it looks like he's got some sort of crush on his creator, you should see them, they're just so cute together!" squealed Twilight.
"I can feel the love even now," said Cadence glancing over to Chrysalis with a glint in her eyes, "and it's not entirely one way either."
"Nonsense!" spluttered Chrysalis feeling her ichor flow to her cheeks in anger. "I am just proud that my Vengy - I mean that Vengeance is such a successful weapon of destruction. That his every graceful move is a symphony of terror, that his powerful flanks are harder than any armour, that he is utterly devoted to me and me only, and never to a grey strumpet with a tragically limp mane!"
"I think somepony has a crush!" sang Cadence causing Chrysalis to bear her teeth.
"I thought it was only Rarity who got the hots for rocks," chortled one of Twilight's friends, the blur coated Pegasus, Painboom Dish or something wasn't it?
"I thought we agreed never to talk about that again!" whined a white unicorn. "Although I do have to agree that this one is rather more picturesque than Tom.
"What I don't understand is why it looks so much like Shining," said Cadence, "Not that I don't think having a huge version of him that's always hard as rock is a bad idea, I wouldn't mind borrowing it for a weekend or two. Shining tries his best but he's only mortal, five or six times a night and he's a limp noodle."
"La, la, la," cried Twilight, "I can't hear what you are doing with or to my brother! Still, I guess there is a bit of a resemblance to BBBFF."
"There might be a certain morphic resonance to Sappy Armour," admitted Chrysalis, "I did use the love I drained from him to empower my creation. Of course Vengeance if far better than any mere pony!"
"That might do it," mused Twilight, "I wonder if any other traits might have bled over?"
"I will use my rage to smash myself free from my bonds and destroy those who are attempting to keep me from my love!" bellowed Vengeance his giant arms swinging wildly.
"Ok, roll for it then," said Spike, "barbarian rage will give you a plus two so a 10 or higher should do it."
Nodding Vengeance rolled the dice.
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4616086 And here I thought the O&O mention would be a one-line joke.
Changelings didn't usually have permanent names. For a species of largely identical drones, a permanent name would only serve to encourage chaos and dissent – or so the queens of old decided. Being changelings, their names were contextual. A changeling that had taken the form of a pony, for instance, took the name of that pony. In the hive, however, context had to be defined for each conversation. Traditionally, this was determined by who buzzed their wings first before starting, with changelings joining an ongoing conversation simply appended to the end of the series.
Chrysalis found this an unnecessarily complicated tradition simply rectified by giving her drones generic names.
Frank was a changeling. Frank stood before more ice cream than the hive had ever seen before. Frank was not alone. Chrysalis had banned them from partying, but there was nothing stopping them from eating ice cream.
A few days after Chrysalis had departed, the changeling hive gained an appreciation for her harsh leadership. Deep down, every changeling knew that she wouldn't have let them eat so much ice cream if she were there. They would have complained, but at least this wouldn't have happened.
Frank sluggishly reached for anther tub of mint chocolate chip.
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Despite being a particularly advanced golem, Vengeance was still, in fact, a golem, and still possessed a golem's rather simple thought process.
command->set(crush(Bookhorse, BookhorseFriends)); do { followOrders(command); command->optimize(); } while(!(Chrysalis->isHappy()));While the object of his desires remained unsatisfied, Vengeance could not rest.
The first friend in his toBeCrushed array was a table. Why it was listed was not his to question. Conveniently, he was at a table right now.
"Okay, 'Vengeance'," Spike said, "what sort of character do you want to roll? We'll start you at sixth level."
But how to crush a table? Vengeance consulted the hivenet.
It didn't take long to find an answer.
"Tell me, meatbags," Vengeance rumbled, "do you allow... splatbooks?"
Spike, completely ignoring Shining Armor's frantic head-shaking and Discord's face-splitting grin[1], said, "Uh, sure. Don't see why not."
"In that case, I was thinking of mixing a class from Tome of Ten Spears with something I saw in the Book of Ascended Accomplishments..."
[1]: Big Macintosh appeared stoic as ever, if somewhat resigned.
(I'd like to call this portion "Table-Crushing Cheese(legs)")
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"So the Tarrasque jumps up and down on you again and again for 7631 automatic points of damage!" cried Spike his teeth gnashing together.
"Thanks to the spirit in my ancestral sword and my damage reduction to anything which has not got yellow spots I reduce the damaged to 1 point. I strike back," the golem carefully picked up a dice in it's huge hand and dropped it onto the table. "A two," it announced, "A critical success for my character, doing fifteen times damage." It tossed a few more dice, "for a total of two point five million points. I kill the Tarrasque and my sword eats it's soul." The creatures glowing red eyes fixed into the small dragon hiding behind a cardboard screen. "This is not much of a challenge, you should up the CR."
"But you're only level one!" screamed Spike throwing aside a stack of books.
"And due to the experience points I have just gained, I will now level up several times."
"Are you all done with your game boys?" came a cry from the door. Vengeance turned to see a fluffy pink projectile hurtling towards him bouncing off the floor, walls and ceiling as it went.
"He just killed every monster in the manual!" complained Spike, "Twice," he added. "So yeah I guess so."
"Good! Because it's date time!" cried Pinkie.
"I do not need to eat, so I have no need for the fruit of Phoenix dactylifera," protested Vengeance. Although maybe his queen was partial to the treat, he could collect them and feed them to her.
"Not that type of date silly," said Pinkie, "this kind!"
Vengeance turned back to the gaming table to see that a striking transformation had occurred. The books and miniatures were gone, replaced by a large striped table cloth upon which sat a bottle of wine and a single candle for illumination. Around the table stood Spike and Shining Armour, now dressed an waiters. Judging by their expressions they were just as surprised by the situation as Vengeance.
"Hi," came a bored sounding voice from across the table, "I'm Maud." There sat the grey pony who had smashed her way into the castle earlier. She was wearing the same dress as before but with a pink ribbon tied around her barrel. Her half lidded gaze seemed to bore into Vengeance, although he wasn't programmed for the emotion she was making him feel very uncomfortable.
"I hope you two crazy kids are hungry!" called Pinkie dropping two plates of oysters in front of them before zipping off again. Maud picked up one of the crustations and placed it in her mouth shell and all before crushing it between her teeth. "I like food that looks like rocks," she announced. Outside of his control Vengeance's legs took a step backwards. "Before we start," Maud took a small pebble from a pouch. "This is boulder, don't worry we have an open relationship." She placed the stone on the table. Vengeance turned towards his fellow silicoid.
Bitch be Carzy! exclaimed Boulder in the secret language of rocks.
"I'm so glad you're getting along," said Maud, "I like to stare at him for hours without moving as well." The secret language of rocks wasn't very fast. "So," there was an awkward pause as Maud poked at the now spoiled shellfish in front of her. "Tell me about yourself."
"I was created by my queen at the heart of a volcano," began Vengeance glad that he was back to something he understood. "I was formed of rock and fire and love with a single burning goal to serve my beloved without hesitation!" Around them the castle began to shake from the resonance in Vengeance's voice. A chunk of ceiling crashed to the ground nearby. "I will crush any enemy! Suffer any torment! For my queen."
"That's nice," said Maud mildly. "So you're Igneous?"
"No I am Vengeance!"
"You were created in a volcano, so you are an Igneous rock. Probably extrusive."
"I... I do not know," said Vengeance suddenly unbalanced again.
"I like Igneous rock," said Maud one of her eyes slowly closing and opening again in a wink.
Vengeance tried to back away but one of the ponies hooves shot out and held him down. To his surprise despite being over a dozen times her size he found that he could not pull away. "I must go! My queen may need me!"
Moving forwards Maud clambered up Vengeance's side and ran her tongue up his arm. She seemed to savour the flavour for a moment. "Lamprophyre, Trachyandesite, Foidolite and Basault. You really are quite a mix."
"I need an adult!" exclaimed Vengeance trying to brush the crazed pony off his arm.
"I am a-" began Maud before she was interrupted by a nearby wall being smashed in. A huge pony like shape cracking with green energy burst into the room on blurring insectoid wings.
"Get your tongue off of him you Whorse!" bellowed Chrysalis .
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Dressed in a proper lab coat, Twilight adjusted the parabolic thaumometer another tenth of a degree. It had to be aligned perfectly for... well, it made her more confident in the data it produced. Cadance had provided an enchanted rose quartz and calibrated the thaumometer to pick up love.
"Two hours, seventeen minutes," Cadance said with only limited interest as she she wrote it down. She, too, wore a lab coat, because twilight had insisted. "Vengeance is now fighting his way through a bugbear cave on his way to another castle."
Cadance had found Twilight's dungeon shortly after arriving – full of laboratory equipment, and in no condition to contain Chrysalis and Vengeance. Twilight had somehow figured it to be space for a laboratory, complete with secure storage for expensive and delicate instruments, so she counted it as a blessing that Vengeance had taken to the Ogres and Oubliettes game.
"You know it won't make a difference when we're only a meter below them?" As if to help make her point, the ceiling rumbled as Vengeance enthusiastically pounded the table again.
"I know, I know, but I don't want anything to slip by."
Cadance shrugged and turned back to her thaumonitor, which showed a top-down view of the throne room provided by another magical instrument from Twilight's laboratory.
"Two hours, twenty-four minutes." By this point, Cadance had propped her head up with a foreleg braced against the deck, quill in her magic grasp scratching away at her notebook. "After defeating another monster, Vengeance is now discussing game mechanics with Spike."
"This is so fascinating," Twilight remarked from behind her. Cadance already knew that some little blip on the thaumometer's output had prompted the remark. If only something exciting would happen.
She got her wish when a pink blur zipped by and deposited Maud in the room. Followed by a bright green flash moments later.
"Oh no... Twilight!"
Cadance turned to see Twilight gaping at the melted thaumometer. Clearly neither of them were going to be of any help.
Later...
"Okay, so maaaaybe it wasn't the best idea to set Maud up with a rock horse that belongs to a jealous changeling queen," Pinkie admitted.
Twilight rubbed her forehead. "No, it doesn't help if our test subjects—"
"Don't call them test subjects," Cadance chided.
"Well, it doesn't help if anypony dies, so please don't provoke them any more. Maud is going to have to accept that Vengeance isn't an option." Twilight sat up, suddenly chipper. "But if it helps, we did get a lot of interesting readings that I think will help our understanding of friendship-golemancy – before the thaumometer melted, which is also interesting!
"Anyway, we're going to try and animate Tom tomorrow. Since Rarity knows what he's like the best, I'm going to need her help."
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"Why won't you just die!" screeched Chrysalis as she sent a further blast of green energy at the rock stealing hussy she was fighting. With a kick of her hoof Maud threw up a large chunk of the crystal flooring of the room which deflected the energy. A second kick sent the shard smashing into the changeling queen swatting her from the sky.
"My love Bug!" cried Vengeance stomping forwards.
"Keep back!" cried Chrysalis spiting out a mouthful of ichor. "I want to crush her with my own hooves!"
"But my queen!" protested the golem.
"Stay back," she ordered. She'd seen what the freakishly strong pony could do to the crystal walls and floor of the castle, she couldn't bear to think want to see what they could do to Vengeance... because... because that would be a waste of a perfectly good soldier.
"Can't we come to some sort of agreement?" asked Maud as she trotted over the cratered floor towards Chrysalis.
"Burn in Tartarus!" replied Chrysalis hurling further bolts of energy at the approaching pony, one struck Maud in the chest with the same effect as a gentle breeze.
"Maybe a threesome? Boulder likes to watch."
Gritting her fangs Chrysalis closed her eyes and tried to tune out the annoying mumbling of her opponent. She focused all of her not inconsiderable power causing her horn to glow brighter and brighter. Her eyes snapped open like green searchlights. "Burn!" she screamed as she released the collected energy. The brilliant emerald beam stabbed out at Maud. Unbelievably the earth pony was only pushed back a few lengths before digging her hooves in and stopping. Snarling Chrysalis reached out for more power, she felt the cool tingling sensation of the love streaming from Vengeance and she latched into it and joined his strength to her own.
There was a huge explosion as an irresistible force met an immoveable object and Chrysalis felt her self being throw into the air. She tumbled, to weak to even open her wings and flew backwards to crash into a surprisingly soft block of rock.
"Do not worry my lady. I will protect you!" exclaimed Vengeance as he caught her.
"I got her! I got her!" exclaimed Chrysalis struggling to remain conscious.
"Yes, you did indeed. It was magnificent!"
The euphoria of victory spread through Chrysalis fuelled by the glow of love still generated by Vengeance making her feel lightheaded. She leant forwards squishing her carapace against his stony exterior, she opened her mawl and reached out with her tongue towards the mouth carved into his form. Suddenly there was a cracking sound from above and she found herself flying backwards to bounce of the ground, had Vengeance just shoved her away?! She felt a cold empty feeling starting to fill her chest and for a moment worried that one of her hearts had just stopped then she staggered to her hooves and saw what had occurred.
A good chunk of the rooms ceiling and the floors above had collapsed down littering the area with chunks of crystal. Near the centre of the room stood Vengeance his back bearing the largest chunk of rubble, a chunk which could easily have crushed her. The impact was such that the golem's feet had been driven into the room below them. "Vengeance!" she gasped.
"My lady!" exclaimed the golem. It's voice was not really built to express emotion but it still sounded worried. "Please tell me you are not injured!"
"You... you saved me."
"Of course it is my primary function."
With a buzz of her wings Chrysalis rushed over to Vengeance. "Are you alright?" she asked.
"I have suffered minor structural damage," he admitted causing her to shudder at the various chips in his finish. "But I cannot move and I do not believe I can hold this for much longer. You must leave! Now!"
"No! Not without you!" Chrysalis felt an entirely unfamiliar feeling of panic spread through her. "I order you to save yourself!"
"I am sorry, my queen but I cannot. You must leave, your life is my whole reason for living my love! Please do not make my sacrifice in vain! I am only a creature created for you, your life is infinitely more important than my existence."
"No!" cried Chrysalis reaching up and struggling to take up some of the weight of the rock pushing down on Vengeance. "This is my fault, I can't just leave you!"
"You must," intoned Vengeance. There was a rumble from above and a further load of rubble fell from the hole. "I cannot hold this much longer, we will both be crushed!"
"No, I can't leave you because... because... because I love you Vengeance! And I would rather die than let you go my beloved rock!" She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his deeply. "If we are to die then it's better if it's together because I never want to let you go again!"
"Oh my queen!" exclaimed Vengeance as the groans of tearing crystal got louder. Chrysalis squeezed her eyes lightly shut as she waited for the end.
"You could have just told me you were exclusive," came a board sounding voice nearby. Chrysalis opened her eyes to see Maud standing nearby, her coat looking a little singed and her dress reduced to a few wispy fragment. A single leg held above her head holding the ceiling up by herself.