Review: Imposing Sovereigns Stories, Schemers · 1:17pm Apr 10th, 2017
Expecting a review of the 'Survivors' stories? HAH! You all fell for my scheme of misdirection and now are about to be thoroughly blindsided by this actual review of the Schemer Princesses! There, that should work, that should totally work, good save on that screw up Sera. Oh crap, am I monologuing out loud?
So yeah, turns out I screwed up a bit last time and thought the wrong category was next. In any event, have a look at the three entities of scheming, deceiving, tricksy Princesses who know what they want and have a plan to make ponies give it to them.
Oh crap, another one of these. Where my opinion on it just thoroughly goes against the consensus. This... this is going to be tough. On the plus side, unlike the one last review this is not in anyway a case of me thinking this is an overall bad story. It is not, and I completely understand why it got the praise it did. But for me... I just cannot join in on that and it is because of one specific trope this story enters into. Nearly any trope is pretty much meaningless on it's own, . They can help or hurt a story equally, it all comes down to how they are used. Yes I even could see how an accusation fic might be able to be used well. (Though some tropes do have a much higher hurdle to get over to do be used well.) However, there is one trope that... is simply the death knell for my ability to like, engage with, or say a story is outright 'good' just by it existing within the story. Once this trope comes into play just forget it, not going to win me over at all. The trope I'm talking about is Darkness Induced Audience Apathy. Once a story strays into that realm it has thoroughly lost me, and this story most definitely hits that mark for me.
Yet, as I said, I will not call this an outright 'bad' story either. DIAA is very much a YMMV thing. It's pretty much universally agreed on to be a bad thing, but everyone's thresholds for when/if a story crosses into the territory will be different, and my threshold does tend to be rather low for where a story hits that level. (Even more so if it's a pony story.) There is one bit in the trope explanation that pretty much fully sums up my thoughts here overall on why I didn't like reading this story and can't say I found it to be a 'good' story.
Leaving aside how obviously and overly depressing this is to read, if the characters are doomed to failure no matter what they do, and it is too obvious that they are doomed and their every action to avert this is pointless and hopeless, then the ending is inevitable and can be seen a mile off—so why bother continuing on with the story?
This is the whole issue. You know from the start that Sunset is just screwing with everypony, that Lemon Hearts is doomed to be publicly embarrassed, set up, beaten down, crushed. That in the end Lemon Hearts will fail, will be hurt, will get screwed over. It's just a matter of when and how badly. The entire story you know everything is just Sunset pulling the strings, fucking over the lives of anypony that has the slightest hint of getting in her way. All while getting away with it without even the slightest, tiniest hint of anypony with any ability to even so much as inconvenience her realizing this. Without any hint that maybe there is anypony that isn't thoroughly fooled by her, save one that goes about it in the worst way possible that ends up defeating her whole purpose and just winds up helping Sunset. Everything ends up so that Sunset wins, and you know right from the moment she shows up that is exactly how it's going to go. With the added kick that it's all done so cruelly, so viciously. There is no chance to just go along and enjoy watching a charming, enjoyable bad guy winning. She's just too over the top evil and vile. There is nothing in this story I can care about. Sunset is too repulsive and sure of getting everything she wants with no major consequences, and Lemon Hearts is to doomed for pointless torment and failure.
As to just the writing alone, it's well done. Again this is by no means a bad story, though there are some points that did kind of not work out right beyond the whole darkness thing, but minor ones. At least as far as just the writing goes. The amount of jumping around the story did was a bit jarring, just rushing through things. Or just how... not right for when this should be taking place a lot of it was. We saw in the show that entrance to the school happened when they were really young, like season 1 CMC age. The first years like Lemon Hearts just, do not feel like that. They feel a bit to mature, to old, more like High School students then the low end middle school ones they would be. (Though admittedly, this is kind of a transplant of that quirk from being in the Wavelengths 'verse and how they are treated there.) Finally the ending was just, unsatisfying. Not even in just a to dark way or in the lack of anything but Sunset getting everything she wanted. Just the whole way it ended just kind of felt really lacking. Just gave me a kind of 'wait, huh? That's it?" feeling. But these are overall minor points for the writing itself, it is still on the whole well written. But not one I'd have put at the top of my ranking even if not for the Darkness issues.
That said, while I do freely admit that is mostly YMMV and I tend to have a low tolerance for these types of things. I do nonetheless feel the story went to far in making Sunset evil. In making things just to over the top brutal on everypony not her. It did not help the already helpless feeling when the stuff she was getting away with was so large, when she was able to fuck over ponies long term and totally screw them in ways that go beyond just regular bullying. With major effects outside of the school. All while getting away with everything and being praised as such a great student and example to others by all the teachers. She comes off as a full on Villain Sue. To the point a student gets suspended... just for making her feel bad by yelling at her. While the story cranks up just how evil she is beyond anything from the actual Wavelength's stories. That is not just a matter of tone, or just having never seen her like this. She outright does something in this story that it was made clear in The Alchemy of Chemistry that she had never done. That there were lines that even at her worst, she would not have crossed.
I couldn’t have done this. This was too far, much too far. Fear is one thing. Stark mad terror is another. Unwilling transfiguration is practically torture, and even at my worst, I never would have forced random chaos magic on ponies.
That wasn't just some throwaway line either it was a pretty major bit from the climax. But here? She does exactly that to an entire auditorium of students. Not to mention the long term effects of what she does to someponies here really adds a whole lot of extra negatives on Celestia given she claimed to know what Sunset had been like and doing all along. Yet apparently allowed innocent ponies to be punished for crimes they did not commit and lose rather important avenues of pursuing their chosen careers. I have enough issues with that little revelation from Alchemy and the implications of it as is, this just makes that all the worse. So yes, the story does try to hard to make Sunset evil, and succeeds way to well to the point it just pushes the entire story right over the event horizon of DIAA for me.
Prompt wise, well she is technically a 'princess' though that this is all over some useless thing like that just makes the extent of her actions all the worse. (Plus, so all the colts attending the school don't matter or something?) But the scheming, very much got that down.
Ranking wise, I would have given the story some slack, would have just pushed most of my issues with it as pure YMMV and me being overly sensitive and likely bumped the ranking up a bit, since I do see how well written overall it is. I do not think this is an outright 'bad' story, just not one I personally could ever enjoy. Were it not for one thing. That retcon of having Sunset do something it was made explicitly clear was beyond the pale even for her at her worst. While it is most likely a case of a mistake, it still just pushes things way to far given the established setting. Adds that one extra layer of 'to much'.
Overall:Fair
Flurry Heart's First Kiss, by: Georg
A very simple, direct, and adorable little story. Flurry Heart wants a colt in her class to share his extra cookie with her, and she will use any means at her disposal to get it. Though only those that will get him to want to, she never tries to steal it, or trick him, or any other underhoofed means. Just employing some of the little tricks she sees mommy do to get Shining to do what she wants. It is just utterly adorable watching Flurry copy what she's seen without really getting how or why that would work. Just the shear innocence of her. The story is another one that does a great job of really feeling like the logic of a foal very well. There isn't really anything deeper going on, nothing major to pick apart. Much like Flurry Heart's goal, it is simple and straight forward. About the only 'wha?' bit for me was why she kept calling Shining, well 'Shining' rather then 'daddy' or some version thereof. Still a short, simple, funny, and very very cute little story.
Prompt wise, Flurry Heart is going after what she wants, and using every resource at her disposal to get it. Even if it is just an extra cookie, seeing it from her point of view makes it every bit as valuable and important as any throne, crown, or treasure could be.
Overall: Good
The Other Princess, by:GhostOfHeraclitus
Very fun, yet also rather emotional. The story does a good job of conveying both the hilarity of Luna attempting to reintegrate into pony society after being gone so long, as well as the pain and heartache Luna feels in failing to do so. Managing to strike that balance between the two rather well, neither detracting from or hurting the other. Switching just right that there is no mood whiplash or tonal issues. Just an all around great job in that regard.
That said, it did kind of feel like it was pushing the comedy aspect a bit harder, given just how into things Luna was. The way her attempts at reintegrating were to just rush around doing anything she's told happens without any forethought, any planning. It does kind of blunt the emotional impact when part of the reason for her failures is just her not thinking things out ahead of time. Yet at the same time you can understand why she does that. She is just so eager to get back into things. Wants so desperately to find where she belongs in this new Equestria. As does Tia's reasoning for a rather hooves off approach. Letting Luna do this on her own rather then trying to guide her. She wants her sister to truly come into her own, and knows that won't happen if she is always hovering around her. That ponies won't see Luna as a Princess equal to Celestia if she is always seen in Celestia's shadow. So while it does kind of blunt the larger emotional impact, it does make sense, and does not change just how big a kick to the feels it is seeing Luna so despondent and upset over her failures and mistakes.
The ending however...... It just kind of, ends. There is some resolution, she does find a place in the Equestrian government all her own. A way to help out that even being 1000 years out of date she is uniquely suited for. And do love how it's set up and just how casual and ordinary she thought the ability was. But, it's just one tiny aspect, does not address the larger issues of how poorly she is integrating with other ponies, and really has little emotional climax or payoff either. She just finds one job that she's good at. But the problems she'd been having are larger then that, and there was no sign she'd figured any of those out. Even the one task she's doing involves her doing it in secret. Well technically secret anyway. It is still a funny, overall good ending that does show a good start for her getting into things on her return. But feels a bit lacking given just how much else the story had been setting up. Yet not enough so as to actually change how funny, and at times touching or even heartbreaking the story can be. Striking the balance between humor and this kind of emotional pain is tricky, and the story does pull it off rather well.
Prompt Wise, While Luna being a Princess is certainly clear the 'schemer' part is a bit less so. Given what job she ends up taking it does work out in the end however. This is a rather fun and interesting take on the idea. It's not a Princess enacting a scheme of some kind for her own benefit. It's a Princess finding out how to put her penchant for both scheming, and unraveling the scheming of others to use to help Equestria. Very nicely done.
Overall: Great
So that is the Schemer's done, and you had all fallen for my own scheme that was totally not just me trying to cover up a mistake, but totally a plan to catch you unawares and spring this one you by surprise. Yeah, totally have them all fooled. Nothing really stand out amazing in this small batch. Two stories that were rather sweet, fun things that I enjoyed, and one that while overall well written, was just to dark and hopeless and over the top in it's villain being evil and getting away with it for me to enjoy. If I had to put a ranking 'winner' of this group as far as best 'Scheming Princess' story..... And if I was being fully honest..... Despite my personal issues I would have to admit that Little Truths is the best example of that and the best overall story of the group.
Halfway through with the reviews now, so far this has been a lot of fun and again, thank you all for your encouragement, support and feedback. Glad you are enjoying these. So, next time, 'Survivors' and that is for real this time.
I'm a bit at a loss for any really fitting ending video... so just have MLP's most notorious schemer reveling in her victory through song.
Alternately, I could have forgotten it, and not deliberately crossed that line. A simple application of Hanlon's Razor.
Y'know, whichever.
4490842 ...... True, and sorry. I really wouldn't have reviewed the story at all if not for the whole contest thing. I know how bad I react to that type of thing and tend to just... yeah I was trying to keep my normal reaction to this type of story in check... that slipped through and is out of line... changed it and sorry.
Again, wasn't so much a case of the story itself being wrong, just, personal issues with the type of story it is.
4490852
Oh, I absolutely agree that it's darker than some others. My rationale for it is well-documented. Thanks for giving it a read anyway.
And now I have to write the director's cut, if only to correct that glaring plot hole, so there's that.
4490867 Well yay! And will pretty much be certain to check out the director's cut... though likely not review it unless there is some major difference that just really hits me. Unlike a lot of darker works that I just don't like for that, I never felt like I had wasted my time, or felt like I wished I hadn't read the story. I just could never actually get into and engaged with the story either. Plus I freaking love the Wavelength's story, and this really did help put some stuff into better perspective.
4490867 (By the way, before I get started, I loved your story) What you might have considered doing was the Subverted Expectations angle. Open up with happy Lemon ready to go on stage, the school out there, the contest... then flashback to the beginning of the school year and progress through the rest of the story. (I did that once and got a couple 'You fiend!' comments, which I count as positive) Then you get to play the back-and-forth sawing motion on the readers with "Is she reformed? Is she evil?" all the way to the Carrie moment, where you can crush those expectations of a happy ending like a roach.
My personal ranking for these three is Ghost first (of course), with EbonQuill second and me at third. Both of them did a *lot* more work than I did. They each deserve a cookie.
4491082 YOU FIEND!
That would be evil and maybe work a bit better towards keeping things engaging in another story... but it wouldn't work in this case because it's clearly labeled as being a prequel to Wavelength's, and anyone who had read that series would know Sunset screwed over Lemon Hearts so badly that two years later Lemon Hearts is still pissed off and barely able to keep from bucking Sunset's head off. As well as knowing that Sunset's reform wouldn't start until the beginning of next year, and wouldn't actually take root till the end of that term. So the already existing continuity kind of shoots down trying to make it ambiguous.
As far as just 'favorite stories' yeah I'd put The Other Princess in the front, but did feel Little Truths was a better usage of the prompt overall while still being a well written story. Yours... just cute adorable fun.
You are just whipping through these. I'm enjoying getting a little taste of everything while waiting on mine. Thanks for all the effort!
Personally, as someone who hadn't read the Wavelengths AU, its series of generally positive covers had made me think it was an AU with a nice Sunset Shimmer, so I was actually strung along and thought Lemon Hearts was going to be fine, and was genuinely blindsided by the ending. And also didn't pick up on what this review claims was overtly vile behavior until I reached the ending and could see all the evilness in retrospect.
4491204 Well it pretty much is that kind of AU (with another twist as well), it's just they all take place later on, after she's realized what a huge monster she's been and turns into more the Shimmy we know from RR on. The first story being the turning point where she has that epiphany and starts to want to become a better pony. This fic just takes place back when she was still EQG1 Sunset. (Almost literally as in 'verse it takes place about a year before she would have gone through the portal, and Alchemy a year after.)
Hmmm, come to think of it.... given how the AU aspect is structured, this fic is technically taking place in the regular timeline and would be what would have happened regardless, as it's still a year away from the point where the Wavelength's timeline diverged from the canon one.
But yeah, if you don't know not to be fooled, she does put up one damn good act. Though tucking an entire case of the colt's favorite drink at the crime scene was just overkill. Who would be THAT blatantly stupid? Just toss one empty bottle that he could very well have dropped and not noticed.
4491193 Thank you very much, I am having a lot of fun with these... and helps they are all fairly short stories so I can get through a lot of them quickly. Glad you are enjoying them.
I did not see this coming.