Review: Imposing Sovereigns Stories, Warrior pt 2 · 12:58am Apr 4th, 2017
Alright, so that first batch of reviews went done amazingly well, let's keep this train moving and get to the second set of Warrior Princess fics to review. Now, while I'm not in on any judging for this contest, might as well give my thoughts on who I'd pick because, why not? Out of the first five, should be obvious which I like the most, Principle's just an all around well written story with a very good idea. The only qualm I might have is the sort of tenuous link to the whole 'warrior' thing. So can see it being beat out by something else. But will it? Let's find out.
And a Sky Full of Stars, by: Novel Idea
An amazing, fast paced epic.
What? You wanted more? Truth be told, there is not a whole lot more to say, this is a rather straight forward story for the most part, the stuff I'd have the most to say about in detail is some of the stuff about the ending, but that's more ideas and what not it gave me I'd love to discuss rather then anything actually review related, plus spoilers. But as to the overall story, as the blurb on top says, it's amazing, epic, and fast paced. This last one being the only real sticking point for me. You all (Or at least those that didn't just hop on board when I started this thing and haven't looked through older reviews) know that I prefer a slower paced story overall, that I often criticize a story for being a bit to rushed. That is certainly not the case here, and yet also kind of the case. While very fast paced, the story never feels rushed, never feels like it's skipping anything, like it's just trying to hurry up and get it over with, I have no real negative reaction at all to the pacing, this is how you do a fast paced story right. And the pacing does help keep a sense of action, of urgency, after the set up. Baring a few quick stops for dialog or to recover, this fic is nearly all action scene, and it works so well at that. The sort of issue is one of more personal taste, as I said I do prefer stories that take some time to build things up. But more then that, while I in no way knock the story for it's pacing, I can't help but feel that it could have been even better then it already is. If the story had been longer, taken it's time, built this up more, explored the world, the characters, had more set up for the final reveal, taken more time to introduce this world, there is simply so damn much amazing packed into this I want to see more of it. This story easily has the makings of a massive, grand, epic tale. It just needs to slow down and explore thing more, take more time getting us into the setting, the characters, set up the ending, explain more. But as is it is still amazing, just, I can't help but feel it could be even grander and more amazing then it already is with more time and space to build.
Speaking of building, the worldbuilding, oh sweet Epona, Faust, and the Sunmother I want to see more of this world. Just, the ideas in it, the way it's presented. This is also how you fit in a lot of worldbuilding for a brand new verse into a shorter story right. It's nearly all show, little tell, but done quickly, simply, and in ways the make clear what is going on. Plus the ideas, it's very much Equestria, but also very much not Equestria. It's close enough to feel familiar, but different enough to be it's own world and to engage you in wanting to learn about, discover just how this one worked, see what new wonders it has. I could just go on and on about some of this stuff, about the only thing that I feel could have stood to be better explained is just what 'The Emergence" was, I have a general idea but, still. As I said, there are a few parts that would stand to be improved by having the time to expand on them, or spend more time setting them up, including the villain and their motivation. It does make sense, it does work, and the confrontation is epic, but more build up, groundwork, and foreshadowing, more getting things built up could have led to the scene having even more emotional torque then it already does. But at this point I'm getting into specific details and trying to really, really get into an analyses and talk about things far more then I should for this short review (plus spoilers, but 100% up for talking about it elsewhere, and that I'm this into it nothing but a good thing.)
So shorter, more general. The action is incredibly well done. Maybe not quite up to the same "This is how you write a combat scene" level as Stardust, but close to it. Though the second one did feel a bit, both over done and underdone. Just endless waves of the same mook over and over, there are a ton of great moves, but mostly it's talking about how many she kills with a single blast, and just kind of gets a bit.. this would be epic to see on screen, slightly less so to read about that type fighting, plus ending in suddenly phoenixes. (Side note, that was the one place that story just made me stop and go 'Wait, what?" not the phoenixes arrival, that was set up enough not to be a Deus ex Machina and so damn epic to see, but the sudden "Okay, we now have snarky, talking animal sidekicks" bit.) Yet the action never falters, at no point did I not enjoy every moment and was on the edge of my seat to find out what came next. Rather then ramble about how good nearly aspect of this story was, let's wrap this up. This truly was an amazing, epic, thrilling story with some amazing worldbuilding delivered beautifully, intense action, one hell of a touching, emotional ending, everything needed to make one of the greatest pony epics ever... except for taking the time to really build everything up to that scale. That is by no means a flaw, as it is so damn good as is, but I can't help but see just how much grander it could have been. (Also, kudos on the Fallout: Equestria references, but it won't net you enough bonus points to knock you up a rank)
Prompt wise, Sunny is definitely a Princess, most certainly imposing, and one hell of a great warrior in every regards. So definitely an amazing entry into this contest.
Overall: Incredible
A Crown of Blood and Iron, by:Foals Errand
A rather unique take on the idea of a warrior princess, going all the way back to the Paleo Pony Period. Back when warriors didn't have epic, magically infused artifacts; massive, over the top spells; or whole armies of soldiers backing them up. When the only thing between them and death was a thin piece of wood with a pointy chunk of metal (if you are lucky but possibly even just stone) on the end. Every day was a fight for survival. As you might be able to tell, I really, really love this idea. Also, this fic gets props just for letting me work 'Paleo Pony Period' into a review.
But, onto the meat of the story. This is another rather simple, straightforward story. Not very heavy on the action, just one bit at the end that is rather quick. But so would fights back then, quick, brutal, vicious. Kill or be killed. And not really a lot of build up either as the majority of it is just spent on set up and getting into Solestia's head. Yet I do think this all works for the story. Even bits that are technically things I could fault, like how kind of clunky the dialog is at times, being very carefully crafted to deliver needed exposition in ways the feel a bit unnatural. The rather sparse details, just how simple the whole thing is. While I don't think it was intentional, these things, while still iffy at best, do rather work for this story. The dialog is clunky at times, yet in a way that feels, well primitive. It helps give the whole thing a feeling like some ancient tale of heroism and bravery told around bonfires before writing itself was created. The sparse details, things that a member of the tribe being regaled with tales of the great warriors of their past and their epic deeds would already know. While things that are kind of flaws, end up working well enough in this story for me not to mind. Just helping to set the right tone for this story. Some aspects could certainly have been done better, like the whole pointed teeth thing never being explained and being a bit 'what!?. But enough things worked well enough I could just roll with it. The only real point I had any issues was the whole ceremony before they left the village. I get this is apparently based on an IRL thing, and that is rather badass, but without the context, without knowing what this was, it just came out as them chanting random syllables for way to long. I could tell this was meant to be something epic, something to pump up the warriors as they leave to fight once more. But it just... did not work for me at all due to the above issues.
Finally, the main character. 'Solestia', it's never made clear if this really is Celestia or just an ancient filly that happens to be similar. It's incredibly heavily implied, but just through similarities that seem to perfect to not mean they are the same. But enough room you could argue she isn't. Personally, while I much prefer the idea of her and Luna being born Alicorns that is just a personal preference and does not at all affect how I judge these things on their own merits. The thought of them being born as regular ponies all the way back in the Paleo Pony Period? (yes I love that term) Having fought, and stomped, and kicked, and bit, and battled with nature itself near daily to survive back then? Having been from the very dawn of pony civilization and seen it pass and grow? I freaking love this idea. I would love to see this expanded on, see how they go from this, to who they are, how they become immortal, how they ascend, claim their roles as shepherds of the heavens.
As to the prompt, well on the Princess front, she is the daughter of the village chief it seems, so she counts close enough, even without it being a young Celestia. Though having one pony address her outright as 'Princess' was overkill and a bit to much. This is a story that works best when it is being simple, direct, just being what it is, and so that line felt way to forced and out of place. The 'Warrior" aspect? I don't know if you could tell, but, I kind of like... maybe just a little.
. But seriously, for all that seeing the Princess of Dawn slicing through thousands of uber-powerful constructs with the very fury of the sun itself is epic beyond belief, for all seeing two mares use shear audacity to conquer an entire enemy command post is thrilling and great. There is just something so wonderful and powerful about this. About it being so plain, so simple, going back to the most base way of being a warrior. Tapping into the primal core of where all these other ideas about being a warrior started. It may not be the most epic, the most grand showing, but it was a certain appeal all it's own.
Overall:Good
The Princess Fair of Everfree, by:Briarpelt
Powerful
That was pretty much the only word in my head to describe this story right after I had finished it. I simply had to set down my Kindle, take a deep breath and go 'wow'. Once that initial rush faded and I looked back, yeah the story has a lot of issues, many places things either didn't feel right, didn't make sense, or just left questions. But none of that really dulled that sense of awe I had after reading it. The story was just that good at sucking me in, and building that feeling, at making this work. Now again, there are issues, the single biggest one to me is just how I could not buy, at all, Fluttershy being 'homeless' after falling from Cloudsdale. We know she has family, I cannot buy that she was not looked for, that the adults at the flight school/camp didn't send out search parties for a missing foal. Her wandering off and spending the night in the Everfree? Okay, but then just, going on to start a whole new life from there rather then getting found? Why did nopony in Ponyville alert Cloudsdale about the missing filly who turned up? That was the one part of the story that.. yeah I just plain did not like.
Most of the rest are continuity issues. I brought up last time my issues with how one of the fics dealt with Ascension. This fic does do it differently then I personalty headcanon, but it's still a way that fits what we have seen, works at making it something rather special and grand. Is just an all around well done Idea I do like, if not how I prefer to see it as happening. I do love this story using the Sombra timeline. That episdoe just opened up SO many possibilities and it's great seeing them used, and this one is such a perfect fit for a story about a badass Warrior Princess. Plus it does allow a lot of leeway with things, but even then, the story had a lot of little goofs. Applejack had never heard of Fluttershy; Rarity had moved to Manehatten to help create clothing for the war effort; the lack of anything about what went on with Night Mare Moon; and the biggest puzzle for me, what about the Fire-Snakes? What stopped them in the original timeline without Fluttershy leading the charge to defeat them? Then there is how the story didn't really address some things it brought up, like Fluttershy's double life, and her dealing with the guilt and regret after killing the fire snake. It is a powerful moment and could lead to so much amazing story potential, but it isn't used enough to really work as good as it could.
This story has a lot of great potential, but like a lot in this contest so far, the time and space limits of writing it before the deadline, and keeping it under the word count hamper it. Yet, as I said, despite all that, this story has just such an amazingly powerful ending. I usually highly dislike ambiguous endings, yet here it works so well. The parallel to her first fight, all the intensity she's built so far, everything working for that big moment. Despite all the details I can point to that really need to be fixed, all the ways the story could have done better, at just how much I should be so "HOW DOES IT END?" over the ambiguous nature... somehow this story manages to pull it all off and suck me in, make it all just click and leave me breathless and actually satisfied by a non-ending like that. There are only two real options, and well, this is still MLP, I am not going to even consider that it didn't end the way every scrap of Narrativium that world is created with demands it does.
Prompt wise, not much more to say, Fluttershy becomes a Princess, and she is most certainly a warrior. About the only part here that might do with being worked on is the already mentioned expanding on her double life and her dealing with the initial guilt and shame and finding a way to work through it.
Overall:Great
What to say about this story..... No really, out of all the fics so far, this is the one I am having the hardest time coming with stuff to really say about it. Nothing really stands out, either good or bad about it. Everything works well, it all meshes together, flows well, pacing is good. Yet I'm left so lacking in anything specific, so left with an overall feeling of "This was decent" and little else, I'm a bit surprised this wasn't an Applejack focused story. 
Sorry, sorry, couldn't resist.
Okay some stuff, Tartarus does not seem at all like Tartarus should be, but it's possible this is before The Sister's turned it into a prison. Yet that just brings up why it's such a big deal. Though the idea of Luna just being some wild, adventurous 'youth' getting in over her making drunken boasts. I do rather love this take on her. The set up for Nightmare Moon was rather well done. I was afraid for a bit this story was going to try saying this is what turned her into NMM in the firs place and... yeah did not like that thought. But as it worked out it's pretty good. It sets up the future conflict, just hints at what is to come without causing it. Showing the cracks already between how The Sister's see things. Kind of bummed that it was her innate nature and power that saved her, not a feat of her own willpower overcoming what was set against her.
Not a whole lot more to say. The story was well told in all, but lacked anything really major to hook me in or really make me feel I needed to talk about.
Prompt wise. It's Luna, Princess done. 'Warrior'... it does set her up as one, and she does pull a bit of badassery out at the end, but it's not really about her as a warrior to much.
Overall:Fair
Should I be happy, or sad when a story does the job of making it's most important point I want to talk about for me? I mean, it's a lot less work when all I have to do is quote one bit that sums up my thoughts and shows in far fewer words then I'd use just what is great about it. But at the same time, it means I don't get to ramble on trying to work my way around to explaining my point far more verbosely then needed. The fic is rather simple in plot. Smart Cookie and Clover the Clever head out to try and deal with a dragon that took up residence on a nearby mountain. With Princess Platinum insisting on leading them, no matter how many very good reasons they have for her not to. Not the least of being 'we actually want to survive this.' It is very straightforward, direct, to the point. The sort of story that really relies on how well the characters play off each other on if it will work or not. So it's a good thing these characters are so damn fun to see play off each other.
Your enjoyment of the story will more or less come down to how much you like the characters. As you can tell, I loved them, especially Platinum. I felt the story did a good job of making the 'founders' their own characters, not just the Mane 6. Yes each one is still essentially the same, still remarkably similar in most ways, the same basic archetype. But with enough variance to feel like they are their own separate characters. I could go on and on, lay out all the ways I enjoyed these three working off each other. Smart Cookies clear respect for Clover and distaste for Platinum, how it's that respect for Clover and seeing how badly Platinum treats her that finally made her snap and start calling the Princess out on her haughty BS. Clovers quite, steady patience and loyalty. Not blind at all to the faults of her liege, not trying to ignore them, excuse them. Fully admitting they are flaws, that Platinum is wrong to act like this and it's something she wishes the princess would change. But never letting that sway her from staying loyal, from seeing what else is there beyond the haughty, vain, arrogant exterior.
This is where the opening bit comes in, because i can sum up everything I love about her is summed up by the story in one line.
“Do you know what ‘princess’ means?” Platinum said. “It means ‘first’. First in station. First in terms of adulation and luxuries due. First in prestige. First in place, and first in valour. And first to go hungry when the lean times come. First in line to keep the stars in motion! First in the charge, and first in responsibility! And if you propose to harm those good ponies we have brought with us, even the insolent one, you shall go through us first!”
This is a dynamic I don't see often. A royal who fully believes and holds to both all the perks, privileges, and trappings of power and authority. insisting on having everything, be doted on, that all know she is above them. As well as all the responsibilities of her station. To defend, lead, protect and care for those under her. She holds herself as 'better' as above them, but cares deeply for them nonetheless, and not as mere possessions or some sign of her station. This is quite the tightrope to walk, and I think the story does so quite well. Yes she is an insufferable ass. She is rude, condescending, haughty, all the petty, annoying things that makes 'nobility' an insult to many. Yet, you can fully understand why Clover is so devoted. Why she is loved (for the most part) by her ponies.
Yes you could see this type of thing coming, see her ending up revealing hidden depth when push came to shove and they confronted the Dragon. First, I almost never have issues with things being 'predictable' unless it's something the story is clearly trying to keep hidden as a twist. Second, even then, just how badass she got and that line above it was way more awesome then I was already expecting it to be.
Beyond that was just how damn FUN this story was, the humor balanced perfectly with the seriousness, never crossing over into absurd, very much matching the tone of the show for the most part. So yeah I thoroughly loved this story from start to finish.
Prompt wise, Princess Platinum, that's self explanatory, and she might not have had any skill, or training... or even much real competence at being a warrior, but she made up for it with pure, raw badass fury and guts. (Also, story.... as good as the first fic in this review was it didn't get bonus points for some well done Fallout: Equestria references. You also aren't getting any bonuses for the very well times and nice Dresden Files one.)
Overall:Incredible
So that brings us to the end of reviews for the 'Warrior" category, and also 1/4 of the way through all of the reviews I need to do for this (going by story count in the folder for the group). Why did I start with the largest category again? Oh right it was listed first and I tend to have Twilight level OCD. On the whole, really enjoying this, and the stories have held up mostly. Three really damn good ones, three still well done and enjoyable, three more with some issues, but enough good points to still be worth having read, and only one I really disliked, but to be fair it was fairly well written just on a topic I extremely dislike.
Beyond how good the reading the stories and just doing this have been, the feedback and amount of encouragement for doing this has been amazing. Thank you all very much, and hope you keep enjoying these things.
Now, the final judging has been done, so official winners are out, but no reason not to give my thoughts I guess. I'm going to go by category, which I kind of assumed would be the case but turned out not to be. Just easier, cuts down on the amount of stories needed to be done per group to tell which is better. Also easier to judge when they have a similar themes to work with. Now, if I were just going be 'which stories I think are best' the rating alone would tell you that. Instead I'm going by which I think is the best done story for the prompt. Taking into account how well it plays into the idea of the contest and the particular aspect of that they choose.
That said, if I were to choose which of these stories best showcases an imposing Warrior Princess in action with a solid story backing it up........ I'd give the winning entry to Novel Idea's And a Sky Full of Stars. With honorable mentions going to Pumpkin's Big Adventure and The Princess Fair of Everfree.
The ends the Warrior fics, next up, stories of Princesses seizing power rather then wielding it with the Usurper category.
To close this out, let's take care of one staggering lack this section had. It contained nothing about the Princess we've seen displaying the most raw, badass warrior spirit. So why not an epic song dedicated to her most over the top feat of badass fighting spirit to date?
(Goes on for another 1,000 words).
Side note: It was originally completely a Dues Ex Machina and then I changed it so it wasn't. And Philomena is still Philomena in ANY universe. It's a Universal Constant.
...if I made FO:E references in here, I don't remember. Unless it was the arcanotech thing.
Wonderful! You kept talking about it not being enough (though I was already 5K over the soft limit, so that just wasn't going to happen
), so I was very curious to see what elements you were talking about. I'm going to pick this apart later and then take another look at Sky.
In truth, I couldn't do what you ask in this story for this contest. That being said... Who knows? Maybe we'll come back to this someday... maybe find out what happened during the last/next Emergence?
And maybe we'll see what happens when Sunny and Twi fight side-by-side. ./over-9000-meme.
4482759
Given I have done reviews longer then the entire story in question... that counts as 'not much'
Huh.. well then, yeah the "ArcanoTech was one, I had assumed a play on Stable-Tec.. but mostly it was the 'balefire'. Pretty hard not to see that in a pony fic and not assume Fo:E
Oh yeah I fully understand that. It's.. an oddity of how I tend to view stories, especially while reviewing them. That is the Doyalist reason why things are as they are, but what really matters is the Watsonian 'What is actually in the story". And for what it is, it's still so damn good. I just couldn't help but feel how much grander it could be with more buildup and exploration and set up etc.....
And yeah would so love to see more stories set in this verse, this barely scratches the surface of the clear potential it has.
Middle of the road? I'll take it. And yeah I Love writing Solestia but she is not for a one shot I am planning an epic of how she and Noctis become Celestia and Luna. Just need to finish a few things first!
4482846 Ohhh sounds good. Was some good stuff and set up, bit longer to make it all work and build things up. Get better into the characters, yeah looking forward to that. I did love the character and would certainly be up for seeing more.
4482828
"Arcano-tech" is my go-to term for a merger of magic and technology.
I'll be honest... I wasn't thinking that at all for balefire. In fact... 
In the second chapter, Sunset says that this balefire is 'oblivion' magic, while it's implied that FO:E balefire is necromantic. I was actually channeling balefire from Wheel of Time (ironic, since I never finished the series).
Yay for parallel developments!
4482905 Well yeah, 'Arcanotech" is a good default for that, it was more calling the company that and having it arranged just so the tripped my 'FO:E" sensors. Also, did not the difference but figured, eh, close enough. It was what obliterated the old world more or less after all.
But yeah that is kind of funny... and if you had just not said anything you could be going and getting credit for something dun in the story that was never there.
It's fun what readers can find that you never meant to be there. It's also very late here and I should be going to bed.. I'm at the babbling state....
And yeah FO:E Balefire was Dragonfire infused with necromantic magic, and one character believed it could send anyone caught in it right to hell.
Glad you liked Noblesse so much!
Playing around with the whole idea of noblesse oblige, and what exactly princess-hood might have entailed and demanded in ancient times seemed like a fun idea and very much in keeping with the spirit of the contest, and it's nice to see my efforts there weren't totally cack-handed.
It's a good thing you're going down the line. It means you can review the winner as part if the grand finale. Fitting, that.
4483675 Fitting how that turned out, and yeah going to be fun... way more then this next set... ohhh this is going to be a challenge.. really really want to keep reviews somewhat positive for the most part, mostly constructive criticism, or just calmly explaining why I disliked them.. don't always succeed but that's the idea.... yet two of these fics in the next batch...... ohhhhhhh boy. (and oddest of all, while one of them certainly has already gotten a good deal of flak, the other seems to be well received, but I just couldn't stand it.)
Still, enjoying this and can't wait to see what other great fics this inspired.